Author's Note: Okay folks, I know it's been a long time. But guess what? This chapter actually has some sort of plot! Yay! Dang I want some tacos...

Chapter 14: All 'Knives' Are Crazy

I woke up in an austere metal room, strapped to a cold metallic table of some sort or other, and I can't get this one thought out of my mind: I want tacos.

That and I can't really remember how I got here…

Oh well! I'll figure that out later. First I gotta get me some tacos!

Uh, Sophia?

Yes, voice in my head?

How exactly do you plan on getting those tacos?

Simple: I'll walk through the door, head down the street and find me a taco vendor. Easy peasy!

Okay, I hate to burst your bubble, but there's one small problem with that plan of yours.

And what might that be?

There's no door here.

Oh.

I glanced around, and, as strange as it may seem, my inner voice was telling the truth: there was no door. There didn't seem to be an exit of any kind either. No door, no windows, no air vent in the ceiling. Oh no! I'm trapped inside a box! Good thing I'm not claustrophobic. So how did I get in here…?

Hey, don't look at me. I have no idea how this happened. You had short-term memory loss and I somehow tricked you into taking your pills, last time I remember before everything went black.

I think we may have gotten apprentice-napped.

May? Thank you ever so much, Captain Obvious, for pointing that fact out. Who knows what I would have done without your clever guidance.

Oh stop! You're embarrassing me!

I think you're doing that pretty well all by yourself.

That is probably true. But I don't care right now. I want me some tacos.

Figure a way out of this room and you can have your tacos. Then we can find Deadpool and-

I don't know if we should go back to Deadpool until we've completed everything on our list.

Good point. And you know, there's always those X-Freaks to keep him entertained.

I seriously doubt they'll let him stay there more than one night.

Yeah.

So… How do I get out of here?

Explosives?

My hands dove deep into my pockets, searching for some explosives of some kind, but came up empty.

Nope, no explosives.

Adamantium scissors?

Adamantium scissors? Where did I get those?

The Noir universe.

What-?

Don't ask questions. Just thank the Clown.

Thanks Clown! Happy?

Very.

I dug around inside my pocket and mysteriously came up with a pair of scissors with adamantium blades. Oooooh, pointy!

Careful!

I pulled my finger back away from the blade swiftly, avoiding a cut from the nearly unbreakable metal.

Now cut the straps binding you to the metal table.

I followed these instructions carefully and cut the straps clumsily just to annoy her, then hopped off the table and waltzed over to a wall.

Now what? Stab the wall with my scissors?

Actually, yes. But first make sure there's an open corridor behind that wall before you start getting shank-happy.

I held my hands back in the air, mid-stab, then tapped softly on the wall with my free knuckle, producing a metallic sound that echoed for awhile then stopping. It's hallow! Yay! With a grand motion, I pulled the scissors back behind my head then brought them down hard into the gray metal. They went all the way through the wall, (a whole inch!) then stopped when it hit air. The scissors came back out with a tug, and I put my head up against the hole to see what the outside of this box looked like. I'll describe the scene to you: there's a dark-lit hallway, little emergency lights along the little grate-like walkway, and a guy in a blue and white uniform carrying a gun walks by my wall. A soft whirring sound is coming from outside.

Holy crap, I think I'm inside a SHIELD helicarrier. Must escape. But how?

Maybe you should ask why you're here first. That might help your little memory problem.

Good idea!

"Excuse me, sir! Hello? Can you please turn around? I have to ask you a question!" I shout out to the guard. He turns around with a stern expression on his face, and I can tell he doesn't like being on guard duty.

"No talking in the detainment area. Orders from Commander Hill herself," the dude shoots back at me in monotone. Jeez, where do they train these guys, the library?

They have a state of the art training facility and-

It was a rhetorical question, sheesh!

Oh.

"I'm sorry officer," I search his torso for a nametag of some sort. There is none. "Excuse me, but what's your name, Mr. Officer, sir?"

The guard looks taken aback by my politeness then answers in a slightly surprised tone: "Martinez."

Score 1 for etiquette!

"Okay, Mr. Martinez, do you mind telling me why I'm here in a metal room instead of the X-Mansion?" I asked in my mesmerizing tone of voice I was getting better at using. Man do I love being a mutant!

The guard's eyes grow wider underneath his visor and he seems more relaxed than before. In an almost hypnotized manner, he replies: "Tony Stark accused you of stealing his credit card and not being registered under the SHRA. He then tracked you down and took you out of Westchester and handed you over to us after getting his credit card back. Commander Hill wants you to sign the Act."

Wait a minute- Ultimate Hybrid, what continuity is this?

Absolutely no idea. I'm pretty sure everything besides the metal room is a hallucination. Wonderful job of breaking the fourth wall, though.

Thanks, I learned from the best.

Uh, guys?

Yes?

Yes?

If we aren't on a SHIELD helicarrier, where the heck are we?

No idea.

In a metal room. Once you stop hallucinating, the path will be clear to you.

Jedi much?

Yep. Peace out, yo!

Well that was weird.

Yep.

I'm gonna close my eyes now and forget that this ever happened.

One extremely weird and colorful dream sequence later:

I opened my eyes to find myself strapped to a metal table inside a padded room. Crap. I think I'm inside a mental hospital.

Ya think?

Yeah, I do actually.

What a surprise! I didn't know you could think! Good job, Knifepoint!

Thanks. Enough with the sarcasm from you.

Okay.

I tried moving my hand over to my pocket only to find that it was restrained by a metal cuff thing. I actually have no idea what they're called, since I've never been inside a mental hospital before… Anyways! I moved my body closer to my hand in order to help it reach inside my pocket. My fingers stretched and grazed the tip of a weapon. Dang! So close! Now if I can just get it closer…

"Not so cool being stranded here, now is it, Miss Dyhar? Or should I say… Jacknife?" a raspy voice over the intercom interrupts me.

"Actually, it's Knifepoint now," I respond with a smirk.

"Oh. Well in that case I don't know why I kidnapped you," the voice continued.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"The name's Jackknife, girly." Suddenly, a section of the padded wall fell inward towards me, and a hooded figure stood in the opening.

Jackknife?

Serial killer from another Marvel Universe.

Ah. That makes sense.

I should mention he's also a-

"Telepath," Jackknife interjected. "Yes, I'm a telepath."

"How did you get here?" I asked him, twisting my hand to try and get it free.

"Well, back in my universe, a menace by the name of X-Man and me fought, and I woke up in a hospital. The nurses were shocked and said it was impossible for me to get out of my 'vegetative state' supposedly. So I killed them and somehow got myself to this universe. I set a bomb in a guy named Stark's building, then saw you on the news defusing it. Spent a couple days tracking you down, which wasn't that hard, and found ya in the 'X-Mansion' lookin confused. Then I drugged ya and brought you here, to an undisclosed location."

It took a minute for this to soak into my 'drugged and hazy' brain…

"Wait… so that was you who set a bomb up in Tony's building?" I'll admit, my voice wasn't exactly calm…

"Yeah. Didn't I just say that?"

Sorry, she's still recovering from her short-term memory loss last chapter.

"I see," was the response.

"Are you crazy? You could've killed dozens of innocent people?" Again, my voice was slightly hysterical, and not in the 'funny' sense.

"Hello? Serial killer, ring a bell? I kill people for the fun of it? Huh, and I thought you were being trained to be a mercenary. My mistake!" Jackknife shot back. His eyes glowed red underneath his odd looking hood. The hood itself hid most of his face and was mad out of various scraps of other tattered garments. Probably from his victims…

"Oh. My bad. I guess you really are crazy. Now can you tell me why I'm strapped to a metal table thing, Jackknife?" I asked in my mesmerizing tone, hoping to hypnotize him. I was greeted with a sharp pain inside my head so intense it made me call out in pain.

"Sorry girl, but your mind tricks don't work on me. I'm a telepath specializing in mental pain! There's no point in hypnotizing me!"

I gave him a death glare.

He rolled his eyes then continued: "Listen here, girl, as strange as it may seem, I wanted to kill you for using my name in this universe…" he trailed off.

"And?" I prodded him. He cast me an annoyed glance and continued yet again.

"But since you changed your name to 'Knifepoint' I don't think I will."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He raised an eyebrow but kept going.

"Now, believe it or not, I think I'm gonna need your help. See, back in my universe, there's this bad guy by the name of X-Man."

"Yes?" I asked.

"And he's a cancer. He needs to be killed. I've tried to kill him, oh how I've tried! But he beats me every single time. Last time we fought, I wound up in a hospital! A hospital! In a coma! And he's perfectly fine!" Jackknife threw his hands into the air angrily. I raised an eyebrow, undaunted.

"Listen, I need your help killing him. Will you do it?" he asked, his glowing red eyes staring directly into my green ones. Felt like he was staring straight at my soul…

"Why me though? Why not a trained killer, like Deadpool or even Punisher? I'm just a kid," I questioned him.

"You don't have a rep yet. You're a fresh face! You aren't likely to be judged! So will you do it?"

"Sure, why not. But only if I get paid," I answered.

"But of course. I wouldn't expect any person of your occupation to do a job for free."

"Great… Now can you let me out of this thing? It's starting to chafe my wrists and ankles." I motioned to the hand restraints that kept me strapped to the table.

He nodded, and with a wave of his hand, all the restraints creaked open, releasing me. I fell forward with a grunt and my hand dove into my pocket, coming up with a piece of paper.

Might as well see what else is on Deadpool's list…

Oh would you look at that!

5. Team up with a psycho from another universe.

I think Jackknife counts as a psycho…

Me too, but are you sure it's wise to trust him?

No idea.

Outside the padded room, Jackknife snickered then called out to me: "Hey kid, you coming?"

"Uh yeah," I answered uncertainly.

Oh god, this is gonna be weird.

You said it.

Without another word, I walked out of the room and followed Jackknife. Hopefully not to my certain doom. Crap I forgot he was a telepath. Oh well.