It's not easy being a middle child, even if Tony isn't actually my father. He has been more like a dad than my real dad. Even before the divorce, Dad wasn't around much. He travels the world, making wildlife documentaries. When I was little, I was so happy every time he came back. He'd bring gifts and stories but more importantly, he was here. And then he'd leave and I'd just have Mom and Grandma. And I love them of course, but I needed "a male role model." Tony has been that for six and a half years. He teaches me about sports, girls, and life in general.
I still remember when I fixed him and Mom up for Valentine's Day. It seemed so simple then. Marry them off, get him to stay forever. But, for whatever reason, and Grandma and Sam have a dozen theories, Mom and Tony have never quite gotten together. They've gone on a few dates, but mostly they date other people. They are each other's best friends, and I guess that's good enough to make him stay. Or it was, till Billy came along.
Not that Tony is in any hurry to go. I know he, and Billy, will be here at least till he finishes college. Maybe till Sam finishes a couple years after that. But once I go to college, what reason would Tony have to stick around? His work here would be through and he'd probably want to get on with his life, as a teacher and as Billy's dad.
Even now, Tony is in my house but everything centers around his son. He didn't even know about Billy till a few months ago, and now he has to make up for lost time. Plus, Billy is 5. I'm 15, and I'm "the good kid," most of the time. (OK, I did borrow Tony's Jeep to impress a sexy Goth girl named Patricia, but I did feel guilty about it.) I'm not supposed to need much at my age. And obviously I don't need a babysitter. But I still need attention, and most of that's going to Billy. Mom and Tony are already planning his birthday party, and that's a couple weeks away. And he's turning six! What does he need besides balloons and a cake, maybe ice cream?
Yeah, Mom is very into being Billy's mother figure. His real mother was kind of self-absorbed. And, yeah, I get that, that losing a parent is hard. Dad didn't die, but he might as well have for all I see him. And poor Sam lost her mom when she wasn't much older than Billy. So Mom feels sorry for Billy. But she's not the stay-at-home mom type. When she tried to take over for Tony for a couple weeks, doing the housework and looking after Billy, she drove us all crazy. Why can't she just be a mom to Billy like she was to me? You know, doting when she was around but with her own life most of the time.
And then there's Sam. First of all, she is Billy's sister, well, half-sister, and the age difference between them is huge, so she's not always insulting him like she did with me after the first couple years. She gives him piggyback rides and plays dolls with him. Not that I want that! But I asked her to just do a simple favor for me— OK, it was to cover for me after I got a scratch on Tony's Jeep— and it was really hard to talk her into it. Compare that to when she first babysat me and she lied to protect me about accidentally dropping Grandma's earring down the sink. Still, yeah, she did come through this time. But I miss her just being "my sister." Even though she can be shallow sometimes, she's smarter than she acts and I am really proud of her for going to college a year early. It's just, it means she's not around as much and when she is, Billy is the brother she wants to talk to.
At the same time, when she comes home, which she does a few times a week since she ended up going to Ridgemont, just a couple miles away, although she did consider transferring to New Mexico to be with her stupid cowboy fiance Matt, everyone makes a fuss over her. The worst was when she had like the sniffles and everyone, even Grandma, was waiting on her hand and foot! Why couldn't she have kept her male roommate Benjamin and have him take care of him, since he clearly had the hots for her? (Plus she was breaking down the barriers for me by shacking up with him, so someday I can live with three stewardesses. Well, I'd settle for one girl who likes me.) Sam even climbed out her bedroom window to go to a high school party, just to get attention. If I did that, Mom would say, "Jonathan, I expect better from you," and Tony might say, "All right!", but then they'd go back to worrying about whether Billy's eating enough roughage or whatever this week's crisis is.
The irony is that the only one who pays more attention to me than to Billy is Grandma, the most self-absorbed person I know. OK, that's not fair. Grandma is aware of other people and even has a degree in Psychology. It's just she puts herself first. But she said to me the other day, when I was griping a little, "Hey, Kiddo, you're still my one and only grandson."
"Except in Jamaica?"
"And other resorts, yes."
She likes Billy but she's not sentimental about him, awwwing over every precious thing that comes out of his little mouth. Well, it's a big mouth for his age. He can be totally rude and everyone just thinks it's cute. I've gotten slapped (not hard) for less.
The worst part is I feel guilty that I feel this way. There are times that I like Billy, like having him around, although any hopes I had of him worshiping me as a big brother are gone. He just looks up to Tony, which makes sense. Tony is awesome and he's Billy's dad. I had the same hero worship for a long time. I still admire Tony, but I see flaws in him, from a fear of swimming to his sort of cheating on Mom with Kathleen. Thank God that time is over and neither of them is seeing anyone right now. But then that means they focus on Billy even more.
Anyway, Billy tried to cover for me over the Jeep scratch, too, although obviously nobody believed he drove it, while Sam plausibly could've. (She did get in an accident in Tony's old van, when her old boyfriend Jesse let her drive it. And she was fifteen then, now that I think about it.) I knew he wouldn't get in trouble, he never does, even when he hit me and his classmates. But it was nice of him to try.