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Blame Mikasa for the lateness of this chapter. She was a very disagreeable narrator.
Gazing out at Trost, I found it hard to believe that we needed to be there.
I blinked back my tears forcefully, pulling my scarf up so that it covered half my face. The whole district smelled like death- smelled like Shiganshina, in the worst days before Armin had dragged the district out of its downward spiral. We had done that, Armin, Eren and I- my family; my precious family. That had been our district, our home.
And Armin had ripped us away from it to bring us here.
"Damn... damn him...!" I choked out the curse, pressing my face into my scarf to smother my sobs. "Damn you... Armin...!" He was putting me through this torment; he had gotten Eren bitten in half...
... and he was destroying himself.
"Why...?! If you would just tell me why, then maybe I could understand...!"
"I don't think he wants to burden you."
Instantly I was on my feet, my blade out and pressed to Jean Kirstein's throat. He held up his hands, his eyes wide with alarm.
"Sorry, sorry! I-I didn't mean to startle you!"
I snorted, but sheathed my blade. "You shouldn't listen in on people's private murmurings," I said softly, pulling my scarf up over my lower face. "I've killed people for less, you know. I've killed people for looking at me or my boys in the wrong way. I'm a bit surprised that I didn't take your head off just now."
To my increased surprise, the boy smiled at me. "I'm... I'm glad you didn't," he said weakly, and I almost laughed.
"Leave then, before I decide to after all." I sat back down.
Jean didn't listen to me. Instead he shuffled awkwardly for a moment, then sat beside me. There was a fair distance between us, I decided, so I let him be.
"... I know what I'm talking about, you know," he said, after a moment. "Armin is just trying to protect you. I know, because Marco is trying to do the same for me."
I looked over at him in surprise; his face was upturned, worn and yearning as he stared at the sky. After a moment he glanced over at me, a sad smile on his face.
"The pain in his eyes... he thinks he's doing such a good job of hiding it, but he's not. And Armin... Armin's a bit better at it, but he's doing the same thing with you and Eren. He just... he thinks that he can bear all the pain and responsibility on his own, just like... just like that idiot Marco...!"
There were tears in his eyes that mirrored my own. My confusion peaked when I felt a genuine warmth blossom in my chest, but he looked away before I could say or do anything impulsive.
"I mean... we care about them... and they care about us. It's just... people... get hurt, you know...? Whatever you do in this world, people get hurt. We just have to make the best decisions we can, you know? And... and that's what they're trying to do, I think."
I sighed. "Armin isn't making the right decisions," I murmured. "If we had never left home, none of this would have happened."
"But you don't know that for sure," Jean said, shaking his head. "You never... shit, you never know that for sure. Trost is my home district. Did I ever, in a million years, think that... that...?" He choked on a laugh, one hand flying to his mouth and the other reaching out to point across the street. "See that... that house, right there? The one with the missing roof? Yeah, that's my home. Did I ever think that I'd be looking at it... like this...? No, I didn't. I thought it'd always, always be there, with my mom just waiting to smother me the second I stepped through that door.
"So... the safest place... in the whole world... even that isn't for sure, not with a war going on. Maybe Armin knows that; maybe that's why he left with you guys to come and fight this war. Because... because I know why I'm fighting this war, now. I know... it's to stop other people from seeing their homes like this... to save them from the agony of- of seeing their best friend put on a brave face for them, even after losing his arm; to save them from the terror of not knowing if their mom is even dead or- or alive."
His voice faltered at last, and he buried his face in his knees. I could only stare at him, wondering why he would chose to talk to me, of all people; wondering what I should do.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, in honest confusion; he didn't respond. "Why are you trying to soothe me? Why are you confiding in me like this?"
"Because you're a pretty girl?" he asked, sarcastically, and then shook his head. "I don't- I don't know, man... I just needed... I needed to talk to someone, and you- you looked like you might, too. I don't know..."
I reached out tentatively; touched his shoulder, and then squeezed it gently. "Thank you, Jean. Thank you for what you're trying to do." And I meant it.
We stayed like that for a moment, my hand on his shoulder, gazing out at the wrecked city. I wondered when I had become willing to reach out to anyone in such a way; if this was another indication of the end of our little threesome. When the thought entered my head I jerked away from the boy sitting next to me, and he glanced over in surprise.
"What?"
I curled in on myself, burying my face deeper into my scarf. "I... I don't want to- I shouldn't be confiding in anyone but them. This isn't how it's supposed to be. They're... they're my family, and... and I'm sitting here talking to a stranger...!" There I went again- confiding in him, against my better judgment. "But Eren... he didn't even come after me...! He'd rather... he'd rather sit by Armin's bedside then come and comfort his sister...!" I felt betrayed; alone; exposed. That was why I was reaching out to Jean, because, despite being a virtual stranger, he was there.
This time it was his hand that touched my shoulder; it was tentative and gentle, and I could feel that he was afraid of me. But I didn't want him to fear me, in that moment. I just wanted someone, anyone to care enough to reach out and touch me... and he did. I leaned into his touch, and it became steadier; more confident as he felt me respond.
"You don't have to do this alone," he said gently. "Hey... I know... you don't want to have to look outside of your... family... but we're comrades, okay? Okay?"
I closed my eyes, relishing the warm feeling of his hand on my shoulder, his grip shifting nervously. And I decided suddenly that I would stay, and allow him to remain, for as long as he would let me.
Watching Eren mingle with the Survey Corpsmen made me think of Jean, and remember him fondly. And that made me a bit more forgiving when Eren strayed from my side. We had sat on that roof, Jean and I, for the whole day, exchanging the occasional word but otherwise silent. And then we had returned to the hospital together to tend to our poor, brave friends.
What sort of hypocrite am I... scolding my boys for straying from our family... when I'm hiding such tender memories...?
I shook my head, immediately trying to soothe myself. They strayed first, and forced me to look elsewhere for comfort when I needed them. And it's not as if I consider Jean anything but a convenience. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time with him, and I wouldn't shed a tear if he died.
As the Formation began to move again, I swung up onto my horse, thought no more of Jean, and fell in beside Eren. He was smiling.
"Eren."
He glanced over at me, and his wide, honest eyes almost made me forgo my question. But I had to ask.
"Do you really think this will work, Eren?"
He blinked at me, and then replied promptly, "Of course! It's Armin's plan, isn't it? Of course it'll work!"
I felt myself scowl. "Of course you would say that..." I muttered, and then spurred my horse so that I was riding just ahead of him.
"Aberrant spotted ahead!" Erwin called back to us, as if we couldn't clearly see the black smoke signal. Instantly Eren was standing in his stirrups.
"I'll deal with it, Sir!"
"You'll do no such thing, Cadet Jaeger!" the Commander of the Survey Corps called back. "You will stay put on that horse's back unless I give the order!"
I saw Eren start to bristle; he might respect Commander Smith, but he still didn't like being ordered around by humans. I felt an involuntary smile come to my lips.
"You're supposed to be commanding us in Armin's stead, Commander Smith," I said. "Don't you think that Armin would allow Eren to deal with this problem?"
Erwin shot me a stern glare, but Eren was nodding.
"Yeah... he would! Armin would let me take care of it!" Then he was leaping from his saddle, despite Erwin's bellowed protesting, and the familiar lightning bolt crashed down as he transformed. I felt myself smile as his titan's footsteps disrupted Erwin's horse's gallop; the Commander was a skilled rider, and almost recovered... but he didn't, crashing to the ground beside his mount. I resisted the urge to run over him and smash his skull in with my own stallion's hooves.
Eren's titan let out a bone-shattering roar, and I spurred my horse until I was keeping pace with him. Then he was engaging the Aberrant, an ugly beast with a flat face. Eren smashed its nose in even further with a brutal punch, and then tore its whole torso away from its lower body with a massive heave. The Aberrant was still flailing, but it fell still soon enough as Eren sunk his teeth into the nape of its neck.
Commander Smith had caught up with us, by that time, and the scientist Hanji and her assistant- the rest of the Survey Corps were hanging nervously back, understandably. I turned my house and had him prance up to Erwin, narrowing my eyes slightly and enjoying the irate look on his face.
"If you two insist on ignoring my orders, you'll get yourselves and everyone else in this company killed," he said, his eyes and tone hard.
"We will not die so easily, Commander," I replied, as Eren trotted up to join us. He was grinning, but the look in his eyes made the hair on my neck stand up. Perhaps irritating Commander Smith wasn't worth tempting the fates.
"What do I get to kill next, Mikasa?" he asked, his voice breathy with excitement. Hanji leaned forward in her saddle.
"How fascinating!" she exclaimed, although her assistant was trying to drag her horse backwards by its tail. "Eren, how do you feel right now?!"
My brother blinked, his eyes still swirling. "Alive," he replied. "Excited! And... just a bit hungry."
I saw Commander Smith's shoulders stiffen, although Hanji only made an excited noise, and decided that it was probably time to step in. I placed my hand on Eren's shoulder, and immediately his gaze snapped over to me.
"Now is not the time, Eren," I said softly, and saw the light begin to fade from his eyes. "Come on; here's your horse; get on."
He obeyed, and I felt a brief flare of relief. As much as I disliked them, the Survey Corps was still valuable to Armin as a means to an end. And as resentful as I had grown of his plans, his orders were still what would keep us all alive; I still had faith in that.
... At least, I told myself forcibly that I still had faith in that, because I still loved Armin dearly.
Commander Smith shot me a sideways glance and nodded; I huffed and turned away. I didn't want his approval; on the contrary, I would much rather make an enemy of him. But again, Armin still needed him... and he had done well to take care of our dear friend while we were occupied in Sina, so perhaps I would go a bit easy on him. I fell in behind him as he gathered the Formation with a wave of his hand, and then we were riding again.
"We have a capture area set up in the 1000 year old forest, just up ahead," he explained to me, and I nodded. "Armin said that he wanted at least three subjects, which might be difficult, but we'll do our best to deliver them."
I nodded. "If that's what he says he needs, we'd do well to heed it. He can do incredible things when he has what he needs."
"Don't I know that," Erwin Smith murmured, and I gained just a bit of respect for him. He knew that he was simply a tool that Armin would use as he saw fit; a pawn, not to be trusted with sensitive intel or even Armin's grater plans. You're in the same uninformed boat as I am, I thought with some small satisfaction, although I obviously viewed myself as closer to Armin and therefore more entitled to the information than Erwin Smith. But as long as he didn't know more than me... it was a tolerable situation.
... ... …
The Expedition blurred into its second day without much ado. The Survey Corps suffered comparably low casualties, even though Eren obeyed me when I told him not to Shift again. The giant trees came into view early on the second day, and Commander Smith brought us all to a halt.
"There will be one advance squad," he announced, "that will be primarily responsible for luring the titans into the forest and toward the trap. Cadet Ackerman, you'll lead that squad; take with you Mike, Nanaba, Henning, Gelgar, and Lynne."
"And Eren?" I asked.
"Eren will stay with me," Erwin said, and I bristled slightly. "I need him on hand to disable the captured titans, as well as a tool to regain control of the situation, should things go wrong."
I began to object, but then I saw Eren's expression. He looked eager; thrilled, in fact. And I couldn't bring myself to speak up against Erwin Smith, not when Eren was staring at the Commander of the Survey Corps with such unabashed adoration.
"Very well. And after the titans are captured?"
"Once they're immobilized, we'll have Eren disable them by breaking or tearing off their limbs, and get them into the transport wagons. After that, we'll simply head back to the Walls and deliver Armin's test subjects to him." Erwin looked up at me expectantly, and I nodded.
"Fine." I liked obeying him even less than I liked obeying Armin, but for the time being it was a means to an end. ... And Eren did seem awfully pleased to be an acting member of the Survey Corps.
"Let me lead the squad, Erwin," the man called Mike spoke suddenly, and I turned to him. I was momentarily surprised by his sheer size beside me, but I didn't let the intimidation sink in.
Erwin shook his head. "As much as I'd like to, my friend, no. Mikasa Ackerman will lead the squad, and you'll serve as second in command."
Mike snorted, the jerk of his head making his eyes visible beneath his shock of blonde bangs. I noticed that he was missing an eye, and suddenly a memory clicked.
He's the one... who took down Bertholdt Fubar. He would be one to keep an eye on, then.
"If that's what you think is wise, Erwin."
I stood, then, and took the opportunity to assert my authority. "Mike, go gather the others that Commander Smith mentioned. I'm unfamiliar with your ranks, so introduce them to me when you return."
I saw the man's shoulders stiffen, but he nodded. "Very well, Miss Ackerman." He stood, then, and jogged off toward the main body of the Corps. I turned to Erwin.
"Why are you putting me in charge?" I was curious; not torturously so, but still.
And Erwin smiled slightly; ruefully. "Because you're one of Armin's most-trusted. You won't let this mission fail, because you know what's at stake." Then he added, almost wryly, "And if you're kept busy with an important enough task, I needn't worry about your insubordination."
"You do think like Armin," I said softly, then smirked and rose. "Very well, Commander Smith. It would be my pleasure to take charge of this mission."
... ... ...
The Survey Corpsmen, if nothing else, were good at what they did- and good at following orders. The capture mission went flawlessly.
The three titans, disabled though they were, were kept heavily restrained on three massive, heavy-duty wagons. We had caught a four meter class, a seven meter class, and an eleven meter class; Armin would be pleased.
The sun was high in the sky by the time we set off back towards the Walls. Eren was in a joyous mood; I, though less so, was fairly cheerful myself. We would be seeing Armin again soon, after all. Now that we've done this for him… perhaps he'll finally tell us why he wants titan test subjects… and what his endgame really is.
The smoke signals went up moments before the rumbling began- a dozen or so black ribbons shot up into the blue sky from the rear of the Formation. An… Aberrant...? The rumbling, as it came closer and more into focus, morphed into a series of rhythmic thuds- footsteps, albeit faster than any titan footsteps I had ever heard.
"... Hold your position…" Erwin said softly; he had brought the Formation to a halt, but was waiting; watching. I felt myself come to standing in my stirrups. Eren's head too, was raised, a strange look in his deep turquoise eyes. I read the words on his lips as he mouthed them.
"He's here."
Seconds later, before I could even think of questioning my brother, the strangest titan I'd ever seen blew past us, racing along on all fours like a disfigured beast. It left a trail of dust and fur in it's wake, and I coughed for a moment to clear my lungs. But it hadn't attacked us; strange, I thought, to say the least, and glanced over at Eren, wondering if he had any insight.
My brother was vibrating, from head to toe, straining up in his saddle and after the strange titan. His eyes were so wide that they seemed in danger of popping from his head, his pupils dilated hugely. And, on top of it all, he was grinning.
"That was it; that was the Ape," he whispered. "Oh, something pissed him off good… someone's going to suffer…"
"Eren, what are you talking about?" I asked, unable to entirely hide my uneasiness. He seemed to snap out of his trance almost immediately.
"What? Did I say something?" he asked helplessly, and I decided not to press the issue. Shaking my head, I left Eren and urged my horse up beside Erwin's.
"What was that thing?" I asked him, and he just shook his head.
"The Ape Titan- and it was headed towards the Walls." With a motion to the Formation, Erwin spurred his horse to a gallop; I followed him, this time, without hesitation.
The Ape… Titan…?
Armin… please stay safe.
And then there was the roar- the scream. It shook the earth just as Wall Rose came into view over the crest of a hill. I came up beside Erwin as he pulled his horse into a sharp rear, motioning wildly for the rest of the Survey Corps.
"Turn back!" he bellowed, his eyes as wild as his panicking horse's. "Get back, all of you!"
But I couldn't obey. I couldn't do anything but stare at the crumbling Walls as they came crashing down; as titans flooded toward them. Straining up in my stirrups, I could just make out the silhouette of a Beast, standing tall atop one of the Wall's intact fragments.
Then Erwin had grabbed my horse's reins, dragging the animal and me back down the hill. Eren let out a little sound of alarm as we passed him, turning his own mount quickly to follow us.
"Mikasa, Commander, what's going on?!"
"Mike!" Erwin released me as he barked the name. "Gather the Corps and find us a farm to take shelter in! We need to regroup!"
Mike, who hadn't reached the top of the hill, looked uncertain for just a moment. Then he nodded sharply, turning his horse and riding into the midst of the Survey Corps. Eren had turned; was beginning to climb the hill. But I reached out; grabbed the back of his saddle.
"Eren, don't."
"What's up there, Mikasa?" my brother asked- not demanding, but curious. "What's happening? What did the Ape do? I know he did something, I can feel it, but what?"
Trying not to be unnerved by the way his eyes were glowing, I shook my head. "Not now. Now isn't the time, Eren." With how things were going, I wasn't sure I could protect him if he went off alone. "We need to stay with the Survey Corps until I get a better handle on the situation." I wasn't used to having to make snap decisions- Armin always did that for us. But Armin wasn't there.
I've resented him… for so long… but i've forgotten how dependant on each other we really are.
Eren seemed clueless where my uncertainties were concerned. "... Alright," he said, sounding a bit disappointed. "Okay, Mikasa."
As loathe as I was to admit it, I was grateful for the body of the Survey Corps when it closed around us as we began to move again. If the Walls were done for, these humans offered at least some protection. It felt almost as though Armin was looking out for us, in his wisdom to surround us with capable soldiers. However, no matter how comforting that thought might have been, I was sure that that had not been my blonde friend's intention. I looked over at Eren, still casting glances over his shoulder.
You're so valuable to so many people, Brother… including our precious friend… but I'm the only one who will protect you for the sake of protecting you, Coordinate powers be damned. And I will never let you become a pawn in this wretched war, I promise… not even now.
... ... …
"Ackerman, come here for a moment."
Mike had found a suitable farm, and the Survey Corps had set up a perimeter and settled down. Sunset was quickly approaching, and still we hadn't spoken about the Fall of Wall Rose; from the disconcerted chatter of most, I doubted that many soldiers even knew at all. I felt my eyebrows arch, but I followed the Commander of the Survey Corps anyway, motioning for Eren to stay where he was. Erwin Smith's expression was troubled but calm.
"Ackerman, you and Jaeger are our only hope of staying alive out here for any length of time."
"I know," I replied simply, and I did. "Don't worry, Commander. While it would certainly be easier to abandon the lot of you, you're too vital to Armin for us to do that." Besides that, I didn't feel confident in striking out alone… not quite. I still had too much faith in Armin, after all, to take matters into my own hands. But I didn't voice that, of course.
His expression eased a bit. "I thank you for that assurance."
"Is that all you wanted from me?" I asked; I wanted to get back to Eren.
"One more thing." He cleared his throat slightly, seeming more uncomfortable than suited a man of his stature and power. But he seemed to give himself a mental shake, and addressed me in an amazingly matter-of-factual tone. "Rations are very limited, and a hungry, predatory Eren Jaeger is the last thing we need to deal with right now. I don't particularly want the troupes to know, but you two have my permission to feed on the dead, if you wish."
I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise. "Sir?"
"I'm practical above sentimental," he said simply. "I can't have Jaeger attacking my soldiers when he gets hungry- or you, for that matter. And I don't have the resources to keep anyone in the Formation properly fed at this point. While I think most of my men would sooner starve, the bodies of the dead will keep you two fed, at least."
I wasn't sure if I lost or gained respect for Erwin Smith, in that moment. He certainly reminded me, with his morbid determination and practicality, of my dear Armin.
"Thank you, Sir. We will certainly take advantage of your generous allowance."
... ... ...
Eren was pleased when I told him the news about our rations.
He had been, much to my surprise, holding back. I had expected him to snap and start eating our supposed "comrades" sooner, but he hadn't. I wondered what that indicated about his mental state as a whole. But he certainly wasn't conflicted about the offered meal, once I told him that we had Erwin's permission.
Respecting the fact that the Commander wanted to keep our supplemental rations a secret from the other Survey Corpsmen, I waited for an opportunity and then dragged off a nigh unidentifiable body- its head had been bitten off by the titan that killed it -into the brush. Eren bounded after me eagerly when I returned to fetch him.
"Erwin's a good guy!" he chirped, as he tore into the young man's abdominal cavity. "He reminds me of Armin, you know? Looking out for us."
"It benefits him to look after us," I said calmly, amputating an arm neatly at the elbow with my blades.
"That's partially why Armin does it, too," Eren pointed out.
"Yes, but its also partially because he cares about us. Erwin does not care about us."
Eren was silent for a moment, his face halfway buried in the soldier's intestines; he emerged with a mouthful of the shiny pink entrails, and spoke through it. "I think he cares about Armin, though. He's been taking good care of him, when we couldn't."
I was a good deal tidier than Eren, sheering off strips of the arm and taking them in manageable bites. I didn't particularly savor the idea of what I was eating, as he probably did. "Perhaps. But remember, Eren- the three of us will always be one family. I'll never extend an outsider that right- the right to be considered one of us."
"What if Annie wakes up at some point?" Eren asked, and I narrowed my eyes.
"What if she does?"
"Well, Armin loves her," he pointed out, and I twitched.
"Armin does not 'love' anyone but us." I knew it was probably a lie, but I needed to believe it.
Eren relented, waving a handful of fate-only-knew what organ in my general direction. "Fine, fine. But he cares about her, even if you don't want to say 'love.' If she wakes up at some point," he took a bite of whatever he was holding, "you'll have to accept her into the the family."
"I will do no such thing," I growled, cutting deep into the arm I was holding and feeling my blade strike bone. "Annie Leonheart is not one of us." I'd kill her before I accepted her as a part of my precious family- and that went for anyone. She would only continue to hurt Armin if I tolerated her, and that certainly wouldn't do.
Eren cocked his head. "You sound angrier than I usually do."
He sounded mildly amused, and it irritated me. I took another bite of the meat, then stood and tossed the remains of the arm down beside him. "Eat your fill and dispose of the rest," I growled. "I'll be with the others."
"Since when do you choose to associate with 'outsiders' instead of me?" He sounded a bit hurt, now, and I felt a flare of guilt.
"Since you've decided to behave like an annoying little child." His words- and the conversation as a whole -were disturbing me. It wasn't just the three of us, not since we had left Shiganshina. As much as I was loathe to admit it, I had grown to consider some of the 104th comrades. But our family was sacred- I wouldn't let anyone enter it, or leave it.
If the day came when Armin chose Annie Leonheart over us, I would have no choice but to turn my blades on him and make him see reason.
... ... ...
Not long after that, when the sun was nearing the horizon, Erwin Smith gathered a handful of us together: myself, Mike, Hanji, Moblit and Nanaba. Eren was absent, but that was alright with me; he would have only served as a distraction.
"We have three options," Erwin began, motioning to a map spread out before him. "We are here; it would take a day and a half's travel to reach Karanese, here. However, even if we were to return to Wall Rose, there wouldn't be much we could do outside of facilitate civilian evac. into Sina.
"Alternatively, a small group of us could head back to the Walls and attempt to contact Armin Arlert." I already liked the sound of option number two. I hoped that Armin would regret not trusting any of us with his precious plans, as it would cost us time and manpower now. "Our next step would be his own decision- we do still have the titans he asked us to capture, but we won't be able to maintain that for long.
"Or third, we could continue on with the mission so far as I understand it."
I stiffened, my thoughts grinding to a halt and my stomach tightening.
"Hanji- the serum that Armin was working on. Do you have the formula?" Erwin asked, and the scientist nodded.
"He had two working prototypes. But Erwin, what good-?"
"A lot, actually," Erwin cut her off, and I felt my eyes widen. The Commander glanced at me, and I knew that my rising emotions were not hidden from him. "Do you think you could make them?"
"'Make them?!'" Hanji echoed, surprised. "Erwin, I'll ask again: what good would they do? They're prototypes for a serum to force Shifters to-"
"No." This time Erwin's voice was firm; his gaze didn't flit past me, but instead lingered. "That's not what they're for. They aren't for use in Shifters at all, but Common Titans. That's why we're out here trying to catch him a couple of test subjects.
"If those serums work, we'll be able to eradicate the titans."
I couldn't listen any more, and stood abruptly. Mike looked up questioningly, and I had to resist the urge to kick him in the nose. Erwin's eyes were wretchedly soft with sympathy.
"I'm sorry he told me and not you." He knew. He knew exactly what the issue was. "Please be grateful that he told someone, so that we can-"
"Shut up." I couldn't listen to him for another moment; I would kill them both. I would cut off Erwin Smith's ears and gouge out his eyes- blind and deafen him for knowing what he should not know. I would slice out Armin's tongue- mute him forever for confiding in someone else rather than me.
But, for all the anger in me, the sadness and betrayal were far more potent. I could suffer the indignity of being kept in the dark by Armin because everyone else was, as well; I could bear it because I loved him, and I trusted that he wished me no ill by concealing the information. But to find out that he had trusted someone else with his plans- that he had spoken intimately with Erwin Smith of all people -made that suffering intolerable.
"Cadet Ackerman..." the Commander began appealingly, but I could barely hear him. "Armin was tormented by the fact that he didn't feel he could divulge his plans to you and young Eren Jaeger. Please do not judge him harshly for-"
"I said shut up." My dagger was out before I could think about it, pointed at Erwin Smith. Instantly Mike had his blade at my throat, but I didn't flinch; neither did Erwin. "I don't want to hear it." I almost wished he would push it; I was seething, itching for something to take out my hurt and frustration on.
But he didn't, raising his hands instead. "Very well. If you don't even want to hear option three, which of the first two do you prefer?"
I huffed, disappointed and relieved as I put my knife away. "The second."
"I thought you might." Erwin stood; his height and size did little to intimidate me, but they were still worth noting as I shifted just slightly into a defensive position. "Then you'll execute option two. Take with you Nifa, Henning, and Lynne. Return to the Walls, find Armin, and figure out what he wants us to do."
"I'm not taking your men with me; I'm taking Eren, and only Eren." It was a statement, not a question.
Erwin hesitated, but eventually nodded. "Very well. Meanwhile, the rest of us will pursue option three while we await Armin's orders."
I felt myself stiffen and bristle, but I nodded tersely. I had my own plans now, after all, and it mattered little what Erwin Smith did. "Suit yourself."
The Commander's eyes narrowed in a way that made it clear he knew I was up to something; I didn't particularly mind, at least not until he said, "You'll take Eren and Mike, or I won't allow you to leave."
I looked over at Mike distastefully; he seemed calm enough, but he was grimacing. Erwin glanced at him, too, and he nodded at the Commander.
Could Erwin Smith really stop us from leaving...? I wondered, and then decided the it wasn't worth the hassle. Losing one pesky tail would be simple, whereas escaping from the whole of the Survey Corps might be a bit trickier.
"Fine." I made sure my tone dripped displeasure, but Erwin only nodded stoically.
"Excellent."
... ... …
We set out just after sunset. I patted my horse's neck as I collected it from the small herd of Survey Corps' mounts. The black stallion had stuck with me through everything, and I certainly couldn't imagine trusting another animal with my life; with Eren's.
"Come on," I murmured softly, and the horse nickered in response. "I know. I've got treats waiting for you back home, once we get there."
Eren was excited that we had a special mission; his grin seemed to be capable of tearing his face in half. "Armin will be so happy to see us!" he commented, swinging up onto his own horse. "Thanks for coming with us, Mike!"
The Survey Corpsman grunted, his good eye on me. He knew full well, as Erwin did, that I had no intention of returning to the Walls- or what was left of them.
"I'm sure he will be, Eren," I replied softly. "Let's go."
Mike let me take the lead, torch in my hand, as we set off across the planes. The shaggy-haired man had a smoke signal gun hanging at his hip; I needed to get him as far out of visual range of the Corps as I could, first. I glanced briefly at Eren; I knew that he would disapprove of what I was doing, but would he stop to ask questions in the heat of the moment? I should have been able to count on his unconditional support, but he admired all the senior Corpsmen; he might not be so keen on attacking one.
... But if I deal with Eren first, it'll tip off Mike.
So I contented myself with playing along for the time being, heading back toward the Walls at a steady gallop. Titan attacks were few and far between, and then stopped completely as the night wore on. We passed many of the catatonic creatures, rendered unconscious by the darkness. By the time dawn was approaching, the rubble of Wall Rose had appeared on the horizon. Eren's eyes widened upon seeing it.
"So that was what the Ape did… that was what he did. It serves humanity right. No more places… for roaches to hide."
Mike looked visibly disturbed, and I felt a flare of satisfaction. I pulled my horse to a stop, figuring that I wouldn't get a better chance.
"Let's rest a bit, and eat. We'll aim to enter Karanese at dawn."
Mike began to protest, but Eren's face lit up. "Great idea, Mikasa! I'm starving!"
I smiled slightly; he was still on my side, even if this exact instance might be unintentional. So I swung down from my horse; the faithful creature didn't need to be tethered, simply began to graze quietly. Eren slipped down too, and Mike followed suit reluctantly as I put out the torch; the sky was already lightening with the approaching dawn.
Erwin had packed us rations; I noticed that Eren's had some fresh meat included, and was momentarily surprised. But then my surprise melted into a muted appreciation for the Commander's thoroughness.
"Eat it all," I encouraged. "We can find more once we get to the Walls. Have mine, too."
Mike watched me with unabashed suspicion, but Eren didn't bat an eye. He simply ate what I presented to him, unquestioning. Good boy... my loyal, precious boy…
But I couldn't take the risk. I didn't think he would turn on me, but he could still make for a fatal distraction if things went wrong. I slid the vial Armin had given me out of my sleeve and into my palm, scooting casually closer to him. I smiled slightly; affectionately, benignly.
"You've got a little..." I began, and chuckled when his eyes widened, tongue darting out to lick his lips. I reached forward. "Let me..."
I stabbed the needle into his jugular.
Instantly Mike was upon me, even as Eren's confusion faded into unconsciousness. I blocked the Corpsman's strike with my dagger, rolling to the side and letting Eren hit the ground. Then I was on my feet, legs braced as I faced the man who had defeated Bertholdt Fubar.
"I knew it was only a matter of time," he said. "So did Erwin; that's why he sent me with you."
"Then he's just ensured your death," I replied softly. "Can't have you running back to the Survey Corps."
"And we can't have you running off with Eren Jaeger," Mike rumbled, and I felt my shoulders stiffen.
"Eren is my family- I'll do what I need to in order to protect him!"
I launched myself forward, and was met head-on by his blades. He was superior in terms of brute strength; I was far from weak, but lacked the sheer bulk that he had. I ducked, sheathing my blades and letting my hands take my weight as I twisted, wrapping both my feet around one of his ankles and unbalancing him. I spun back onto my feet, but he recovered almost as quickly, lashing out with one of his blades. I bent backwards, feeling the metal slip past my face.
Letting my momentum carry me, I flew into a backflip, kicking one of his wrists with enough force to make him drop the blade he was holding. Landing on my feet, I charged at him; he still had one blade, as he scrambled to retrieve the other, but I dodged it and managed to get in a neat slice to his side with my dagger as I darted by him. Then I spun, aiming for his exposed back, but he turned with surprising speed to meet me and blocked the strike.
"Stand down," the man growled, his good eye glinting with intensity. "I don't want to kill you."
I almost laughed. "You? Kill me? Worry about your own skin, human!"
We both sprang back simultaneously, and I felt the ground shift under my feet as I dug them in. Then I bounced back toward him, looking to slip under his guard again. But he turned with surprising grace and slashed for me; I hit the ground and rolled forward to avoid being sliced in two. He kicked out before I had recovered, his huge foot cracking into my side and sending me sprawling. I sprang up in time to avoid his stabbing blade, but I was on the defensive.
He's not only huge... he's fast, too… I grimaced. If I can take advantage of his blind side, then maybe…
I blocked first one, then another of his strikes. I felt the breath blown from my body each time his blades, glinting with the coming dawn, hit mine, and I knew that a drawn out battle would be the end of me.
A titan's roar was, perhaps, the last thing either of us wanted to hear; several roars, however, were worse.
My eyes flashed to Eren, unconscious and helpless on the ground. Mike seemed to be thinking the same thing, and we both lunged for him. But as I closed in, the wind whipped up suddenly, blowing my scarf into my face and making me pitch off balance. The titans were upon us, then, as I stumbled, and Mike scooped Eren up off the ground.
He... gave me this scarf.
Eren... would not approve of what I'm doing...!
I already knew that, though; it didn't matter. If it was a case of keeping him safe, Eren's opinions and loyalties didn't matter.
All of this is for you, Brother.
I pursued Mike, as he dodged around the trio of titans that had appeared. The Corpsman didn't turn to look at me, but kept his gaze straight ahead; back toward the Survey Corps. I put on a burst of speed as we reached the trees and switched to our Maneuver Gear, leaving the sleepy titans behind easily. The man swooped down low and I followed; he dodged to the side, and I stayed with him. No one, not even that scrappy little Corporal Levi, could outmatch me with 3D Maneuver Gear.
"Don't think you can get away from me!" I shrieked, slashing out and feeling my blade snap through one of his harness' straps. Mike didn't fall, but recovered and landed firmly on his feet on the forest floor. It mattered little, though; without his Gear, I could pick him off at any time. I aimed for his neck, as though he were a titan, and began to spin slowly as I swooped down towards him.
Then, the real titan- it got between us at the last moment, obviously as intent on snaring Mike as I was, and my blades sliced uselessly through its fingers. Once I got a clear view again, through the titan flesh and shower of blood, Mike had vanished. I took a moment to marvel at his skill; to be without Maneuver Gear was quite a handicap that he seemed to have gotten over quickly.
He still has Eren...
He had no chance of making it back to the Survey Corps before I found him, I told myself repeatedly, but I had seen that he was not a man to be underestimated. Additionally, if he got himself caught by a titan that would mean Eren would be eaten, as well. The panic in my chest was building steadily as I scanned the woods, desperate for a glimpse of them.
I glanced over at the soft nickering just below my tree, and felt surprise and gratitude flood me. My beautiful black stallion had followed us, ready should I need him. Leaping down, I swung up onto horseback, then urged him through the trees slowly.
That oaf couldn't have gotten far…
The dawn light strengthened as I rode, time ticking steadily by. Eventually I made out the thud of massive footsteps ahead and put on a bit of speed; as agreeable to me as it would be to see Mike be eaten, he had Eren with him… and Eren was currently helpless, thanks to me. I felt a momentary stab of guilt for placing him in such danger, but shoved it down. Calculated risks have to be taken… to protect him from the even greater danger of whatever Armin is planning. I knew I would have been of a different state of mind if I knew what Armin was planning… but that had been his mistake, shutting me out.
There was a clearing ahead, filled with yellow wildflowers. Four- no, five titans were milling about, seeming centered around one tree in particular. The only reason for them to gather like that would be a human… I thought, narrowing my eyes. Did Mike manage to get up the tree…?
Hopping up onto the balls of my feet in my saddle, I decided that it would probably be best to deal with the titans first and Mike second. Selecting my route carefully, I took off; dispatched first one titan, a second, and then a third. The fourth one was an awkward kill at best, but I managed it, and then there was only one left. I sprang off the central tree's trunk, but the titan turned at the last moment to meet me. I twisted, shooting my cables into and then landing on the front of it's shoulder to avoid being grabbed.
What…?
The titan, I now saw, had a ragged, smoking hole in the center of the front of it's neck. A freshly… dealt… wound…? It looked awfully clumsy for the work of a Survey Corpsman, and I didn't even know how Mike would have gotten up onto the creature's throat, but… ... Who else could have wounded it like that…?
Shaking my head, telling myself forcefully that it didn't matter for now, I finished the creature and then landed lightly among the blooms. Craning my head, I looked up into the canopy above me.
... Come out, come out…little Survey Corpsman… I tightened my grip on my blades.
And then- movement. I darted forward, crashing into Mike and sending us both clattering to the ground. My Gear detached with the force of the impact, and Eren hit the ground and went tumbling. The much larger man tried to grab me, but I slithered away and scrambled backwards. I didn't have time to waste with him, not anymore. Killing him might be ideal, but I had to be realistic.
Mike, however, seemed to be in no rush to retreat. He charged at me, blades drawn, and I was forced to counter. I ducked down, going for his legs, but all that earned me was a brutal kick to the collarbone. I threw myself backwards to lessen the impact, rolling over and over in a series of backwards somersaults. By the time I skidded onto my feet again he was upon me, blades raised above his head. I lunged to the side, scrambling to retrieve my Gear and reattach it. I felt my feet slip on the flower petals as I spun to face him again, and my back slammed into the rough trunk of the clearing's central tree. I barely managed to duck as he slammed one blade into the wood just behind my head.
This isn't a battle I can win…! I knew it with sudden and complete conviction. But I still had the upper hand when it came to maneuverability- I would have even if he had still had a fully functional set of Gear. So I slipped below his guard and raced for Eren, readying myself to take to the trees. Mike knew what I intended to do, and gave chase… but was just a hair too slow as I snatched Eren up.
My takeoff was clumsy at best, but as soon as I landed on a nearby tree branch I knew I was safe. Mike flung himself up the tree, but couldn't possibly climb fast enough to catch me before I had situated Eren more securely on my back and taken off again, whistling for my horse to follow. And then, trying not to be sore about the loose ends I was leaving untied, I left Mike behind in the clearing.
… … …
Eren felt heavy on my back as I traveled. My destination seemed so very far away, and I felt so alone. I wished that Armin was with us; I wished that we three could just be together, like we were meant to be. But, as it was, I was alone- Armin was too wrapped up in his plans to pay me any attention, and Eren was unconscious, by necessity, at my own hand.
Once… we return to Shiganshina… things will get better…
Eren… Eren will wake up. He'll understand.
And Armin… Armin will find his way back to us.
I pictured it, as I flew: Armin returning home. He would be dusty and worn out, battered from the war he had been torturing himself with. But we would be there, Eren and I, to embrace him and hold him to us tightly. We would draw him into Shiganshina and close the gates behind him- we would seal the gates. And we would welcome him- even though he had betrayed us, he was family. We would forgive him without a word, and he would forgive us, and we would be a family again.
A sound to my left distracted me from the happy thought, and I quickly shoved such fantasies from my head. I had to make it to Shiganshina, first, if I wanted any of that to come to pass. Listening closely, I made out the sounds of another set of 3D Maneuver Gear, and stiffened.
Did Mike managed to repair his? Did the Survey Corps send someone else after us?
But the person who appeared around the next tree was clearly not a Survey Corpsman. For one, he wasn't dressed like one; for another, he was scruffy, wiry and menacing in appearance. And the final detail was the fact that his Maneuver Gear was like none I'd ever seen- equipped with guns rather than blades.
… One gun. The other appeared to be broken.
"Good day, M'Lady."
"Good day," I replied warily, careful to keep a good amount of distance between us. I could tell from the way he was moving that he was no beginner at Maneuver Gear, and that gun of his made me nervous about trying to outrun him.
"And where might you be headed?" he asked, with a smile that tried to be benign.
"Who wants to know?" I asked levelly.
"How rude of me," the man said, removing his hat and tossing it to the breeze. "Kenny Ackerman, at your service, Miss…?"
I felt a shiver run through me from head to toe. ... Ackerman…? "Mikasa," I replied. "My name is Mikasa."
"Mikasa," the strange man acknowledged, and I felt a flood of apprehension just hearing him say my name. "A pretty name for a pretty young girl. And who's your companion?"
"Eren." I saw no logical reason to hide it, but at the same time simply telling him the name of my precious brother made me feel like a traitor. I didn't like him. I didn't trust him.
"Eren," Kenny Ackerman repeated. "And where are you and Eren headed, Mikasa?"
"Nowhere where we'll want for company," I said, and the man smiled an unnervingly crooked smile.
"I understand that. But won't you take pity on a wretched, lonely traveler? As I'm sure you know, the Walls are gone. Loners out in this wilderness are easy prey for titans."
"That's your own problem," I said simply. But his last name was still bothering me. If he really is blood-related… biological family... then would it be right to leave him to such a fate…?
"I could be of some help to you, as well," Kenny said appealingly. "I know quite a bit about the titans and what's causing all this."
"I'm less than curious about things like that," I said curtly; I, unlike Armin, had no endless hunger for information. Kenny's brow furrowed a bit.
"Well… then perhaps just human sympathy?" he asked, and I hesitated.
Ackerman… I didn't think I knew him, and I hadn't told him my last name. It was unlikely that the name he had given was a ploy to gain my sympathy. He didn't appear to be the type who would try that kind of trick, anyway. So I decided to take a chance- not wise, perhaps, given the situation, but unavoidable.
"... You wouldn't be related to a Tobias Ackerman, would you?"
Kenny looked genuinely surprised. "Yeah. He was…" He trailed off suddenly, and then a grin split his face. "No. The eyes- I see it in the pretty gray eyes. You're that kid of Tobias and Miyu's! I saw you once when you were just a whelp."
I felt my throat close up unexpectedly, and struggled to keep it out of my voice. "What a strange place to meet again."
We didn't reach a verbal agreement, then; he simply drew a bit closer, and I allowed him to fly through the trees beside me.
… … …
Kenny Ackerman…
It was unexpected, to say the least, finding a remnant of my blood-family wandering around the titan-infested wilderness. But I couldn't think, no matter how hard I tried, of a way that it could be a trick- he had given his name almost immediately after seeing me, and he had known my mother's name without prompting.
However, I had to wonder why a dear Uncle Kenny had never been mentioned around the diner table.
Eren began to stir as the day wore on. Wordlessly, I landed; Kenny followed my lead without question. I was pleased to see that my horse had kept up with us, and greeted it with a pat on the neck.
"Getting tired?" my companion asked, and I shot him a sideways glare.
"Not particularly." Eren moaned softly, and suddenly my movements were urgent as I unslung him from my back.
"Ugh... Mi... kasa...?"
"Hush," I whispered, as I wrestled momentarily with the cap on another dose of sedative. I was aware of Kenny watching us intently.
"Mikasa... Ar... min..." Eren choked out our friend's name. "Where's...?"
"Hush," I repeated, taking a moment to run my fingers soothingly through his hair. "Armin will catch up soon enough, I promise."
"But-!" Eren tried to object, gaining strength quickly. It stung my heart, but I knew that I couldn't wait another second. I gently slipped the needle into his neck, vividly aware of the fact that Kenny was watching it all play out. As Eren fell back onto the hard-packed earth, I looked up at him; he held up his hands casually.
"I won't even ask."
I narrowed my eyes, but then nodded. "A wise decision."
There was a long pause, and I began to pick Eren up off the ground. But suddenly Kenny spoke again, his words making me freeze.
"Little blonde boy, about 5'4", blue eyes?"
I rounded on him. "What?"
"This Armin that your friend mentioned- and he hails from Shiganshina?"
I felt apprehension and excitement twist my stomach. "Yes. You know him?"
"He's dead."
My heart dropped like a stone; my mouth went dry. "What?" I repeated, although in a less stable tone than before.
"I traveled with him, for a time," Kenny said. "He and Levi and one of Levi's old friends. They were out here looking for the Survey Corps. But we ran into some titans, back in that clearing with the yellow flowers. Armin didn't make it, and Levi and his cohort ran me off shortly after."
I felt my head spin; if I hadn't already been seated, my legs likely would have given out. As it was, I looked down at Eren, sleeping so peacefully. I had just promised him that our missing piece would catch up; I had been so certain that he would.
"A... titan...? He was killed... by a titan?"
Kenny murmured an affirmation. "I'm so sorry. And what a way to find out. You probably... had no doubts that he would return to you. Such a strong boy, that one... mentally, if not physically."
I felt a sob claw it's way up my throat. No... no, this can't be true... Armin... how could you... let yourself be killed...? By a titan no less... It can't... be true... it can't…
"I don't believe you." I had to say it, for the sake of my own sanity. "You must be mistaken. Armin wouldn't let himself be killed like that."
Kenny shrugged. "It's up to you what you believe. I just wanted to spare you the pain of waiting for someone who'll never be coming back."
"Shut up," I said, and he obliged. But the doubt was there, now; in the back of my head. "Eaten by a titan... Armin wouldn't die in such a... mundane way. I'm sure of it."
I tried not to think about Armin's alleged death as we kept moving southward. He wouldn't die… I kept telling myself, least of all without... saying goodbye.
He wouldn't leave us.
Loathe as I was to admit it, Kenny's presence was soothing. It was more than a questionable matter of blood relation; it was simply that he was a living presence beside me. He wasn't chatty, and of that I was appreciative, but he was there.
Eren was there too, but the guilt I felt about drugging him made his body feel a hundred times heavier than it really was on my back.
What will I do... if Armin never comes home to Shiganshina...? What... will I tell Eren...?
The thought was so disturbing that I forced it down. Far more immediate a concern was getting us to Shiganshina; I could worry about Armin once Eren was safe.
I'll... go back for him. Once Eren is safe in Shiganshina, I'll go back for Armin. I'll drag him to safety, whether he wants to come or not. I was no longer content just to wait for him- just to wait for my precious boy to appear... or not appear. I'll come for you, Armin... just wait for me.
"Mikasa."
I looked over at Kenny; it looked like he had been trying to get my attention for several minutes, and I shook my head apologetically.
"What is it?"
"We'll reach Shiganshina before sundown with time to spare. Let's rest for a while- and talk."
I felt annoyance and impatience lance through me, but nodded anyway. I could feel my limbs beginning to shake with fatigue.
"Very well." It was only a matter of time before the second dose of Eren's sedative wore off, anyway. I landed, with Kenny beside me, and greeted my horse as he trotted up to meet us. The brief rest would give me a bit of time to consider what to do about Kenny, besides; I still wasn't sure that I wanted him in Shiganshina, although I didn't know what else there was to do with him.
If he really is... family... I don't suppose I can leave him at the mercy of the titans. I intended to make Shiganshina a fortress- a last refuge, while the rest of the world died around us. It would be a peaceful paradise- home, where we would live out the rest of our lives together. We could travel, because I knew that that would make my boys happy, but only after the rest of humanity was obliterated. Getting involved with others leads only to trouble. I knew it from the beginning. We can only be truly safe if we never come in contact with another of those wretched-
"... we're comrades, okay?"
The memory slammed unbidden into my mind, followed almost immediately by the thought, Do they all deserve to die? I felt my breath hitch slightly; unexpectedly. The 104th Training Division... our comrades, if only for a fleeting moment.
... An example of what can go right with humanity.
I shook my head firmly. But fighting to preserve humanity is a losing battle, I told myself firmly. This is all I can do, to protect my boys; my family. I glanced awkwardly over at Kenny, hoping he couldn't read my thoughts by some black magic. ... Family...? If I was given the choice... to save this man who supposedly shares my blood... or to save Jean Kirstein... unrelated by all accounts...
… Precious... family...?
But I already had a family, and I had a feeling that it would take all I had to keep them safe. I had no more space in my heart to extend, nor time or energy to think about it. Kenny was right in front of me; I might have the luxury of being able to save him, if I decided that I wanted to. But the others were far out of my reach. I let myself sit down heavily, pulling Eren into my lap; Kenny sat across from me.
"So you're going back to Shiganshina?" His voice chased away the last of my introspection, thank fate.
I nodded sullenly, but didn't speak. I didn't trust him... but I wanted to. I ran my fingers absently through Eren's hair.
"Do you really think that you'll be able to stay out of this war that way?" Kenny asked, not unkindly.
I lowered my head. "Yes. Shiganshina was abandoned by the Walls. We should all be dead. No one has any reason to bother us."
"Nobody needs a reason to bother anyone in this world, girl," Kenny said.
"... They'll be too busy with their war to worry about us," I said softly. "And eventually they'll all kill each other. We'll be the only ones left, then, and we'll be able to live in peace."
"And what if the Ape brings your own small Walls down, too?" he asked, and I felt a flare of annoyance.
"Eren won't let the Ape anywhere near us." Armin had told me once that Eren was special- that he could defeat the Ape. So we truly had nothing to fear, if we only relied on one another. Kenny's line of questioning didn't frighten me.
The man's eyebrows arched. "Oh? Eren can stand against the Ape Titan? There's only one person in the world who can do that."
I felt a sudden nervousness shoot up my spine, making the hair rise on the back of my neck. Kenny sounded just a bit too interested; his eyes were just a bit too bright. "So I've been told."
"Pardon the forward question," Kenny said, "but your brother is the Coordinate?"
I hesitated, but it was obvious that he was only asking to verify what information I had already unwittingly given him. So I nodded. "According to Armin, yes."
Kenny was silent, but I didn't take my eyes from him. I couldn't shake the feeling that he now had information he never should have possessed. He seemed, somehow, more dangerous now. I glanced subconsciously in the direction of Shiganshina; of home; of safety.
"If that's true..." Kenny Ackerman said at last, "then you can't run from this war- not so long as he's with you. I've seen a Coordinate try, and it didn't end well."
I felt a lump of cold fear settle in my stomach; he had voiced the thing I had been too terrified to consider. But I still couldn't accept it.
"We're going to Shiganshina." I stood, pulling Eren up onto my back and turning away from my companion. "Come with us or stay. But don't speak to me about things like that."
Kenny stood; brushed himself off. "For an Ackerman... no, no. You're an excellent example of an Ackerman, taking away humanity's only hope because it suits you."
I felt my skin crawl at the sound of his voice. "Humanity has never done anything for me or my family. I have to protect those who are precious to me."
"So do I, little miss."
I heard the click of his gun- froze.
"And who is precious to you, Kenny Ackerman?" My voice was steady; I was glad.
"Only one person in this whole wide world, girl. And it's clear that your mind won't be changed to suit me. Now drop the Coordinate, or I shoot you both."
"You're a poor example of an Ackerman... My father must have been ashamed." I let Eren slip from my back; raised my hands.
"There's a good girl." His voice was closer, and I heard the scuff of his footsteps. "Now detach your Gear and walk forward."
I did as he said. My Gear would only get in the way, anyway.
"Good girl," Kenny repeated. I heard him stop. I pictured him, gun pointed at my back; measured the paces between us. "Now stay still."
I heard his gun click.
The shot rang out just as I moved; he fired a second time, but missed again. Exactly five steps, plus one for the backwards pace he took; the knife from my boot; the exhaustion of a weary, desperate traveler making one final play at self-preservation.
My desire to protect Eren was more powerful than his desire to protect himself. My love for my brother would always be stronger than such things.
I jammed the knife up into his chest hard, feeling something crack. It took one more thrust to sink into flesh, releasing a torrent of blood from behind whatever sort of armor had protected him. He coughed; tried to bring up his gun, and failed. It hit the ground. I pushed harder into my weapon, until I felt and heard his ribs crunch. And then I pulled my blade out with a crisp ringing on bone and a sticky sucking of flesh, watching as Kenny Ackerman fell backwards.
Ackerman...
I dropped down onto my knees, my hands coming to rest on his chest. His blood- my blood -was thick as it flowed out around my fingers, and for an instant I pressed down hard on the wound. But then I realized two things- first, it was useless; he was dying. And second, I had killed him; I had no regrets, and wouldn't do it differently, given the chance.
I let my hands drop to my sides, and listened to the dying man's words.
"You've grown… to be a fine Ackerman…" he said, his eyes dull and sightless; his mouth curved into a vaguely mocking smile, "... taking out your own kin. So… I'll tell you. I'll tell you… two things.
"You're little friend… Armin… he's alive.
"And… I know where he is."
Those were the two things that Kenny Ackerman told me, as he lay bleeding out in the grass. And then he closed his eyes and died, taking the rest of his secrets to the grave- including, I noted ruefully, Armin's whereabouts.
The bastard...
All of it, even his final words, could have been a lie manufactured to cause me pain. I never lost sight of that. But I had nothing to lose by believing them; they wouldn't change my current course of action. With Kenny Ackerman dead, I could bare even less delay than before, and walked quickly over to where Eren was lying. I took a moment to appreciate the flush of life in his cheeks; the rise and fall of his chest, contrasting with the stillness of the dead man behind me.
Kenny may well have been my blood… but Eren is my family. And he's still with me; still needs me.
… Armin, too… he needs me.
I hoisted the unconscious Shifter up onto the front of my horse's saddle, patting the stallion's neck before mounting him myself.
"Let's go- straight on to Shiganshina."
The animal obeyed unquestioningly, and we were soon galloping through painfully familiar trees. I felt a cool sensation of relief flood my whole body; safety, I knew, lay just beyond the ridge. I could see part of Wall Maria poking up above the treeline.
"We're almost home, Eren," I whispered. "We're almost home, and then-"
The words died in my throat as we emerged from the trees, and I pulled my horse to a stop instinctually. But there was no conscious thought in my head- not as I stared, mouth agape, at Shiganshina.
Or rather, what was left of it.
"... The safest place... in the whole world... even that isn't for sure, not with a war going on."
Wall Maria, a quick glance confirmed, was still mostly intact. But the Shiganshinan Walls- the Walls that had cared for us as children; that had taught us how to use 3D Maneuver Gear; the Walls that had seemed unshakable? They were gone- nothing more than a pile of rubble around a wrecked collection of houses. I felt tears sting my eyes, and for once I didn't fight them; I didn't have the strength to.
My… home… no… not again…
"Who… would…?" I wasn't talking to Eren; maybe I was just thinking out loud. "We didn't… even… want this war…" And yet there it was- my beautiful home, just as devastated as the main Walls. "... Armin… was the only one… who even…"
Armin.
Armin… made himself enemies.
My heart sunk, and as it did it fell completely to the bitter mistrust that had been building and building inside me. "Armin… even this… is your doing…"
I can honestly say that my love for him never wavered, but that only made the bitter thorns of hatred more painful. I bit my lip until I felt blood trickle down my chin, and then tightened my grip on Eren.
"Armin… you've backed me into a corner, I hope you realize. I hope… you've accounted for this action of mine, in your infallible plans." I turned around in my saddle; gazed back the way I had come.
"I know… you're alive. And I know you'll come for us. But Armin, this war is not my war- you've made it yours, but it will never be mine.
"And if I must, I will fight you to keep you from destroying yourself- and destroying us. So come home, my darling boy.
"Come find us in Shiganshina."