Chapter 13: Road Trip part 3: The Long Road to Not-Rome
It's been about a month or so since that whole thing with the 17th Colossus of Rhodes. Obviously stuff has happened between then and now, but nothing I feel like going into detail about, so I'll skim. Tifa transferred to the academy, hiding the fact that she was an elf, obviously. Word got out due to an accident or something, and some chick named Beatrice or something like that launched an inquisition. Can't say I expected to see that on a school campus. Guess you never expect Halkegnian inquisitions. Their chief element is surprise after all. Surprise and fear.
In any case we put a stop to that quite quickly, and now everyone loves Tifa, regardless of elf blood. Hell, people started hitting on her and asking her out! I suspect it has less to do with her pleasant personality and more with her possessions that starts with an "H" and end with "uge melons," but whatever. I wish her the best of luck in her endeavors.
But that's the past, and the past is long gone. Or, about a month gone, as the case may be. Hmm. I need to think about that one.
Disregarding that, it was another peaceful day at the academy. The weather was bright and sunny, and I was busy trying to will it to rain.
"Why do you want it to rain so badly?" Louise asked me as I continued trying to will a weather change.
"I like rain. And we've gotten, like, none of it. Ever. At any point. You notice that? The whole time I've been here it hasn't rained once. That sucks!"
"That's because we were in Albion during the season where it's most rainy in this area," Louise explained.
"That was winter!"
"Exactly. Around that time the academy gets a pretty even mix between rain and snow."
"And we missed it!" I exclaim. "Damn war!"
"If it makes you feel any better around this time it also gets a little rainy."
"Yes!" I say with a pump of my fist.
"Yo! Josh! Louise!" I hear my personal maid unit, Emily 01, call from somewhere behind us. "Letter just arrived for you two!"
"Really?" Louise asks. "What's it say?"
"I don't go through people's mail!" Emily declares indignantly. "What, you think that just because I'm the best information broker ever that I go through my master's mail whenever it arrives? I have standards when it comes to people's privacy, you know!"
"So what's it say?" I ask.
"It's a request from the princess. She wants you, Louise and Tifa to come to Romalia ASAP."
"To be fair, you never said they were very high standards," Louise responds.
"Not at all, miss!" Emily responds.
"Wait. Louise, it wouldn't happen to be Romalia's rainy season, would it?"
"No, sorry. Romalia doesn't actually get much rain in general," Louise says.
"... DAMN IT!"
"Well, that sucks," Emily says. "Okay, let's see. I'll obviously need the Hecate and my pistols, just in case, a few changes of outfit-"
"What are you babbling about?" Louise asks.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm coming too! I'm getting bored just sitting around here doing nothing!"
"And the real reason is?" I ask.
"What do you mean real reason?" Emily asks.
"If you were coming because you were bored, you wouldn't bring along an anti-material rifle and a pair of pistols."
Emily pauses. "Okay, I may or may not have heard of a few interesting things coming from Romalia."
"Interesting how?" Louise asks.
"Starts with a 'V' and ends with another few letters," Emily says.
"You mean..." I start going through everything relevant to our interests that starts with a V. "Void! That was it! Something about void from Romalia?"
"What!" Louise says. "Surely you can't be serious?"
"I am serious! And don't call me Shirley," Emily says with a smirk. "Again, just a few rumors. Considering you two are going, I figure I'd take this moment to do a little field work for myself. Laziness dulls the trigger finger, you know?"
"No. No, I don't," Louise says.
"Neither do I," I offer. "I'm not overly fond of guns. Not my style."
"Either way, I don't see a reason I shouldn't come with. Everyone else is, right?" Emily asks.
"Let's see, Guiche, Momo, Tabby, and Kirche, anyone else?" I say as I go through the list.
"I imagine Colbert is probably getting nervous about us taking his ship out for a spin every other week without him, so we should probably at least invite him," Emily says.
"I see no reason not to," Louise says with a nod. "It certainly can't hurt."
"Right. Okay, let's get everyone together and pack up. Time for yet another road trip. Woo."
"Enthusiasm!" Emily shouts with a punch to the air before turning and running off to go pack.
"I'd say, 'at least she's enthusiastic,' but she appears to have that part covered," Louise says dryly.
*Scene Break*
*Whistle* I love this ship. I really do. Not to cargo shipping levels, but it's still such a lovely ship. It flies like a dream, it looks badass, it's got cannons for blowing shit to hell. All it needs is a badass banner to wave and we'll be good to go! God, it's good to be captain.
"I ask again, who named you captain?" Momo asked me on the top deck.
"Well I was elected unanimously and singularly," I respond.
"So you named yourself captain," It was a statement, not a question.
"No one seems to mind," I say with a shrug. "Besides, it's not like I'm abusing my own self-given authority."
"Thank the founder for that," Momo says.
"That reminds me," I say. "I honestly don't know much about this place's religion. What with it's founders and Brimirs and all that. Know anywhere I can get a quick fix of knowledge so I don't embarrass myself asking who the hell Brimir is?"
Momo nods. "That's probably smart. Romalia is one of, if not the most, religious place in Halkegnia." ... I'm going to hate it there. "I think Colbert actually has a sort of mini library in here. You can start there. I'm sure there's something about the founder in there."
... We have a ****ing library on this ship? Well, that explains where Tabitha has been this whole trip. I got Montmorency to give me as best a set of directions as she can and make my way to the library.
"I'll be damned, there is a library on this ship," I muse as I step into the room lined with shelves. The shelves were lined with a bunch of books, as I probably shouldn't need to mention.
"Okay, where's the local Halkegnian bible?" I muse.
I believe I once mentioned I'm not overly religious. Honestly, whenever I'm asked about my religious affiliation I just sort of joke and say I'm either Haruhiist or Madokist. I'm mostly going over this because there have been a few occasions of people mocking me/calling me an idiot for not knowing the basic facts. Besides, it kind of interests me. I like how it's a founder, not a god of any kind. Plus the fact that Brimir was worshipped because he was a void user is interesting to me because I know two void users, and know of a third one. Hell, I'm the familiar of one! If the only qualification of being worshiped is to be a void user, I need to do everything I can to keep myself out of that! I hate people acknowledging me in general, as I've made clear, I don't want people years into the future setting expectations on me that there's no way I can reach. Mostly because I'm dead by then, but whatever.
"Okay, this thing looks rather bibley," I say as I pull out a small hardcover book from the shelf. I flip open to a random page and skim through.
"... Squiggles. It's nothing but weird squiggles," I note.
Okay, apparently whatever insanely useful and convenient magic auto translates all speech for me doesn't apply to text. Well. That sucks. And ruins all my nefarious plans.
The sound of paper shuffling draws my attention to the side, where I notice Tabitha sitting in the corner reading a book. Or she was, but she's apparently got a radar that detects people's gazes as she looks up from her book and looks me in the eye.
"..."
"..."
"Hi Tabby."
"Hello Josh."
...
We are the best at conversation.
"Do you read often?" Tabitha asks me.
Holy shit! Tabitha just started a conversation! Well, technically you could say I started it because I said hi first, but who cares! Tabitha posed a question!
"I read a fair amount back home," I admit. "Mostly recreational, though roughly 40% of it was required reading that I needed to do for school."
"I see," Tabitha says with a nigh imperceptible nod.
"I'd continue reading here, but apparently I am incapable of reading these squiggles that apparently makes up this world's alphabet."
"This world?" Tabitha asks.
... Damn, was that still a secret?
"Apparently I never mentioned that. Sorry. Yeah, I'm from a different world then this one. As such, I have no idea how to read any of this."
Tabitha is silent. That's normal for her, but it still kind of unnerves me. It didn't seem like her normal silence. It seemed more like she was hesitating, then choosing not to speak. No hesitating Tabby! Pick a path and charge down it full steam, tearing down all obstacles in your way! That's how our team rolls!
"If you like, I could help teach you," Tabitha says eventually.
"As in, teach me how to read and become literate by this world's standards?" I ask to clarify, choosing to ignore that Tabitha is offering something that would result in her doing more talking.
Tabitha nods.
"Awesome. Then I'm in your care, teacher!"
*Scene Break*
And... that was quick! I've already grasped pretty much everything I need to be literate! According to Tabitha speculah, the factors for that may have been my being from another world combined with the gandalfar runes sort of directly imprinting the meaning of the words into my mind. All I had to say to that was I sure as hell wish I had that back home, I might not have almost failed Japanese.
Ignoring my wishes to basically be able to cheat my way to an easy "A," this did mean I could do my research properly and without interruption. Since I could read now, I was able to pick up the closest thing this world has to a bible. Turns out the book I first picked up was a cook book. Who would've thought.
"Okay, let's see," I said as I opened up the book while I lied down on the bed in the room that was pretty much mine and Louise's. "Just some skimming shouldn't hurt that much.
Okay... Holy void magic, founder of our world as it is today, four familiars of which only three are know, holy land, yadda yadda yadda.
"What are you doing?" Louise asked as she came into the room.
"Considering we're apparently going to the religion capital of the world, I thought I'd do some research so I don't seem like an idiot. That and I've been curious about it for a while."
"So how's the book treating you?" Louise asks.
"Frankly my dear, it's boring as all hell," I say honestly. "I mean, listen to this. Ahem. 'Doubtless of any other accomplishments, the founder Brimir is, and always has been, best known for his crusade against the elves and his uncanny charisma and ability to turn even the most hostile of enemies to his side.' Who writes this crap? What, did he have some kind mind control object?"
"Be lucky you're surrounded by friends who won't have you tried for blasphemy," Louise remarks.
"Luck's one thing to call it," I say before returning my attention to the book. "Geez, it doesn't even tell you anything about the previous void familiars except what they could do!" I say as I give the book a good, hearty slap.
"Don't slap books, you'll get a paper cut," Louise says. "And they don't say anything about void familiars because we don't know anything about them."
"What about the fact that Gandalfar is a weapons user? Or that Myoznitnirn is a user of magical artifacts? Or that Windalfar, or vindalfar, the translations are a bit iffy, has control over beasts? That's not knowing anything?"
Louise is silent. "Okay, point taken, but that's all we know."
"Bah. I wanna know more about my predecessor!" I complain. "Oh well, the book was boring anyway," I say as I toss the book onto the desk.
"I imagine a lot of people want to know," Louise says. "Why not just ask Emily? I'm sure she can tell you. She knows everything else, after all."
"What do I know?" Emily asks as she walks in.
"We were just discussing the previous gandalfar and noticed that the book about Brimir says nothing about it. Anything info you would like to share?" I ask.
"Sure. I believe her name was Sasha. Full blooded elf, unlike Tifa who's only a half elf. Nice girl, I believe. Had a spirit sword that could transfer it's abilities and consciousness to any other sword. Brimir loved her, if I recall. Didn't stop the giant genocide against the elves, or her stabbing him through the heart after he summoned her as Lifdrasil, the fourth void familiar, to aid the genocide, but what can you do," Emily says with a shrug.
"... What," I say.
"W-what are you talking about!" Louise exclaims. "G-genocide? Lifdrasil? Make sense, maid!"
"Ah, you're right," Emily says. "It might be Yggdrasil. Either or."
"The Norse mythological world tree?" I ask. "Wait, Norse or Scandinavian? It's been too long, I can't remember exactly."
Emily raises an eyebrow in curiosity, while Louise just wonders what the hell I'm blabbering about.
"Oh, right. Mythology and history were the only two subjects at school I actually liked," I tell all present. "Greek mythology especially for the former, the crusades, the renaissance and the American revolution especially for the later."
"Who would've guessed this idiot's a history buff?" Emily says with a grin.
"Hey I didn't fail those classes! I'm not an idiot!" I protest.
"And those were probably the only ones you didn't fail," Louise remarks dryly.
The most hurtful part of that statement isn't that Louise said it at all. The most hurtful part is that it's true. Only mostly! I only failed Japanese, everything else was a solid "D" or higher! I swear!
"Well, whatever," Emily says as she dismisses my protest. "That was all mostly speculation I've put together after going through about 30 novels worth of rumors and supposed 'evidence.' Yggdrasil's something I sort of put together. After all, there is speculation that Yggdrasil was made to genocide the elves, and that the familiar would die in the process. Cut down the world tree, watch everyone fall off."
"Lifdrasil's easier to spell," I counter.
"Either works," Emily says with a shrug.
*Scene Break*
Ignoring all of that, eventually, meaning after several days, we did reach Romalia, docked the ship and the whole group went ashore.
I let out a low whistle upon stepping onto the ground. "Nice place. Nice, clean. Some waterways here and there. I like the architecture. Quite a few tall buildings and it looks easy to climb."
"Do you size up everywhere you go by how easy it'd be to climb?" Louise asks me.
"Well if I ever need an easy way out of a sticky situation, it helps to know your escape routes, right?"
"Right!" Emily says as she slips her pistols into the holster under her skirt.
"Where's the sniper rifle?" I ask.
"I'm leaving that on the ship for now," Emily says. "It'd look a bit weird if I was walking around with a giant other-worldly gun hanging off my back, wouldn't it?"
"Not gonna deny that," I say. "Having a sword hanging off of my back probably isn't going to do me any favors, but whatever."
"Hey!" Derflinger says from his sheathe. "I'm a talking sword! How can I not do you any favors?"
I ignore the sword that only pops out to complain or deus ex machina.
Oh, and the dock we parked at had a trio of guards. As it probably should, admittedly. The three walked up to us in a line. All three were heavily armed and heavily armored. The one in the middle, wearing a pair of glasses, seems to be the leader, as he pointed at the Ostland and was the first to speak.
"Students of the Tristain Academy of Magic," he official begins. "What is with that ship? It seems different compared to others."
I'd question how he knows we're from the academy of magic, but everyone except me and Emily is wearing some kind of uniform from there, so I guess it's kind of obvious. I mean, Tifa was wearing a fancy hat to hide her elf ears, but that's really not enough to throw people off that much.
"It's a new kind of ship I developed in Germania," Colbert responds.
"And on those wings, what is with the bladed turrets?"
"Pretty sure they're called propellors," I say, adding a silent, sarcastic genius to the sentence. That earns me a glare from the official. I feign an innocent expression and try to convey peaceful imagery through some type of psychic power, likely pyrokinesis. I don't think it worked. Luckily Colbert is there to draw fire from me.
"The propellors provide propulsion through the power of steam," Colbert says, drawing the official's attention.
"Without using the holy magic of god, you dare fly through the skies with this machine. Is this not heresy?"
At the word "heresy," the other two guards grab ahold of some type of item hanging around their neck. Probably something that's the equivalent of a rosary or something similar. I would have been able to tell you what the item was, but I was too busy laughing. Ridiculously hard. I actually doubled over and had to hold my stomach, I was laughing too hard. This drew glares from all three guards, and worried looks from my group. Well, I guess Tiffania was the only one looking worried, as she was holding onto the brim of her hat and pulling it down over her had, as if to make herself disappear into it. Everyone else was a mix of "Oh shit, we're dead," and "you are a complete idiot."
Eventually I manage to calm down, and stand up straight and look at the official. The official who looks ready to just rip my throat out. That kills my laughter dead in it's tracks. Not because he was scary, but because the realization hit me.
"My god, you're actually serious," I say.
"And what god might you be referring to?" The official asks.
"... Madoka?" I offer, hoping they can recognize attempts at humor.
"A heretic!" The official declares, drawing his sword, prompting the others to do the same.
"S-stop! Please!" Tifa says. "We don't want to fight!"
That draws the official's attention. ... Oh, this'll end well.
"You," he says, sheathing his sword for now. "Let me see that hat."
Tifa responds by freezing up and trembling awkwardly.
"Wh-what?" She says as she grabs the brim of her hat.
"Did you not hear me? I said I want to see that hat. Did you not hear me?"
"Fantastic!" I cry out. "Wearing hats is heresy! What's next? No skirts shorter then 2 feet? Boy, that day'll suck."
"You be silent, heretic!" He yells at me. "I'll deal with you next."
*CLANG*
My response was slamming the heads of the guards flanking him into his own, knocking all three unconscious. Thank you upper body strength!
"And I'm done dealing with you," I tell him.
"Josh," Louise begins.
"I know. Let's go before they wake up and report us for assault."
And so we left the unconscious men there and headed into the city of Romalia.
"Is everyone in this city that..." I look for the right word.
"Religious?" Momo suggests.
"Idiotic?" Emily offers.
"Scary?" Tifa adds.
"Some combo of the first two," I respond. "Seriously. They're like the people who had Galileo excommunicated because he suggested that the Earth orbited the sun, not the inverse. 'He thinks different then us! Kill him and say our religion was right!' And so Pope Urban VIII condemned the dude, but you know who had the last laugh?"
"Galileo?" Colbert says, questioningly.
"Well, actually it was the pope when Galileo died in poverty and dishonor, but what I'm saying is, hindsight and religion don't mix. The crusade seemed good at the time. The templars were all gung-ho about 'Woo! Killing in the name of religion! Yay!' Now everyone sees the templars as being idiots for slaughtering a ton of people for no discernible reason. The fact that it was later seen as sinful by the very religion the crusades were fought for probably didn't help."
"And what does this have to do with you wondering about the people of this city?" Louise asks.
"Who knows?" I say with a shrug. "What I'm trying to-"
"You!" A guard and his partner say as they come up to me. "Don't you know that carrying a weapon out in the open is-"
*CLANG*
The two slump to the ground, sunlight reflecting off the dents in their helmets.
"Say is, the longer we stay here the likely we are to get prosecuted by the pope for some inane reason."
"I'm more worried about being arrested for assaulting five guards," Louise says.
"Yeah, I have a feeling I'll be doing that a lot. Oh well. Anyone know where the pope lives?"
"Yeah, obviously," Emily says. "Follow me!" She says with much enthusiasm.
*Scene Break*
"This place is huge!" I say as we stepped into the... Guess cathedral is as good a word as any for it.
"I've never seen anything like it," Momo agrees.
"Meh. Seen one church you've seen 'em all," Emily says with a shrug.
"Princess!" Louise says upon seeing Henrietta. "We have arrived."
"And we even managed to not knock out too many guards on the way in!" Emily says with a grin.
"What?" Henrietta asks.
"Nothing, nothing," I say to steer the topic of conversation away. "Any food? We've been traveling for a while so..."
Henrietta nods. "Yes. They've already prepared dinner for everyone."
It's that late already? I don't think it took us that long to get here. Ah well. For business reasons, apparently, Louise, Tiffania, Henrietta and I went to one room for dinner and everyone else left for another. Must be super secret stuff.
Henrietta led us to the the room where we'd be having dinner. And there'd we have a nice dinner and-
"Oh for ****'s sake, what's this asshole doing here?" I ask as I point out the asshole already sitting at the table.
"Ah! How nice to see you two again!" Julio says as he gets up from the table and walks over to us.
*pak*
"What was that for?" I ask Louise.
"Watch your language! We're in the midst of royalty and the pope!" She whisper/growls at me.
"Eh? Seriously?" Oh yeah, there is another guy here. I can tell he's the pope because his hat's stupid. ... I'm pretty sure this is a dude. Hard to tell. He looks kind of feminine, and his long, blondish hair isn't doing him any favors. He had preistly-type robes, and the stupidest hat ever. The hat worn by the cat in the hat would look cooler than that. He was also wielding (that's the wrong word, isn't it?) a sort of staff. It was made of silver, with what looked like a ball at the head of it. The ball had one sort of spike of sorts sticking out the top, with two more poking out the side, giving off the shape of a cross. A nice piece of symbolism ruined by the other two pair of spike in line with and under the other side spikes.
"Oh, sorry your popeliness," I say casually. "Um... Nice pope stick?"
"It's okay," he says with a "gentle" smile. "And it's called, 'The Papal Staff.'"
Right, popes do get their own adjective. ... That stick-
"Well, we can't very well let this fantastic dinner get cold, now can we?" Julio says.
"Right! I am starving!" I say as I sit down at the table and proceed to dig in.
"... I apologize for his lack of manners," Louise says with a small bow before walking to the table and sitting at my right.
"..." Tifa seems a bit worried, but she sits down at my left anyway.
The pope sits at the head of the table far to the right, Henrietta sits at the tail end far to the left, and Julio sits just across from me.
And so, dinner was had. I fell like I was the only one that ate anything though. Henrietta seemed far too nervous to do much of anything, which rubbed off on Louise who proceeded to not eat much at all, and Tifa's been nervous this whole trip, so I'm not surprised. Julio and the pope just plain ate nothing. What, is it a requirement in this city to fast once a month?
"I'm sorry, we have not had formal introductions," the pope says. "I am Pope Aegis the 32nd, Vittorio Serevare."
"Joshua Springfield. Pleasure to meet you Mr. Aegis," earns me a slap from Louise for not showing proper respect.
"I am Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière. I am honored to make your acquaintance," Louise says with a bow.
"T-Tiffania Westwood."
"And you already appear to know my familiar, Julio," Mr. Aegis says.
"Met him once. Don't like him," I reply.
"I appreciate your honesty," Julio says with a smug grin.
"W-wait! Go back a second!" Louise says. "Wh-what's this about a familiar?"
In response Julio takes off his right glove and shows us a set of runes.
"Yep. Yeah, I've luckily reached the point of nothing surprising me anymore," I say, since Louise seems to stunned to say anything. "Since I'm Gandalfar, and Sheffield is Myoznitnirn, I take it you're the animal one?"
"I am indeed Vindalfar," Julio says, putting his gloves back on. "And I was indeed summoned to be his holiness's familiar through the miracle of void."
"... I'm the only alien here, right?" I ask to confirm.
"Josh!" Louise hisses at me.
"What? That's still not common knowledge? I would've thought everyone knew that by now," I say with a shrug.
"No need to worry," Mr. Holy says. "Rest assured that you are the only resident of another world."
Bitchin'. I'd hate to lose my one claim to fame.
"So, to clarify, your holiness is a void mage as well?" Louise asks.
"Yes. He is," Henrietta says. "I have seen it with my own eyes."
"Void certainly stopped being rare in the last few centuries, didn't it?" Louise says under her breath.
"Okay, so we have 3 void users and two void familiars sitting together eating dinner. ... Any particular plans for this set up, or did you just think it'd be a nice set up for a joke?" I ask.
"Yes. He wanted three users of a holy and forgotten magic and two of the most powerful familiars in history just because he thought it'd be nice to have them all together in a room for dinner. Good job Josh, you've been doing a lot of good thinking today," Louise says dryly.
"Regretfully, we are not here just for dinner," Mr. Pope tells us. "I did have an objective in mind that I wished to discuss."
Oh, dinner's not good enough? Maybe we'll go see a play as well.
"A-and what did you want to discuss?" Tifa asks.
"It's simple really. I wish to use the void that we have been blessed with and use it to reclaim the holy land," The pope tells us.
Silence. I feel like my reason for silence is different from everyone else's.
"Um... The alien is lost here. What's all this about holy land?"
"The..." Louise tries to start, but still seems to stunned to say anything. She slaps her cheeks a few times to psych herself up. "The holy land is the land that Brimir once traveled. These days however, it's occupied completely by elves."
"Those things we all fear for no reason?" I ask.
"Not for no reason," Julio informs me. "The elves... Ah, perhaps this is a conversation best saved for other company?"
It takes a second for that to click with me.
"You... You already know?" Tifa asks.
"I guessed," Julio says. "Now, there's no need to hide it anymore."
Tifa hesitates, then looks to me. ... Wait, why me?
"Why not?" I say with a shrug.
Tifa give a small smile, then removes her hat, revealing her pointed ears.
"Okay, now that another not-secret is out and we know what the holy land is, anyone want to clarify why we should get it back?" I ask.
"It is where we belong," The pope explains. "Why do wars exist? Why do the governors of this world, in short, us, declare war so easily with each other? Simply put, it is because of the loss of our destined land."
... Wow. Seriously? I mean... No. Just continue.
"The fact that our promised lands are currently conquered and occupied by an unknown population is... Unhealthy, let's say, for our people. As such, we lost confidence and began seeking cheap replacements. Pointless fights over countless lands. As such, we have bled a lot unnecessarily."
Pointless is probably the most fitting word for everything said here.
"Only by reclaiming the holy land and revealing the rebirth of this legendary power can we truly inspire the confidence needed to unite Halkegnia. When Halkegnia is united, there will finally be no more wars."
"I... Have a few words," I say, unsure of what exactly those few words are. I figure it out pretty quickly though.
"Hmm? You have questions about Halkgenia's-"
"Bullshit?" I cut off Julio.
That shuts everyone up.
"M-Mr. Joshua... What did you just say?" Henrietta asks, the nervousness obvious in her voice.
"What, bullshit? It's the most fitting word for this. No, wait, second most fitting word. The other most fitting word would be 'crusade.'"
"I will not deny that," The asshole pope says.
"Okay, let's start with the 'bullshit' part. Ehem. Halkegnia will have no more wars after being united by reclaiming the holy land. Let's start with that idea that wars are happening because we're not in the holy land. The thing about humans is, they don't fight because of something, no matter how large that thing may be. They just use it as an excuse to fight. Put two humans together in an arena and tell them only one can get out alive, and to survive you need to kill the other. One will kill the other and justify it by saying 'it was kill or be killed.' That's false. Humans will tear each other apart at the drop of the hat, as long as they can pass the guilt to someone else. If a way to easily kill elves existed, no one here would do it, to dodge the guilt of killing. Let's fix that problem, let's call it a crusade! Yeah! Now nobody will bat an eye at my slaughtering of countless lives and even better, God'll forgive me in the end because it was all killing in the name!"
I pause to take a sip of my water and to let it sink in.
"So you are against the very idea of a crusade?" The asshole pope says, his tone indicating curiosity.
"Well it turned out so well for the templars in the 11th through 13 centuries," I tell them. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. 800 years later, it's seen as a vile sin against the religion the crusades were fought for."
"So you're saying hindsight and religion don't mix," Louise says while taking a sip of her cup. I think it was a hot chocolate or something.
"Nice call back, love," I tell her. "So yes, I'm against the idea of a crusade, especially one that just wouldn't work. Your idea is that a united nation won't go to war, correct?"
The pope nods.
"Sorry. Bullshit. I come from a small country called, the United States of America. Sounds great! United's right in the title! We're a big happy family! Oh, except for that little spat a few hundred years ago called the civil war that ended up creating more dead americans then practically every other war combined. And before we were our own country, we were pretty much owned by the British Empire, and as such was technically united with them. Then we disagreed about a few small things like how government should work because, shock and awe! People all have different opinions! Enough people's opinions match up and go up against the other opinion and fights break out! Nothing huge, admittedly, just the American Revolution that led to thousands of dead people and us gaining our independence in the end. Unity does not equal peace. The only way to achieve unity and peace is to control everyone's minds, the differing opinions will cause conflict on their own. Take away free will, achieve peace. Tell me, does that seem like a good idea?"
"If it achieves peace for Halkegnia, then yes," the pope says.
"So you don't care about anyone else's free will and desire to do as they wish? You'd gladly take all that away if it meant peace?"
"As I said. If it achieves peace, then yes," the pope reaffirms.
*CRASH*
A loud sound reverberates throughout the room, as my fist connects with the table. The sound of the thud, combined with the thundering of all the silverware causes everybody to jump slightly in their seat.
"I'm done. I hold little patience for complete idiots."
"J-Josh!" Louise calls out, but it's a bit too late, as I've already gotten up and left the room.
After I left the room, making sure not to slam the door on the way out (because that would be rude!) I walked down the hallway a bit, before deciding to stop and lean up against the wall.
I sigh in anger and frustration. "Damn everything."
I don't usually get this worked up over something. Must be calcium deficiency. I should have had milk instead of water. I might have kept somewhat of a level head.
"Josh!"
"Hm? Oh, Louise. Here to drag me back to apologize to everyone for flipping my shit in front of a queen and the pope?"
"I... I just want to talk about it a bit more," Louise says.
"You're not going to try and convince me, are you? Lemme tell you up front, that'll work real well."
"Shut up," Louise says angrily. "I wanted to check on you. I've never seen you that angry at something. Are you all right?" The anger that was in her voice melts into worry.
I sigh again. "Yeah. Yeah, it's just... Me and religion never really mixed. The concept never sat well with me. People ask, I just joke, otherwise I answer honestly and come across as a complete asshole. Regardless, the point is, I hate the idea of some kind of god sitting up there dictating what we do. I love the idea of free will and that I'm the one in control of what I do."
"Is that it?" Louise asks.
"Well that, and if we fight a crusade, we'd be fighting a crusade," I point out.
Louise opens her mouth to make some snarky remark, but I hold up a hand to stop her.
"Let me explain. We choose to fight this crusade, then that's me, you, and even Tifa being put in danger unnecessarily. If it was just me, I'd never do it. If it was just you and me, you'd probably drag me into helping the princess. I'd bitch and whine, but never really go any further or voice my opinion. Through Tifa into the mix, an elf herself, if only half, and who's only way of defending herself on her own is a spell that wipes memories..." I shrug. The rest should be obvious.
Louise is silent.
"Ah, voicing my personal opinion on this was probably a mistake anyway," I say. "No one listens or cares what I say anyway."
"... I care about what you say," Louise tells me.
"And you're probably the only one, even counting myself," I tell her.
"That's really sad."
"So I've been told," I say with a shrug.
"I've decided," Louise says with determination. "I'll go back and tell the pope we won't support his crusade against the elves."
"I thought I had that covered?"
"I'll go back and tell the pope we won't support his crusade against the elves in a way that won't get us arrested or executed," Louise corrects.
"Right. And... Well, I guess you can tell them I'm sorry. No point in burning bridges with people who can order an execution on us."
"I don't think you need to worry about Henrietta putting out an execution order," Louise says.
"Not her I'm worried about."
Louise simply scoffs and turns and walks back to the dinner room.
... I should have told he to let the pope know his staff was as stupid as his hat. The ball glowing was kind of a neat effect, but what purpose did it serve?
*Scene Break*
A day has passed since that little spat. We, meaning me, Louise, and Emily, got our own room. I woke up first, likely due to the knocking on our door.
"What happened to the days where I could just sleep in?" I mumble as I pull myself out of the bed, over Emily, and to the door. I opened it to find the last person I wanted to see.
"Oh for ****'s sake, you again?" I tell Julio.
"Now, now, is that any way to greet a brother?" He tells me with a smug look on his face.
"... There something you're not telling me?" I ask him.
"Why should I call you anything different?" Besides the fact that we share neither blood, interests, and the fact that I hate you. "We are both familiars of the void, we should be more friendly to each other, should we not?"
"Hwah? Who's that?" Emily mutters as she pulls herself up. "Oh... It's that douche. Whadda you want?"
"I simply wished to take Josh here to see something I feel important," Julio explains.
"I wanna go too!" Emily says. "I wanna... Meh, too tired. Sleep now, fun times later. Have fun."
Then Emily lies down, pull the covers over herself and goes back to sleep.
"Well, lead the way," I say, giving a prompt for Julio to start walking.
And so he led me to the basement of that giant cathedral that served as the pope's house apparently.
"Ooooh, so dark and spooky here," I say, feigning fear. "What, trying to spook me into a crusade against ghosts? Sorry, don't believe in 'em."
"Few do," Julio admits. "No, what I had to show you was this."
And then Julio gestured to a door. An admittedly nice door, but still just a door. I break into applause.
"Oh dear god! It's amazing! The greatest thing ever! I'm so glad you woke me up to show me this! I'm so excited I could faint! Aaaaaand, I'm done."
"Good," Julio says with a smirk. "After all, what I wanted to show you was what was behind the door, not the door itself."
"Cool. You go first, so I'm a hundred percent certain you're not just trying to lock me in a dark room."
"But of course, good sir," Julio says with a bow. Then he opens the door and steps in, and I follow shortly after. My first observation?
"It's dark," I point out. Luckily I have night vision, which I active so I don't bump into anything.
"Don't worry, allow me to take care of that," Julio says before reaching for some kind of switch on the wall. He presses it, and all the lanterns hanging from the wall simultaneously light up. I deactivate HA to see just what all the fuss is about. I nearly fainted from awesomeness overload.
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. "Weapons! So many weapons!"
The walls were just straight up covered in shelves! Shelves everywhere! And each shelf had all sorts of weaponry on it! And not a single bit of it was Halkgenian! It all looked way too awesome for that!
"Though we cast a stasis spell to preserve them as soon as we found them, some are still unfortunately beyond repair," Julio informs me.
"What the hell is all this doing here? Wait, no, I don't care."
"I'll tell you anyway. These are all relics from the far east. More specifically, around the holy lands," Julio says.
"Well, that's interesting."
"Ah, but that's not all," Julio the used car dealer tells me. "There is another thing we have here. Follow me."
And so I did. I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about the second it came into view, but I was too busy wondering what the hell something like this was doing here.
"It's a goddamn tank!" I say as I soak in the view.
Hmmm. No. Tank is technically the right word, but it's no tank I've very seen. It's covered in white plating, and seems smaller then most tanks I've seen. I know tanks are multi man efforts, but this things looks like it could hold a maximum of three, and that might be stretching it. Still, the treads and cannon don't lie. A tank this be, and I tank I see. I walk up to it and put my left hand on it, and the gandalfar runes light up and tell me all I need to know. Hmmm. Interesting. This is knowledge I'll keep to myself, no need to mention it to anyone else yet.
"Wait. You're not going to give me some speech about how these otherworldly items are all from the holy land, and even some people like me babbling about another world have popped up from the east, are you?" I ask.
Julio chuckles. "I'll admit, I was preparing to inform you about that. I thought it would be something you would have liked to know. But you are saying this, 'tank' is also from your world.
... "Yes. Yes it is," I lie. "Still runs too. Not for long, it's rather damaged, but we could probably get a good battle out of it. Good luck getting it out of here." All of that was true though.
"We'll find a way. Still, it was not my intention to bring you to our side. Think of these more as a... Good will gift, shall we say. After all, they are all from your world, and as such you have more right to them then any of us."
Damn right son, now give me my tank.
"Not just that, but these do belong to you anyway. You are Gandalfar after all."
Damn right, gimme my tank.
And then Julio broke into this long winded exposition. Stuff about long spears and guns and the history of Gandalfar's use, it was really kind of boring. Shit, I wanted to learn more about that? It's so freaking boring! I let Julio keep on rambling as I let my attention wander around the shelves to see if anything caught my eye. And, well, something did. Something that really shouldn't be here.
"Holy hell, is that a grief seed?" I asked no one as I walked over to the shelves and picked up the little brass ball of despair and little girl souls.
"Pardon?" Julio asks, curious as to what the hell I'm talking about.
"Oh, nothing. Just don't let any magic near these things," I say as I show him the brass ball of death and evil. "Don't want any eldritch type, LSD inspired abominations popping out to eat everyone's souls. Word of warning."
I put the thing back on the shelf and look around some more. Holy hell, there's tons of stuff that shouldn't be here! Is that the Master Sword? An N7 Typhoon? Want. Want badly.
"You're welcome to stay and take what you like," Julio informs me. "Just remember to close the door on your way out."
And with that, he turns and leaves. I'd follow him or something to make sure he's not trapping me in here, but I see a Cain on the shelf way in the back. I can just blow my way out with my mini nuke if worst comes to absolute worst. Oh! C4! Hey, is that pokeball? ... Damn, empty. Figures. Probably doesn't work on anything either. A wrench? Well, someone's got to take care of the splicers here. ... Gunblade? Awesome, but a wee bit too impractical in terms of everything. Still neat though.
*Clank*
"Ow! Stupid old shelves," Says a voice that's not mine.
...
Well, I'm not surprised by anything anymore. The fact that someone managed to sneak in here doesn't surprise me. Let's go see who it is. A quick turn here, a right turn here, and I immediately came face to face with our mysterious intruder. A little white haired girl rubbing her head after what I assume was something falling on it.
"... Sarina, wasn't it?" I ask her.
She gasps in surprise and turns to face me.
"Oh... um... Hi, Josh," She says with a nervous smile.
"And, what are you doing here, may I ask?"
"Looking around."
"For what purpose?"
"Um... Um... What are you doing here!" She counters.
"Checking out the stuff. Some weird stuff here. 90% of it shouldn't exist, let alone be here."
"That happens. Timelines have an easy time merging and dropping off items in places they shouldn't," Sarina explains.
"Should I know what any of that means?"
Sarina freezes, as if realizing she said something she shouldn't. "N-no. No, you shouldn't, and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Riiiiight. I'm sure I'll forget about it in the next few seconds," I admit. "So, what are you doing here?"
"Looking for a birthday present for my friend," Sarina says as she scans the shelves.
"... So you look in a vault of otherworldly weaponry," I observe.
"She's a bit of a weapon's nut, so it seemed like a good idea," Sarina admits. Then she pauses, as if she got an idea. "Hey, you're gandalfar, right?"
"I suppose I should ask why you know that despite the fact that it's really not a secret," I tell her.
"I recognize those runes anywhere!" She says as she puffs her flat chest out and puts her hands on her hips. "Believe it or not, I'm an expert on void magic! I know everything there is to know! ... Probably!"
"Well, can't argue with that. I'll help find something nice for..." I prompt her for a name.
"Her name's Natalie."
"I'll help find something for your friend Natalie."
Sarina smiles. "Awesome! As payment, there's something around here I think you'd like. I'll give it to you when we're done."
"But I already have a solid weapon in Derflinger, not to mention I think I saw a katana or two back there."
"Well... I think you'll like it. And it's not like you have to take it," Sarina says with a shrug. "Oh! Before we get started though, I was asked to deliver a message, should I run into you again."
"Oh, and what's that?"
"Erm... I was asked to deliver it word for word, sorry, in advance," Sarina says.
"Wh-"
*SLAP*
"It's Eagle Vision you dolt!" Sarina yells at me.
"Wha-"
"Not battle mode, or heightened awareness, it's called Eagle Vision!" Sarina explains. "Sorry. The slap was part of the message."
... So you are capable of reading minds! ... maybe. I need proof first. ... Flat chest.
"Wha-wha-what! I'm still only like nine years old! They'll grow with time!" Sarina absolutely screams at me, her face red and her arms crossed over her chest.
"... Josh: 1, Sarina : 0," I say with a grin.
It takes Sarina a second to realize what she just proved. She "eeps!" and shuts up.
"... Okay. You got me," Sarina admits.
Hmph. How's a nine year old learn to read minds?
"Well I could explain, but that'd take far too long and really doesn't have much to do with anything," Sarina says. "Come on, let's go get Nat's birthday gift."
And so we wandered up and down the shelves, examining things. Hey, is that-
"It is a plasma cutter!" Sarina says with a small amount of enthusiasm.
Does that thing even have any ammo?
"Yeah, I think so," Sarina says. "See? The ammo hologram says three."
*BANG*
"Gah!"
We drop the gun and dive for cover. Once we're certain it's safe, we pop back out.
"No," I say.
"Agreed."
"Okay. Let's keep looking and make sure we didn't cut anything important."
Hmmm. Think. What would she like? I started browsing. Partly for my own benefit as well. There's some neat stuff here. Hey, wait. I walk up to a familiar looking sword.
"This the Infinity Blade?" I wonder as I pick up the sword. Runes confirm it! God slayer acquired!
"Oh! It is! Would you please hand it over?" Sarina asks. "Nat'd absolutely love it!"
And so I handed the infinity blade, the blade that slays the gods, to a little girl. ... Am I an idiot?
"Probably," Sarina admits. "Still. Thanks. Now for that thing I promised. Come on!" She says before running off. I follow after.
"Hmmm. I know they were around here somewhere," she murmurs to herself as she scans the shelves. "Aha! Here they are!"
She picks up two bracers, I think they're called, and tosses them to me. I observe them for a second, then I notice Sarina motioning for me to slip them on. I slide one onto my left forearm. It fits pretty good actually. And it does... what exactly?
"Flick your wrist back," Sarina says as she does the motion. A motion I copy. And then a blade pops out of the bracer.
"Whoa!" I voice my surprise. Oh, and the blade popping out triggers the gandalfar runes, letting me know about this blade arm guard.
"Try 'em out for a bit, see how you like them," Sarina says with a smile. "They're called hidden blades."
Creativity was on back order when they were named, I take it.
"Well," I say as I slip on the other one. "I have to say thanks. This seems pretty neat."
"You're welcome," she says with another smile.
And so our business done, we wandered back down the halls, until we came up to the tank.
"One sec," I say as I walk towards the tank.
"What are you doing?" Sarina asks me.
"This tank intrigues me, so gimme a moment."
After approaching the tank, I check out the side and locate a switch. A quick flip and the top of the tank opens. I jump up and pull myself up to the top. I hop in and examine all the switches.
"What are you doing?" Sarina asks as she hops in after me. Good thing it was made for two. Where'd the sword go?
"I stabbed it into the ground and left it for now," She explains. "So what are we doing here?"
"Like I said, the tank interests me. My gandalfar instincts tell me that this thing is plot relevant," I tell her.
"Plot relevant?" She seems confused.
"Okay, maybe not to this plot, but I'm not really getting good feelings. Okay, what's this button do?"
I push and button and a monitor pops out of the console. It then shows a view of in front of the tank. I give a low whistle.
"Hi tech. So that's how they see where they're driving."
"Hey, what's that?" Sarina says as she points at something on the screen.
I look where she's pointing. The words, "Footage safely recorded. Play back? Y/N" are in a corner on the screen.
"... I say yes. How do we say yes?"
"Um... touchscreen maybe?" Sarina says as she pokes the "Y" on the screen. The screen goes black with a little rotating circle in the center, with the world "LOADING" underneath it.
"Even in the future we can't fix loading times," I remark.
Eventually the footage starts, despite my complaining. And we immediately see a guy get decapitated. His head, just sort of popped off.
"Aaah!" Sarina screams and buries her head into my arm. Squeamish, inn't she?
"I-I just don't do good with these things," she forces out.
Well, no helping it. I guess I'll just watch the video myself. After that happened, the tank moves forward, and a girl comes into view. I'd tell you what she looks like, but it's hard to make out details when she's completely covered in blood. I'm not exaggerating! She was blanketed in blood like she just jumped into a giant pool of it!
"Come on!" Bloody girl yells. "That all you ****ers got?"
The tank fires at her. A ball of condensed, explosive energy flies from the barrel and goes towards the girl. She hold her hand out and the ball stops in place. A quick flick of her wrist and the energy flies back at the tank. Luckily it can sort of quick dash to the side, but the ball can explode. It does as such, and the tank is flipped over onto its back. Luckily the camera auto corrects and flips everything over so it's still right-side-up. The girl walks up the camera, kneels down and smiles into the camera. Remember how I mentioned she was covered in blood? Yeah, close up it doesn't look better. Still can't make anything out. Her hair's long, but I can't make out the color. Can't make out the color of her shirt, or her skirt. Luckily her eyes don't have that problem. I never thought pink could be a scary color.
"Oooh! Cameras now!" The girl observes. Listening to her kind of scares me. Her voice is just filled with malice and hatred. It's almost like the voice of someone who's given up on everything. "I thought just making these tanks to take me out was enough, but now we're adding cameras too? Unbelievable! Well, might as well make a show, right? Camera's exist for a reason. Oi. Nameless guard #27. I need a costar, and you're the only one here. Help me out for a minute?"
She holds her hand out hand, then clenches her fist and pulls, like she's pulling something with a rope, and a guard flies into frame. The poor guy looks terrified.
"Come on, say hi to the camera!" The girl says, clearly enjoying the moment.
"Some... someone help. Please," he begs.
"Bah, that's no fun! Oh well. Come one. Let's put on a show for the camera! Hmmm. What would look good? Oh! I know! Oi. Got a knife?"
"N-no! Of course not!"
"Damn. I could have used that to make things easier. Oh well. Sucks for you. Some things are better when they're not done by me after all."
Then the guards shirt and armor tears itself apart around his midsection. A small red line appears on his stomach then... oh god. I... I never wanted to see a man's intestines before. Wait, it's not over yet. Oh god, is she-
"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" Sarina yells before she starts hitting the monitor with her small fists to stop it. She succeeds. And by that I mean she succeeds in breaking the glass of the monitor, effectively turning it off.
There's a silence as we look at each other, broken by the machine announcing "repair systems initiated."
"We're never mentioning that again," I tell her.
"Agreed," she says as she nods vigorously. "Agreed, so very much."
"Well, then let's get out of here. I think we've spent enough time in this boring cave."
"Also agreed."
I briefly wonder how she's going to get out. If she comes out with me there's the chance that we might have to explain to someone the whole "Oh, I found her in that weapon's vault that we're not supposed to really know about." That kind of won't work.
"It's okay," Sarina says. "I got in here without anyone know, getting out'll be easy."
"Right, see you around."
"Good bye."
*Scene Break*
With that chapter out of the way, I headed back for the room that me and Louise were currently using. Emily petitioned for her own room so she could conduct her info broker business in private. No one tried to stop her. We value our lives too much. When I entered the room, it was empty. Well, empty of people. The furnitures and stuff were still there.
"Where is everyone?" I wondered before noticing a note sitting on the desk the room came with.
"Josh.
Went with Tifa to have a discussion with the pope. Nothing incredibly urgent, so don't worry. Be back as soon as possible.
Love-
Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière"
How nice of her to leave a note. No idea when she left the note, so no idea when she'll be even close to coming back, but whatevs. ... I'm curious. I flick both my wrists back, and the hidden blades extend themselves. I hold them up a bit and examine them.
"Nice blades," I notice. "Hmmm."
I flick me right wrist to retract the blade, then flick it slightly differently. A hook type attachment unfolds from the armguard.
"Heh. Like having a swiss army knife attached to your arm," I note. "How could I use this hook well? Ziplining'll be easy. Maybe dragging people around a bit?"
Either way, I retract the hook and switch back to the regular blade. I start practicing. Hey, I feel I'm going to be using these a bit, better get used to using them, right?
I start going through some basic motions. A sort of left, right, one/two punch. But with blades coming out of my sleeves.
As I swung the blades around, I noticed something. Normally when I'm gandalfaring a weapon, yeah it kind of comes to me naturally, but at the same time I'm kind of aware that it's the runes telling me how to do it. Sure, some of it's instinct. Swing here, dodge there, roll, things like that, but a lot of it's the runes sort of informing me on the proper method controlling the weapon. The hidden blades feel different. It's coming to me completely naturally. ... Clearly I was born to wield these hidden blades! It is in my genetic coding that I use these!
The practice continues a bit, just getting used to these things. My instincts act up when I hear a sound behind me. I turn around and swing down in a vertical line. A vertical line that nearly hit Louise. As it was, all it did was cut her shirt down the middle, cutting off all the buttons. Oh hey, it cut her camisole too.
...
Me and Louise just sort of stare at each other. Quick, saving throw! ... 3. Willpower saving roll failed. My eyes drift down ever so slightly and note that with her shirt and camisole cut open, Louise's chest is kind of exposed. Well, I'll probably die, but...
"Um... Louise?"
"Yes, Josh?" She says, not noticing.
"... Screw subtly, I can see your breasts," I tell her.
She manages to simultaneously freeze up, and blush really hard. There's a one second window where I retract the blades so when she slaps me there's no chance of falling on one of them accidentally. To be fair, she didn't slap me. She exploded me. She was just like "explosion!' and then BOOM! And now I'm face down on the floor. ... I feel great pain right now.
"Perverted familiar," I hear Louise grumble to herself.
"To be fair, I heard a noise and swung on instinct," I try to defend myself.
"No excuse."
"Right," I roll over onto my side and see Louise in front of the drawer, ruffling through for something to change into. ... This room has some drawers too? When'd Louise bring a spare outfit? ... I need to pay more attention to this kind of stuff.
"So what were you doing anyway?" Louise says as she discards the now pretty much useless shirt and camisole.
Oh hey, we have a mirror. A mirror I can see Louise in at the moment. ... Saving throw! ... 1. Wow. Well, I can enjoy the view and talk simultaneously.
"Well I picked up these awesome hidden blades back at that weapons vault, and since no one else was in here, I thought I'd try them out. Give 'em a test run, you know?"
"What weapons vault?" Louise asks as she pulls on her camisole.
"The one Romalia has. Full of otherworldly weaponry. Tons of neat stuff," I remark.
"Really? You mean like weapons from your world?" Louise asks as she buttons up her shirt.
"Pretty much," I lie. "Some good stuff there."
"Like those knives you were swinging around?" Louise says as she finishes up and turns towards me.
"Not quite," I say as I stand up. "Blades yes. Knives no. Observe."
And then I extend the hidden blades. Louise takes a step back in surprise. She regains her composure quickly though, so I give her credit for that.
"Well that's... something, alright," she says.
"Yep," I say and retract the blades. "So. What'd the pope say?"
"The third anniversary of his crowning as pope is in about two days, so he thinks that Gallia will attack during that time and wage war."
"... WHY? What did we do to them?" I ask.
"Joseph is the king of Gallia remember?" Louise points out. "We're not on the best of terms with him or his familiar."
"... So war because he doesn't like us?"
"I'm sure he has some other ulterior motive, but I can't say I'm sure myself," Louise says with a shrug.
"Fun. Anything else?" I ask.
There's a silence as Louise hesitates.
"Um... What... what was your old world like?"
Aaaand that came right the **** out of nowhere! "What spawns a topic like that?"
"I-I'm just curious!" Louise claims. "It's just that you've never talked about it at all so..." she trails off.
Something about this is still setting off numerous alarms in my head. Bad end incoming! Thoughts like that. I ignore it.
"Whatever," I say with a shrug. I head towards the bed and sit down. "My life back home wasn't really all that interesting. Had a family, had some friends, things like that."
"What was your family like?" Louise asked. "Any siblings, or was it just you and your parents?"
"No siblings, just me mom and dad." ... God, where'd this headache come from? "Dad was always out on some kind of business venture, whereas mom preferred to work at home."
"What'd they do?" Louise asks.
"Never asked dad what his job was, but mom was some kind of technician," I explain. "I think dad was a business man or something. I remember there was this one time he volunteered for something with this one company working on some memory machine. Can't remember the name. Didn't go well I guess, because after that we moved around a bit. Never quite caught why. Guess my parents and the company didn't get along," I say with a shrug.
"And any friends?" Louise continues the interrogation.
"More acquaintances then anything. I mean, I knew them and I was on good terms with them and everything, but in terms of actual friends, like people you hang out with and talk to, really the only one was Eve."
"That girl you went to the movie with," Louise recalls.
"That's the one. Odd girl though. Always excusing herself at the oddest points to go do something, going on trips halfway across the world from time to time. Obviously she had some kind of job or something she wasn't talking about, but I'm not one to pry. Last time I pried her for information I found out her parents were dead, so I kind of learned my lesson quickly after that."
"Do you miss any of them?" Louise asks me. "Your parents, your friends. Do you ever wish you could see them again?"
I can't say I like where this interrogation is going. I'm scared. Okay Josh, pick your options carefully. Navigate the minefield. Avoid bad end. Though I guess I should still be honest. Why not? Not like lying would get me anywhere here.
"Won't lie. I miss them a whole lot. I do wish I could see them again. However, we don't have a way to get back to my world, and we still have to wrap things up here. As such, I find the easiest way to deal with it is just not think about it at all. Ignore it, pretend you don't miss it and aren't going to cry yourself to sleep at night because of how much you want to see your family again and you can get past it rather easily. Normally I'd do something like maybe even just repress all those memories of everyone if I was certain I'd never see them again, but that'd be kind of rude if I do ever get back."
"That doesn't seem healthy," Louise notes.
"I know. Can... can this conversation be over?" I ask. "I don't want to think about this anymore."
Louise nods. "I understand."
I don't know if she noticed it, but I did. There was a tone to her voice. Something like she had made up her mind about something. Crap. Minefield navigation failed? Maybe I can save this. ... 4. The dice do not favor me today.
*Scene Break*
So the next day came. With nothing to do, I decided to take a quick restroom break. And then I had to the idea to ask Louise what we should do. I'm sure she'd have something in mind. She probably knows the city better then I do, and maybe there's another play or something. Anything to chew up the time!
And so I walked up to mine and Louise's shared room and opened up the door. Only to find Louise sitting on the bed, wearing a blouse with a dark blue skirt. Oh, and the blouse had a ribbon. RIBBONS!
"I thought you hated ribbons?" Is the first thing I say upon seeing her.
"I thought it looked nice," she says with a smile.
"When'd you get it? I don't remember you having it at any earlier point in this trip."
"I bought it yesterday."
"... Why?"
"For today."
Again, why?
"I felt like going out and going around town with you," Louise says. "Is there something wrong with that?"
... Something's clearly wrong. She's cheerful. Too cheerful. ... Well, I guess I'll be able to kill that time, just as planned!
"Um... Okay then! Let's go."
Since Louise was ready, she went out to wait by the entrance/exit for me while I got ready. I didn't need much. I just brought the hidden blades along. Now I know what you're thinking: Why bring weaponry on a date? Well, it's only the hidden blades. I just have a bad feeling about something. Either way, now properly armed, I went out and met with Louise.
And so Louise led me out and into the town. You know, I never noticed just how crowded this town is. It's kind of scary how many people there are. Eventually me and Louise reach a place that's not quite as crowded. Still pretty bad though.
"Oh! I forgot!" Louise says as she pounds a fist into her hand. "Just for today, I'll also listen to any request you have."
"... Excuse me?"
"You heard me. And I do mean anything, so don't be polite, okay?"
What type of man do you take me for? Okay man. This is the important "date scenario." go over your options.
Option 1: "Then can I touch your breasts?"
Option 2: "Skirt lift! Panties please!"
Option 3: "In that case, please tell me exactly why you're doing this."
Well, considering we're in public, that pretty much kills options 1 and 2 dead in the water. In that case...
Option 1: "Then can I touch your breasts?"
Option 2: "Skirt lift! Panties please!"
*click* - Option 3: "In that case, please tell me exactly why you're doing this."
"In that case, please tell me exactly why you're doing this," I tell her.
Louise seems caught off guard. Me? Abusing my authority over her and not doing so to prove her point that I'm a perverted familiar? WHAT IS THIS.
"Um... well... The thing is..." Louise makes herself seem all the more believable by stammering and not coming up with an answer. "Ah! This is a reward!"
"Reward?" I ask for clarification.
"Yeah!" She says, happy to have found an excuse. "You've been my familiar for so long without complaining," I doubt the not complaining part, but oh well. "So this is a reward for your services!"
Louise's face immediately fall when she sees that I'm not quite buying it.
"Forgive me for not quite believing that's the reason when it took you a minute or two to come up with it," I tell her.
"Please believe me," she says.
I shrug. "I guess the reason doesn't really matter. Even if it turns out you have some kind of ulterior motive, what could it be? You're really a huge pervert and wanted to get me to make the first move so you can pass the blame?"
Louise blushes furiously. However by this point she's amassed so many experience points that she can control the blushing at will, and gets it under control.
"Come on princess, lead the way. This was your idea, after all."
Louise smiles, then grabs my hand and leads me around. We stopped by all sorts of places and had a genuinely nice time. Just sort of chatting and having fun with each other. Dates are fun, I should go on more of them. With Louise, obviously. Polygamy is a surefire way to get yourself killed in medieval style times. Or was it the opposite?
As I go through everything I learned eating at Medieval Times, Louise leads us to this outdoor cafe style place. We paid up front, and since no date would be complete without it, we did order and split an ice cream sundae. Cliches are fun. After the sundae, we ordered some waters as well, so we'd have something to drink.
"Ah, shoot," I say as I lean back on my chair's two legs and look towards the sky.
"What is it?" Louise asks.
"I'm pretty sure I forgot to tell Julio that the tank still works. We can bring that out and use it. It's fuel is pretty low though, so we could probably use it all of once."
"Couldn't you just get Colbert to make more?" Louise asks.
"No, the tank's special. I don't even know how it works, honestly."
"Didn't you say they were from your world though? How can you not know how it works?" Louise asks.
"Special circumstances, tell you later," I say as I wave the topic away. I return the chair to standing on all four of it's legs and grab my glass of water and down the whole thing in a few seconds.
"Whew! That was good!" I exclaim. "A bit of a weird aftertaste, though."
"How weird," Louise replies absentmindedly.
"Something wrong?" I ask. "First you're all cheerful and 'Let's go on a date! Feel me up!'"
"I didn't-"
"Now you're all mopey and depressed. I don't get it."
Louise levels a brief glare at me. "I know what you're going to say. No, it's not that time of the month."
I'd say too much information, but I was going to ask that. She knows me too well.
"Glad we got that cleared up. Just smile a bit more, okay?" I tell her. "Look, I won't even be picky. Keep smiling, or keep moping. One or the other, please not both."
Louise gives a weak smile.
"Hey, follow me," she says as she grabs my hand.
"Wait-"
"We already paid, it's fine," she says as she drags me away. I follow her for a bit until she leads me into some kind of alleyway. Um... I'm pretty sure I'm in the Realta Nua version, please no H-Scenes in a public alleyway where people could see.
"So why are we in an abandoned alleyway?" I ask. Then I immediately feel drowsy. "Whoa. Head trip. Sleepy."
Louise shows an empty smile. "Working already, huh?"
"... Eh?"
As I struggle to stay awake, I somehow manage to piece everything together through my haze.
"You drugged the water?" I ask.
Louise nods, still keeping that empty smile. "I'm sorry. I had to. When you wake up there, I can only hope you'll be able to forgive me."
You're somehow making less sense. Before I can voice that. Louise walks up to me and kisses me. It didn't last very long.
"Just one last time is enough for me," she says, as tears start falling.
"I don't get it," I say as my consciousness starts fading. "When I wake up, you owe me that day of doing whatever I say."
Wait, one last shot! Drug resistance saving roll! ... How do you roll a negative number? And with that thought, everything goes black, and I feel myself fall to the ground.
*Author's Notes*
Uncreative: Okay! Stuff happened! We went to Romalia, you got to voice some opinions-
Joshua: My opinions are my own and are in no way shared with any of the cast or crew.
Uncreative: Nice disclaimer. Anyway, we met the pope, met up again with Julio, the crusades have been set up a bit and Louise hit you with a sleeping potion.
Joshua: We also hit that scene you posted an excerpt of at the end of the last season.
Uncreative: Yeah, that scene changed a bit since then. Originally Josh brought Derflinger along with him to the weapon's vault, you picked up a katana as a back up and the girl wasn't named. Derflinger not coming along was just something that happened, I got rid of the katana because it's not really necessary, and the girl was unnamed because that was supposed to be her first appearance in this story, at which point she didn't have a name yet.
Joshua: Of course then Sarina popped up in Gallia a chapter or two ago, so when she showed up here we had to refer to her by name, because we actually knew it when the chapter got written.
Uncreative: Also the thing with the tank and the tank's security footage was added a bit later. I knew I wanted the tank to be slightly different from the German Panzer in the original light novels, so I made it a bit of a future tank. Considering I have a story planned that does have to do with the future, and tanks do show up at one point, I figured I'd just sort of make the connection.
Joshua: so what was with the psycho who ripped the guys intestines out and-
Uncreative: She's an important character in that story.
Joshua: She seemed really familiar. I can't place it though.
Uncreative: Well, we'll get there when we get there. I also cut a scene out. Originally, Emily would take notice that the pope briefly opened the world door, because her tablet would briefly connect to the internet, and she'd get emails from her friends and family and things like that. She'd be reminded of home, break down, and Louise would come in and comfort her, and that would act as part of the reason that Louise decided to send Josh back to his world.
Joshua: Well that's interesting.
Uncreative: Definitely, but it kind of messed with the pacing. I couldn't get it to flow quite right. We can say that scene still happened, you just didn't see it.
Joshua: Darn shame. That could have been nice. I'm gonna miss it.
Uncreative: Okay, anything else?
Joshua: Think that's about it.
Uncreative: Okay then. See you next time. We're done here.