Title: This is How We Fall Apart

Author: PandaPjays

Warnings: See Chapter 1

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: So Sorry for the late update. A bunch of assignments sprang up to exact unholy revenge on my poor, procrastinating self.

Happy easter everyone! I wish you all much chocolate :)

Consciousness hit me with blinding clarity and not a small amount of pain. I cautiously opened my eyes to find myself ungracefully sprawled face down over Brooklyn's ridiculously large bed, a pillow crumpled underneath my head and propping my neck up in an uncomfortable position. I moved my head gingerly, wincing as the movement caused a painful twinge whenever I turned my head to the left.

A soft snore made me aware of a weight across my shoulders and back. I turned my head cautiously to the right, mindful of any other twinges caused by my awkward sleeping position. Brooklyn's face was buried in my shoulder with an arm flung over me. I raised my eyebrows as I noted that he was actually sleeping sideways on the bed and had also somehow managed to steal all of the blankets. Not that they were doing him much good twisted around his legs.

Brooklyn's eyes fluttered open, my small movements having woken him. "'Morning," he said sleepily, burying his head in my shoulder and attempting to block out the persistent light that snuck under the curtain. "Do we have to wake up?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah. We've got stuff to do."

"Non-sleep-related stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Can't be that important." Brooklyn murmured, his eyes sliding shut again.

"I'm moving in five seconds. Be prepared," I said firmly.

I got an incoherent mumble as my reply. I smirked and began to count down slowly, "Five... Four..."

Brooklyn slowly dragged himself forward until his torso covered my back completely. "I'd like to see you move now," He said, a smile in his voice.

"Three, Two, One," I said quickly, pushing myself up off the bed and displacing Brooklyn easily. He fell on to the bed, laughing that laugh that only the night before I didn't know I would ever hear again.

His eyes caught mine and his laughter stopped, instantly replaced with a more serious expression.

"Brooklyn…" I began, trying to work out how I was going to put into words everything that had happened the night before and how it had affected me.

He sat up and leant forward to run a hand down my cheek before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. "Can we not?" He asked quietly. "We're here now."

I looked at him carefully for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay."

And, really, I thought that was all the conversation we needed. I looked at him and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Namely, that some things were best left unspoken.

My Brooklyn had returned and whatever darkness he'd shown last night was once again safely hidden where it couldn't hurt anyone. I didn't want to think about the way he'd sized me up before finding where to begin pulling. I didn't want to thinking about the way he'd manipulated me into giving him exactly what he wanted.

So I didn't.

If I fell into the trap of dwelling on things I'd never move forward. I'd still be with That Man or, more likely, I'd have died along with my team on that Godforsaken wasteland. So with the ease of practice, I pushed aside those feelings.

I pushed aside the fear of Brooklyn's darker, violent side and, more firmly, my reaction to it. I didn't want to think about the way Brooklyn's violence, even when it was aimed at me, made me respond. I've likened his violence to singing before and that's the only way I know to describe it. Brooklyn's violence by itself was frightening; a song that promised to hurt any who dared to listen to it. But when combined with mine we produced a discordant harmony. It was still frightening as all hell and shouldn't have worked but somewhere within out two competing melodies there was something that was beyond description.

And if the price for being a part of that was dealing with whatever had taken over Brooklyn last night, I thought I could deal with it.

"Come on," I said, gently kissing him on his forehead. "We've got things to do. On the plus side? Most of it's just calling people and sorting out your schedule. We don't have to leave the hotel."

"This is probably good, if only because I would be having serious issues if you tried to put on too many clothes."

I stood up and stretched. If I was the honest kind I would admit I did it as much for Brooklyn's benefit as for my own. I smirked and held out my hand, "Can I impose the same conditions on you?" I asked.

He blushed and took my hand, allowing me to haul him out of bed. "It depends."

"On?" I asked curiously, unwilling to let go of Brooklyn's hand.

"If you cook me breakfast."

-o-

I had given Brooklyn the unenviable task of going through Yamaguchi's diary to figure out exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Meanwhile, I busied myself making the one breakfast dish I knew I couldn't screw up: scrambled eggs.

My phone began to buzz loudly against the counter I'd place it on the night before. I picked it up and pressed it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked as I returned to the stovetop and continued cooking.

"Where are you?" Jelena sounded annoyed.

"Brooklyn's, you?" I asked, frowning. "We're going through his schedule and pretty much cancelling everything." At a sound of indignation from the next room I amended, "Well, at least Brooklyn is. I'm providing moral support and food."

"You can cook?" Jelena sounded genuinely surprised. "I thought you lived on instant meals or similar."

"I don't cook much," I said, carefully avoiding the issue of my diet. "What do you want, anyway?"

"I'm not allowed to just call?" She asked, the hint of a pout in her voice, "That's mean, Grumpy Bear."

"When are you going to run out of stupid pet names for me?" I asked, smiling as I spooned the eggy mess out of the saucepan and into two bowls. It didn't look like much but it would taste delicious. I put artery-clogging amounts of salt into my bowl and scooped up the salt and pepper shakers as I brought Brooklyn his breakfast.

"When you stop being stupid, Stupid Head." Jelena said briskly. "I'm coming over."

She hung up before I had the chance to protest or ask why. She hadn't said anything while I was on the phone with her so I assumed it wasn't anything urgent.

I gave Brooklyn the bowl of scrambled eggs and passed him the salt and pepper. "Breakfast. Cooked especially for you." I said with a small bow.

"Where's yours?" He asked as he accepted the bowl.

I pointed back to the kitchen. "Not enough hands. I'll be back in a second." I turned and went back to the kitchen, returning quickly with my own steaming bowl of eggs. I paused at the doorway, watching Brooklyn.

He was glorious. He'd pulled on a pair of loose grey pants that were far too low-slung to be decent and still had bed hair that stuck up at strange angles. The phone and Yamaguchi's diary was sitting on the table next to him and I could see the lines of tension across his face While I'd been cooking he'd already made a few phone calls. Dealing with practicalities when you were still coping with your own personal loss wasn't pleasant. But it had to be done. Still none of Brooklyn's previously ever-present groupies had shown their faces. It was strange and lonely in the apartment without the ever present buzz of voices.

But it meant I was treated to sights like the one I was now, where Brooklyn had scooped up some egg on to his fork and was carefully inspecting it, his eyes narrowed in concentration as the egg sat harmlessly, goopily but harmlessly, on the end of his fork.

"It's not going to hurt you, you know." I said with a smile as I looked down at him.

Brooklyn looked at me with a grin, moving his legs so I could sit and then stretching them out again over my lap. "How can I be so sure?"

I shrugged as I began to eat my own eggs. "I like having you around?"

Brooklyn nodded once, apparently satisfied with my answer before placing the food in his mouth and closing his eyes, an expression of bliss on his face. "This is fantastic!"

I small thrill of triumph ran through my body. I couldn't cook very well (Jelena had been correct about my dietary choices. I didn't dare bring any meals that required preparation into my house. It didn't seem like a safe thing. It was healthier simply to eat out.) But the few meals I did know how to cook I cooked well.

We finished our meal and I reached over to take Yamaguchi's diary, scanning through it and blanching at the amount of cramped Japanese the man managed to fit on to one page. Unlike Jelena's chicken scrawl it was still readable but it was impressive. "Wait... this is for one day? I mean, you're busy but you're never that busy."

"The entries that have been written over a few times to make them bold are the things I'm doing. Everything else seems to be notes and reminders. Every now and again he writes down something he has to do that doesn't involve me- that's the different coloured pen you can see there."

I whistled, impressed. "So what does he write notes about?" I asked, squinting at the words. I was fluent in spoken Japanese but I still had trouble reading the language. To make matters more complicated Yamaguchi seemed to be using a Kanji-heavy shorthand in order to fit more words on the page.

Brooklyn shrugged. "Anything, everything. Who to speak to and butter up. Who to call. Things he needs to tell me before we walk into a shoot." A small smile ghosted across his face. "I found one entry reminding him to tell you that your hairstlye is stupid and that only sissy men have hair that colour."

"He's probably lucky he didn't have the chance to say that one to my face." I regretted that the moment it came out of my mouth.

Brooklyn's face fell as he remembered exactly why he was struggling his way through Yamaguchi's diary. "...Yeah."

I held out my hand with what I hoped was an encouraging smile. "Come on. We need to get dressed. Jelena called before I came in here and said she was on her way."

"Does that mean clothes?" Brooklyn asked, taking my hand and standing.

I looked down at myself, noting the way my own pants weren't exactly going to win me any prizes for modesty. "Only if we don't want to scar Jelena."

Brooklyn raised his eyebrows, looking me up and down. "I don't know about that. I mean, there's a reason I make my living by letting people take pictures of me and you're not exactly terrible looking either..." He smirked and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Professional opinion? Or an attempt to get in my pants again?" I asked wryly, catching his lips in a quick kiss.

"Probably a bit of both," Brooklyn admitted, pulling me down for a more substantial kiss.

A knock on the door made us pull apart, me to turn and glare at the door and Brooklyn to run a hand through his hair as he blushed. "Jelena?" He asked.

"Or someone else schooled in the art of cock-blocking."

"But Sven's still in hospital."

"Definitely Jelena then." I conceded, taking a step towards the door, "Go get dressed in that magically fast way you have. I'll... try not to kill her."

Brooklyn smirked as he disappeared into the bedroom. "Much luck." The door closed firmly.

I took a deep breath before opening the door, giving the girl behind it my best death glare (I did learn from Kai and Tala, after all). "Why are you here?"

"Am I interrupting your special time?" She asked, stepping past me, not before raising a single eyebrow at my state of undress. "Because that would be awesome."

"I hate you," I said without much conviction behind my words. Sometimes it was best just to accept that things went Jelena's way.

"Feeling's mutual," she said cheerfully, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Is it just you and Brooklyn here then?"

"Yeah. Everyone else found an elsewhere to be."

"Smart people. Wish I could find an elsewhere," she said with a small smile. "But beggars can't be choosers, right?"

"Why are you here? You could just as easily be in an elsewhere right now."

"And let you force Brooklyn to go through Yamaguchi's belongings the day after his murder?" Jelena asked, a surprised look on her face. "Not even I'm that inhumane."

I frowned. I wasn't being inhumane it was just... these things needed to be done. Yes, Brooklyn was mourning but even he understood that everything couldn't just stop. We were lucky that the things we had to do were mostly self-imposed. Once the police had heard the name 'Hiwatari' mentioned in connection with Yamaguchi's murder they had backed right off. We hadn't even been called in to give statements.

So all we had to do was sort out Brooklyn's engagements—something no one could say was inhumane... could they?

Brooklyn walked around the corner, a sunny smile on his face and impeccably dressed. He looked comfortable and casual in a dark blue fitted sweater and loose grey pants. "Hey," he greeted Jelena with a nod of his head.

"I'm here to rescue you, Cupcake," she announced with a smirk.

"...Cupcake?" both Brooklyn and I asked, looking at Jelena.

"I was going to go with Snooklepuffs but I was hoping to avoid that reaction," she said with a shrug. "You missed the first half of that sentence, though."

"The part about the rescue?" Brooklyn asked. "Didn't miss it. Just got caught on the Pastry-name. Why am I being rescued? Who from?"

"Bryan. Because he's an idiot. Instead of spending the day moping around and doing things that really can wait, you and I are going to first go shopping and then eat something disgustingly chocolaty."

Brooklyn perked up visibly at the mention of chocolate. "How disgustingly?"

"You'll probably throw up after the first bite," Jelena promised, a serious expression on her face. "Think of it as all the joy of full-fat, full-sugar chocolate but with zero calories."

Brooklyn snickered and linked arms with Jelena. "And shopping, you said? I've actually been dying to get myself some new clothes that I don't have to wear for my job."

Jelena allowed herself to be led out of the door by Brooklyn who was busy informing her of the latest fashion trends. She glanced over her shoulder at me and waved, "We'll be back in a couple of hours. Do something useful," she said it in a tone that clearly indicated she didn't really care what I did.

And so she left me, blinking as I tried to figure out first what had just happened (Brooklyn-hijacking) and how I hadn't been able to stop it (Cyclone Jelena).

I stood like that for a few minutes, trying to figure out exactly what I was supposed to do now before shrugging and going to do the dishes. Sometimes you can only give up and stop fighting for logic.

-o-

"Well fuck you too!"

I pressed the hang up button on the phone viciously. If there's one thing I regret about newer, electronic phones it's the loss of the ability to slam phones down back on to their receivers. Pushing a button just doesn't give the same kind of satisfaction.

I crossed out another name on the list of people Brooklyn had written down while I'd been cooking. I was only about halfway down the list and already I was pretty sure that I'd ruined any chance Brooklyn had had of making it big in Russia. I know I'm probably not the most conciliatory person ever, but people can be so unreasonable! You'd think that 'Brooklyn's manager was brutally murdered by a psychopath wanting to destroy him completely' would be a fairly reasonable reason for Brooklyn being unable to meet his commitments. But apparently not.

I threw the list away from myself in disgust. I didn't want to do this anymore. I was over it. This was why Brooklyn had people: to deal with this kind of thing.

But Brooklyn's people had mysteriously disappeared after Yamaguchi's death. I had heard nothing from any of them since the afternoon of Yamaguchi's death. What was even stranger was that Brooklyn hadn't said anything about it. Though he often seemed content to go along with what other's said, I had gotten the impression that Brooklyn was very much in control of his own career. He knew what he was doing and he knew exactly how he was going to achieve his goals.

And yet he'd said nothing about the disappearance of his staff. Instead, I'd caught him several times looking around himself with an expression that I can only put down to pain. I'd have put it down to Yamaguchi's death but there was something jarring about it. The look on Brooklyn's face wasn't from fresh grief but something else. Like he'd just been reminded of an old pain.

He hadn't gotten angry about their disappearance but, rather, had accepted it.

I shook my head, clearing it of those thoughts. If I wanted to know something about Brooklyn it was better just to ask rather than wildly speculate. His staff were bound to show up in the next few days. Perhaps they'd gone to ground in order to protect themselves from Kai. I could understand that. Kai had already proven that he wouldn't balk at hurting those around Brooklyn in order to prove his point. There was no reason's Brooklyn's publicist or whatever (I'd never actually had direct dealing with them. As far as I was concerned, their job was to be there) would be safe from Kai.

I sighed as I stood to go collect the notepad I'd thrown. Thinking about it wouldn't change anything and I still needed to get to the end of the list before Brooklyn and Jelena got back.

I jumped when the phone interrupted my thoughts with a piercing shriek. I stared at it for a few seconds, I was supposed to be making the calls. Why was anyone calling me? Or, more accurately, why was anyone calling Brooklyn's hotel room?

I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, "hello?"

"Hello, this is Lilya Nobokovev from the local police station. I'm looking to speak to Brooklyn Masefield?"

Ah. That was who would be calling Brooklyn's hotel. "He's not here at the moment. I'm Bryan Kuznetsov, his bodyguard. Can I take a message?"

"He asked us to let him know when we released Kentaro Yamaguchi's body to his family. He'll need to contact them for details about the funeral."

"Of course, I'll let him know. What about the ongoing investigation into Yamaguchi's death?"

"It's ongoing but we have no more need for the body."

I nodded to myself, aware that she couldn't see me. Obviously the name 'Hiwatari' had come up one too many times during the investigation. If I was a betting man I would have risked my life's savings on the chance that an important piece of paperwork was about to be 'lost', stalling the investigation indefinitely.

"Thank you for letting us know. I'll make sure Brooklyn gets your message."

"Not a problem. Please contact us if you've got any further details pertaining to the case"

"Of course. Goodbye."

The sound of the dial tone hummed in my ear. I'd been counting on the police stalling with the body for at least a week. But, obviously, Kai's involvement had come up much faster than I'd expected. This meant that, when Brooklyn came back from his escape with Jelena, I had to make a decision.

When Brooklyn went to Japan for Yamaguchi's funeral I could hardly expect him to have plans to return to Russia afterwards. There was nothing for him here. Yamaguchi had told me that coming to Russia was supposed to be a break from Brooklyn's normally ridiculous schedule in Japan. Now, without a manager to help him, Brooklyn would need all the help he could get just to keep his career alive. He would have to stay in Japan where he was already popular until he could find another manager as competent as Yamaguchi.

And I... I didn't know how to leave Russia. I didn't even know if I wanted to leave my homeland. I didn't know if I wanted to leave my entire life behind so I could follow Brooklyn's career.

I'd done it once before, of course; I'd left my life behind when I'd left my team for the life I was living now. It had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done and that life had caused me more pain than one person should ever have to deal with. I didn't know if I could leave the life which had saved me from that. It was the first time I'd felt like a real person and I didn't want to give that up for the unknown.

But Brooklyn wasn't completely unknown. I looked down at my hands and allowed myself to think about the things I'd been avoiding since I'd woken up that morning.

I didn't want to become like Kai.

I didn't know if I wanted Brooklyn inside my head. I didn't know if I could handle it.

But, I clenched my hands into tight balls as I realised something even more horrifying than that, now that I had met someone who understood me I didn't think I could give it up.

I needed Brooklyn.

Have to admit- it amuses me beyond reason to have Bry and Brookles be all like 'Totally avoid the subject- SHOPPING!' Sorry that it turned this chapter into a bit of a filler (I was a little lost after NaNo ended) but I thought it was important to establish how much they kind of suck at communcation (Okay- I'll stop trying to fend of the 'What kind of fallout was -that- you lazy writer you' comments. Bring them on.)

On the plus side- next chapter is the chapter I began writing this story for. Stay tuned :)