Author's note: I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading. This story is unbetaed. Btw, this is NOT THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. You may check out my tumblr / wordpress / livejournal for the detailed chapters. Man, the situation's getting so fucking complicated! Even I am confused! Hmm… That doesn't sound good for the story HAHAHA. Don't worry, I'll get therapy. Replies to reviews are at the end of the page. Thanks so much for giving feedback! ;O
Chapter 14: When You Decide, Do it Carefully and Without Haste
The sight of him before her made her heart race. Even with his wavy hair sticking out in all directions, the drool leaking from the corner of his mouth, the loud snores emanating from his throat, and his limbs spread out carelessly on the bed, he still looked perfect to her. And she had her glasses on.
She smiled sadly and wondered if it was the last time she would be with him this way. Sighing, she reached out to smooth his hair and wipe the drool off his face. She longed to spend her life loving and taking care of him like this.
The tears fell from her eyes, breaking through her restraint. She was going to lose him. Last night, she ceased holding back when she realized that she was ready to give up everything for him. The outcome didn't matter, for as long as she did what she could. Over and over, she declared her love for him without expecting to hear him say it back. It was impossible for him to feel the same way.
He stirred and opened his eyes with much effort. Sacchan swiped away the tears from her face. She didn't want him to see her crying. It would only make him feel guilty over something he wasn't responsible for.
"Huh?" He groaned. "Sacchan? You're awake? Again? Are you expecting us to go another round? Ohhh… I think I've strained my back."
She laughed, both at his appearance and his words. It was true, she initiated most of their turns throughout the night. She wasn't tired at all since she felt giddy with his embrace.
"Go back to sleep, Gin-san." She gave him a light peck on the lips.
"I don't think I can leave you hanging," he whispered as he wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her neck. "But since you don't look so aggressive right now… I want to ask you something."
"What is it?" She asked, feeling his hair tickle her face.
He drew back and looked her in the eye. "That song at the bar last night, the one you translated from English, what did you mean by it representing your feelings?"
Sacchan closed her eyes, feeling herself blush. She was embarrassed to be confronted like this. Surely, he had an idea but he might want to confirm it. He would reject her if she told him directly.
"I- It's a love song, Gin-san. The crowd goes wild if they think there's some special meaning behind it."
"So, is there one?"
"One what?"
"A special meaning behind that song." His staring unnerved her.
"No," she whispered, "nothing in particular."
He moved to hold her underneath him. His face was extremely close to hers like he was trying to read her mind. "Then, I'm just jumping to conclusions if I'm thinking that it was your message to me?"
"W- What do you mean?"
"Somehow I felt like you wanted to tell me something. Like you're crazy for me and all that."
"Um, I-"
"Well, you are crazy. I just want to hear it from you, so I won't go on assuming what you meant by that. Just tell me, like you kept saying how much you love me."
"Gin-san!" She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes, feeling her cheeks burn even more. He was so blunt.
He tilted her head back, forcing her to look at him. "Sacchan!"
"Y- Yes, Gin-san, you know I'm in love with you a- and that song was a statement of my feelings for you…"
That made him smile and kiss her. "You were amazing," he said. "Thank you."
Sacchan nodded, surprised that he did not mock her confession. Still, she felt disappointed that he failed to return her words. Feeling a bit worse, she redirected her gaze to his hair. It was so messy and sexy, she wanted to run her fingers through it. Then, she suddenly remembered something.
She gasped. "Gin-san, last night, at the bar, I thought I saw something… someone."
He sat up, alarmed. "Who?"
"It's silly," she admitted while shaking her head. "It's also kind of impossible."
"Who was it, Sacchan?" He demanded an answer.
"At first I thought it was you. He was smiling at me. But when the lights flashed, I saw golden hair."
"Do you mean…"
"Gin-san, I think I saw Kin-san."
His eyes narrowed. "Are you sure?"
"Y- You don't believe me? Well, I could have imagined it. He disappeared quickly." She should have expected his mistrust of her.
"No. I saw him too, when I chased after Matako before."
"Really?"
He nodded. "So, that machine is truly back. Worse, he's joined forces with Takasugi. This is serious. I should ask Sadaharu to bring Tama over…"
"Gin-san? What does this mean?" Fear was flowing in her veins. She was terrified of something bad happening to them. Kintoki had some dangerous manipulating powers. "But why hasn't Kin-san used his influence over people?"
"That's weird too. Everything they've done so far is too complacent. They're up to something." He released a frustrated sound and covered his face with his hand.
Sacchan swallowed, wondering what she should say. He looked so worried and tense. She hoped he wasn't too upset with the situation. Surely, he would find a way to overcome it. He always did.
"Gin-san," she began her attempts at comfort. "Don't worry, there's still hope of finding Tsukki. Kin-san's probably used his powers to subdue her, that's why she's been kept hidden for so long."
He didn't respond.
"When I see Kin-san again, I won't let him out of my sight. He's a sure guide to her whereabouts."
Still, he was quiet. This made Sacchan anxious. None of her efforts have reached him enough to appease his worries. She was still useless to him.
"There's no need," he said after a while. "We have no choice but to attack head on. There are too many knots to deal with. I'll just cut them all with a few swings of my sword. It's the only way to retrieve Tsukuyo."
Sacchan nodded, feeling her heart sink with his words. First, he dismissed her offer of help and second, he had made it clear to whom his concern was directed to. She really was foolish.
It was pointless to ask for clarification, which she previously planned to do. There were no more options. A choice had been made a long time ago. When Tsukuyo returns, she would no longer be Gin-san's girlfriend. She would be forgotten and ignored once again.
Her fear that he would choose Tsukki had become a reality now.
She stood up and invited him to take a shower but he did not follow her. He remained silent, brooding over the situation. Sacchan cried heartily in the spray of water, feeling utterly miserable. She had lost him forever.
When she was done and had made herself presentable, she stepped outside to see him still staring off into space. She told him he could take a shower now while she cooked them some food. He gave her a tight smile and said, "Thanks."
She cooked in sorrow, trying her best not to cry. It would be too selfish to think about her own afflictions right now, especially when Gin-san was facing great troubles. She had to support him and show him that she was there for him. Overall, she resolved not to mind being used as long as he was contented.
Her phone rang and interrupted her thoughts. She saw that it was Zenzou calling.
"Hello? Zenzou?"
"Sarutobi!" His voice was hectic. "Listen to me, this is important."
"What is it?"
"The Kiheitai are back. If we want to get to the bottom of this, we have to go. Now. Gintoki's with you, right?"
"Yes."
"Don't waste any time. Tell him, now. You have to. I'll call the others. Let's meet at the hideout."
"Okay."
"Sarutobi!"
"What is it?"
"I mean it. Tell him right away."
"I will. Zenzou."
"We'll know if you don't." There was a click before the line went dead.
Sacchan frowned, feeling uneasy with Zenzou's attitude towards her. They hadn't spoken since the day after their investigation but since then, he'd been cold and suspicious of her. The immediate recovery of her body was certainly a strange instance to warrant his doubts. Still, she thought he knew her better than that.
Rushing to the room, she found Gin-san dressed and fresh from a shower. He was ruffling his hair when he looked up at her entrance.
"Gin-san," she spoke with much courage despite the trepidation she had, "Zenzou called. The Kiheitai have returned and we should go-"
He didn't wait for her to finish. His eyes widened before he grabbed his sword and boots and ran outside, slamming the door. He didn't wait for her to go to the hideout together.
Pushing away her wounded feelings, Sacchan took off on her own towards the ramen restaurant.
When she arrived, everyone was there, talking and arguing. Katsura, Shinpachi and Otsuu were reluctant to burst in the enemy's territory without full knowledge of their nature. On the other hand, Gin-san, as expected, Kagura and Zenzou were insistent on attacking right away. Zenzou had his arms crossed but Sacchan could feel his gaze on her.
"Gintoki," Katsura's voice was steady and sharp, "we shouldn't be reckless. If we die here, then it would all have been for nothing!"
Gin-san was angry, she had never seen him this furious since the day he discovered her spying on them. "Fuck, Zura! Don't you know how long I've been waiting for this chance? I don't give a shit about any plans, I'll race in there and make sure I succeed. If you won't join me, fine! I'll do everything to defeat them on my own!"
"Zenzou and I will help you, Gin-chan. We'll kick their asses once and for all. Sheer willpower and determination is all we need."
"OI! DON'T JUMP BLINDLY INTO SOMETHING SO LARGE-SCALE! THIS IS THE KIHEITAI AND EVEN YOUR BROTHER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! JIRAIA MIGHT ALSO BE THERE!"
"Shut up, Shinpachi. I know a coward when I see one."
"Damn it, Gin-san! This is not about being chicken over the enemy! It's about being prepared!"
"Shut your pie hole, Shinpachi!" Kagura pointed her weapon at him. "You don't understand anything! You've never been in a relationship with a woman!"
"HUUUUH? And you have? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well… No. But I am a woman and I know what Gin-chan's going through."
"Keep quiet! This ain't puberty! This is a deadly confrontation! And Gin-san's not a woman! How could you know what he's experiencing?"
"I don't care! If it's Gin-chan's choice then I'm all for it. I'm gonna support him till the end just like he did for me."
Zenzou coughed. "It wouldn't help us to keep disagreeing like this. Why don't we make a vote? We have an odd numbered group anyway. Katsura, Shinpachi and Otsuu are the 'no' group, that makes three."
Everyone was silently listening to him.
"Gintoki, Kagura and I are the 'yes' group, also three. Sacchan," he said, causing the others to look her way, "you're the deciding factor here. Is it a 'yes' or a 'no'?"
She had to say yes, it was mandatory. Simply the way Gin-san regarded her and expected her answer made it the only choice. She would die for this mission, if it meant that she had given her life for his happiness. Would it even matter to live afterwards – when he would forget her? She didn't bother considering it from this moment. If they found Tsukki, this would be the last time he would ever look at her.
"I choose yes," she said with finality, ignoring everyone else's reactions. This was it, there was no turning back.
"All right then, I've still decided to go. This is a team effort, I won't sit here while everyone commits suicide!" Shinpachi stepped forward, pushing up his glasses.
"How convenient! You've switched sides! Well done, Pachi!" Gintoki ruffled the boy's hair.
"I am also willing to assist you, no matter how stupid your nonexistent plan is."
"Ha! Welcome back, Zura!"
"I'm joining too- tsie wank!"
"NO! OTSUU-CHAN! Please, just stay here!"
"Shinpachi-kun, I can help. I'll be pathetic if I don't. I'll distract them with my singing."
"Otsuu-chan, it's dangerous. I won't allow you to get hurt. It's better if you stay here. We'll come back, and you'll be here when we do, right?"
"I have become worthless! My music career will never forgive you-pperoonies!"
Gintoki stepped forward, "C'mon Otsuu-chan, you have an important job here. You're gonna watch and protect our base. Plus, in case all of us are dying out there, you'll go call the others at Edo for help, right?"
That made her smile. "All right, everyone! Don't keep me waiting too long-oole!"
"It's settled, then. The area is quite large so we'll split into groups." Zenzou started to give out instructions. "Kagura, you'll be with Katsura."
"Leader!"
"Zura!"
"Shinpachi, with Gintoki."
They nodded at each other. "Let's go, Pachi!"
"Yes, Gin-san!"
Sacchan looked at Zenzou. So, they would be pairing up for this.
"I brought Wakikaoru along, she's currently watching the place. I'll group with her."
A wave of seclusion crushed her. She was going in alone? There was no doubting her death. She glanced at Gin-san but he was taking out glimmering swords from a box and handing them to Katsura and Shinpachi.
"Sacchan." Zenzou's voice was low. "You'll be with Sadaharu."
She nodded, slightly relieved that she had a companion. She walked up to it and patted its side. "Hey there," she murmured.
Sadaharu glomped her and bit her head sharply. Blood exited her skull. She struggled with freeing herself but eventually, it let go of her. She wiped her head with her robe and looked around to see that no one even noticed what happened.
Sacchan tried to catch Gin-san's eye but he was too preoccupied to see her. Even as they left and entered the Kiheitai's base, he didn't look at or speak to her again.
Author's end note: So… Will this story have a happy ending for Gintoki and Sacchan? Or will he decide to return to his old love? It's hard being second choice or a convenient replacement. Things usually do not end well for those kinds of relationships. *crying* Oh, I've read some movie spoilers… so much FEELS. But wait, is the anime really over? *kills self* Thanks for reviewing! To Strawwwberrylollipop, Sacchan was happy to hear him call her his gf, I guess. Yes, Tsukuyo's appearance will launch a thousand ships. Waaah! To redpurpleblack, glad you agree with the song choice! Gin and Sacchan have so much sexual chemistry omg, but it could be my shipping goggles talking.