Some parts of this chapter are in Bobby's POV.

Chapter 14

Clearing Up The Past

Bobby sits still for a moment as he watches her walk past. He hears the door close and then he slowly gets up and walks toward the kitchen. He is breathing heavy and when he bends down to un-tie his children; he grimaces in pain, "Are you guys alright?"

Chris says, "Yeah, are you?" He smiles and pulls his sons closer and hugs them. "Yeah I'm ok."

Tommy rubs his wrist, "My wrists hurt a little and I have to pee."

Chris chimes in, "So do I," Bobby smiles as he watches them race up the stairs. He begins to untie Alex, "Bobby, are you alright?"

"Every inch of my body is aching." He steps back as Alex rubs her wrists, "I assume that you could hear everything."

"Yes, we heard everything."

He shakes his head in disgust, "Son of a bitch," He walks toward the frig and opens the cabinet above, he takes out a half-empty bottle of whiskey and without hesitation, he takes a drink.

Alex reaches up and grabs it out of his hand. "Stop that," she holds the bottle up. "This crap didn't solve your problems years ago and it won't solve them now."

He shrugs his shoulders; "I know, I know that." he walks past her and sits at the table. "Your feelings don't count for shit now Bobby, those two boys in there are more important than what you may be feeling right now."

He runs his fingers through his hair, "This isn't supposed to happen. I never wanted them to know."

"You told them that you would explain everything and now you have to face them." Alex opens the frig and takes out two water bottles. "You want something to drink, here." She hands him one and he takes a long drink.

"What the hell am I supposed to tell them?" he hits his fist on the table, "Shit!"

"Tell them the truth. Wouldn't you want to be told the truth?"

"Definitely," he nods his head.

Alex walks over and hugs him. "They won't judge you, they love you." He suddenly stands as he sees his sons at the kitchen door. "I told you guys that I would explain everything, and I will. Please go in the other room and sit down, I'll be right there."

The boys do not speak as they walk into the family room and sit down on the couch.

"You probably want to be alone with them, I'd better go." He lightly grabs her arm, "No, don't leave, please."

"Are you sure?"

He nods, "Very sure." He holds her face in his hands and kisses her cheek, "I want you to stay," he steps back, "but if you'd rather leave I guess I couldn't blame you."

"Knock it off."

"What? I'm giving you an out if you want."

"How dare you put me in this situation?"

"I just thought…………"

She pushes him back, "No, you see that's the problem, you didn't think, you stupid bastard, I love you and I love this family. I have never felt so close to anyone in my life," She smiles as she caresses his face, "I'm here for you," She looks out toward the family room, "And them."

"I love you too and I apologize, but it's very easy to feel sorry for one's self, isn't it?"

She nods her head, "Yes it is, but you're a bigger man than that." She nudges him, "Now get going."

He lightly tugs on her hand, "Come with me." He picks up the water bottle and leads her into the other room.

Chris and Tommy are sitting quietly on the couch when they enter the room. He gestures for them to move aside so he can sit down in between. They stare at him and he looks straight ahead.

"Let me first say that I am so sorry for what happened today, it was my fault for ever letting that woman into my life. When I first met her, I thought she was very sweet and before I knew it, she was living here with me. I had hoped and prayed that I would never ever, have to see her again. I knew where she got the money and I never told anyone. It bothered me so much that I had to hide it, what I should have done was told her to leave, but I didn't."

"Why, why did you let her stay here?"

"Why," he nods his head, "good question, Chris." He exhales and then he stands. "The only way to explain how we got into this situation is to start from the beginning."

He starts to pace around the room. "You know," he points at his sons, "When you guys have a fight that I have always told you, both of you, to let the other know why you are angry and not just react."

They nod their heads, "Well when I was kid we didn't do that in my house. Everything started when grandma got sick, my father, well he changed. He became a selfish, hurtful and in my opinion a weak man, he couldn't handle what was happening to her. Instead of being supportive, he shut her out and as the years went on, he turned his back on my brother and me."

Bobby buries his hands in his pockets, "Every night was like the night before, the arguing between my parents, and you wouldn't think that two people could find so many things to argue about. I didn't understand exactly what was happening and I tired to talk to my Dad but he would just wave me off, so I use to annoy the hell out of my brother and he tolerated me. Then one night everything changed."

He scratches the back of his head, "They were arguing in the kitchen, and I had to listen, I always listened. He was very loud that night and I was a little scared but something possessed me to go down stairs. I stood right over there," he points to the doorway, "It took them a minute or two to realize that I was there. My father turned around when he saw my mother's reaction. He asked me what I wanted and I said that the noise was keeping me up. He told me that it was his house and he could make as much noise as he wanted. As he was talking, he started walking closer and I could smell the alcohol on his breath, it made me want to gag. So being the kid with the big mouth, I said, well other people live her too and some of us have to get up early and go to school in the morning."

Chris asks, "Why did you say that?"

"Because at the time, he didn't know that I knew but…………he had just lost his job and I knew it would piss him off and I wanted him to feel lousy."

"What did he say?"

He shakes his head remembering, "He didn't say anything Chris, he just hit me. He hit me so hard that I fell down and my nose started to bleed." He pauses and looks down at the floor, "He never hit me before…………. My Mom cursed at him and she started to hit him on his back, he turned around quickly and almost fell over, because, well I didn't know it then but I know now how drunken people act. He tried to hit her but she moved out of the way and he missed, feeling embarrassed he left and went into the den and didn't come out until the next afternoon. A few months later, he moved out but in the months prior he barely spoke a word to me, he ignored me as if I was invisible. After my Dad moved out my brother wasn't interested in anything that had to do with me or anyone but himself. So I was alone."

"How old were you?"

"I was eleven when he left………………... and that is when I started to really get involved with sports. By the time I got to high school I was first string on the basketball and baseball teams," he pauses, and says boastfully, "when I was a freshman, I even sang in the choir for a couple of years."

He notices the smiles on their faces. "I always kept myself busy. I did well in school, I never got into trouble, hoping that my father would see that I was worth paying attention to………… but he didn't care."

Bobby sits down in his favorite chair and rubs his face, "I didn't know it at the time but I was building up resentment for him."

"What does that mean?"

"I didn't like him, no to be truthful I started to hate him, Tommy" he exhales, "and you're not suppose to hate your father. Anyway one day when I was eighteen…………" He pauses and shakes his head, "There is nothing wrong with getting angry, but after years of bottling it up…………… it's like filling up a balloon with too much air it's going to pop."

"What did you do?"

"I had an argument with him on the phone and I was in the kitchen at the time. On the counter were a few coffee mugs, after I hung up the phone, I picked up a mug and threw it against the wall, and that reckless behavior didn't come close to calming me down. I picked up the remaining two and threw them at the wall. I started opening up every cabinet in the kitchen and when I was done here wasn't an unbroken dish, bowl, glass or cup. I had cuts all over my hands and arms," he raises his arms, "but I couldn't stop until every cabinet was empty. I can't even remember what got me so pissed off, it was probably something so inane but that was all it took I couldn't hold it in anymore and when I realized what I had done, I promised myself that I would never lose control like that again. Just like in high school, I kept myself busy. I worked constantly because if I stopped it gave me time to think about my how miserable I was."

He sits back in the chair and looks up at the ceiling, "Life is filled with times that you don't expect and I wasn't able to handle those times…………So………….I would get drunk and since alcohol is a depressant."

Tommy asks, "What's a depressant?"

"Tommy," Chris raises his voice, "why do you always have to ask so many stupid questions?"

"It's not stupid; I don't know what that word means."

"Chris, don't yell at him, I know this isn't easy for you to hear and I really don't want to tell you…. but I have to."

Chris sits back in the couch and crosses his arms, "Ok."

"It slows everything down, but in my case alcohol would make me nasty, so I had to even things out… and that's when I started to use cocaine," he shakes his head in disgust. "When you abuse drugs you become very good at hiding things and lying to people who care about you, like your Mom."

Chris asks, "You mean Grandma?"

"No your Mom," a faint smile crosses his face, "and little by little I started to lose my friends because I didn't want them to know what I was doing. Then you meet new friends, like Nicole. People who don't care what you do, but the person I lied to the most was myself because from Monday to Friday, I went to work everyday and I didn't think I had a problem because the only time I would get high was on the weekends. After what happened with Nicole and the money, I got………… high everyday and it started to affect my job," he picks up the water bottle and finishes the liquid inside, "I need some more water."

Tommy jumps up, "I'll get it."

"Thanks," Tommy quickly returns with the water and Bobby opens it and takes a long sip, "Uncle Gene told me that I couldn't work for him until I got some help, but of course I didn't think I needed any help and for the first time since I was sixteen, I didn't have a job……………….. and I didn't have any friends."

Chris shaking his head, "That doesn't sound like you."

"That's what happens Chris, it changes who you are. You're not yourself anymore."

"Why, why would you keep……?" he gets shy.

"Because I would remember how good it felt and I wanted to feel that way again, but it's phony, it's not real and when you wake up the next day, nothing has changed, you're the same person you were the day before and your problems are still there. Then you promise yourself that you will never do it again but maybe a week of so goes by and the same thing happens, and when you live your life that way, it just causes trouble. I made many mistakes……… and Nicole was one of them. I am not trying to put the blame on her or anyone else or make excuses for my behavior. I have no one to blame but myself."

"Did she steal that money?"

All eyes are on him, "Yes, Tommy she did."

"Are you going to go to jail?"

Bobby is just about to answer when Alex interjects, "No your Dad is not going to go to jail for what Nicole did."

"Then why don't you arrest her, Alex?"

"It happened so long ago, Tommy, that no one can be prosecuted for it."

The young boy has a puzzled look on his face. "What does that mean?" His brother chimes in, "She means get arrested and go to jail." He looks over at his father, "Why didn't you tell the police when it happened?"

Bobby says looking only at Alex, "If I told people what happened, Chris, I would have been the one who got into trouble, not her and she knew that."

Alex says, "You knew it all the time, Bobby."

He exhales and shakes his head; "I know I just didn't want to admit it to myself."

"What?" Chris says.

He looks over at his son, "That she used me. She used me because of my past."

"Because you've been in jail, haven't you?" Chris asks.

"Yes I have." Bobby stands up and takes a quick drink of water, "She knew that the last thing I wanted was to go back to jail………………. I told you that when you use drugs and alcohol it gets you into trouble well it got me into trouble three times."

"You've been in jail three times?"

"Yes Chris, I have. But when I was released the last time, Nicole had disappeared." He smiles as he remembers, "A few weeks later I met up with your Mom again, and it wasn't until I saw her that I realized how much I missed her. I worked hard to prove to her and myself that I could change and I did. I listened to people this time instead of being a hard headed," he chuckles, "pain in the ass. I went to counseling for close to three years and with your Mom back in my life I was finally happy, for the first time in a long time."

Chris shakes his head. "What's the matter?" Bobby asks.

"When Mom was in the hospital I heard Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Allison talking. They said that they hoped you wouldn't do the things that you use to do, now I know what that meant. I always wanted to ask you but I never thought that you would tell me the truth." He pauses and then sniffles, "I never really knew how bad it was for you when you were a kid, now I know why you never talk about it, I'm sorry your Dad was mean to you."

Chris stands up and walks over to his father and Bobby opens his arms to welcome his sons embrace, Tommy follows his brother. "I want to tell you guys that if there is anything that you want to ask me, please don't be afraid, I owe you both that, ok?"

Chris steps back, "Ok Dad."

Tommy nods his head, "Dad?"

"Yeah, Tommy what is it?"

"I'm hungry."

Bobby chuckles as he pulls him closer; he feels some pain but ignores it. "So am I, let me take a shower and then we'll go get something to eat."

Later that Evening

Alex is watching the news when she hears him coming down the stairs, "Where are the boys?"

"Playing playstaion, I told them it was alright."

"That's fine," he sits down next to her. "Oh my God that had to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life."

"You did a great job, Bobby."

"You think so."

She smiles, "Yes I do," she kisses his cheek, "now get the boys, I'm hungry."

He laughs as he looks toward the basement door, it's ajar. He raises his voice, "Come on guys, we're leaving."

Alex stands up, "I could have done that."

Later That Night

"Hey guys it's getting late, start getting ready for bed."

The boys have showered and one by one, they come down stairs. "If you guys want to stay home from school tomorrow, it's alright."

They both shrug their shoulders. "We'll talk about it in the morning, ok?"

Sunday night football is on and after a snack or two. The clock chimes nine-thirty. "It's time for bed guys." Chris stands up and walks over to his father, "Dad can you take us upstairs tonight?"

He smiles and nods his head, "Sure, come on." He places his hands on their shoulders as they walk across the room. Tommy's' room is the first bedroom at the top of the stairs. Tommy runs in and he quickly jumps into bed, "Dad?"

"Yeah, Tommy," he says as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"Is she going to come back?"

"No, never," his son just stares at him. "I promise."

"I believe you," he pulls the covers up. "I'll go to school tomorrow,"

"Are you sure?"

He nods his head, "Goodnight Dad."

Bobby leans down and kisses his forehead, "Goodnight." He slowly gets up and as he shuts off the light, "Dad?"

"Yeah," he says as he turns toward his son.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he says.

"Dad can you ask Alex to come up and say goodnight?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd like that."

Chris is still in the hallway waiting, when Bobby leaves his son's room, he closes Tommy's door and follows Chris to his room. "Dad before you said that if there is something I want to ask, I could."

"Yes I said it and I meant it. What do you want to ask me?"

"Did you love her?" he asks as he gets into bed.

"That's a strange question."

"Well did you?"

"Yeah, I guess I did, but the person I loved is not who she was, she lied to me and used me to get what she wanted. She used everyone. Maybe one of the reasons I didn't tell her to leave was because I couldn't believe that I could be that foolish, no the word is stupid."

His son smiles, "Thanks," Bobby gives his son a puzzled look, "Thanks for what?"

"For not treating me like a baby in answering my question."

He gently pushes his son down by his head and the boy laughs. "Goodnight Chris."

"I have a math test tomorrow; I'd better go to school. Night Dad…………..Dad?"

"Yeah, Chris."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He turns off the light and closes the door. He slowly makes his way downstairs and goes into the kitchen. Alex hears noises and she walks in and finds him looking through drawers, "Noisy, what are you looking for?"

"My pain pills, I can't stand the pain any longer."

"Maybe you left them upstairs."

"Terrific, again up those stairs," He starts to walk out of the room, he turns suddenly, "Oh Tommy wants you to go upstairs and say goodnight to him."

She smiles, "Really."

"Yeah," he turns off the television and takes her hand as they walk up the stairs.

TBC