Note: Thank you so much for your reviews! I mean, really! Now, I hope you're okay with a more peaceful chapter. I sure could use a break from Santana running off every chance she gets, na-ah, time for some bonding.
After Santana broke down Quinn sat with her on the edge of the curb, cradling her as Santana let her emotions get out. For the first time she didn't run, or even attempt to push Quinn away. It was devastating to see someone as feisty and strong as Santana crumble like that, but in the end she was only human. They sat together for a while, not speaking, as words would fall short of whatever was going through either of them. Slowly Santana was calming down and Quinn felt the girl's muscles relax in her embrace. Yet just when Quinn thought Santana was done crying she heard the girl let out another sudden sob. Worried, she pulled away to look at Santana, but she was surprised at what she saw.
"Are you… laughing?" Quinn raised an eyebrow.
"I just…" Even with her cheeks stained in dry tears Santana managed a smile.
"What?" Quinn asked, still confused.
"I just can't believe Puck let a fifty year old woman snag the phone out of his hands…" She wiped away a final tear. "What a loser…"
Quinn sighed in relief as a smile made its way across her lips. For a moment she thought Santana had really gone crazy. "Well your mom's no joke. She's feisty, she reminds me of a certain other Latina I know…"
Santana let out something in between a chuckle and a sob. "Yeah?"
Quinn nodded.
Santana looked back out onto the street. "She must be a real pain the ass."
"She is." Quinn paused as she remembered how difficult Santana could be sometimes. "Definitely," she thought out loud again.
"Way to make me feel better Q… You're really good at this," Santana replied sarcastically.
Quinn smiled. At least she hadn't lost her sense of humor. "I wasn't finished. She's also one of the strongest people I know."
At those words Santana turned her head back to face Quinn with a sad smile, before slightly shaking her head in disagreement. "Thanks Q. But you're wrong. I just broke down and cried for like an hour… Strong people don't do that. It's kinda pathetic really…" She said the latter with a small laugh, though clearly it wasn't meant to be funny.
Quinn's heart sank just a little more. How could Santana think so low of herself? And then she remembered, she was the one who once told Santana she was just a scared little girl with low self- esteem. The words cut through her like a knife, she didn't think those words could actually have made a difference but she wanted to take them back nonetheless. Ever since she found about Santana's reasons Quinn had a whole newfound respect for Santana, even despite the girl's lack of rational decisions. She really did mean it when she said Santana was one of the strongest people she knew.
"Santana… It's okay to let go sometimes, that doesn't make you any less of a person."
Santana couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at hearing Quinn's wise words. She wasn't sure if she agreed with her, but either way it was comforting to hear. "Were you always this smart?"
Quinn failed to force back a smirk. "You think I'm smart, huh?"
Santana huffed. Leave it to Quinn to turn this into a compliment.
"I might have to tape that," Quinn teased in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Santana rolled her eyes yet her lips curved into a smile. "God you're annoying…"
And then, for a moment, it was silent again. Both girls were left to their own thoughts and there was nothing to distract Santana from her still fresh emotions. Quinn noticed that she still struggled to maintain her composure as she watched Santana let her head hang down low once more.
"Hey." Quinn lifted her hand up to touch Santana's cheek, forcing them to face each other. As she looked into Santana's eyes she found herself staring into a pool of mixed emotions. "You're not alone. I'm gonna help you through this, I love you. Kay?" Her voice sounded like a soothing whisper. She pulled Santana into another embrace, offering her something to hold onto, because God knows, she desperately needed it. They both did.
"Quinn…" Santana whispered, with her chin still resting on Quinn's shoulder.
"Hmm…"
"Are you okay?"
All of the sudden Quinn noticed a tear of her own had started trickling down her face. She wasn't sure why. Maybe because her heart ached for Santana. Or maybe she just missed being this close to someone. It's been a while… after all. Santana pulled away and looked at her, waiting for an answer. Not in the pushy kind of way though, she seemed more worried. It surprised Quinn how Santana could still think about her in all of this.
"It's nothing. Just an… emotional night I guess," Quinn shrugged.
"I'll say." Santana laughed before her expression was replaced with a more serious one. "But… I'm here for you too. I know I haven't been exactly uhm… well you know… open-armed, or anything… I'm sorry about that. It's just hard for me… But I hope you realize I do care about you, Quinn…"
Quinn couldn't help but smile as she saw Santana struggle to find the words. She raised her hands to save Santana from further rambling. "Stop. It's okay… I get it."
"Thanks for that," Santana replied a little awkwardly before looking away. "Just when I thought I couldn't get more pathetic…"
Quinn was about to argue when Santana quickly shot her a reassuring smile, and Quinn realized she meant it in good fun.
"Seriously though…" Santana continued. "You can talk to me too. I kinda owe you after all…"
Quinn arched an eyebrow. "I'm not gonna talk to you because you feel like you owe me something."
Santana scrunched her eyes, frustrated with her own choice of words. "That came out wrong… I mean, I want to."
Quinn's face softened. She knew Santana was trying, and really, that was all she could ask for.
"Besides… HBIC's should stick together you know…" Santana added.
That surprised Quinn. For a moment she thought back, and then it hit her.
"You were there."
Santana nodded, though avoiding Quinn's gaze. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle it."
Sympathetically, Quinn kept looking at Santana. "Handle what?"
"Everything… You…"
"Me?"
"I guess – I don't know… After that night, I thought you wouldn't come back… But you did. I don't get it. I know you said you felt lonely but I guess… I don't understand why you came to me of all people… I mean, I've been such a bitch to you and I could've gotten you killed for crying out loud…"
Quinn didn't know exactly how to answer that, because honestly, she wasn't sure herself.
"I guess I felt like you were the only who'd understand what it's like."
Santana nodded, but a question still lingered in her thoughts. "Quinn. How's CU… I mean, really…"
Quinn's mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out. She wasn't prepared for that question. She came here to talk to Santana about her problems, she didn't expect to talk about her own.
"Fine," she said eventually, trying her best to sound casual.
"Quinn," Santana said more pressuring this time. "You said I understand what it's like. That means I can tell when you're lying."
"Since when is this about me?"
"Quinn," Santana repeated. Quinn was beating around the bush and of course Santana recognized that like no other.
"It's… alright. I mean, people still look at me, you know… but…" Quinn's voice slowly faded into a whisper.
"But what?"
Quinn shook her head, as this time it was her turn to let out a sob. "I…" She tried to speak but her voice cracked as soon as she started. It must've been something about this night that had both girls feeling emotional. Quinn was startled when she suddenly felt Santana's hand on her cheek. She looked up, and as if the roles were reversed Santana was now the one soothing her.
"It's okay."
Quinn shook her head once more. "No, it's not Santana…"
"Tell me."
"Every day… It's just… I hate it S, I hate going there." At this point tears had started flowing. Santana gently ran her hand through Quinn's hair and shot her a quick subtle smile, as if to tell Quinn she didn't need to feel uncomfortable. "Everybody just… judges me. Students, teachers, they all think I'm some kind of slut… And I have nobody left on my side. I can't focus, I just can't do it anymore…"
Santana knew exactly what it was like to be alone. To have nobody to turn to. It was the saddest feeling in the world. She pulled Quinn in for a hug, allowing Quinn to cry on her shoulders this time.
"Aren't we a pathetic bunch," Santana tried to joke as she felt her own eyes water again. She couldn't believe how many tears were being shed tonight.
Quinn laughed in between sobs. "Totally…"
"Tell you what…"
"What…"
"I'll be on your side if you're on mine."
Quinn pulled away from Santana, allowing them to exchange a warm smile. It was strange, how they used to be at each other's throats all the time, but right now, it felt like they were the only ones that could comfort each other.
"I'd like that."
Song / Chapter Title: Alone Together by Fall Out Boy