The room was dimly lit, with the sound of various medical machinery working to help with Ylainr's recovery. She was dressed in a plain white gown, her copper hair falling down the side of her face and shoulders – Ben couldn't help but think how innocent she looked. This was the way he remembered her; peaceful, beautiful and incredibly innocent. He approached her bed quietly, taking care not to disturb her. A seat had been placed next to her, ready for him. As he sat, he felt as though time had been wiped away and they were back at the Jedi academy, him watching over her as she slept, desperate not to lose her. He thought over how in the end, rather than losing her it had in fact been his own actions that forced him to push her away and he regretted it immensely. There was a whole other life that he could have led if he had just believed that she loved him, that his family did truly want him without him needing to live up to anything they might have achieved. His hand instinctively reached out for hers, but he decided against it, afraid he might do her further harm without meaning to.
"Well…here we are again" he spoke quietly, softly, still not wanting to wake her up, but he had so much to say and for now, this was the only way he could find the courage to say it. "At least now, I don't have to read your mind to know you meant it when you said you loved me. I must have been blind to ever doubt you. But Ylainr, you have to understand, I was so afraid, all the time. Snoke had made me believe my family didn't want me, how could I not be scared of losing you too? Then, when Luke began to notice, began to realise – he told me I had to stop, that it was not the Jedi way and he said that this was what sent my grandfather down the path of the dark side. I always thought he meant loving someone, but it wasn't that. He had already sensed my fear. So him telling me to let you go just made that fear worse, and it turned to anger and hate just like he said it would. Then came the suffering…and all of it was my own doing. He didn't want me to stop loving you, he wanted me to stop being afraid of losing you but it was too late, the fear was there"
As he spoke, he could feel the weight of a thousand sleepless nights, of years of suppressed emotions being lifted from inside him. "I have held so much guilt within me over the years for what I have done that I did not believe there was a way back for me, so I just continued. I allowed the darkness in more and more until this new person I barely knew grew inside of me. And now I am free of him, I can accept the guilt, accept the regret of so many years and embrace the pain I've tried to push away. All of that started the moment I walked away from you. Ever since Snoke appeared in my life, all I have done is lost the things I have cared about…and for what?"
That question had been playing on his mind since she re-entered his life. It had all been for nothing for him. The thoughts of what might have been zoomed through his mind and as the hours went on, his eyes grew heavy, eventually giving in to the overwhelming desire to sleep and do so easily.
The bright light of the morning sun shone through the window of the medical bay. The feeling of light trying to get through to her eyes woke Ylainr slowly and softly. For someone who had seen little natural daylight in the last couple of days, it made it difficult for her to focus on where exactly she was. She blinked a few times, trying to get her eyes to see clearer, turning her head slowly away from the window until she looked down to see a familiar face resting on the side of her bed, sleeping. "Is this heaven?" she thought to herself, not quite believing that Ben was there with her. Ylainr lifted her hand, the pain still shooting through her body but she did not care, as she placed it on Ben's head to check he was real. And he was, he was there and it was real. Her happiness brought a tear of joy to her eye as she ran her fingers through that thick dark hair of his, just as she had done back when it was her watching him sleep as teenagers. The sensation of her touch awoke him gently and as he came to, he was filled with joy to see that beautiful face smiling back at him – she looked even more stunning in the sunlight.
As he sat up, he reached for her face, hesitantly as always, Ylainr having to give him a nod as if to say 'go ahead'. The two of them laughed together in their happiness.
"You're alright! You're awake! I thought I was going to lose you" the two rested their foreheads together, the desire to be close after such a long separation was strong. Ylainr closed her eyes, knowing she did not need to fear it being a dream any longer. "Thank you, for never giving up on me. For having the faith in me that I did not believe anyone could have had" he was so happy and it showed in his voice. It was almost as though he had forgotten how to be happy.
"I never stopped loving you, not once. The one thing that has kept me alive all of these years was the hope that you'd come back to me one day, so that we could have that life we had always talked of" And now here he was, right where he belonged. She knew it would never be an easy life with him now, the First Order were most likely already thinking of some kind of way to find the man who was now a traitor to them, but whatever he had to face in the future, Ylainr intended to be right there with him. She embraced him, holding him in her arms. At first Ben did not return the embrace, it not being something he had a natural impulse to do after so long without any real human contact, especially of the romantic kind. Ylainr noticed this, fearing he still could not see himself beyond the image of Kylo Ren.
"You know, you can touch me and not harm me. You are just a person like me, you are not a monster like you may have been led to believe by those who just wanted to use you. You are not unworthy of love, please know that".
Her words truly touched his heart in that moment, he finally did hug her back, burying his face in her hair and neck. Ben held her close and tight but was still gentle – he was never letting her go again, at least not in the sense that meant leaving her behind.
"There was not a day that went by where I didn't think of you. That's why I could never really become one with the dark side, you were always there, calling me home. You were the light that called to me and I can't thank you enough for being there". Hearing this filled Ylainr's heart with joy, all of those fears that she had about him no longer loving her could be put to rest. Ben pulled away from her slightly, just enough to stare into her glistening blue eyes and after a few moments, he found the courage to initiate that first kiss in so many years. How long he had wanted to do that. It started off hesitant, soft and innocent but it quickly became more passionate as these two people who should never have been separated from each other were eager to make up for lost time, ready now to take on the future together.
"I can make it right now, with you beside me, I can do anything. I promise you I will never let you go again" he took her hand and held it, as if to prove that he truly intended to keep this promise. "This time, I will truly finish what my grandfather started". Ylainr kissed his hand, accepting the promise - "And I will be there by your side the whole way."