Part II of Senses written from Haymitch's POV. Enjoy!
Haymitch
You never think of the stuff that you don't know.
Like you never knew how long it takes for someone to bleed out.
Or like you have never thought about the concept of death.
You never know the last time is going to be the last time.
The last time you saw your father was before he left for work after your usual hunting trip. He gathered you in his arms and whispered the same words "be good" in your ears before kissing you on the cheek.
You never knew that that morning would be your last hunting trip together. You never knew that it would be your last hug, last kiss and the last words you would ever hear from him.
You woke up the next day to your mother's crying. You never knew.
You never think about how one can bear to kill another human being.
You never think about how much it hurts to lose someone you love.
You never know the last time is going to be the last time.
The last time you killed someone was in your games. You thought it would be like killing an animal but it wasn't. You thought it would be easy but it wasn't. It was just instinct. One moment he was on you and the next he was down. You pushed his body off yours and ran. You ran for what felt like hours till you couldn't feel your feet anymore. Your hands were shaking for hours after. You thought the next time you killed it would be easier. But it wasn't.
The first time you heard, you couldn't believe your ears. After all you have fought through to get home, it was all for nothing. Your family was gone. Your girlfriend was gone. All you have lived for was gone. You went home to nothing. There were no bodies, nothing left from the house, not even the knife your father left you. Nothing in this pristine house was yours. You thought dying would be the worst thing that could happen to you. You were wrong. Living was.
You never think about the things you couldn't have.
You never think about the family you never wanted.
You never know about the little things until you realise they are gone.
It has been weeks since you have been here. People are always rushing you around to do things. Everything has a schedule. Everyone has a purpose. You have no time to think of anything else but to serve your own purpose here. You never realise how precious some things are until you lose them. Like alcohol, sleep and your favourite sweater. Or that familiar scent of hers.
You are running out of time. You spent nearly two weeks in withdrawal. You spent the last week trying to convince Coin to launch a rescue mission. You spent the last two days finalising each detail of the plan. And now you are here, on board the hovercraft on the way into the Capitol. You are shaking not because of the withdrawal. But of fear.
You never think of how they died - the process of dying.
You never think of how much it hurts.
The last time you saw Effie Trinket was in her room. The night before you left her. She was lying naked on her belly on the bed. The moonlight through the large window almost made her look like she was glowing. Her messy hair spread across the pillow, her face rid of all the gunk, her lips slightly swollen from all the kissing, the sheets tangled around her body, she looked almost too peaceful.
You never knew the last time would be the last time. The last time you made love to her, the last time you caressed her body, the last time you saw that smile, the last time you breathed in her intoxicating scent. You never knew.
You never knew you would kill again until you did. You were shouting her name. There was a man in front of you. He let of a shot but it wasn't meant for you. Out of reflex you fired several rounds towards his direction. Gut feel told you that he shot her. You were right.
You never think you would find her lying here in a pool of her own blood. Through the layers of dirt on her skin you could see the scars. You held her in your arms telling her to hold on. She was so tiny you are scared that you might crush her. Her eyes were hazy. You took off your shirt and pressed it against the wound on her chest. You slowly lifted her up. She was coughing. Blood. You know it is bad.
You made it out to the door. But the medics said she was too hurt. Too much damage, they should save those that they could first. You held her in your arms. Urging her to hold on. You screamed at the people around you to help her. But they shook their heads and moved on. Hey Sweetheart. You said. You are going to be fine.
You never think of the stuff that you don't know.
Like you never knew how long it takes for someone to bleed out.
It took eight minutes and twenty three seconds for Effie Trinket to bleed out.
You never know the last time is going to be the last time. The last time you held her, the last time you kissed her or the first time you have ever said I love you would be the last time she would ever hear it.