May 13

Weight: 9st 7lb (excellent progress!)

Height: 5 ft 5 (not so excellent)

Calories: 1500 (could be less, but could also be worse)

Drinks: 10 (Bad, but celebratory)

Vegetable juices: 5 (Tomato juice in Bloody Marys)

Natural talents: 1

Natural talents confirmed: 1

Celebrity status: Pending

10am- Going to meet Meleta at 10.30. Am v nervous for this 'Seer Test'. What will they do to me?

10.10am- Hmph. Potterhead just said they're going to put me on a stretching rack and cut me open to see if I possess an internal 'eye'. Lily hexed him before I had the chance to.

10.20am- Even more annoyed. Peter just launched a ball of goo at me and it hit me squarely in the face. Everyone laughed and said I mustn't be a real Seer because I would have seen that coming. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph. Am leaving these sods who call themselves 'friends'. They're just jealous of my natural talent. Hmph.

10.30am- Just arrived at Meleta's office to see a note-

Dear Anna,

I am sorry to do this, but we'll have to postpone your assessment until 11am. My friend, Ms Gundula Fritz is running late due to unforeseen circumstances.

.

Should I be dubious about this? Unforseen circumstances? They're bloody Seers… nothing should be 'unforseen'. Why, they should already know whether I have talent or not!

.

8pm- It was brilliant! So much happened, I'm so excited! When they finally arrived- at 11.30, I might add- this Gundula woman (a brilliant old woman with bright purple hair, enormous diamante spectacles and the most amazing glitterball robes I've ever seen) took a single glance at me and nodded to Meleta sagely. She then opened her mouth and spoke in her heavy Austrian accent-

'Yes. Yes, she possesses an Innner Eye. She is a true Seer.'

Meleta clapped her hands proudly and beamed at me.

'Anna, it has been confirmed. I wrote to another friend who is a journalist. Her name is Lita Skeeter. How would you feel about doing an interview with her? Why, you are the youngest Seer to have ever been discovered!'

It was like a dream come true! Me, a seer… at such a young age… and now I'm being INTERVIEWED!

I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE FAMOUS! AND, THIS TIME, IT'S ALL FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!

I happily accepted their request and sprinted all the way to History of Magic, burst into the room and shouted- 'I am Confirmed!'

Everyone turned and stared at me. Then Remus turned around and said-

'But surely, as a 'Seer' you already knew they would confirm your status as a Seer?'

I crossed my arms stroppily.

'Now that Miss Jones has decided to join the class, may we continue?' Professor Binns droned.

Everyone shrugged and he carried on lecturing on something I can't remember.

'What's going to happen now, then?' Mary whispered.

I pursed my lips.

'I don't know the entire future!' I snapped. 'I just seem to have a flair for reading tea leaves.'

'And bullshitting,' Lily interjected.

I looked down, hurt. While a part of me honestly knows this is all a load of rubbish, it's still nice to be recognised as being good at something- even if it is the art of bullshitting!

Lily sighed.

'Sorry, Anna. I didn't mean it like that,' she said kindly. 'I'm happy for you.'

I pursed my lips. It's hard to be angry with Lily for long. It's her bloody green eyes. They're so honest.

'Fine,' I said stiffly. 'I've got an interview tomorrow with a reporter, actually,' I added.

Mary perked up.

'A reporter? For what?'

'For the Daily Prophet!' I said excitedly. 'Her name is Lita Skeeter.'

Lily gasped.

'No! No! You can't! She'll tear you to shreds! I've never seen her write one nice word about anyone!'

I blanched.

'Fuck, Anna,' Mary said. 'She's horrible! You can't do it! She'll ridicule you.'

And, suddenly, I could see it. Of course it would be that way- ending up in my ridicule. Except this time, it would be for the entire wizarding world to read.

'Oh shit…' I muttered.

'Don't tell me you've never heard of her!' Lily said. 'She's infamous.'

I bit my lip.

'What can I do?' I asked desperately. 'I can't cancel it now!'

Lily and Mary looked to each other, and then at the boys.

I shook my head.

'No. No way. I'm not involving them. They'll hold this over me for the rest of my…'

'Anna,' Lily said seriously. 'This is going to get printed in the Daily Prophet. It's not going to be something that only Hogwarts knows about. The entire world will know about it, and it'll be forever there- in the archives. Why, even your future jobs might be affected!'

I tugged at my hair. This was turning from bad to worse.

'Maybe…' I said slowly. 'We can get the boys to follow her before-hand, and they can do something to her and then tell me about it- and then afterwards, they can do something to her as well, and I'll be aware of that prank and I'll tell her it in a 'prophecy-like format'?

Lily and Mary looked at me, surprised.

'What?'

'You've been spending too much time with Sirius,' Lily grinned. 'You're getting quite good at this now! That's a brilliant idea!'

I smiled, happy to receive credit for brilliance for a change.

Speaking of Sirius, he seems so distant from me these days. He had no role in the Daniel prank and we never run into each other. I can't help feeling it's not just a coincidence.

Maybe he's gone off me completely. I think he can't bear to look at me knowing I was stupid enough to be with Daniel.

Fucking Daniel. Why couldn't I be a Seer when it came to him? Then again, perhaps I always knew but was so desperate to have someone want me that I went along with it anyway. I can't help thinking that's the real reason why this all happened to me.

It's my fault. I brought it all on myself.

Anyway. Must be off. Going to the Boys' dorms to plan tomorrow. Mary's fixing the Bloody Marys for it. Hmm, I wonder if Sirius will be there…

May 14

Weight: 9st 6lb (Must be the stress of the interview!)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 0 (too nervous to eat!)

Natural talents confirmed: 1

Celebrity status: Pending

Interviews: 1

10am- Right. Boys have agreed to their part of this- provided I make them 'infamous' when I've achieved my own celebrity status.

They're going to set fire to her on her way out of the school and I'm going to tell her as she leaves 'beware of the flame'. Oh Merlin, this had better work. Otherwise, I'm going to look like a first class moron to the entire wizarding world…. Fuck, I'm so, so nervous!

.

10.30am- Trembling. Lily is considering giving me an anxiety tonic. Mary says we should ditch the tonic and get me drunk as I am most prophetic when pissed. I'm inclined to agree with Mary.

.

10.45am- Aghshhsshh martini yummm

.

11am- Thank goodness Lily had the sense to give me a sobering tonic. I was so shit-faced it's not even funny. Oh crap, the interview's in 15 mins. Aghhhh

.

12noon- Okay. Okay. Okay. I hope it went well. She had this quill that wrote on its own accord as she questioned me. It seems like it took a bit of license with my responses because it seemed to write lengthy responses when I gave one-worded responses.

She seemed very dubious of my Seer status and I almost forgot to tell her the flame thing until she opened the door to leave. And, even then, I said it in such a plain, un-mystical voice I know she wasn't fooled.

Merlin, I hope those boys pulled their end of this prank, otherwise I'd better get drinking again… and never stop. I think I'll just drink myself to death. That way, I'll never sober up to realise the entire wizarding world thinks I'm a complete idiot.

12.20pm- Oh Merlin, it gets worse. They couldn't see her. They seemed really confused about this, because they said she was there on some map (what were they on about? Maybe they were high… if so, I'll kill them!), but they couldn't see her.

Oh crap. It's started. Okay, only thing to do is drink. Mary, the good girl she is, has already started fixing my first drink. Lily's muttering something about NEWTs but I don't care. No one's going to hire me anyway after that article comes out.

I'm already destitute. I can't believe this.

May 19

Weight: 9st 6lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Hangover: Massive

Natural talents confirmed: 1

Celebrity status: Confirmed!

Interviews requests: Hundreds!

Managers: 1

This is Anna Jones, soon to be self-made celebrity extraordinaire! That's right- I'm going to be FAMOUS! In the future they'll say 'Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly… Anna Jones. Hmm, mustn't become smug. Nothing worse than a Smug Celebrity. Almost worse than a Smug Couple….

.

So today, after a few days of horrible waiting, the Daily Prophet finally arrived while I was in bed- or, rather, Mary's bed- nursing the worst hangover of my existence.

I was woken up by a piercing scream.

'Shuddup,' Mary groaned.

I turned over.

'Anna, wake up! Wake up!' Lily squealed. 'The article came out. It's brilliant!'

I shuddered, feeling a wave of nausea overcoming me, and leaned over the bed, vomiting all over the carpet.

'Ugh! Anna!' Lily snapped.

'Not my fault,' I mumbled.

'I think you'll find it is,' she snapped. 'After all, it was your decision to drink so much last night.'

I rubbed my head and looked around for a wand. Clicking her tongue, Lily pulled her own wand out and, in an instant, the carpet was clean again.

'Well?' I muttered. 'What did she say?'

Lily grinned and thrust the paper at me. I still felt pretty sick and, seeing all those tiny black letters and the moving photographs only brought the nausea back.

'Summarise,' I said, handing Lily back the paper.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Basically, she said you're the first true Seer she's ever spoken to. Apparently your advice of 'beware the flame' was applied to her personal life where an ex-lover of hers turned up at her house… '

'Yeah, but how does that help her?' I frowned.

Lily looked confused as she thought about it. Then, suddenly, an owl flew in and dropped a letter on my lap. I recognised the green ink- it was from Lita Skeeter.

'What does it say?' Lily said, inching closer.

I cleared my throat and read the letter, which I'll just paste here (save me re-writing it!):

.

Dear Anna,

It is very rare that I ever write a glowing article about someone, but I truly believe that you have a very special gift that deserves recognition.

I must admit that I thought you were yet another fraud when I was asked to interview you. Upon your advice, however, I am inclined to believe that you are, so to say, the 'real deal'.

I am aware of your impending NEWTs. Once you are done with school in a few months, I would like to invite you to visit my office so we can discuss job opportunities for you. The Daily Prophet has been in need of a good Seer to replace the ageing prophecy columnist Aphrodite Stargazer, and I think you might just be the person for the job.

Yours truly,

Lita Skeeter.

.

Can I just say- MERLIN'S BALLS! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I now have a job fresh out of school- regardless of what grades I get on my NEWTs!

But it doesn't stop there! Oh no. Now I have journalists from various other papers seeking an interview with me… which means, yes, I am famous.

Famous!

I've arranged for an 'interview' day on Saturday. James said he would be my manager. Hehe this is so exciting!

Hmm, I had better go speak to James about my 'interview' plan…

May 23

Weight: 9st 5lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 250 (it hurts!)

Exercise: 3 hours

Celebrity status: Still intact

Managers: 1

10pm. I'm going to cry. I'm actually going to burst out into tears. James Potter is a horrible, horrible boy. If I hadn't signed the binding contract for him to be my manager and do as he says, I would have fired him already.

These has been the worst few days of my life. The other night, when I went to see him, he was very rude and blunt with me. To make me hate him even more, he was wearing some flash bright blue dress robes and a gold chain around his neck-

'Anna,' he said, chewing on a cigar and sipping firewhisky. 'I can't be your friend anymore. I'm your manager- which means I'm going to say some things that friends usually don't say to each other.'

From the other side of the Boys' Dorm, Remus snorted.

'What managerial experience do you have, James?'

James put a silencing charm around his bed.

'That's better. Now listen, Jones. I've led the Gryffindor quidditch team to victory time and time again, I top the year frequently, I'm popular and have the best-looking girl in the year after me.'

I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he held up a hand to silence me.

'If there's one thing I'm good at,' he said smoothly, 'It's been successful.'

I glowered at him, already regretting the decision to employ him as my manager.

'Now, Jones,' he said, getting up and puffing on his cigar. 'There's no nice way of saying this- you're too fat.'

I stared at him in shock. It's one thing for me to know that, and another for a male friend of mine to confirm it.

'Now, if you weren't trying to be famous, I'd say you were fine. Us boys like a girl with a bit of meat on her.'

He puffed again on the cigar, but then spluttered a little. After washing it down with more firewhiskey, he took a deep breath-

'We need you to be skeletal, but toned. You're not just a seer- you're going to be a hot one. One that fashion labels send their designs to so you can be snapped by the paparazzi wearing their clothes. One that has bikini photoshoots, with spreads in PlayWitch and…

I spluttered.

'I don't think so…'

'Anna,' he said seriously. 'It's a cut throat industry. You won't get anywhere by being nice.'

I stared at James, wondering what had become of my friend. He then clapped his hands.

'Right. Up you get. You've got interviews in a few days which only gives us a short amount of time to get you into reasonable shape. Go to your dorm and change into exercise clothes.'

I stared at him, confused.

'James, it's 11 pm!'

He shook his head.

'Time is irrelevant! I want you in the common room, ready for a work out in 5 mniutes,' he barked. 'Now scoot!'

So, for the past few days I've had my every move watched by Potter's hawk eyes. He won't let me eat anything without his approval- and there isn't much he approves. He forces me to run everywhere and won't ever let me sit down. If we study, he quizzes me while getting me to do sit ups.

I'm at my wit's end. I don't know how much more I can take of this.

May 24

Weight: 9st 4lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2500 (beautiful!)

Exercise: 2 hours

Celebrity status: Doubtful

Hair: Gone

Managers: 0 (Hurrah!)

So remember when I said I signed a binding contract stating I'd do whatever James ordered me to do? Well, now I'm bald and it is doubtful my hair will grow back for at least a week or so, according to Madame Pomfrey. You see, these binding contracts are binding in that, if you break them, something rather unpleasant usually happens.

If you think I sound a little apathetic to the fact I've lost my hair- you're right. I'll take food and no hair ANY DAY over having hair, starving, and keeping James as my manager.

So how did I break the contract?

Well earlier in the evening, James decided to forgo his managerial duties to go on a date with Lily. Not kind enough to give me the evening off, James asked Sirius to take his place in training me for the evening. I have to admit I was a little surprised when I saw Sirius waiting for me in the common room, and worried that he might possibly be worse than James. Thankfully, he wasn't.

We were walking to the quidditch pitch when he stopped and shook his head at me.

'You look ridiculous.'

I was so hungry and exhausted at that point that his comment sent me into great wracking sobs.

'Hey! Hey, don't cry,' he said quickly, looking confused as to why I was so upset. 'I didn't mean it in a bad way… Oh bollocks, sit down here…'

He led me to one of the ledges and sat me down. Gradually, I calmed down a little.

'I meant you look really tired and pale. You need to eat something. Whatever James is doing- it's bad!'

I nodded miserably and- right on cue- my stomach gave an angry growl.

Sirius laughed.

'Come on, let's get you some food.'

And, I was so miserable and fragile at that point that it never occurred to me that I might be breaking my contract.

.

Sirius laughed as he watched me stuffing everything I could down my gullet.

'Go easy,' he smirked. 'You don't want to make yourself sick.'

I shook my head, biting into a chicken leg.

'James is a bastard. Dictator. Evil.'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, I think he took his role as manager a bit too seriously. Honestly, though, don't do it to yourself. You look lovely. If anything, the world needs a new and young celebrity with a real body.'

I blushed.

'Really?'

He nodded, smiling at me.

'You bet. Don't change at all. You're lovely- just the way you are.'

I couldn't help but launching myself at him. I hugged him tightly.

'Thanks Sirius,' I mumbled. 'You're the best.'

He patted my head awkwardly.

'Shit!'

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, to see him holding a chunk of my hair.

We stared at each other.

'What…'

I touched my head and, suddenly, all my hair fell to the ground in chunks. I screamed.

'Look, it's… why did this happen? Just… shush!'

I stopped screaming and began hyperventilating.

'Shit, okay, let's go to Madame Pomfrey. She'll sort you out… come on!'

It was at the Hospital Wing that Madame Pomfrey made me realise I had lost my hair due to my 'binding contract' with James. Speaking of, he wasn't too happy when he found out-

He paced the common room, shooting glares at Sirius and I where we were seated on the couch.

'Unbelievably irresponsible! Staggeringly immature!'

'Staggeringly, staggering!' Peter piped up.

I glared at Peter, who whimpered a little and shut up.

James then walked up to Sirius and I and pointed a threatening finger.

'Who will want to interview you now? Look at you!'

'Hey!' Sirius snapped. 'She's still beautiful.' (I love him! I love him!)

James rolled his eyes.

'Stop being nice, Sirius. This is the media we're talking about. I knew I should never have trusted you with her…'

'Hey!' I protested. 'I'm here, you know. I'm not some inanimate object…'

James shook his head and threw up his arms.

'I give up.'

'Good,' I snapped sourly. 'I was going to fire you anyway.'

James pursed his lips.

'After everything, this is how you repay me? Come on Wormtail, let's leave these two. She can ask for Sirius' advice. After all, where has he gotten her so far? He's let her binge, and helped her lose her hair. She'll be crawling back to me in no time. Mark my words.'

Peter nodded dutifully at James' words as he followed James up to the Boys' Dorms.

I sighed and lay back on the couch.

'He's got a point,' I said. 'No one will want to know about me.'

Sirius clicked his tongue.

'Don't be ridiculous! You should make your newfound baldness a fashion statement.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Fashion statement?'

'Sure,' he said. 'Wear big earrings and glamorous silk scarves around your head… I've noticed some muggle women doing it.'

And then it clicked in my mind- Grace Kelly.

I sat up suddenly.

'You're onto something,' I whispered excitedly. 'But how did you know about muggle women doing it?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I have an interest in fashion.'

I ogled at him.

'Sirius,' I said, suddenly. 'Are you sure you're not gay?'

'Come now, Jones,' he said lightly. 'We've snogged enough times for you to be able to make a discerning decision.'

I frowned.

'No,' I mused. 'The best kiss I ever had was from a gay guy. We were both drunk and decided it would be fun. Boy do I wish he was straight!'

Sirius shot me a funny look.

'Well I'm not. One doesn't have to be gayto appreciate fashion.'

I shrugged. It then occurred to me that he and I hadn't really spoken properly for a while.

'So… are we okay? We haven't exactly spoken much lately.'

He sighed.

'Yeah, that's my fault. Sorry. Seeing you go through that brought back painful memories. I know I should have been there for you more but…'

'It's okay,' I interrupted. 'I get it.'

We smiled at each other awkwardly, and then I lay back down and laughed.

'What?' he said, puzzled.

'Merlin, I'm actually bald, aren't I?'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, you are. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me at all.'

I laughed.

'I know. It's just so typical of me, isn't it? For absolutely everything in my life to go wrong!'

Sirius smiled at me, and I actually felt my heart fluttering. He really is very fit…

'A lot goes wrong, and yet you're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Don't change for anybody, ever, Jones.'

'Why?' I challenged, 'So that you'll never have to live without your daily fix of 'what's Anna gone and done today?'

He laughed and nodded.

'Yeah, that too.'

We sat in silence for a while.

'Well, I still have those interviews on Saturday. Would you mind going shopping with me tomorrow and helping me pick out an outfit? One that will somehow compensate for the lack of hair?'

He grinned at me.

'It would be my pleasure.'

Next chapter:

'Oh Anna, you sly thing. Why did you never tell us you and Sirius were seeing each other?'

P.S If you've seen 'Wild Target', you'll see I put a little quote from the film in this chapter.