A/N: Well, I'm a jerk. I apologize and I promise this was the longest you were waiting. My exams are officially over and I can proudly say that from October 1st, I am a student of Philosophy University, with russian language and literature as my major! What to do, I'm in love with foreign languages and with Russia, so there. :D Btw, I was watching that TV show Freaks and Geeks, and I realized that James Franco is literally how I pictured Sirius in my head... He fits my description awfully well :O

kate3110, I'm, as always, too flattered because of your comments :D I'm glad you liked it, but I had to fuck it up in the next chapter a little, as always...

221authoronbakerst and Wintersunbunny, I'm so glad you like my story, enjoy! :D

Warning: This chapter has some smut in it, oopsy. And it gets a little dark, but not anything twisted.

Disclaimer: All you recognise is JKR's, the rest is my imagination.

Good day for bad decisions

I woke up to some knocking, with sore neck and stiff legs. I was already cursing inwardly, feeling like I was having a major hangover when I moved my head a little upwards just to see him, still asleep, looking content probably for the first time since I've got here. He was still clutching me tightly, as if afraid of me escaping and I finally let my guard down and smiled, genuinely glad for his peace.

And I completely forgot about the knocking part.

''Vivian? Are you there?'' I heard Tonks' panicked voice behind the bedroom door, finally realizing that I had forgotten to tell her and Remus that Sirius's fine.

''Black! Wake up!'' I was trying to untangle myself from him hurriedly, already in the state of mild panic when the thought what the hell is she going to think if she sees us like this occurred to me.

''C'mon! Get up!'' I mumbled trying to remove his arm from my waist. He only groaned and gripped me tighter.

''It's-not-the-time-'' I was saying in the most clipped tone I could manage, trying to ignore a little worm of giddiness crawling around my stomach and growing with every look at him.

''Vivian, unlock the door if you're there, now I'm freaking out!''

''Er- Tonks, just a moment!'' I yelled and kicked Sirius in the shin, because that was the only part of him I could reach freely.

''Ow! What the hell, you nagging, annoying woman?!'' He yelped loudly and I cringed, afraid that Tonks would hear us.

''Tonks is outside! You can't be here! Get up! Go hide somewhere!'' I finally, forcefully untangled myself, giving him an annoyed scowl and he was just looking bewildered, with his hair sticking in all directions and bloody, white shirt hanging unbuttoned from his shoulders.

''Oh God, you look like hell! Oh no, your blood is all over me! What do we do?!'' I was starting to panic for real now, getting up and circling the little bathroom like some mad, shifty squirrel under cocaine.

''Vivian? I'm gonna just break in if you don't open the door this instant!'' I heard and whimpered and Sirius was trying to stand steadily, still dizzy from his injuries.

''Just calm down and stop-stop it, White!'' He hissed and I finally stopped pacing, looking at his slightly amused grey eyes.

''Just go open the door and I'll just stay here until she goes away.'' He said slowly, not whispering, but I could nevertheless barely hear his scratchy morning baritone.

''But what if she asks-what do I say if she-'' I was trying to be coherent but I was totally confused, my head was sore and I just wanted to avoid inevitable awkwardness.

''I don't know. Tell her I'm dead, I don't give a fuck!'' By now he was literally pushing me out of the bathroom and I was giving him very dirty looks behind my shoulder, acting like a kid but refusing to hurry up.

''Oh, you're such a big help!'' I hissed and turned to him, now really irritated. But he was still pushing me, now holding onto my upper arms.

''Would-you-just-stop-that-'' I was punctuating each word with one slap, trying to fight his scary strength.

''Ouch! Just stop hitting me! The whole morning, you're just hitting me!'' He yelped and whined, but it sounded more like a growl with Sirius in question.

It is the understatement of the year to say that we got carried away a little.

Also, it was completely reasonable for Tonks to lose her already small dose of patience and break in, as promised.

Oh, and also, it was completely priceless scene for her, when she saw me hitting Sirius with bloody hands and ruined dress and him trying to restrain me.

''….Oh.'' We both froze when we heard her, daring to catch a glimpse of her standing there, with wand in hand, looking slightly shocked.

''Is this like… some sort of mating game for animaguses and their chosen ones?'' Her shock quickly vanished and it was replaced with famous Black mischief, of which I was, undoubtedly, very afraid.

''We were just-'' I squeaked out, letting my hands fall down ungracefully and Sirius took a step away from me. I could feel my cheeks getting slightly pink, to match the hair of the crazy witch.

''I'll leave you to it, then.'' She smirked and quickly left, and I could hear her thumping down the stairs in her bouncy step.

''Oh, well. This one will be hard to explain.'' Inwardly, I was cringing, but on the outside I was trying to regain my composure, carefully avoiding Sirius' piercing gaze.

''What do you mean? You and me in your bedroom, or all this blood?'' He smirked and I groaned. Really, I could put up with only so much of Sirius in his good mood.

''Get out, you ruined my carpet!'' I yelled and tried to hide a smile slowly forming on my face, failing miserably.

''All right, all right! Calm your hippogriffs!'' He scoffed and sauntered off, leaving me alone to mull over the events of the morning.

When I plucked up the courage to go downstairs, freshly showered and clean and in a desperate need for some coffee, I found Tonks, Remus and Sirius already sitting around the table, with Sirius looking bored out of his mind.

''Oh thank Merlin you're here, Sirius just ignores all of our questions regarding this morning.'' Tonks had a fake, chirping tone in her voice and I rolled my eyes so hard I was afraid they were going to get stuck in my head backwards.

''There's literally nothing to say. I helped him with his injuries.''

''But, from what was Sirius kind to tell us,'' she paused to give Sirius one pointed look, ''he was back last evening. So why was he still with you this morning?''

''We were just-'' I started to fidget while pouring myself a cup of coffee, looking utterly uncomfortable.

''Cousin, you're nosy little bird.'' Sirius interjected easily, still with that bored look on his face, raising a single brow on my pathetic attempt to stop the blush. Damn it, why was I so hormonal these days?

''Well? Vivian? Oh Merling, something happened! Did you two really sha-'' Tonks started, I wanted the Earth to swallow me and Sirius butted in, once again saving the day.

''Moony, control your woman.'' And he did it. My awkwardness dissipated, or better said moved onto poor Remus, who was having a mischievous smile on his face just a moment ago. Now, he was choking on his tea while Tonks was efficiently shocked into silence.

''Now that we're done with this nonsense, Moony, you said you needed my library?'' Sirius carried on like nothing was happening, getting up and motioning Remus to follow him. On the doorway he just turned slightly and winked at me and I was staring fixedly on the spot where he was for minutes after he was gone.

''Oh, you got to be kidding me! Are you really trying to tell me nothing's happening between you two?'' Tonks was, apparently, woken up from her shock.

''No, really, we just talked and then fell asleep. That's all to it.''

''Viv, you're acting like teenagers around each other.''

''Oh, c'mon, we're just starting to be friends after all this time! We're just getting along a little easier.'' I was quick to defend myself. Like, really, really quick.

''Vivian, honey, deal with it. You want to be friend to Sirius as much as I want to Remus.''

''I sure do! Oh, just leave it before you jinx it, he is finally nice to me!'' She was giving me a suspicious look.

''I give you couple of months. You'll be screwed.'' She declared, dodged my questions about her and Remus' relationship development and quickly left, saying she was late for work. I just sighed, already tired of people, even if it was still morning.

The next week passed relatively peacefully, although I couldn't fail to notice that Sirius was slipping away from my grasp slowly. As Remus' and Tonks' visits decreased with their often missions and Tonks' Ministry job, and Harry's letters were arriving fairly rarely, Sirius was getting more and more withdrawn and melancholic.

After two weeks, I was never really seeing him anymore. I could just hear him moving around somewhere upstairs, probably taking care of Buckbeak. Sometimes I would get really worried about his drinking problem, but whenever he came downstairs, no matter how rare that was, he was sober. Sober, but grumpy. Sober, grumpy, and slightly more disheveled and reminding me of his state when I'd just came here.

He would just come downstairs once a day, usually in the mornings, eat a little and tell me some two-word sentences, or if I was really lucky, he would manage a small smile, as if trying to reassure me that he was fine. But he was really, really further from fine every single day.

I couldn't reprimand him because, who was I to order him to cheer up? I couldn't even hear him at nights, so I was at the loss about his nightmare-condition.

It was all going slowly downhill, I knew that. Slowly, but inevitably.

And finally, for the lack of better comparison, shit hit the fan on October 31st, 1995. What I totally forgot was, why this date was so important. My boredom and lack of any interaction with people for good five days (that's when Tonks stopped by to tell me that Remus was going on some risky mission) completely messed up my perception of time.

Right in the morning I should have realized something was going on. Sirius was nowhere in sight, even if it was our unspoken deal that he would come downstairs, just for a couple of minutes. I ate in silence, which I've gotten used to after some time, even if I hated it with passion. I just hated being alone and all this was starting to be even bigger punishment for me than for the absent ex-convict. But I just left it alone, because I didn't want to be privy.

Later that awful, cold and rainy day I was huddling in my big white cardigan, trying to get warmer and thinking I should really start using that fireplace in my bedroom. I was on my way to the said bedroom with the pile of clean laundry to fold in my arms, when I saw his door slightly ajar, pale light illuminating the dark hallway. I threw the pile of laundry on my bed and tip-toed to his room, slowly opened the door and without thinking got inside, to see it in the clear light for the first time. First things I noticed were many Muggle posters of very attractive girls from 70s, riding motorbikes or posing next to some car. The huge Gryffindor banner was taking one big place on the left wall and I smiled to myself, remembering Sirius as a young, rebellious misfit. On the floor was this huge mess of papers, some letters and newspapers, and even some photographs. I spotted one photograph next to Moony's letter to Padfoot and picked it up, smile turning from amused to sad and nostalgic. It was us, Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, Peter and me, sitting on the floor of Sirius' and James' apartment, laughing at something probably the guy who took the picture said. Sirius' arms were around me and I was wiggling pathetically, as if trying to get free, but not trying too hard. I put the photo in my pocket quickly, and continued my little search of Sirius' room. His queen-sized bed was unmade, white sheets tangled in one huge mess.

Suddenly, it thundered hard and startled me into glancing in the direction of a big window which had its curtains removed. Only then I noticed the figure sitting on the windowsill, looking at something in his hand and whispering quietly. It was raining so hard that it drowned his whispers. I could see just his profile and he didn't seem to notice me, when I noticed his hands shaking and that empty look in his eyes.

''Please, forgive me. God, I can't- I miss you so much, mate.'' His voice was shaky just like his hands and I was straining to understand what he was saying. Then it struck me, what day it was, why was he so depressed, why did this room reek of firewhiskey. He was definitely drunk and fucked up, looking at some old photo and trying to calm himself down with a cigarette. When he finished it and turned to throw it, probably somewhere on the messy floor, he noticed me there, frozen like a deer caught in headlights. He stood up on shaky legs, and I saw his dark side stepping in and eating his rational side completely. Oh no.

''What are you doing here?!'' He growled so lowly that my blood froze along with my body. I gulped, looking at him getting too close for comfort, trying to get the courage to stand with my head held high. Yes, I was snooping around, but I had good intentions, for fuck's sake!

''What did I tell you about sticking your fucking nose in other people's business!?'' He took my upper arms and shook me a little and I gathered all the spite I had to look him in the eye and dare him to strike me, so I could hex him into oblivion. I knew he wanted to; he was completely humiliated, broken and furious, with his breath stinking of alcohol and his bloodshot eyes matching bleak, cloudy sky.

''Get a grip, Black. It's been fifteen years! James-'' I started, finally finding my voice, trying not to think about the bruises he would leave. Trying not the think about all the things his closeness did to my raging hormones.

''Don't you DARE mention him!'' he snapped, his hand coming slowly up my arm to rest around my neck. My eyes widened in fear (and a little bit of excitement), but I kept my ground.

''Someone should teach you not to be such a pain in the arse.'' He ducked his head and slurred into my ear, reminding me of the amount of drinks he had.

''Fuck you, Black! You're drunk, ruining yourself as always, completely useless-'' I was furious and scared, but that was something I definitely shouldn't have said to him. He roared furiously, not unlike Padfoot's bark and pushed me against the nearest wall hard, so hard my head spun. I gasped, trying to relieve some dizziness, clawing at his chest with my free hand.

His grasp on my neck tightened a little and then he let his hand fall down and his head dropped to kiss my neck roughly, to my great surprise. I gasped again, but from different reasons, closing my eyes on the feel of his stubble on my sensitive skin.

He continued to nip my neck, getting lower and tearing my cardigan. When I was standing in front of him only in my bra, my cardigan and T-shirt long gone, and his lips were dangerously close to my breasts, he mumbled against my skin,

''Tell me to stop.'' I moaned a little, completely at the loss of all that was happening around me, arousal and raw passion occupying my angry mind.

''Tell. Me. To. Stop.'' He punctuated each word with one nib at my breasts, now barely covered with bra.

''No'', I moaned out, now dizzy because of completely different reasons. He tore my bra too, making me gasp again because of a sudden movement and raw lust I saw when he looked into my eyes.

I clawed at his shoulders, getting rid of his dirty white shirt, pulling him closer to me and letting him peel my jeans down my legs quickly. I was feeling like I was imperiused, completely out of control of my own actions, desperate with some animalistic need to hurt him and love him simultaneously.

He bit my neck again, hitched my legs on his hips and I felt his hard member probing my folds and it wasn't enjoyable, it wasn't what I wanted, it was what I needed and what he needed. A moment of closeness with another human being. Just a little bit. Just for a couple of minutes.

One deep thrust. I was gasping because of his roughness, not because of pleasure. One more, a little bit quicker thrust. I was clawing because of my fury, not because of passion. A third thrust, a little bit painful. I was feeling something heavy deep in my stomach, because of his eyes continuously avoiding mine, not because of pleasure. A couple of more quick thrusts. Initial fullness turning into desperate emptiness even if he was still inside me, when I realized how pathetic and mad we actually were.

And then, a tear in my eye. Not because of orgasm, which I didn't experience either way, but because I heard one quiet sob somewhere on my shoulder, with little watery drops following.

And then I could feel him finding his release, sobbing a little bit louder. He pulled away with his eyes closed, trails of tears down his perfect cheeks, and the most pained expression I've ever seen on one human being.

And then he opened his eyes, and that awful shame and despair, hatred and deflated hurry mixed together in the depths of stormy grey. He hated me for turning him into the newest kind of low. I hated him for dragging me with him to touch the rock bottom.

He zipped his jeans and left, with hands hiding his face and particular heavy, slow movements drowning his usual, proud saunter.

I broke down naked in his room, now filled with smell of sex and shame mixed with alcohol, on that messy floor with that blasted photo and our smiling faces staring at me from the pile of my ripped clothes.