Chapter 14

BPOV

The level of sunlight coming through my window Monday morning was obnoxious. Normally the cheery, golden light would be a welcomed sight; but today it was just mocking me. I longed for gray light and overcast skies, wind cold and damp with rain. Thunderstorms would be even better, something vicious and violent. Something to fit my mood. I wanted the universe to recognize my inner turmoil and broadcast it to the world in a way I couldn't. Obviously, the universe was not on my side.

I eased from my bed and walked stiffly to my dresser for my clothes. My muscles were oddly tensed, but I guessed that was to be expected. It had been a tense weekend. My mood had been sour since my moment of weakness on Saturday, when I almost gave in to the urge to tell the Cullens everything. I knew I couldn't, and the resulting pit in my stomach left me feeling hollow and listless. I would have liked nothing more than to go to bed and never wake up, but I knew that I didn't have that option. Instead I pulled on some sweats and got to work. I did laundry and scrubbed the kitchen, top to bottom. The repetitive motion of the scrub brush on the floor helped to ease my mind. I had Charlie's dinner on the table at exactly 6 o'clock but he barely acknowledged my presence when he walked in the door. He was gone before the sun on Sunday; probably making up for the time he lost waiting for me the day before. I spent the day doing homework and cleaning my room, just trying to keep my hands and mind busy. Edward didn't call and I didn't call him. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

Now, here it was, Monday morning and I would have to face him. I still didn't quite know what we were to each other. More than friends, that was sure but we hadn't exactly discussed titles. Was he my boyfriend? I didn't think it was right to come out and ask him, but how else would I know? I pulled some clothes from my drawers and went to take my shower. I steadfastly avoided the mirror, just like I had all weekend. I couldn't stand to look at myself.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked the truck with its usual rumble and jerk. I hadn't even had a chance to reach for my bag before I saw a flash of silver in my peripheral vision and the Volvo slid into the space beside me. I slowly collected my things and walked to join Edward and Alice on the sidewalk. Alice immediately wrapped her arms around me and I returned the embrace more enthusiastically than I normally would, so happy that she was here, and still my friend, and didn't know about my weakness that had almost hurt her. She stepped back and looked at my face.

"Why'd you run off on Saturday? You really didn't have to; we would have loved to have you join us for Valentine's."

I could detect a note of concern in her voice so I smiled reassuringly.

"That was your Jasper time. I wouldn't want to be in the way."

She let out a bell-like giggle and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"I didn't just mean me and Jasper, although he loved you, just like I knew he would. I think your boyfriend missed you. He was even broodier than normal all weekend."

She looked over her shoulder and I followed her gaze to Edward, standing awkwardly on the sidewalk, shuffling his feet. As if he could feel the weight of my eyes on him he looked up and met my stare. His eyes were guarded and hesitant, but seemed to firm with determination as we looked at each other. He straightened his shoulders and walked over to us, reaching out to take my hand in his. The tingling warmth spread up my arm and my tense muscles relaxed for the first time since leaving him in his doorway. Alice started toward the doors and we followed behind. Just before we stepped inside he leaned in close, his lips brushing my ear as he whispered.

"I'm sorry about before. I'm worried about you, but I promise I won't push you anymore. I just want to make sure you're ok." He hesitated with his next words. "And…that you're still my girlfriend."

As he pulled back I looked into his perfect face, so innocent and trusting, his eyes filled with nothing but concern for me, not burdened by the secrets that weighted my soul.

Five months. Five months left to protect him and his family. I have to be strong enough for this. I will be strong enough for this.

I squeezed his hand and put on what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"As of right now, I'm perfect. Now hurry up or your girlfriend is going to be late for class."

And so we began a new routine of sorts. Alice and Edward would still meet me in the parking lot before school, usually with hot chocolate and coffee. The only difference was that instead of just drinking and talking Edward and I would hold hands, and maybe kiss a little against the side of my truck. Alice would usually leave during those instances. Of course, that was only because Edward threw his coffee cup at her when she tried to take pictures.

The student body found us to be a stare-worthy novelty for the first week, then only occasional-look worthy by the second. By the time March came blowing through Washington we were just like any other couple and no one took any notice of us. Except, of course, for Jessica. After her comments to me in the gym that day I made to point to take notice of her. It helped that I stopped walking with my head down so much and actually looked at the people around me. I noticed how she would watch me from across the parking lot in the mornings, usually smoking a cigarette outside her old Honda. I hadn't even realized that she smoked before. I noticed how she'd look at me in the classes we had together, how she'd watch me in the halls if she thought I wasn't looking. It made me wonder what else I had been missing in my effort to remain invisible. It made me wonder about the past 7 years and how I'd thought I was all alone. Maybe I had been wrong.

During those weeks I threw myself into my role at home, trying to be perfect for Charlie. It wasn't easy, and he would still throw the occasional shove or insult my way but I didn't need any further reminders like Valentine's Day. I was proud of myself, proud that I had managed to have friends and a boyfriend and still not forget the duties of my position. Each day brought me closer to a time when the sword of secrets wouldn't be hanging over our heads and I would be able to just enjoy life.

Now, as the one-month "anniversary" of Edward's and my relationship approached, there was a specific reason that I was so anxious for some of Charlie's scant goodwill. Edward wanted to take me on a date.

I had told him that I couldn't tell my father about him, that he didn't approve of my dating during high school. He seemed a little put out that I didn't want to tell Charlie about us, but true to his word, he didn't push. His quick acceptance made me wonder if maybe he had guessed more than he let on. I wasn't about to try to confirm my suspicions. Alice had begun plotting in her evil-pixie ways and decided the best course of action would be to use her as an excuse. She said that we could even say that I had to tutor her, since technically we did have Trig together. I would be the last person she should have asked for help in that subject, but Charlie didn't need to know that.

I prepared especially thoroughly this time around, making sure the house was immaculate and that I had lasagna made and ready in the refrigerator. I purposely waited until Thursday to ask so it wouldn't seem premeditated, and didn't make a special dinner to make it seem like I was "trying to get something out of him". It was half-way through dinner when I broached the subject.

"So Daddy, there's a big Trig test next week."

His eyes flicked over to me for a moment before he continued eating. I went on.

"Alice is so worried. It's her worst subject and she's freaked that she's going to fail. She asked if I'd help her study."

His eyes rose to mine again but stayed on my face this time. The look on his face clearly said "Get on with it". I made my best attempt to make my voice seem casual.

"So…I was wondering if I could stay over there on Friday. We're liable to be studying very late and it seemed the most convenient thing would be to stay over. That way if we get tired we could just finish on Saturday. What do you think?" I sucked my lip between my teeth as I waited for his answer.

He seemed to think about it for a moment, then breathed a heavy sigh, like he was rehashing an argument that he thought had been thoroughly exhausted.

"Do you remember what happened last time, Bella? Do I need to remind you again?"

I couldn't control the shiver that ran through my body at the mention of his reminder but I kept my face placid.

"I haven't forgotten Daddy. I made a pan of lasagna for you, it's in the refrigerator. The house is clean and all the laundry is done. And…this isn't exactly for fun Daddy, it's for school. Tutoring Alice helps me study too."

He stared at me for another interminable moment, his eyes trying to slice through my calm. I held his gaze, my mind holding the one thought that would let me get through this.

This is for Edward. This is for Edward. This is for Edward.

Finally, the corner of his mouth twitched up into what I guess he considered a smile.

"I'm glad that the reminder served its purpose. I'll be at Harry's for the game on Saturday anyway so just be home by dinner." And with that he started eating again.

I was vibrating with so much nervous energy I could barely steer the truck into the parking lot the next morning. I pulled into a space near the Volvo and I could already see Alice bouncing outside the passenger door. As I rounded the back of the truck she bounded over to me, squealing all the way.

"I knew it. I knew it. I am awesome, and my plan was awesome, and you are so lucky to have a best friend like me." She came to an abrupt stop in front of me, her Cheshire grin splitting her face.

"Yes, I bow to your superior deceptive skills and am thoroughly grateful to have them at my disposal. Although I shudder to think what would happen if you decided to turn your considerable talents to the dark side."

She rolled her eyes and linked my arm with hers, pulling me toward the car. "I would never turn to the dark side, Bella. Their clothes suck."

A thought struck me as we walked so I voiced it to her.

"How did you know? That it worked, I mean?"

She looked up at me and quirked an eyebrow. "I am the all-seeing, all-knowing Miss Alice. Besides, that plan had to work, it was conceived by me."

My giggling cut off abruptly when I saw the blinding smile lighting up Edward's face. Alice slipped away from us but I barely noticed, completely entranced his smile, and his eyes, and how in that moment, everything felt right.

Before I could even register what was happening his arms were around my waist and my hands were in his hair. I stood on my toes and brought my lips to his. A month together and this was as far as our relationship had gone, kisses in the parking lot. I didn't mind though, I could kiss Edward forever and be happy. After a moment I pulled away from his lips, tightening my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. He started peppering kisses just below my ear as he whispered to me.

"So I have you for a whole evening then?"

I could only nod into his shoulder as my breath came in shallow gasps. Our parking lot kissing sessions had been mostly innocent up to this point, chaste but intense kisses that left me wishing we weren't so exposed outside. This was the first time he had kissed me anywhere but my face and I guess I liked it if my involuntary reactions were any clue. I shivered as he ran his nose along the shell of my ear and inhaled deeply.

"Hmm, whatever shall I do with you?"

I sucked in another shuddering breath and pulled away to look at his face. He was breathing heavily and he stared at me with an intensity I hadn't seen before. I pulled my hand from his hair to run my thumb along his jaw before I cupped it with my hand.

"Well," I whispered, "I'm sure you'll think of something."

He started to lower his face to mine when Alice yelled from our left.

"Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, as much as I'm enjoying the free porn you'd better move your asses before you're late."

I reluctantly pulled my arms from Edward's neck and turned toward the school. He captured my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.

"Don't worry Bella, I won't let you out of my sight once I get you home."

I did my best to put one foot in front of the other as a whole flutter of butterflies set up residence in my stomach. I wasn't sure what the Edward had in store for me tonight, but I couldn't wait to find out.

Alice was already eating when Edward and I sat down together. The morning had been basically uneventful, except for the nervous energy that I still had from our Lit class together. We had worked on our assignments and never strayed from the topic of class, but the feelings between us were palpable, even from across the room. I knew that tonight was going to be important, to us and to our relationship. I just hoped I didn't disappoint him. I tried to concentrate on my food and not on the fact that his knee was pressing against mine or the heat that was radiating up my leg from the contact. I was concentrating so hard that Alice's voice caused me to jump in my seat.

"Hey, Bella? Why do you go by Bella? Isabella is such as pretty name, I would definitely use it if it were mine. Not that Bella isn't pretty too, I was just wondering."

I thought for a moment. "I don't know. I've just never really seen myself as an Isabella. It's a sophisticated name, elegant. Not really me."

Edward chose that moment to interject. "I like Bella. Beautiful. It suits you." I felt the blush rising to my cheeks and I needed to divert attention away from me.

"So what, you don't like your name Alice?"

She rolled her eyes and Edward laughed. I gave him an enquiring look.

"Alice isn't even her name."

I looked at Alice in surprise. She gave Edward a hard look and threw a French fry at his head.

"Shut up you ass! It is too my name. Well, my middle name, but it's on my birth certificate so it's still my name. And really," she turned to me "do I look like a Mary to you?"

I smirked and cocked my head to the side, pretending to really consider it. She started to fidget in her seat and looked panicked for a moment before I answered her.

"No, you don't look like a Mary. I think Alice suits you just fine."

She smiled in relief and looked back to her food. We all continued eating for a few minutes before Alice started speaking again.

"I think nicknames are much more fitting for people anyway. Your name is just what your parents wanted, or what they thought you looked like as a baby. A nickname is given to suit your personality at the time that it's given, or something that you choose yourself. I usually give people nicknames in my head anyway, just to help me remember them."

That comment piqued my interest. "What nickname did you give me then?"

She looked deep in thought for a moment and I wondered if she wasn't going to answer me.

"I never really thought about it. You were always Bella to me, but if I had to give one, I'd say Juliet. To go with your Romeo over there."

I laughed as I looked at Edward. If anyone could ever be cast as my Romeo, it would definitely be him. Alice's voice broke me out of my Edward ogling.

"So what are you wearing for you big date tonight Bella? I forgot to ask you in Trig."

I just stared at her, dumbfounded. I had been so worried about asking Charlie if I could stay at their house that I hadn't even thought about the date aspect of it. Dates were supposed to be special. I really didn't have anything planned.

"Couldn't I just wear that dress you gave me? I left it in your closet the last time I was over."

She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Bella, he's already seen you in that. Don't you have anything for a special occasion?"

I couldn't really tell her that Charlie would barely buy me enough clothes to get by, much less something fancy for a special occasion that I would never go to. As far as he was concerned, if I didn't have to go to school I'd have one set of clothes to clean the house in and that was it. Edward placed a hand on my knee, rubbing soothing circles against my jeans.

"I don't really mind Bella. Whatever you wear is fine. And by the way, I loved you in the blue dress. I wouldn't mind seeing you in it again. It's my favorite color on you anyway."

I nibbled my bottom lip and thought. I knew of one piece of clothing that would be perfect, but it would take all my courage to wear it. I knew that I wanted tonight to be perfect, for him, for us. I knew what I had to do.

"I've got something Alice. I'll just need to run home before I go to your house. It won't take long."

She looked satisfied as she sat back and started eating again. The rest of the day passed uneventfully and before I knew it the final bell rang. I met Edward outside the locker room and walked with him to the parking lot in silence, our clasped hands swinging between us. Alice was waiting next to my truck when we reached the lot.

"I'm gonna ride with you if that's ok. I won't get any time with you once we get home and I've missed you. Plus, I really want to see your room. Please?" She pouted her lip and batted her lashes at me. I was useless to resist.

"Sure Alice, hop in."

I gave Edward a quick kiss goodbye while Alice ran to the passenger door. The ride to the house was filled with her trilling voice as I felt my insides trying to claw their way out of me. I knew there wasn't much chance of Charlie being home, but I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom I had. I looked at Alice, so small and happy, innocent in her bubble where she didn't have to know about the evils of the world. I didn't want to think about what Charlie could do to her, or how she would hate me if he did. I sent up a prayer to every deity I could think of that we would get in and out without incident.

The driveway was blissfully empty when I pulled up and I sent a thanks to the heavens. Alice trailed behind me as I unlocked the door and walked inside. I took the stairs as quickly as I dared, feeling like something was chasing me. I knew it was just my paranoia but I couldn't shake it. I breathed a sigh of relief once Alice crossed the threshold to my bedroom and I closed the door.

"Well, this is it. I'll just grab what I need and we can go."

I went the back of my closet and grabbed my mother's sweater from its hiding place in the back, the soft material sliding through my fingers. I resisted the urge to lift it to my face, knowing that her smell was long gone. I heard my old stereo start playing and came back into the room to see Alice standing at my bookshelf. She turned when she heard me.

"Hope you don't mind, you can find out a lot by what someone is listening to. Don't you have any newer cd's though? Most of these are pretty old."

I tried to laugh it off. "I'm not really into new music. I just listen to the radio when I want new stuff." I couldn't very well tell her that any cd's I had were bought back when my mom could sneak me a few indulgences, or could talk Charlie into giving me Christmas presents. It was the same with my books. I hadn't been able to buy any new ones in years. Luckily Alice was distracted by the garment in my hands.

"Ooh, I like. It looks so soft, and that color will look gorgeous with your skin. It's perfect. Put it on, I want to see it."

I hesitated for a moment too long and she gave me an exasperated look.

"Seriously Bella, I'm a girl, I've seen boobs before. You don't have to be so shy around me."

I gave her a nervous smile. "I know, but I am. Could you please…just…turn around…or something?"

She huffed and rolled her eyes but she turned her back to me. I quickly shed my worn t-shirt and pulled the soft blue material over my head. I cleared my throat to let Alice know she could turn back around. She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. I was immediately reminded of my reaction when I last had it on and had to resist the urge to tear the offending garment off again. She quickly crossed the distance between us and placed her hands gently on my shoulders.

"You look beautiful. Edward is going to be speechless."

I completely forgot what I was about to say as the sound of tires crunching on gravel made my blood run cold. I swear I could feel the blood drain from my face as I froze. I listened as hard as I could, wishing that I could make it not true just by wishing hard enough. Still, I heard the slam of a car door and knew that my worst fears were coming true. Alice's smile slid from her face as she looked at me, concern quickly overtaking her features.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong? Bella, honey you're scaring me. Say something." She shook me and I snapped into action.

"It's my dad. Stay here, whatever happens, whatever you hear, stay here. Promise me." I implored her with eyes, hoping to make her understand the importance of my instructions.

"Sure honey, I'll stay right here."

I bolted from the room faster than I knew I was able and took the stairs two at a time. The front door opened just as I came to the bottom and I froze again, waiting. I heard the thud of his boots, the creak of the leather when he hung up his belt. Finally he stood in the doorway and then he just, stopped. He stared at me like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Renee?"

The terror threatened to close the air off in my throat. I had forgotten what I was wearing when I ran downstairs and now it was too late. I just hoped that Alice would do as I asked and stayed upstairs. She didn't need to see this.

"It's me Daddy. I just forgot some notes that I needed. I was just about to go to Alice's to study."

The shock on his face slowly leached away, leaving the hardened mask of fury I knew as the face of my father. His eyes flashed with violence as she strode toward me, frozen in place at the bottom of the stairs. His hand flashed out and grasped my arm in what I knew would be a bruising grip, pulling me roughly into his chest. His face was only inches from mine as spoke, his voice eerily calm.

"Where did you get that?"

I decided to play dumb. "Get what Daddy?" I whispered, hoping the catch in my voice didn't give me away.

He twisted my arm and I winced, knowing that was the reaction he expected. My father didn't know that I could no longer feel his assaults and I needed to make sure it stayed that way.

"I'd know that sweater anywhere. It belonged to your bitch of a mother. I thought she'd taken it with her, seeing as I didn't get to burn it. And I would have, it was her favorite."

I fought back the tears in my throat as I answered him. "It was in my closet. I didn't realize it was hers, I don't remember her much anymore."

The hand not holding my arm raised up a split second before his hand connect with my cheek and my head snapped to the side, lights dancing before my eyes. I could taste blood.

"You're damned right you don't remember her, and you shouldn't. She left you behind like the burden you are, and she never looked back."

The knot in my stomach lessened as I realized that he believed my lie, only to tighten again as I saw a malicious resolve harden in his eyes.

"It's the last piece of her that I have to burn. And since you're wearing it, I guess that means you're burning too."

I couldn't control my panting breaths as the terror consumed me. I had accepted my death long ago, not fearing it as I knew that it would involve no pain. The fear I felt now was for Alice upstairs and what would happen to her when Charlie realized she was there. As if the universe wished to add to the horror of the moment, I distinctly heard my bedroom door creak open and music pour down the stairs, followed by the dulcet tones of my dearest friend.

"Bella I can't find them. Can't we just make new flash cards at my house? I've got the stuff for it."

My eyes widened as I looked into Charlie's face. The eerie calm was being quickly replaced by confusion and in it I saw our possible escape.

"It's Alice, Daddy. She came with me, to get the study notes I forgot. She wanted to see my room."

The music cut off abruptly and I knew the moment he heard Alice's exaggeratedly loud tread in the hallway because he let go of my arm and stepped back a few steps. I tried to surreptitiously wipe the blood from my mouth as she gracefully descended the stairs. She startled when she looked up and saw Charlie standing there.

"Oh, my! I didn't realize anyone else was here. You must be Chief Swan, I'm Alice Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you sir." She smiled brightly and walked right up to him, extending her hand. Charlie seemed to study her for moment before he reached out and shook it.

"Nice to meet you too, Alice. I understand you and Bella are studying tonight?"

She stepped backwards so she was standing next to me.

"That's right. Thank you so much for letting her stay over, she's saving my life. I'm useless at math."

I tried not to look at her, but I couldn't help it. Her face betrayed nothing but innocence and I marveled once again at her deceptive abilities. Charlie awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck but gave her his most dissecting look.

"I'm glad she can help." I could almost hear his afterthought. At least she's good for something.

"Well, we'd better get going. My mom wouldn't want us to miss dinner and I want get some studying in beforehand. I really need the help." She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. Charlie let us pass but his voice stopped us before we could reach the hall.

"Alice, you've got a brother don't you? I think I've seen him around town."

My heart dropped into my feet and turned to a lead weight. I couldn't move. He couldn't know about Edward, he couldn't. Alice stopped and turned toward him, pulling me slightly behind her as she did.

"Two, actually. Both older. Unfortunately, they're no good at math either." She let out her bell-giggle.

Charlie smirked. "But only the one living at home right? Is he going to be hanging out with you guys tonight?"

Oh no, oh no, oh no. He knows, dear God he knows. I was starting to hyperventilate. Alice didn't miss a beat.

"Oh no," she waved her hand dismissively, "he's much too hung up on his girlfriend to spend any time with his little sister. In fact, he's got a big date tonight. I expect I won't see him all evening."

Charlie smiled like he was satisfied and waved us off. I tried not to run for the door. We were halfway to the truck when Charlie appeared in the doorframe, his voice carrying across the yard.

"Alice!"

She stopped and turned toward him again. I hesitated at her side, hoping that the exposure outside would make him think twice before doing anything.

"Your brother's girlfriend, what's her name?"

A wide, breathtaking smile broke across Alice's face just before she called out to him.

"Juliet. And she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

With that she spun on her heel and skipped to the truck as I rushed to keep up. I pulled the keys from my pocket and started the truck with shaking hands. The trembling only lessened as we put miles between us and the house, heading through town toward the highway. Alice was silent in her seat, casting occasional glances at me from the corner of her eye. As I turned onto the hidden road that would take me to her home she finally spoke.

"Bella, pull over."

I couldn't help but respond to the sudden authority in her voice. I slowed down and pulled off the road as much as I could with the thick trees. The silence hung thickly between us as the engine wound down. I don't know what I expected to happen, but I certainly didn't expect Alice to suddenly take off her seatbelt and lung across the seat at me, her arms securing around my neck. Her voice cooed softly in my ear.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

All the pent up tension in my muscles dissolved as I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed.

I don't know how long we sat there as I cried into her shoulder, but she never moved. She just held me, her hands running soothingly through my hair and down my back. When my tears finally slowed I pulled back, running my hands over my wet face. I was surprised to see Alice's face streaked with tears as well, her eyes red and swollen. We stared at each other for a few seconds before she broke the silence.

"Are you ok? I could hear what was going on, but I didn't dare try to sneak out to see. He didn't break anything did he?" She reached out to gingerly touch my cheek, where I'm sure a bruise was already forming.

"No, I think I'm ok. I usually know when something's broken. This time wasn't so bad, as far as that goes."

It hurt to see the horror on her face, the purity slowly slipping out of her eyes. Still, she didn't look at me with pity, and for that I was thankful. But, I had to voice my most important question.

"Don't you want to know why?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I bit my lip and had to look away from her eyes, still shining with unshed tears. They were too much like Edward's eyes and I couldn't stand it. I took a deep breath and forced it out.

"Don't you want to know what I did to deserve it."

The silence seemed to stretch between us and I was finding it hard to breath. I chanced a glance at her face and was taken aback. I had never seen her look like this. Her eyes had hardened and her jaw was clenched so hard I could see the tendons straining. She saw me looking and reached out, pulling my chin up gently so that we were eye to eye.

"You listen to me Bella Swan. No one deserves that. I don't care if you were sacrificing kittens to Satan on the living room rug, no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who's supposed to love and care for you. You are the most decent person I have ever met. You cannot believe that you could ever, ever deserve that."

The tears were threatening to fall again as I looked into her eyes. I saw nothing but truth there. She didn't blame me. She didn't hate me. As the realization solidified inside me, something changed. The pressure on my chin that I knew to be her hand was suddenly different. I could feel it. I could feel the warmth of her skin, the soft texture of her fingers. I gasped and sat back. She looked hurt at my dismissal so I grabbed for her hand again. I could still feel it. It felt like my smile would crack my face it was so big. She looked at me with concern, reaching out to touch my bruised cheek again. This time I could feel her fingers as they trailed along my cheekbone. I couldn't stop the giddy giggle that escaped my lips.

"I can feel you! Alice, I can finally feel you."

She closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath.

"Ok girly, I think it's time to talk."

And so I talked. I told her everything, from my earliest memories of Renee and how she left, to Charlie's treatment of me both before and after. She winced as I recounted some of my punishments but I couldn't stop. I needed to get it out, I needed someone to know. She gasped when I told her about the day at the playground.

"You mean you can't feel anything? Right now, when I hugged you, you couldn't even feel it?" She seemed a little hurt but also relieved.

"I can feel some things Alice, just not like other people do. I don't feel pain, and for that I'm grateful every day. So far the only one I can feel is Edward," I squeezed her hand, "and now you."

She held up her free hand to stop me. "Wait a minute, you can feel Edward? You could feel him first? How? Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just as confused as you are. I think it has something to do with the electricity that happens between us, it breaks through the barrier somehow."

She sat back in her seat with a stunned expression. "Wow, you two really are perfect for each other."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I laughed until I couldn't breathe and needed to stop. Alice's smile slowly melted away and her face became serious again.

"Bella, we have to get you out of there."

The panic seized up in my chest again. There was an elephant sitting on me, I couldn't breathe. Alice noticed my distress.

"Shh, honey, you can't stay there. This has been going on for too long already. He'll kill you eventually. Hell, he would have killed you today if I hadn't come in. I can't send you back to that. I won't."

I had to make her understand. There was no escape for me, not until he decided to let me go. I knew I would have to tell her my last secret, and hope that she didn't hate me for bringing her into this.

"Alice," I inhaled a shuddering breath and started again. "Alice, I can't leave. I'm only seventeen. I've got nowhere to go."

"Hell yes, you do! You're staying with me, even if I have to hide you in my closet. It's not like there isn't room."

I let out a half-hearted chuckle. "Alice you don't understand. He won't let me go. He doesn't want me, but he feels like he needs to keep me, at least until I'm legal to go. He doesn't want anyone to know how he is. It would cost him his job, his place in the community. There would be too many questions if I moved out now, questions I can't answer."

"So just tell somebody." She said this like it was the move obvious thing in the world. I scoffed.

"Like who, Alice? Call a cop? Oh yeah "Hey, could you come and arrest my dad. You know, your boss and the guy who signs your paychecks?" Yeah, that's really going to happen."

She thought for a moment. "What about my dad? He's a mandatory reporter. He'd have to report it if he saw you now and you told him what happened. He would help, Bella."

I squeezed my eyes shut and mashed my face into the seat next to me. "I can't Alice! I shouldn't have even told you, but you already knew so it didn't really count. He'll kill whoever I tell. He'll cut my tongue out for doing it. He's already showed me the knife that he'd do it with. Please understand, I'm doing this to protect you, you and your whole family. I couldn't stand it if any of you were hurt because of me. Please."

She was silent for a moment and when she spoke her voice was quiet. "Bella, you're my best friend; that means I keep your secrets. But I can't keep this."

I wrenched my eyes open to see the resolve in her eyes, though she seemed to be staring at nothing. "I promise that I won't do anything right now. Let me think about it, while I've got you safe here with me. We will talk again before you go anywhere. And," she turned her eyes to mine, "you're going to have to tell Edward."

The dread settled in stomach for the millionth time that day. I had to tell Edward. I had to tell him everything, all the secrets I'd kept from him. I knew I had to, if only to prepare him for whatever Alice decided to do. I'd have to be responsible for taking the innocent light from his eyes.

In order to protect him, I had to destroy him.