The final chapter of this fic. I honestly don't have the patience to postpone a conclusion to s12, so I hope you've enjoyed what I've written. And I know, I promised you more smut, but I didn't think it fit with the ending of this. Check out my other fic, Learning to Fly for a slow burn and then sexy times :P Enjoy!:

The Chitters

What's it like... settling down with a hunter?

Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel as they drive away, the question reverberating through his mind. Except, it's altered slightly with every echo, like a game of Chinese Whispers, so that by the time they're on the highway it sounds an awful lot like, What'd it be like, settling down with Cas? What would that freedom look like? He can scarcely even imagine it - to give up hunting, that's one thing, and letting himself imagine he could have Cas, that's another - but together? That's a whole other ball game. He bites his lip and tries not to think about it, not to think about waking up next to Cas in the morning and how messed up his hair would be, not to think about having a real home together, not to think about kissing those goddamn pink lips... because he can't. He can't even think about that, not until Amara's gone.

All In The Family

He hates being close to her. It makes him sick to his stomach under a haze of a syrupy sweet mindfuck. But he has to do it, so they can get to Cas.

"Something stops you," she says slowly. "Keeps you from having it all." He grits his teeth. Thinks of Cas. And thinks of his Mom, too, because she'd want him to be brave. "Where are your thoughts? Something's different." Her forehead creases. And he wants to turn away, so badly. He just can't, quite. Maybe she knows about Cas. Maybe she knows Chuck's at the bunker. But it doesn't matter, because what she's asking for, it's just one giant adios, away from his family, away from Sam and Cas.

Alpha and Omega

It had made him sick, to watch Lucifer dragging around Cas' body. Looking out of those stupidly blue eyes, because he didn't have the right. Dean knew Cas' body wasn't really his, it was Jimmy Novak's, but the distinction didn't register for Dean. Lucifer talking out of the lips Dean wanted to kiss was point blank wrong.

So, when Cas was finally back, sprawled on the floor but saying his name and back, he expects the weight to lift off of his chest. And it does, for a hot second. He almost does it then, reaches out and cups his hand to Cas' face, kisses him senseless and wraps his arms around the angel saying, "Why didn't you just stay, you dumb sonofabitch?"

But something stops him, and makes the weight crash down again.

For once, it's not some inner hatred or fear or dumb angst-ridden notion; he thinks it's something good. Which doesn't mean he hates it any less.

The sun's dying, outside. Amara's still out there. God is maybe 24 hours away from dying, so, to put it succintly, everything's going to shit. And here's the thing. Even if Cas feels the same way he does - damnit, a fucking burst of joy shoots through his entire being just thinking about it - it wouldn't be right to make a pass at him because hey, the world's ending. Odd enough (or maybe not), he remembers Jo. If this is my last night on earth, I'm gonna spend it with a little thing I call self-respect. And he thinks how maybe she was right, and most of all, how he and Cas have been through so much together that it wouldn't be right to make a pass at him now, after all this time, and only because they're running out of time.

If kissing Cas until he forgets the world outside is ending, until he forgets everything except the press of their lips together; if that isn't an option, he'd like to scream until his voice goes hoarse at Cas. Ask him why in holy hell he'd lay himself on the line like that by pulling all the crap with Lucifer. Why he'd sacrifice himself like that. But once again, everything's on the verge of ending. He doesn't want his last hours to be spent angry at Cas, because Cas doesn't deserve that. Even if it was a dumbass thing to do, it was brave, too. So although what Cas did makes him angry and hurt and confused inside, he doesn't say what he wants to.

He does the last thing left to him, then. He tells a lie that's almost the truth, and it's a good one, one that's meant to heal things between them, as much as he can. He says what he can say without tearing things apart and presenting Cas with his bleeding heart. He says what he's rehearsed a thousand times before - but funnily enough, it sounds a lot like what he used to say when he was convincing himself he didn't love Cas.

'It wasn't stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn't have done that. It was our best shot, and you stepped up. You do help, Cas. You know, sometimes me and Sam have got so much going on that...we forget about everyone else. But you're always there, you know? You're the best friend we've ever had. (The best friend I've ever had, he adds silently.) You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.'

And there it is. The lie that's the icing on top of a cake of just about truth. He must be imagining it when he thinks Cas' face falls a little, that his lip trembles a tiny bit when he says, "Thank you." Dean's throat closes up because he thinks, doesn't that mean he doesn't feel the same way? Isn't that what you say when someone tells you something and you're flattered but don't really feel it? Thank you? Doesn't that mean that maybe he doesn't think of Dean as a brother? God, he almost wants to ask, but before he can, his phone rings. It's better this way, he thinks.

"Dean," Cas says, holding his arms out.

"Cas." Dean answers faithfully as Cas walks up to him. He counts the steps. One, two, three, and then the angel's arms are around him. Dean smiles for a split second, and then it hurts too much. "Okay," he says softly. "Okay. Alright."

"I could go with you," Cas says, eyes dark.

Dean swallows, and a memory rises up. It's of the fucked up universe Zachariah once showed him, where the Croatoan virus had spread everywhere and Lucifer had possessed Sam. You coming? And Cas' answer - Of course. He shakes his head. "No, no, no." He almost wants to say yes. But if this is gonna save the world, he wants Cas to be part of what he saves. That, and he can't stand for Cas to see the way he is around Amara. "No, I got to do this alone." He tells Cas to look out for Sam. Maybe they'll look out for each other, who knows. He isn't coming back from this. Maybe someday, Cas will learn how Dean really felt about him. Maybe they'll work a case together, and Sam will let something he shouldn't even have known slip. Cas might never know, hell, maybe he knows now. But as Dean drives off, he knows he did the best damn thing he could. And so he doesn't even let himself slip into sadness at the sight of his brother, his angel, his dreams all in the rearview mirror. He just drives.

An Indeterminate Length of Time After Everything

It was a long time after that, after his Mom had come and gone again, after the smoke had cleared off the horizon from the latest apocalypse, when the sun was setting. That was when he told Cas.

It wasn't even a conscious decision. For a while, he'd been asking himself a different question. It started off nebulously, a kind of pondering. When you look at me like that, when you watch me when I'm sleeping and it seems like your eyes could fucking swallow me, what are you thinking? From there, it evolved into Does you love me? and finally If I kissed you now, what would you do?

They were sharing a look, just like they had a thousand times before. And sure, maybe there were external factors that made it different, like the fact they were alone, or that it was silent apart from the wind whistling through the grass, but deep down, it was the same look as always. And Dean reached across the treacherously narrow gap between them and entangled their hands, before looking up into Cas' eyes. Yup, he thinks, gulping, Could definitely drown in those. Cas looks down at their hands, bites his lip, and nods once. And after a moment which seems to stretch into years, he gets his answer.

Cas surges up against him and presses his lips against Dean's, tightening his grip on Dean's hand. Dean's eyes go wide because never, in all his years of thinking about this, had he imagined Cas would be the one to kiss him first. He guesses Purgatory really should have tipped him off about that.

Dean reaches up, cups his hand to Cas' face and circles his thumb there. Cas' body is warm and firm against him and utterly different to what he's used to, but it's good, so good.

It's good when Cas drags him into the Impala, tears off all his clothes and Dean finally gets to know what Cas sounds like when he moans. When Dean memorized how Cas tastes, and what makes him shudder. When they map out each other's bodies with their fingertips and classic rock blasts on the radio and their first real time (on Earth, anyway) is clumsy and rough and beautiful and their teeth knock together. When Cas fucks Dean slowly, and it's like they were made to do this, and they utter the promises of young lovers but with a ring of truth. It's good when Cas is sitting shotgun instead of standing in his rearview mirror, and you know what? It's damn good when he can look into Cas' eyes and see the road ahead of him instead of behind.

I'd love it if you guys would tell me what you thought of the fic and of this chapter. Thanks for bearing with me :) I tried to explain why Dean a. didn't make a pass at Cas, b. wasn't angry at him and c. went on the whole brother spiel, in a Destiel context. Hope I did OK!

Thank you all for reading!

~BadassCompany