Mary came over to her mother's house to help decorate the house for Christmas. Her mother always went overboard, but Mary loved it no matter what she said aloud. Things had been crazy at the office lately and she imagined Edith was right, so she stepped back from her mother's life for awhile. Cora had called her about the date, of course. "You were the one who loved Christmas the most," Cora said as she wrapped garland around the staircase.

She smiled, "Mama, you seem very happy."

"Christmas is a wonderful time. I'm still upset that Sybil cannot make it, but Edith is coming and you will be here. "You are coming to the party next week?" her mother asked. Mary wasn't stupid enough to believe that her date had gone very well-that while she was happy to have her friends and family around her at Christmas, but who she was looking forward to the most was her husband. It had been three months, she couldn't remember her parents ever being separated for longer than a fortnight. While Mary did not quite understand why her mother continued to feel for him, she accepted it-as long as he had turned decent. She wouldn't say anything about it, not yet.

"Yes, I would be a fool to miss your parties. It's the 23rd right?"

"Yes, and you're welcome to bring someone."

"Mama," Mary rolled her eyes.

"Mary, you're welcome to come alone, I would just hate to see you bored, our friends are scarcely under one hundred."

"Oh you always catch me like this," Mary sighed. She remembered the last few years; they were torture. She spent the evening trying to get away from men that were as old as her father and had no interesting conversation. Mary had been working a lot with Matthew and they often went on coffee breaks or out for drinks after a long day. She would think about inviting him (it was obviously her mother's aim). Boredom was not something she wanted to live through this holiday.

After they had finished, Cora was left alone. Since her date about a week ago, she was more confused than ever-now that she realized her new way of life (dating, sleeping alone, and going out friends) was not satisfying to her, that it failed her. That no matter how many dances or drinks or great conversations that nothing replaced the effect that Robert had had on her for nearly a quarter of a century. As the days passed, she was getting more anxious about Robert coming home and what it would bring. She knew he was almost a changed man. She knew he had done what she asked. She, who so desperately wanted to give him a chance, should feel comfortable giving him another go around. But it didn't help that she dreamt of the accident increasingly lately-of him, pushing her and crashing with a purpose. There was no love in his eyes then. Whether a thing of her inner fears and demons surfacing or the truth, she was cautious. Not to mention that she didn't want to revert back to running back into his arms, even though her love for him was larger than anything else for her, knowing that he could become what he had been. She didn't think she could recover again. To say the least, Cora Crawley was conflicted. She didn't know if she could heal from the past or if her lack of faith in change would let her.

Later that week, Cora went out with Sarah as she usually did quite often.

"Cora, this is Thomas," Sarah introduced her new friend.

"Nice to meet you, Thomas," Cora said and held out her hand; he kissed it. They all sat down at a booth, close to the bar. It was quite busy, so they resolved to get drinks later. Cora took a cigarette out and put it to her mouth. She rifled through her bag, but couldn't find a light.

"Want a light?" he asked with snarky. She nodded and accepted.

"Thank you," she said with a kind smile. "Your welcome to come to my Christmas party, if you're around."

"You should come," Sarah chimed in. "There must likely to be fireworks, with her husband coming home."

"Dear Sarah," Cora said, feeling a bit uncomfortable at Thomas knowing all this so soon.

"Where has he been? War?" Thomas said and blew out smoke.

Sarah patted Cora's hand and spoke for her, "No, you noodle. He was very mean to Cora. He went away to get help." Thomas eyed Cora. When Sarah, the odd woman, he had met when she walked into the shop he was working, he heard about her friend Cora. She didn't say much, but from what he told her she accepted to find the generic rich women that thought she was superior, but she was different. She was broken, and he was interested in her. He saw himself in her when she looked down, suppressing so many emotions so that she didn't show too much, so that she wasn't cast as a victim.

Thomas put out his cigarette, "A drama I'm not a part of, I'm always there."

"I still think you shouldn't give him to the time of day after how he treated to you," She said. Cora smiled gently, that was what everyone was telling her. Sarah went to get a round of drinks, Cora smiled kindly at Thomas.

"You still love him, don't you?" he said looking down.

Cora was shocked that he picked up on something was trying to hide-that she thought she could hide. "Everyone acts as if I have I have a choice. But is there? There's no expiration date, even if the whole thing has gone bad. He just sits in the back of my mind and I think of what could have been. I'm not ready to chuck it out." Cora put another cigarette to hr mouth and Thomas lit it. He thought of Edward, the dead man that he had loved, but could never told for fear of rejection. All the men he loved, alive or dead, haunted him. He never got the courage to tell them and it was the deepest regret he known. This woman, whom he just met, put his feelings into words so truthfully.

Thomas looked at her, "I don't know what he did; I can guess. But forget what everyone else is saying, forget about making him happy or giving him up to get back at him. Not everyone has the chance to love who they want to. If you have that chance and don't take advantage of it, it isn't fair to the rest of us."

"What do you mean, darling?" she said as Sarah came back with a round of whiskey.

"Nevermind," he said and took a swig of his drink. Wondering what came over him to share these things with her, he stepped out.

Later that night, Cora tossed and turned in her bed. The awful truth was that she knew exactly what Thomas was talking about earlier that night. She laughed at the thought that he knew her better than even her daughters. Edith who loved Anthony, and knew that love didn't stop, didn't understand. And Mary didn't understand how she could love a man that hurt her so. Cora realized how silly she was, but Thomas seemed to understand that love was more than her daughters knew and its binding effect was powerful. She thought back to how she tortured him with Jane, how she used her as an excuse to push him further and further away from her. Maybe her crimes were;t as bad; they were deliberate and meant to hurt him. She honestly didn't know if she could forgive him. She knew her heart would allow it, but she knew that her mind wouldn't let her love him unless under the right circumstances. She turned off the bedside lamp, realizing that all her inner conflicts could not be solved tonight. It was only a few days now, she thought, she could get some answers from her then and decide what to do once and for all.

OMG so I typed this chapter last week and thought I uploaded it, but I did not. I'm so sorry! I'm an idiot, I hope you enjoy it! Thank you for the followers/favorites/reviews :)