A/N: This has been ready for a while, but I have been lazy and tired, so sorry for the delay. It has been a long and painful journey. Oh well, enough about my angst. I'm sorry if I have ignored someone's review. I'm very happy for the feedback, thank you! Lily, thank you for your help! Mistakes are all mine.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

13. So Many Ways To Tell That I Love You

Part II

A Winding Tendril Strangles The Heart

Autumn, 1993. New York City

"If I should stay,

I would only be in your way.

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way..."

"Turn off the radio", Mac gritted to his colleague who hummed the melody of the song. They sat in a patrol car. Even though Mac didn't see he knew the other man rolled his eyes and turned off the radio.

"Guess you ain't a fan of Whitney…"

"I've got a headache, that's all," Mac replied.

"You should see a doctor."

"Why's that?"

"You've complained about a headache for almost a week, so I guess that's getting serious, man, if you're suffering every day…" his colleague left the words hovering in the air guessing that it wasn't a headache that made Mac feel so stressed. "I don't want to be rude, but whatever is bothering you, it's better to get things settled as soon as possible. I don't like being partnered with someone who isn't focused on the job."

"Whatever isn't always so simple," Mac tried to explain not saying too much for he wasn't the person who spoke about personal problems. "But I'll deal with it, okay."

His colleague nodded and they continued patrolling the streets.

xxx

Stella heard the sound of the phone ringing through the door. She managed to unlock the door with one hand as she carried grocery bags with the other.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she murmured, placing the bag on the floor and rushed to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Stella, it's Jace."

Stella leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. He seemed to have disappeared under ground after the accident in the bedroom. Not that she longed for his company but she didn't like how she had left him in trouble.

"What do you want?" her voice was cold, which didn't go unnoticed by him.

"What's with the cold tone, Stell?"

"You really got a nerve to call like nothing happened."

"Nothing happened," he laughed and it made Stella's blood boil.

"Keep telling that to Mac," she muttered. "Where the hell have you been anyway?"

"Been busy," he said and after a pause he continued: "I think I should talk with Mac, dontcha think?"

"He's not home." Stella gritted listening to the silence that engulfed the apartment. She wasn't sure if Jace tried to hide his mocking laugh.

"Well, well well…" he said slowly, "Let him know that I called. Okay?"

Stella smashed the phone back onto its cradle and tried to calm down. She grabbed the groceries from the floor and headed into the kitchen. She placed all in the fridge except one item. She kept staring at the small box in her hands and swallowed nervously. All the nausea and dizziness that had bothered her the last week, she recalled. She hadn't realized it until a few days ago. She was only a few days late, but there wasn't any harm in doing the test. She could be late because of the stress and the aftermath of being shot could easily cause some physical sickness. She pondered doing the test right away, but didn't have time to do it as she heard Mac coming home. She quickly put the box in her purse and turned around just in time.

"Hey." He nodded, leaning against the door frame.

"Hey." She smiled and went to kiss him. "How was your day?"

"I'm tired," his voice was thick and detached when he passed her.

"Oh," she whispered. She didn't know how long she could stand his behavior. He wasn't the man she knew. Clearing her throat, her back toward Mac, she told that Jace called him.

"Is that so?"

"You should call him, Mac."

"Why?"

"You're friends."

"And I thought we're in a relationship," he snapped back.

Stella faced Mac her eyes wide. "What that's supposed to mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" she repeated. "Then why you are saying so?"

He didn't say a word.

Stella continued. "We are in a relationship, Mac. We live together. We…" are maybe having a baby, she thought, but left the secret unsaid. It definitely wasn't the best time to talk about it.

"We what Stella?"

"Nothing," tears pooled in her eyes. "Nothing at all." With those words she disappeared in the bathroom. As the door clicked shut, she started to sob. He hadn't spoken to her gently after that night. It was rare, harsh words now and then as if he was still mad at her. She didn't know whether he hated himself for acting so roughly or her for accepting him acting that way. Sinking on the floor, she wished to skip over the torture straight to numbness.

xxx

Jace was annoyed.

The brunette, what was her name… Jeanie, leaned flush against him. They sat in the bar where they had met a week ago. She had invited her friend, Claire, along with her but she was late. He wasn't the kind of person who liked waiting. He didn't really care to meet any of Jeanie's friends but she hadn't really asked his opinion which annoyed him into a furious state. Nursing his beer, he swallowed the liquid. His thoughts were drawn to the night with Stella as he saw Mac stepping inside the God forbidden place. He couldn't believe his luck. He watched Mac going straight to the bar. Jace left Jeanie alone and ignored her protest.

"Hi, man," Jace tapped Mac's shoulder. "Good to see you."

"Jace." Mac stared at his drink.

Jace hid his sly smile well as he noticed the weariness over his friend's face. "I was planning to call you earlier, Mackie, but I've been busy lately." He grinned, pointing at Jeanie who waved back, her scarlet nail polish glimmering.

"I don't care." Mac sipped his beer, still not looking at his friend. "Get the hell away from me."

"I don't know what to say, man," Jace stated going straight to the business, "but if you think that something happened between me and your girl, you are dead wrong."

"Are you kidding with me, Jace?" Mac snapped.

"Hell no, Mackie. I wouldn't try to steal my best friend's woman."

"I saw you." Mac spit the words, his face twisted with disgust.

Jace put all his effort to save his plan. He lowered his voice so only Mac heard him. "What did you see anyway? You saw me checking Stella's wound as she was shot in the line of duty. Dontcha think I haven't seen a half naked woman before? I wasn't checking her out even though I can't deny it, she's a fine looking woman. Don't be a smart ass anymore. How many beers did you drink that night? Guess you were hallucinating because nothing happened. How is she anyway? Being shot is a bitch. You should know. Have you showed her any sympathy or have you acted like a total asshole?"

I have acted like a total asshole, Mac thought. "I don't know." Mac replied, mortified now after thinking over Jace's words.

"Don't know, Mackie? Well what kind of boyfriend do you think you are?" Jace mouthed, watching Jeanie rising up from her seat and heading toward the woman who stepped inside the bar. He paid attention to her honey colored hair and slender waist. My my my, she was even better than he imagined. A single and sexy flight attendant. He wasn't going to believe his luck. They headed toward the men at the bar.

"Jeanie, baby," Jace pulled the woman in his arms. "Who's this charming friend of yours?"

"I'm Claire," she said with a soft smile. Her blue eyes met Mac's. "Nice to meet you. Are you coming to the party as well?"

Mac looked puzzled.

"I haven't had time to invite him yet as I've been busy with this hot pants."

Jeanie's high laugh echoed in the bar, and Jace grimaced inwardly.

"What party?" Mac asked, not wanting to be rude to Claire.

Jace didn't have a chance to tell about the party when Jeanie had already opened her mouth.

"It's the party of the year," she started and went on and on. When she finally stopped she begged Mac to come in the party.

"I'll think about it," Mac placed the empty glass on the bar. "I need to go." He glanced at Claire being polite. "It was nice to meet you."

"Don't think, just come! I'll call you the address later, okay?" Jace shouted after his departure. After those words, Jace ordered beers for them all.

xxx

Stella was curled on the sofa, a blanket over her feet. She hoped the chamomile tea would ease her headache. The only source of light was the little lamp on the sofa table. She tried to read, but after noticing that she wasn't paying attention to the text, she gave up and put the book on the table and turned off the light, falling into her thoughts. The soft, autumn rain hit the windows of their apartment. The sun had been hidden all day behind the dark shelter of clouds, and the sky broke down finally. She shivered at the thought of the coming fall, but was happy how her life had moved on with Mac. The last fall's dark time was over with small steps. Well, maybe not small steps because after the Christmas they moved together and she ended going to the therapy. She did it with the courage from Jill as it had become clear that a good friend was as valuable as any therapist. She visited regularly at her mother's grave. She startled a bit when she felt someone sitting beside her. She hadn't heard Mac coming home.

"Hey," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

She heard the softness she had missed in his words. "It's okay," she moved her legs, giving him room. "I wasn't sleeping."

For a long time she watched his profile. His hair was damp because of the rain. Before she was able to say anything, Mac asked how her arm was.

"It's good."

"I saw Jace."

"Oh."

"Yeah, we talked." he sighed heavily.

"And?"

"Do you wanna go to a party tomorrow?"

She wasn't sure if she heard him correctly. She probably missed something about the conversation.

"What?"

His attempt to form a smile was weak. "He asked us to a party. His company said it will be the party of the year. It could be fun for a change. To meet other people. To go out after all this..." he didn't need to continue as Stella understood what he meant.

"Do you wanna go?"

Mac shrugged his shoulders, looking lost. "Yeah, I guess."

As much as Stella wanted to say no she kept that to herself. Whatever it took to get things back as they were… Stella moved her hand to grace the side of his face. She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear: It's a date, then."

xxx

She captured him staring at her from the reflection of the mirror. She had spent hours in the bathroom and hoped he liked the result.

"How do I look?" She asked, turning around.

He furrowed as he took in all the details of her clothes, all the exposed curves of her body. He found him staring at her feet. The black stilettos exposed her toes. He didn't know she liked the scarlet nail polish, too.

"Uh… "

His mind still processed those stilettos.

She let out a nervous laugh. "Never mind."

"Are you really wearing those?" Mac scrubbed his face with his hands. There were so many things fighting inside him. The makeup of her eyes was different. It was so dark and smoky, making the green color of her eyes clear.

Something, he couldn't quite figure, strangled his heart.

"I bought them a long time ago, Mac."

He felt her shivering as they stepped outside and waited for a cab. His hand rested on her lower back which was definitely a good sign, Stella formed a small smile. It had been a long week. The bare skin between the waistline of her jeans and the corset vest top drew gazes. He pulled her closer, showing who was with her and couldn't ignore the strangling jealously.

tbc

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