In terms of loving someone, being close to someone who you never been close to before and wishing them the best with their lives, Lucas never had that. He didn't even feel that way, not even when he looked into Peyton's eyes. When he knew that she was broken, he still felt apart from himself. There was something that he couldn't put his finger on it. Healing Peyton and Brooke was making him lose himself. He just wanted Peyton to say one word, one word that would make him fall in love with her all over again. Lucas sat in front of Peyton, looking into her stone cold eyes. She was a different, her mind was traveling to worlds. She wasn't there with him.
"Peyton," Lucas said to him, grabbing onto her hand. She didn't move, she just stared into his eyes. Lucas didn't know what to say but he would start with what he wanted. "Just say something." Lucas begged her, he wanted until she said something. "Just say anything, I miss you." Lucas said to her. There was a long pause, Peyton's mouth opened a little.
"I remember…" Peyton swallowed, Lucas felt her hands shake a little. The tears whelmed in her eyes. "I remember us being in the water," Peyton pulled her hand back from Lucas. She could see the accident unfold behind her eyes. "I remember me screaming," Peyton looked down at the ground. "I remember the water choking me." Peyton stood up quickly, she focused on her memories. "And I remember you not being there." Peyton turned around, informing Lucas to what happened. Lucas was confused, he wondered where he was.
"Where was I?" Lucas asked her. Peyton shrugged her shoulders, covering her face. The emotion and memories were beginning to be too much for her. "What else happened? Can you remember anything else?" Lucas asked her, taking a step towards her.
"Julian-Julian was hurt, he was hurt," Peyton cried. Peyton could see the large glass in his chest from the accident, he was choking on his own blood. She could remember Brooke's scream, in fear. "And then we were drowning." Peyton covered her ears to stop the screams that she was hearing. Lucas grabbed her hands, trying to calm her down.
"Peyton it's okay, it's okay. Your not back there, your home." Lucas tried to assure her. Peyton looked up, panicking but began to calm down when she realized that she wasn't drowning. "Your home." Lucas huffed, seeing what Peyton had been through. He didn't know what happened and how he wasn't there. Lucas pulled in Peyton, holding her tightly. "Your home," He repeated, making sure that Peyton heard every word that she was saying.
"Lucas," Peyton removed his hand from her head, taking a step back from him. It seemed like the light was back in her eyes and she could see clearly. "I remember." Peyton whipped the tears from her face. "We were supposed to get married," Peyton smiled brightly, thinking of what could have been.
"We can still get married," Lucas chuckled a little, wanting to make Peyton feel like herself again. Peyton shook her head, everything had changed since she remembered what happened that night.
"You said that our relationship didn't matter." Peyton said to him. Lucas wanted to keep that secret to himself, wanted to keep that in his pocket. He didn't mean to say it like that when he spoke to Brooke.
"I didn't mean it like that," Lucas said to her.
"Then how did you mean it?" Peyton cried, trying to keep herself together. She thought that their relationship would actually make it. Peyton pushed him away, not wanting him close to her. "Your in love with Brooke." Peyton laughed to herself, she couldn't believe how she didn't see this before.
"No, I'm not." Lucas quickly said to her.
"Your in love with your best friend." Peyton laughed, she quickly whipped the tears and looked up at him.
"Peyton believe me when I tell you that I love you." Lucas said to her.
"Of course you do, Luke." Peyton said softly, believing that he did love her. "You just don't love me the way that you love her…right?" Peyton asked him, and she wanted him to be honest. Lucas had the words in the back of his mind but he couldn't say a word. Just a second ago, he was asking Peyton to say something but now he couldn't even speak. "Oh my god," She said to herself, in amazement. She hoped that he would say no, and that maybe she was just crazy.
"I don't," Lucas' voice lowered, Peyton could tell that he was lying. Peyton walked into the back room with Lucas following behind her. "Peyton, please, just talk to me." Lucas tried to tell her. Peyton slammed and locked the door behind her, leaving Lucas outside alone. Peyton leaned against the door, she could feel Lucas on the other side.
"You killed him Lucas." Peyton said out of anger, not knowing the words were coming out of her mouth. "You started to choke him and lost his grip on the wheel." Peyton said to him. Lucas heard her footsteps walk away from the door.
Lucas walked along the empty streets with the half empty bottle in his hand. He was a little drunk, he couldn't keep Peyton off his mind. She was all he could think about, even though she just ended their relationship. Brooke was right this whole time, Lucas had killed Julian. Lucas wished that he could take it all back, that he didn't become jealous over Brooke. Lucas had to tell Brooke, he had to tell her everything. He walked up to the her house, knocking on the door until he heard footsteps coming towards the door.
"Hold on!" Brooke shouted, annoyed at whoever was at the door. "What the hell-" Brooke swung the open to see a drunk Lucas at her doorstep. Lucas smiled slightly but still had this apologetic look on his face.
"I'm sorry, Broooke." Lucas moved past her, walking into her house. It was dark, he couldn't really see anything. Brooke followed behind him, confused to what he was talking about. "I'm so sorry," Lucas turned around. "It's all my fault," Lucas said to her. Lucas walked further into the house, noticing that everything was gone. The house was completely empty, he was confused and drunk.
"What are you talking about Lucas?" Brooke asked annoyed, crossing her arms. Lucas spun around, looking around the house.
"What's going on?" Lucas swallowed, taking another sip of his whiskey. Brooke groaned in annoyance.
"Alright," Brooke grabbed the bottle from his hand, throwing it in her trashcan. She hated seeing Lucas like this but she had no idea what was going on with him. "What's wrong with you? Why would you show up to my house drunk?" Brooke helped Lucas sit down on the ground. Lucas laughed to himself, staring off into the distance. He thought it was so funny how his life was falling apart and he couldn't do anything about it.
"Peyton remembered what happened." Lucas rubbed his forehead in frustration. Brooke huffed, sitting beside him. She felt sorry for him, and a little bit of guilt. "She told me that I killed Julian." Lucas mumbled under his breath, holding his head down because he was so ashamed of himself. "I'm a murderer." Lucas whipped the tear from his eye. Lucas repeated the word murderer in his head, making him feel worse.
"Lucas you didn't kill Julian." Brooke assured him, even though a part of her believed that he did.
"Yea, I did Brooke." Lucas quickly stood up, losing his balance.
"Julian lost control of the car, it was storming that night." Brooke tried to make sense of what happened last night. Lucas looked up at her, Brooke had this sorry look on her face.
"You remember." Lucas said to her. Brooke paused, she couldn't disagree. She did remember what happened that night, it would change her forever. Brooke didn't really want to talk about what she had seen that night. She wished that she could forget everything that happened and that it would all just go away.
"It came to me last night," Brooke forced a smile on her face.
"So, Peyton was right. I did kill him." Lucas couldn't stop the tears that were forming and he couldn't stop the guilt and pain that kept coming. It was like he was being choked and he couldn't breathe or escape the pain.
"It's okay," Brooke told him, she didn't want to him to feel bad or go insane from thinking that he killed Julian. Brooke still loved Lucas but she still had this ache in her heart where Julian used to be. But she knew that Julian wouldn't want her to be angry with Lucas forever. she would have to forgive him, it was just hard.
"It's not okay, Brooke." Lucas raised his voice a little. "I took someone that you loved." Lucas reminded her. "I took Julian away from you-and-and I can't live with myself knowing that I hurt you." Lucas shouted. Brooke shook her head, trying to make him believe that she was fine.
"I'm fine." Brooke told him.
"Are you?" Lucas questioned her, taking a step towards her. Brooke looked away from his eyes bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Brooke. I am so sorry." Lucas tried to apologize, hoping that she would forgive him.
"It doesn't matter now." Brooke shrugged her shoulders. "Julian's gone and he's not coming...neither am I." Brooke didn't want to tell him now but the words just slipped from her mouth. Lucas put the pieces together, seeing how everything in the house was gone.
"Your leaving again." Lucas said to himself, surprised.
"I can't stay here, Luke. There's nothing here for me." Brooke tried to stop herself from crying but the thought of Julian, made her think of the good times that they've had. She really thought that Julian was the one and now he's gone.
"Me." Lucas blurted out, not knowing what he was saying but he felt it. "You have me, you've always had me. I was here." Lucas tried to remind her. "When you lost Julian, I was here. Everyday." Lucas said to her. Brooke felt as if none of that mattered now. She was filled with pain, regret, guilt and anger. She wasn't thinking.
"Lucas, I can't stay here." Brooke tried to tell him. "I'm not leaving you, I can call." Brooke tried to make light of situation.
"Your running!" Lucas yelled at her, she was doing it again. she was leaving him. "You can't leave me again." Lucas begged her.
"I'm not. I'll call you everyday." Brooke said to him.
"Oh, like that worked out perfectly last time. There be a call everyday, then a few weeks and then a few months and every few years. That's what happens." Lucas said to her. "I need you right now." Lucas told her. Brooke shook her head, she didn't want to hear anymore.
"Lucas everytime I see you, I see Julian. I see the accident again and I don't-I can't do it." Brooke explained to him. Lucas didn't know what else he could do or say, it seemed like Brooke's mind was made. She was going to leave.