Ok so I'm taking more time for chapters now and I'm deeply sory about the delay, but the end of the university year is coming, so exams aren't that far away, not to mention the music so I'm a bit caught in a lot of fires at the same time...forgive me. Thank you so much for your reviews. I'm sorry about this chapter, I'm really not satisfied with what I did but I just could find something else, so I'll make it up to you in the next...

Enjoy,

So ;)

ps: thank you O great scuby for putting up with me even though I'm a hopeless case in grammar and spelling ;)

Chapter 14: Catherine

What have I done? What the hell have I done?

That's the only thought running through my head right now. It's been on my mind since I threw some nasty comment at Sara in the break room. Damn, I've messed up big time.

I've been in my office since Grissom stepped in and forced Sara to apologize to me. I've been sitting here pretending to work, when in fact I can't help loathing myself for what I did and can't stop hoping I could find a way to turn back time and prevent myself from crossing the last big line.

Let's try to process what happened.

xxxxx

I came to work determined to make an effort and stop acting like I had been with Sara. And I actually tried to talk calmly with her. But she ignored me. She never once glanced in my way or showed any signs of hearing my words. It pissed me off beyond belief. But most of all, it hurt me. I know that after the way I'd treated her for the last three months, I couldn't expect her to be welcoming as soon as I'd decided to be an adult. I mean, after all I didn't give her any reasons to believe me, so maybe she thought that it was another way for me to hurt her.

Anyway, I was pissed and I couldn't stand the fact that she ignored me so I pushed her buttons further than I already had. And I can't believe the words that came out of my mouth. We were in the break room with the boys and Greg was talking about his sister. Apparently Sara had dated her at some point and I snapped. "My, one sister isn't enough."

I know I hurt her deeply; the look in her eyes said it all. I regretted my words as soon as I had said them, but words are like bullets, once you let them go you can't take them back.

Warrick chuckled uncomfortably before saying, "Private joke," to Nick and Greg who luckily didn't ask for much more in the way of an explanation.

I was already way out of line and I should have stopped myself. Sara was staring at me with a raging fire in her eyes. There was so much pressure in her jaw that I thought it would break. But it's always when you know you shouldn't do something that you do it, trespassing into the forbidden.

"I wonder if fucking people's siblings is something that runs in your family," I suddenly said.

That was it, the last straw. I knew I had crossed the line. If it wasn't for Warrick, she might have punched me or worse. I couldn't face her realizing what I had done. I ran to my office. Well, not running, but I made it as fast as I could. I couldn't think of anything but: what have I done?

I was disgusted by myself. How could I stoop so low?

I had barely the time to take deep cleansing breaths before the door flew open. Sara stormed in and slammed the door behind her.

"What the..." I barely said when she cut me off.

"Shut up!" she ordered me angrily. "You won. I just lost every bit of respect I once had for you. You are pathetic, Catherine. All you had to do was talk to me, be an adult, but no. I've been putting up with your shit for too long. So you know what? Fuck you! Go fuck yourself," she spat and it hurt me. "Better yet go get yourself fucked, it might help you with the tension!" she said with disdain before storming out.

I didn't have the time to process the vivid burning in my chest when I saw Grissom's figure going after Sara in the corridor. That was definitely not good. I stood in my office waiting for his phone call. And I was right. Ten minutes later he barked at me over the phone to get in his office.

I was at his door within a minute. "Come on in Catherine," he said to me. I did as told, really apprehensive of what was waiting for me in there. I could feel Sara's anger oozing from her. I didn't have the guts to look at her. All I wanted was to be as tiny as a mouse and crawl in a hole to hide. "Sara has explained me what happened and she has something to tell you," Grissom explained to me. I could feel a good ass chewing session coming – not that I didn't deserve it. I held my head high and prepared for his next words. "Sara, apologize," he told her.

I was ready for a lot of things but not that. 'What had she told him?' was the question I asked myself. Because I sure as hell didn't deserve any apology.

"No, I'm not," Sara said through her teeth.

"Yes, you are. Because if you don't, our deal is over," Grissom replied in a tone that didn't leave room for argument. I wondered what that deal he was talking about was.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Sara mumbled inarticulately. I could feel her rage in her voice.

"Go home, Sara," Grissom dismissed her with a tired sigh. Sara left the room without a word and he turned, scrutinizing me. His stare was unfriendly. "I know Sara well enough to know that a simple disagreement over a case wouldn't elicit such a reaction and such words from her. I can only guess that your words were equally inappropriate, but since I didn't hear them, I can't do anything but let you off the hook. This incident is now closed. But, that being said, if there's a next time you'll both be fired. Do I make myself clear?" he asked firmly.

"Crystal clear sir," I replied a bit pissed off. I've always hated when he'd go all superior on me, even more so now that I'm the second in command.

"One more thing, you both better find a way to fix your issues because if you don't, I'll fix them for you. And I guarantee you that my solutions won't please either of you. So don't give me a chance to take the matter in hand," he added. He stared at me to be sure I got his point. I'm not one to be passive when I get an earful, but right at this moment I thought it would be better for me to eat some humble pie and keep my mouth shut. I nodded slightly. "Get out of my office, now," he ordered me with a calm voice.

I turned my back and walked away to retreat into the safety of my office.

xxxxx

I spent the rest of my shift sitting in my office berating myself for what I did.

That's still where I am right now. I'd give anything right now just for erasing that fight with Sara. Come to think of it, to erase the last three months. I'd give anything to get my friendship with Sara back and have a conversation with her about what happened instead of taking the path I chose.

Regrets always leave a bitter taste in my mouth, it's like eating ashes.

Well, I screwed up badly. There's nothing I can do now except move on with it. Although I doubt it will be that easy.

xxxxx

I enter my house exhausted and still disturbed about what happened today. I should call Sara but I know that right now she won't listen to me, right now and for a long time actually.

I sigh and start to go in the kitchen and jump in surprise as I face the figure of my sister sitting at the kitchen table. "What the hell are you doing here?" I ask her a bit harshly. "And who's taking care of Lindsey and the boys?"

"Sara is. She'll take them to school," she brushes my questions off. "We need to talk," she states with a firm tone.

"Listen, I'm not in the mood to have a talk with you right now," I dismiss her.

"Too bad! We're having it anyway," she replies.

I take a deep breath willing myself not to lash out at her with my words. I go to the counter top and face her. "Let's get this over with," I almost growl.

"I am with Sara. She's a part of my life, an important part of my life. And if you can't get that then consider yourself as a short one sister. You don't have to be happy about it, but that's the way things are, so accept it, because I'm not about to stop my relationship with her just to make you feel better," Nancy says.

I think now is a good time to let my anger pour. I know I was pissed with Sara, but that's nothing compared to Nancy. She's the one responsible for all this mess after all.

"Accepting it? You're fucking with my job Nancy! Did you ever stop and think about that?! How could you do such a thing to me? You knew perfectly well who Sara was and yet you went on and put us in this mess!!"

"I put us in this mess?!" she asks with disbelief before chuckling. "Now that's rich!" she snorts standing up and leaning on the island on the other side of the kitchen. "Fine, I'll admit I lied, but I'm not the one who made a mess of all this. You've been acting like an irritable five year-old for the last three months. Listen to you! It's all about you, uh? News flash: the world doesn't revolve around you! Did you ever stop and ask yourself why I lied?"

She looks at me waiting for an answer. I hate to admit it, but I never bothered to analyze the situation from another point of view. Nancy shakes her head, "You've never realized what it was like to be your little sister. Neither did Jude for that matter. Every mistake you made with someone was mine to pay. It was always harder for me to earn people's trust because you or Jude had left a wrong impression, or done something bad. That's the way things are and I've come to terms with that. And lucky me, we grew up. I met Sara and I knew when I heard her speak for the first time that I wanted to know her. Tough luck, you had ruined this for me yet again. So I lied, I did everything I could for her not to find out that you were my sister. Because I didn't want to be punished because of you—yet again," she confesses.

"Nice story really," I say applauding slowly. "So it's a payback? You're making me pay for the fact that it was hard for you to be the baby of the family?"

"I've never resented you for anything!" she protests.

"Then why are you doing this to me?! Sara is my co-worker! Do you realize that?!"

"I don't see where the problem is," she replies.

"She's my co-worker for goodness sake!"

"Mark and Kevin were my co-workers. I don't remember you bothering to ask me f I was okay with it. As a matter of fact, I don't remember you asking me my opinion of anyone you dated. So why should I?"

"You can't date Sara, period!" I order her.

She opens her mouth to say something. I can feel her anger from where I stand. She closes her eyes and takes deep calming breaths. My sister has never been one to lose her temper. She'll always opt for staying calm over losing it. A stroke of character we don't have in common. I'll lose it before remotely thinking about calming myself. I'm a ticking bomb and she's the picture of calm. Now get her really pissed and even I am not that much of a fury in my worse day.

"You knew what it meant for me to finally have a relationship with Sara and you screwed things up for me! So, no! I don't want you to date her!" I keep shouting.

"So, what? I should put my life on hold to please you?" she asks me.

"You should think about what you've been putting me through and think about how this is affecting me!" Okay, now I'm being petulant.

"I miss my sister. I miss our relationship. I miss our secrets and our moments together. But I don't know who the bloody hell you are," she states. "I've always been there for you, never judging any choices you made, never letting you down, always giving you the love, the support and everything you needed. Never once have I asked you to put your life on hold for me. Why should I do that?"

She sighs and starts pacing for a while. "I made a mistake. I'm the one who lied. I won't apologize for that. And if you could see things the way I see them, maybe you'd understand. I'm tired of this situation. I'm not about to fight you until the end of time. So you can keep on acting like a little, capricious girl all you want, if that makes you feel better. I just want you to know that until you accept my relationship with Sara, she's the one I'm choosing over you from now on. So the ball's in your court," she says before turning to the door.

I look at her not really knowing what to think or say. She turns back to me one more time, "You know, all I expect from you is to see that Sara makes me happy; she makes Jeremy and Allan happy. I expect you to be happy for me because I've found someone I love and who loves me back. But maybe that's too much to ask," she adds with a pain filled voice, and then she leaves.

xxxxx

Nancy's words have been on my mind for the last three days. I've been thinking a lot and tried to see the things from her point of view. I'm still pissed about the choice she made, but I think I'm getting her point. And having time to think also gave me time to realize that I was the only one to blame for those last three months. Sure Nancy lied, but I didn't even make the effort to be an adult about the whole thing.

I haven't seen Sara since the morning of our fight. I guess she has taken some time off. I was resolved to apologize to her for our last fall out. Even if she wouldn't have listened to me, I know I would have tried. The worse thing in all this is that I've thrown my friendship with Sara out the window. That's probably the most hurtful thing at the moment. And I know it will be hell to even get more than civility from her. I really screwed up big time.

Never doubt, never look back. That's my motto. I can't change what I've done, but I can move on and try to fix things.

xxxxx

Nancy opens her door after a moment. She has a blank expression when she sees me. "She hasn't finished her homework yet," she says before returning to the kitchen, leaving the door open. Silently she leaves me the choice of either coming in or going back to wait in my car. We haven't spoken in a week.

There's something she said about missing her sister…

I do miss my sister. I do miss our chemistry and the teasing and the laughter. Everything. I can't properly function without this relationship. I need my sister in my life, even if those last three months I seemed to have forgotten about that fact.

I take a deep breath and step in silently, closing the door behind me. Nancy has her back to me so I stand near the island and wait. When she doesn't turn after a minute I speak. "You…uh…never told me how you two met," I say casually. As if I was picking up where we had left off, that is when it was still about Mr. Nobody.

Nancy turns to me with a surprised expression. I guess she didn't expect me to come in. Once she gets over her shock, a smile creeps onto her lips. She chuckles nervously. She has heard my silent choice, coming back to her and accepting things the way they are. She pours me a mug of coffee and hands it to me. "At Meg's," she answers with a smile.

"Really?" I frown, curious to know how Sara ended up there.

"Actually, they knew each other from Harvard. They're old friends," Nancy says.

I've always admired my sister's ability to forgive. I've screwed up many times with her, yet never once she has rejected me afterwards. I'll always be grateful for that. "Don't leave me hanging and give me the details," I push her.

"Meg and her were having a debate about Baudelaire," she continues still grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, Charles, someone after your heart," I joke. My sister has always been a sucker for that French poet.

"Yeah…" she sighs. "There was this big intellectual connection. Our minds clicked immediately," she explains to me. I can picture that scene, knowing Sara, my sister must have been under a hell of a spell in a matter of minutes. For Nancy, attraction is a notion which only begins with intelligence. Go figure, she's a nerd at heart.

"So how did you…" I start but don't get the time to finish when I hear Lindsey's voice down the hall.

"You should be a teacher. Seriously, when you explain something to me I understand everything, but whenever my teacher does it sounds like gibberish!" she exclaims with amusement.

I turn to see Sara ruffling her hair a bit and chuckling. "Honey, I've finished my homework can I have some milk?" she jokes happily. Her smile fades away though when she sees me.

I clear my throat and straighten up. "Hi," I breathe out.

She just stares at me, silent anger visible in her eyes. Lindsey comes to me and kisses me hello effectively breaking some tension. "Hi mom!" she says with a grin.

"Hi babe, how was your day?" I ask her with a smile.

"Good, thanks. Oh, I forgot a book. I'll be right back," Lindsey tells me before returning to the study room.

"There you go," Nancy says to Sara offering her a glass of milk. Sara relaxes immediately, all of her attention falls on Nancy. I will myself not to look and give them a moment of intimacy, but somehow m eyes are glued on them, not that they even realize it. They are caught in their own little world right now. Sara swallows her milk in one shot. Nancy giggles, earning a frown from Sara. "Come here," she says to Sara hooking her finger. Nancy kisses her sucking delicately on her upper lip then kissing her again. Then she pulls back sporting the same goofy smile as Sara's. "Milk moustache," she explains.

"Alright I'm ready," Lindsey announces, not caring about Nancy and Sara's closeness.

"Okay, let's go then," I answer distractedly. "Say good bye to your aunt and Sara."

Lindsey hugs Sara before turning to Nancy. Sara looks at me and I take that opportunity to speak to her again. "Thanks, for helping her…for her homework," I manage to say. She just nods in response. I don't suppose I can expect much from her right now. So I'll just be content with that.

"Bye everyone, see you later," Lindsey says before leaving for the car.

"Well… have nice evening, see you later," I say before escaping the house.

It was my first step in the right direction. I still have a lot to do but at least I've made a move.

Thanks for reading.