Recap of last chapter: Jack reminisces in the park, Kim gets accepted to a big university, Jack stalls because he has to tell Kim that Izzy broke up with him
Izzy's POV, that same day
A pint of Spumoni ice cream sits on the wicker coffee table in front of me, a long spoon stuck in and half the ice cream missing. I'm curled up in an aqua loveseat, thick socks and pajamas still on. I don't typically consider myself the ice-cream-and-tragic-movie kind of breakup girl, but this time I'm allowing myself a day of cliché devastation. Because last night, I lay awake at night with my silk sleep mask on and relived our entire relationship from start to finish. I clearly recall that before I fell asleep, I consciously realized something huge: I'd loved Jack. I was thinking about how though he was only the third boy I've ever really fallen for, and near the end I began to really love him. I just never told him, and now I've lost him. I know he's in love with that blonde he's always hanging around, and I suppose in that way I never had him at all. But I still wish I'd thought to tell him I loved him before I cut him loose. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost right now.
I do this all the time: I lose people because I'm afraid to tell them what they mean to me. I suppose it's a terrible habit to have, but I've found it impossible to break.
I cried all my tears last night, so all that comes out now is a sigh. I finish the pint of ice cream within an hour.
Jack's POV
Around 4:30, I find myself at Kim's door like I promised earlier. She opens the door with a glare.
"You know I hate being kept in the dark. Tell me already!" She demands.
I tilt my head. "Can I come in?"
She blushes. "Oh, yeah, sorry. Go ahead." She holds the door open, and I step inside and breathe in the familiar yet different smell of her house.
I manage to stall for fifteen more minutes as we head to her kitchen to find pop, but then she leads me to the couch and glares me down until I finally break.
"Fine," I groan. I fiddle with my Coke can. "Izzy broke up with me."
She stares at me. I begin to get nervous. Finally, she speaks.
"That was what you couldn't tell me?" She says. I nod, mute. There's an awkward silence for a bit as I contemplate what to say next. I don't think either of us really knows what to do from here.
"But why?" She asks.
I shrug, even though I do know why. Neither I nor Isabelle ever really said it out loud, but we both did know ever since Kim came back. How do I tell Kim this?
"Because I'm in love with someone else." Kim motions for me to go on, so I do. "And I'm not sure if she really knows, because we have a kind of complicated history. And recently we've spent more time falling apart than anything else. She doesn't," I hesitate, "she doesn't know that I miss her. I'm not sure if she even cares about me anymore." I say, thinking each word through carefully in case I say something wrong. I don't feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I just feel as if I don't know what's coming next.
"And Izzy knew this?" Kim takes a sip from her Seven Up.
"Yeah." I exhale. "I just…"
Kim gives me an encouraging smile, and I'm thrown back to a time when we told each other everything and trusted each other absolutely. What happened to that?
"I want to tell this girl that I love her. But I don't know if it's too soon, like she'll think she's just my rebound girl or something." I say.
Kim tilts her head. "Do you even know this girl? Like do you talk to her a lot?"
She doesn't even know who I'm talking about, does she?
"I guess, I mean I want to. But things happened and we're not as close as we used to be."
"Wanting to isn't ever going to be enough, Jack. You need to try, and if this is something you really want, you'll make it happen and you'll make that girl happy. I would-" She pauses, then shakes her head. "Never mind." But I already know what she was going to say. She was going to say, "I would know." And I'm hit with this inexplicable sadness, not for the first time. If this was a movie, everything would probably be all right now, and the past few months wouldn't have been as hard as they were. But real life is never that easy. "You need to tell this girl. We've only got two months before we graduate and if you wait that long she'll never know. You might never see her again." She smiles sadly, then bites her lip and looks down. When she looks back up, her face is unreadable and I realize I've never seen her like that. Kim may not wear her emotions on her sleeve, but she's never been that great at controlling them, either. Little things change whether we notice them or not, and we can't go back even if we want to.
"Okay. I will. But not now." I chug the last of my pop, and Kim cracks another smile.
"Of course not now. Do it in person, not over text message or something equally lame like that." She advises. I nod in agreement, but in my head I'm wondering when I should tell her the girl I've been talking about is the one sitting right in front of me. But before I can, she grins. "So, do you wanna watch a movie?" It's such a subject change that I'm caught off guard, and don't respond right away. "I mean, we haven't hung out much lately…"
"Okay. Sure. Netflix?" I say.
"Netflix." She confirms, and for a second it's as if nothing's changed. We abandon our still-half-full pop cans on the coffee table to race up the stairs and find her laptop.
The next day at school
Kim's POV
I meet Grace at the front doors half an hour before the bell rings. There are only a few months of school- two, in fact, and I plan on making the most of them. You only get to live high school once, after all. Nonetheless, my mind drifts back to Jack's words last night. He's in love with another girl. Something inside me is screaming that it's me, but mostly I just don't know what to make of this situation. I was just glad to spend time with him- I can't even remember what movie we watched, because I was so happy to be near him. He even almost put his arm around me, but drew it back at the last second.
"Hey," Grace greets me with downcast eyes. Her hair is unusually messy, and missing its usual shine.
"Hey. Jerry's a jerk." I tell her as we enter the school, knowing he's the reason for her dejection. My own problems are forgotten as I take in her sadness.
"No, he's not. He's just…" her voice trails off, and she sighs. "Not a jerk. I just thought we had something special, is all. It hurts that he got over me so fast and is already dating Mika. Anyways, I'd rather not talk about that. You finish your chem lab questions last night?"
"Yeah. You?"
She nods. We turn a corner and arrive at Grace's locker. I wait as she grabs her books, then we head over to mine. The first hallway we pass through has quite a few kids in it, just sitting around and talking. I spot a group of cheerleaders with calculus textbooks open in their laps, and a group of girls surrounding…. Jerry?
Grace sees him at the same time as me. She grabs my arm.
"I can't let him see me like this." She says, panic evident in her eyes. She combs her fingers through her hair frantically, scrounging up a hairtie and tying it back.
"Relax, Gracie. You look fine."
"I do not!" She retorts.
We keep walking, nearing Jerry soon enough. He doesn't seem to notice us. Then a girl with curled brown hair wearing a yellow cardigan pushes through the group of girls surrounding him and grabs his arm.
"It's Mika." Grace observes. I nod.
"JERRY MARTINEZ." Mika yells. Her hair swings as she drags him away.
"Oooooh, someone's jealous." A boy laughs behind me. I don't bother to turn around.
Grace just sighs and tugs my arm in the direction of my locker.
Jack's POV, lunch
The sun bakes the pavement, and I stare down at my unappetizing sandwich. I should tell Kim I love her.
"What was that with Mika this morning?" I ask Jerry, who takes a drag from his cigarette.
He smiles sheepishly. "Well, I told people we were dating, and she didn't like it. Her face got really red." He snickers, then turns serious again. "Turns out she has a boyfriend back home or whatever."
"Wait, what? What about Grace? What happened to 'I won't date another girl until I get her back?'" I say.
Jerry shrugs. "A swag little something called making her jealous," he supplies.
"You were trying to make her jealous?" I say. He nods. "Why don't you just stop smoking so she'll take you back?"
He dangles the cigarette from his fingers. "I'm trying. See?"
"No," I sigh. "You know that's killing you, right?"
He leans back and spreads his arms, cigarette dangling from his lips. "I'm still alive, yo. Not killed yet."
"It doesn't happen instantly, Jerry."
He just shrugs.
"And either way, isn't Grace worth it?" I point out. He loves Grace more than he loves smoking, anyone could see that.
"I'm trying, Jack. Yo, it isn't easy. In fact, it's hard. You have no idea. Of course Grace is hotter than smoking," he says, and I laugh a little, "but I'm trying and if she can't take me the way I am…." He doesn't finish his sentence, because he's taking another long drag.
Footsteps sound on the concrete, and I look up to see Kim rounding the corner. The first thing I notice is that her hair isn't curled like it has been every single day this school year. It catches the light and hangs straight, like it did the first time we met back in ninth grade. She waves the smoke away with one hand.
"Hey, Jack, hey, Jerry." She sits down beside me, pulling her legs in so they're crossed. She leans towards me, and I catch a whiff of her shampoo. "You told the girl yet?" She questions, making sure Jerry can't hear. Her voice wavers on "girl." I pretend not to notice and shake my head. Kim rolls her eyes. "Stalling, huh."
I chuckle. "Yeah."
"Come on." She nudges me with her elbow.
"Nah."
"Who is it, anyways?" She says. I tense. Kim notices and looks at me. "What?"
"It's nothing. I promise I'll tell her."
"You'd better." Not for the first time, I wish I knew what she was thinking right now. She looks away, and I look at her. Does she still care, or was I right when I said she probably didn't care?
In a louder voice, she says, "So… you guys get any college acceptance letters yet?"
"Not yet. You?" I ask.
"Nah. It's the high life for me, yo!"
"The what now?" Kim says.
"Janitor." He elaborates.
"I got one letter so far." She looks down. "New York. Pratt Institute."
"That's great, Kim! Congrats!" I smile at her, and she beams.
"Thanks."
"Where'd you apply?" She asks, waving away more smoke and wrinkling her nose at Jerry.
"Mostly California. Also New York, Florida, and Toronto." I reply. I was planning to stay in California if I could, but knowing Kim might go back to New York, I applied there too. I don't want to lose her again.
"New York," she murmurs. "The city?"
"Yeah."
The bell rings, and the three of us mutter see-you-later before heading off to our separate classes.
I'll admit that, excluding the final ending, I don't really know where to go from here. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. What do you guys want to see happen, and what do you think of what's happened so far? Review pleaseeee and thanks for reading! (And for putting up with my terribly, annoyingly slow updates.)