Third Time's a Charm
There were times when Victor felt like he had his whole life ahead of him. When he was young and carefree, and basking in the joy of being married to the love of his life. And then there were times when he felt like an ancient crone. On the ice that year, he felt like the crone. It wasn't that he was the oldest competitor (though he was). It wasn't that there had been speculation about him retiring every year since he'd returned. No, it had been his knee that had made him feel so old.
The injury hadn't affected his skating, not to any real extent, for the previous decade. But he'd always known it was on borrowed time. Sure, he could push himself, maybe get another year or two of mediocre – for him – skating before blowing it out entirely. That wasn't what he wanted, though.
He didn't want his last season to be one where he barely scraped by. He didn't want to never be able to skate again at all. He didn't want to walk with a limp for the rest of his life. Besides, at thirty, he'd had an extraordinarily long skating career. The previous year he'd won gold at the Grand Prix final and worlds, and he had no doubt that either he or Yuuri would take it again in the coming year. This was his third season back since taking a year off to coach Yuuri, and he'd decided that it was enough. He'd proven everything he'd set out to prove, reached greater heights than he'd ever thought possible, and felt a level of personal fulfillment he'd never before experienced. So, this would he his last year skating competitively.
He just had to try and find a way to tell Yuuri.
Not that he thought his husband would be disappointed. Yuuri had been worried about Victor's knee for the last two years, and had long since stopped feeling like they owed anything of themselves to the rest of the world. Still, Victor knew it would be hard to accept that they wouldn't be skating together competitively any longer. They drove each other on, spurred each other down new and exciting paths. Would Yuuri lose his inspiration to skate?
Watching him finish his last day of practice before the Japan Nationals, it was hard to believe that he could ever lose his inspiration. It was hard to believe that four years before, the man skating so confidently across the ice had been a bundle of anxiety and self doubt. He jumped, landed a beautiful quad flip, and turned to see if Victor was watching. He always did that, no matter where they were or what they were doing. And Victor was always watching.
The smile on his face was exhilarating, even though he'd mastered that particular jump (now both their signature moves) long ago. There were some things that never lost their thrill. Yuuri skating joyously across the rink towards Victor's arms was another thing that never lost its thrill.
"I think that was your highest one yet!" Victor praised as he hugged Yuuri tight.
"You really think so?"
"In fact, I'd suggest you tone it down a bit for competition tomorrow. There's no need to push yourself, and you don't want to put any more crazy ideas in Minime's head."
Yuuri laughed. "You're probably right. He's gotten so good at his quads, though, have you noticed?"
"Of course. If he gets any better, I'll start to worry about him stealing you away from me." Victor winked.
"Oh, yes. Definitely something you need to worry about. In fact, why don't I call him up and have him take me to dinner tonight, instead?"
Victor growled and pulled Yuuri close. His teeth grazed Yuuri's neck, then nipped at the sensitive spot where his shoulder began. "He'll have to get through me first," he purred in Yuuri's ear. Yuuri let out a low hum and melted against him.
"Mm, I've changed my mind. You can take me to dinner."
"Damn right I can." Victor grinned. "Did you ever decide if you'd rather go to that- Yuuri?"
Victor looked over to what had caught his husband's attention. At one of the benches a few feet away, a group of primary school children were putting on skates. There was a woman – presumably the teacher – helping another small group get their skates on, but the ones by them were having trouble with the laces. A little girl had declared hers finished and tried to stand, but the laces were far too loose and her ankle tipped sideways. Victor darted over to catch her before she fell while Yuuri put on his blade covers and joined them.
"Want some help?" he offered with a genial smile. The children, two girls and three boys, looked slightly nervous. "It's ok, we can just crouch down here and tighten the laces, alright?" After a hesitant nod from the kids, both men set about doing up the tiny skates. In no time at all, they were finished, and five eager smiles thanked them. Victor winked and began helping them to their feet. When he reached the last little boy, a tiny hand tugged on his sleeve.
"A-are you Victor 'Kifirov?"
"I am. Are you a fan?" Victor bestowed a dazzling smile on the little boy, whose cheeks turned red with excitement. The teacher had just walked over in time to notice the display.
"I'm so sorry, I hope they aren't disturbing you both-"
"Miss Ren, Miss Ren! That's Victor 'Kifirov! And that means... that means-" the chubby finger turned to Yuuri and wavered, practically trembling with elation. "Are you Yuuri Katsuki?" he asked in an awed whisper. Victor nudged Yuuri as he nodded.
"And here I thought he was my fan. I think it's safe to say he's yours."
"Oh...my... lord, it really is you two!" The teacher brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle a gasp. "I- I mean, we knew you were in town for the competition, its what prompted us to take the kids to a rink for a field trip, but I never thought we would see you at a small, local rink like this one!"
"We like to stay out of the limelight if we can before competitions," Victor explained.
"Mister Katsuki, w-would you teach me how to skate like you?" The little boy hadn't taken his wide eyes off Yuuri.
"Klyo, I'm sure Mr Katsuki and Mr Nikiforov have many important things to do since their competition is tomorrow-"
"No, it's no problem. We can spare an hour, can't we, Victor?" Yuuri checked his watch and then looked to Victor for confirmation. Victor nodded, and the children began to cheer.
Half an hour later, Victor was watching his husband lead the small group of children through beginner skating moves. One little girl stumbled, and Yuuri was right there to catch her and set her back on her feet. The little boy who'd first recognized him was clinging to Yuuri's hand like a life preserver, and Yuuri seemed totally bemused about it.
It was amazing to Victor, who'd been born with his skating talent, how much Yuuri could teach the children. He was reminded yet again that Yuuri had fought for every skill he had. Perhaps it was because of that herculean effort that he was able to impart his knowledge so easily. Where Victor had trouble explaining things, or didn't know the right thing to say or do, Yuuri seemed like a natural. Victor wondered if, as Yuuri picked up the little boy and propped him in his hip, it was only confined to skating or if Yuuri would be so natural with all children.
He was great with the Nagasaki triplets, of course, but Victor had always assumed that was because they were practically family.
They finished the lesson together by showing the class a piece of their pair skate for the exhibition that season. When they ended on a lift, the kids all clapped and cheered. Then Victor and Yuuri were off to the locker room to change back into their street clothes and get dinner.
"You seem quiet," Yuuri observed as they walked to the restaurant. Victor studied Yuuri for a moment, then asked the question that had been weighing on his mind.
"Do you want children, Yuuri?"
Yuuri stopped on the sidewalk and Victor was forced to stop with him. "W-what- I mean, where is this coming from?"
Victor chuckled. "Seeing you so happy around a passel of tiny humans might have brought the subject to mind."
"Of course," Yuuri shook his head and his cheeks flushed a light pink. "Well, I haven't thought about it in a long time, you know? I just assumed, when I was younger, that I would have at least a few, but then skating became my whole life, and then with you..."
"You changed your mind because you married me?" Victor's brows drew together in concern.
"No! No that's not it at all! I just mean, it's not like we can er- make one."
"I'm aware of that much," Victor replied with a sarcastic raise of one eyebrow. Yuuri blushed brighter.
"Oh, shut up, you know what I mean. I guess I just never gave any thought to... alternative forms. Or if you would even want kids." There was a pause, and they resumed walking. "Do you?" Yuuri asked finally.
"Want kids?" Victor asked innocently.
"Victor-"
"All right, alright," Victor laughed. "And... yes, I think I do."
"Oh." Yuuri glanced at him sidelong. "Good then."
"So you still do, too?"
"I... yeah. Yeah, I think I do."
They made it all the way through dinner and were back at the hotel before the subject came up again. Yuuri, who'd been thinking about it continuously, growing more and more attached to the idea, did a quick google search on his phone of parenting options for gay men and crossed his fingers that no one would ever learn the extent of his naivete on the subject.
"When would you want to? Have kids, I mean," he asked after Victor stepped out of his shower. Victor paused, and Yuuri went on to fill the silence. "I looked, and it seems like there are a lot of different options, and some of them take a long time to-"
"Yuuri..." Victor went over to the bed and crouched between Yuuri's knees. He took his husband's hands in his own. "I know I'm the one who brought it up, and I meant it when I said that I do want children. But it is very important to me that we wait until at least one of us is retired before bringing any children into our lives." He brushed Yuuri's hair out of his eyes with infinite tenderness and swallowed thickly. "I couldn't bear the thought of them going through what I did, or what Yurio did. I hope you understand."
"Of course I do," Yuuri whispered, pulling Victor up onto the bed with him. He hugged Victor close and rocked side to side for a few moments, thinking of how difficult of a childhood the two of them had had.
"I would want our little one to grow up the way you did, Yuuri. Surrounded by unconditional love and support."
"I understand, Victor. And I love you even more for it."
"You really don't mind waiting?"
Yuuri shook his head. "I waited twenty years to be with you, didn't I?"
"You were only twenty-three when we met, Yuuri."
"And you started skating at seven." He blushed. Would he ever get used to the fact that he'd married his lifelong idol? "But that's not the point. The point is, I think you're absolutely right about waiting, and I don't mind at all. When we take that step, we should both be ready, and be able to make a child our main priority." They kissed, then laid down on the bed facing each other.
"So... when we are ready, what way do you want to go?"
"Well, there are a lot of different options," Yuuri repeated his words from earlier.
Victor grinned. "And what did the internet say?" Yuuri blushed again at being found out. Trust Victor to know what he'd been doing without even having to look at his internet history.
"We could find a pregnant mother looking to put her baby up for adoption and adopt a baby, or look in an orphanage for an older child, or use a donor and try with one or both our genes-"
"We could end up like that American couple and get twins, one that's yours and one that's mine!"
"Yes," Yuuri laughed, "there's always that."
They talked late into the night (far later than Coach Victor could condone the night before a competition, but husband Victor was too excited to care). In the end, they decided to explore all their options and wait for what felt right, when the time was right.
That season flew by, with Victor taking silver behind Yuuri, and Yurio taking bronze. There was a part of him, a small, nearly forgotten part, that wished he could have gotten gold his last year skating, but breaking the world record Yuuri had set four years before and coming in only a single point behind the man he loved most in the world was a pretty spectacular way to end a career, too.
When he'd told Yuuri his decision to retire, they had both cried. Tears of grief for something so beautiful ending, but also tears of joy for something else beginning. When Yurio and Otabek moved out that summer (after a rather telling moment while they'd all been watching a movie...) Victor and Yuuri decided it was time to start seriously considering their options.
Victor was fairly certain that he wanted to use a surrogate and have a baby that was genetically theirs. They'd agreed if they went that route they would both contribute, and Victor wasn't sure if he would rather pass on his own genes and have a silver haired, blue eyed baby, or have it be Yuuri's dark haired, brown eyed little one they got to bring home. Both ideas made his heart pound and his chest swell with pride.
Still, they'd decided they would look at adoption as well, so in between Yuuri's training schedule, they visited adoption agencies and orphanages across several continents.
They had only taken two steps into the first orphanage in St Petersburg before Victor was totally and utterly lost. It wasn't that his dream of silver or black haired babies, of biological children, vanished, but rather that the fact that there were children existing already in the world that needed homes became undeniably real to him. He'd been stopped short as a little boy who couldn't have been more than three barreled into his legs. When he reached out to steady the child, the little boy had cringed back as if expecting a blow.
It had been a monumental effort not to snatch the boy up in his arms and try to hug away all his woes. Instead, he'd whispered his husband's name brokenly and Yuuri had wrapped his arm around Victor's shoulders tightly. I know, Yuuri had whispered back. Victor wasn't sure he'd ever loved his husband more than in that moment.
When they laid in bed that night, Victor had cried. Yuuri held him as his shoulders shook with the force of it. He had always known, rationally, that there were children like him, whose parents had died. And he'd known, even from an early age, that he'd been lucky to have an inheritance that had kept him out of an orphanage. Still, he'd allowed himself to get far too caught up in his own woes and had taken his life for granted. Had taken his happiness for granted. It wasn't a mistake he ever intended to make again.
They did research before visiting each orphanage and when they visited, brought supplies and treats, as well as hefty donations that would better conditions for the children. Yuuri, who'd assumed he would be the one interacting more with the kids, was shocked and enamored watching Victor become a surrogate father to dozens of children across the world. He talked to them, played with them, got down on their level and saw the world through their eyes. Half the time he became a human jungle gym for them. Visiting the orphans became one of his greatest joys.
After Yuuri took gold at the Grand Prix that year, they had gone back to that first orphanage in St Petersburg. The little blonde boy they'd seen on the first day had been slow to open up to them, and even slower to trust them, but eventually he'd been unable to resist the selfless love Victor and Yuuri offered him. A few months later, they finalized the adoption papers. Nikolai Katsuki-Nikiforov quickly blossomed from a terrified, underfed child into an overindulged, well loved son to two doting fathers.
Even though Yuuri retired that year, the three of them still traveled to the competitions to cheer on Niki's Uncle Yura, Uncle Beka, and Uncle Chit. Of course, he didn't understand what Uncle Yura and Uncle Chit were talking about when they fought over who got to be his godfather, but the increasingly extravagant birthday, Christmas, New Year's, and even Labor day presents were nice. Uncle Beka had made him promise not to tell them that the present Beka had gotten him (a photo album full of pictures Otabek had been taking unnoticed for years of the entire skating family) was his favorite.
The year Yuuri retired, Victor gave up his apartment in St Petersburg and they made Hasetsu their permanent home. Yuuri's mother was thrilled to have them around for more than just part of the year, especially now that she had a grandchild to spoil. Mari, too, was glad to have them back and showed it in her own unique way. If they had ever doubted it, the fact that she'd quite smoking so that it wouldn't be around Niki was proof enough for them.
Occasionally they still traveled, to various competitions and to perform in ice shows, and Niki happily went with them. While they were skating, there was a line of eager pseudo family members to watch him. He would sit in the stand and watch his daddies glide across the ice. It reminded him of the way they danced in the kitchen at home, of the way they moved around each other without even realizing it sometimes, circling continuously closer until they could touch.
Someday, when he got older, someone would ask him if it was weird to have two daddies instead of a daddy and a mommy. And Niki would think back to the hazy memories of life before Victor and Yuuri, to the cold and the hunger and the fear. Then, he would think about life after he'd been adopted. Life with happiness and fun and unconditional love. And then, he would shake his head, smile, and say that it wasn't weird at all. It was the best thing ever.
So, I was looking at the last chapter and realized FFN took out my page breaks and scene markers? I put them back in for the last chapter, and there aren't any in this one, but I'll be going back through the rest of the story to see if it has happened in earlier chapters as well. I apologize for how abrupt the scene changes seemed before! Hopefully it wasn't like that the whole story...