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BPOV

Fuck.

My parents were on the steps.

I was still crying.

They thought it was to get out of being punished.

I was getting a lecture at the kitchen table. It was going in one ear and out the other the more they said. Everything sounded shallow. I'd just broken up with Edward.

The last thing I heard before I went up to my room was "We're sorry you're heartbroken, you have your car back, but you can only go to school and Jake's".

Edward's words about Jake came back to me.

"He's in love with you, Bella. He's your best friend to you, but to him, he's just waiting for me to screw up enough so that you don't want me anymore, and so you can be his! He's a guy, Bella. He doesn't want the friendship, he wants your body!"

Was everyone else rooting for Jake and me? Including Edward?

Including myself?

What the hell have I done?

XXXXX

It's been three weeks.

A tortuously long and slow three weeks.

I've never been this sad before.

The ache in my chest gets worse every day. And I know I sound stupid, and crying over a boy who anyone would have said was destined to break my heart, but I let myself fall for him.

Actually, I didn't let myself. That ship sailed long ago, before I really even understood love.

I know I'm only 16, soon to be 17, but I feel as if I've already been fucked by life. I chose the option to let my heart get broken but what was my other option? Love him from afar for the rest of my life?

I tried to date other people. Riley worked out horribly, we both cheated on each other. I don't think I could ever date Jake.

I have this suspicion that even if we ever kissed, we wouldn't feel anything. I mean, there's a line that has to be drawn with romantic feelings.

Like, you can't fart around the other person and laugh like 4 year olds, then make out. It would never work for Jake and me.

But he's determined it would. I know that now. He's waiting for some time to pass with Edward and I apart, and he's lurking for his opportunity.

The problem is, I'm most likely going to let him take it. I miss having Edward wrapped around my body, holding me in that loving way.

Jake holds me like that, but it's not the same. I'm not in love with him. I imagine he feels about me the way I feel about Edward and that feels really shitty for me to know.

I have to move on eventually though. Jake's not always going to be in my life to hold me and or wait around. He's going to get tired of my consistent grouchiness and bitch act.

Edward hasn't tried to talk to me at all. I heard he moved out of Alice and Jasper's apartment. Got his own.

How great for him.

XXXXX

It's May. Their graduation from college is next week.

It's gonna be the first time I've seen Edward since March.

He's actually coming to our house for dinner afterwards.

Weird as hell now.

I'm still pissed and sad, but it's a little better. Jake's been great, and Kate and me are trying to re-patch our shitty relationship.

Everyone's parents are coming into town and coming over on graduation day.

I don't really want to celebrate with them, cause he will be there, but Jake has offered to come, so that might make it a little better. That way I'll have someone to sneak off with and cry my eyes out, and then he can tell me if my mascara is smeared.

I feel bad that I've been so depressing around him lately, so I've planned a "Thank You Night", which is where I'll basically do a bunch of things I know are his favorite and hopefully this will be a happy night.

I still have those, but they're tainted. I'm tainted.

Jake thinks we're studying for finals when he comes over, but no. Not tonight.

I've rented his favorite action movies; I've ordered his favorite pizza with chicken nuggets, breadsticks, the whole shebang.

So he better fucking enjoy it.

Because Jake is giant nerd, I had to rent all of The Lord of The Rings and Spiderman's, which I fucking hate, but whatevs.

This is for Jake. It's Thank You Night.

XXXXX

He gets here a few minutes after 7, and I'm already in my pajamas. One, because it's 90 degrees outside and I'm burning up, and two, I'm not gonna sit around in my jeans if I plan on helping him eat two large pizzas.

No way, Jose.

Jake was dressed casual, in basketball shorts and one of those shirts that was sleeveless and ripped down the sides, exposing his muscle and tanned body, and from the looks of it, fresh from the gym.

I wasn't quite sure why he was single.

"Ready to study?" He asked in a monotone voice, holding up his backpack.

"Yeah," I said leading him up the stairs.

"Cute P.J.'s," he laughed, and smacked my butt, making me run up the stairs to get away from him.

My shorts weren't that bad. They were pink and ruffle-ish with little bunnies on them and I just had a tank top on.

He laughed and when he got to my room, stopped and looked at the bed, where I had all the movies laid out.

"Bella, where are we supposed to study? Your rooms a disaster." He said bringing out the bitch tone, not even seeing what movies they were.

I rolled my eyes, holding up the movies in front of his face. "Hey dumbass, we're not really studying. I'm thanking you tonight."

He stayed confused, until I had to explain it further, then I was lifted up and being hugged tightly.

"You're awesome, but we can watch the movies we both like," he said, putting me down.

"No," I said, popping in the first Lord of The Rings, "This is Thank You night and you're going to be thoroughly thanked."

After I said that, I felt awkward cause that could be totally misconstrued.

After it was going, I went and lied beside him, taking my usual spot in the crook of his arm, and I had a pang of sadness.

Edward and I used to do this.

But I wasn't going to be depressed tonight. And in order to do that, I couldn't think about Edward.

XXXXX

I did good for a while.

It was almost like old times with Jake. The mood was mostly light and upbeat, something that it hadn't been in too long of a time.

We started making fun of the movies, bringing up old jokes and before I knew it, he was tickling me.

My shirt was bunched up and I was crying I was laughing so hard from the sensation and the pain, and Jake was crying from laughing too.

Everything was great until he skimmed my breast, and our laughing stopped a little.

He did it again, and the only sound in the room was our hard breathing.

He did it one last time, and a small mewling sound was made in his throat and in my own.

His face descended toward mine, and my breathing hitched, while I watched his Adams apple bob.

"Jake," I whispered, when I could feel the heat of his breath on my cheek.

He swallowed hard again.

"Bella, I have to," his voice cracked.

I closed my eyes and braced myself, torn between wanting to embrace the warmth of his large and hard body on top of me and wanting to throw him off me and run to Edward.

It was deadly silent in the room, when his lips touched mine.

I couldn't help but to compare him and Edward. While Edward's lips were always soft and warm while simultaneously rough and insisting, Jake's were slightly chapped, and the kiss was so light I could barely feel his against mine.

The easiness only lasted a minute.

I felt his lips move, and out of instinct, I moved mine with his.

And it was so, so weird.

We kissed for about 15 seconds, when we pulled away to breathe and looked at each other.

Jake rolled off me and let out a gust of air.

I let out the air that I had been holding in as well.

He turned to me. "Well…that was disappointing."

My first thought was to be offended, but there really was no other word for what had just happened.

"….a little, yes," I admitted after a few moments of silence.

"Maybe we...maybe we should try…again…" he offered, his voice trailing off toward the end.

Poor thing. How disappointing would it have been if I had kissed Edward for the first time and felt nothing that I had imagined it would be like. That would suck ass.

"O…kay…" I said, moving to lean over him.

He licked his lips and I thought for a second. It wasn't that he was unattractive; there was just no spark.

When our lips touched again, I was more ready than last time, but it felt the same. It was just kissing; there was nothing special underneath it besides the usual instinct to kiss someone back.

It made me think about how weird it would be to kiss a total stranger, I mean of course there would be reflex, and probably attraction, but there needs to be more than that.

I understood now why it never felt right with Riley.

We pulled back, and Jake looked so disappointed, I felt awful.

Another tally for the monstrous bitch, Bella Swan!

This was supposed to be his night.

I rolled on my back again, and sighed.

We turned to look at each other and started laughing.

He covered his face and groaned, still chuckling. "Of course, this would happen to me."

I was still laughing too, "Fuck our lives."

"Bella, since it is Thank You Night, can we just pretend we do have feelings for each other, that are real, and kiss for a little bit? I've been waiting for this night my whole life and it's turning out really shitty."

He was blushing bright red, so I leaned over again and kissed him.

XXXXX

Things have been a little better. My load is much lighter.

I'm so, selfishly; glad Jake and I don't feel anything super special when we kiss. I think we both feel more comfortable around each other now. I know he's a disappointed that there wasn't more, but at least now we both know. Plus, he got a pretty nice make out session if I do say so myself.

Who knows though, maybe one day that will change for us.

As of now, I'm just trying to get over Edward, while Jake is trying to get over the fact that for the last five years he's been waiting for a relationship that's clearly not meant to be.

I feel for him. We're both not the funnest company to keep right now.

Em's and everybody's graduation is in four days and I'm not looking forward to it.

At all.

It's going to be so painfully awkward, especially with Edward's parents in town.

I don't even want to think about it.

But unfortunately, my mother is making me and Emmett run to pick up some orders for her, and all Em want's to talk about is his graduation.

We're standing in line at the post office, when he randomly hugs me.

He's squeezing the life out of me, but he hasn't hugged me in months and I've forgotten how good it feels to have your big brothers arms wrapped around you.

Emmett and I may never have been super, super close, but we both valued what we had.

"I'm sorry, B," he whispers after he lets me go. "You know, I'm still pissed, obviously, but my rage isn't quite as bad, and I feel bad for being such a prick to you, so I'm sorry."

I hug him again because it means a lot to me that he's trying to get past this and that he still considers me his sister.

I smile a lot for the rest of the day, but when my dad gets home, the smile fades.

My parents somehow learned that Edward and I had done some sexual stuff, and my dad gives me this look of disgust every time he sees me, like I've made a porno or something.

It's annoying and degrading. Like he never did stuff with my mom before they were married.

Puh-lease.

They got married so fast after dating for six months cause my mom was scared she was knocked up. So, if he really wants to play the blame game, I've got plenty of cards ready to whip out.

He acknowledges everyone in the room, except for me, and I can see the stress I've put on all the family, but honestly, I'm finding it hard to care.

These things happen, it could have been a lot worse, so they just shun me.

Seems like an appropriate response.

Not.

I eat my dinner in silence, listening to my family talk about their lives and remembering a time when our dinner table had another person who was interested in me.

Then I start to even annoy myself because of how fucking dramatic I am.

I need to get the hell over this.

Did I really expect us to be together for all of eternity?

XXXXX

"Bella! What time should I come over to your house tomorrow?" Jake asks me in the hallway.

I close my locker and start walking with him to our next class. "Probably like 2. The ceremony starts at 3:30, but my parents want a good seat and all that shit, so yeah, come over at 2."

"Alright, sweet," he throws his arm around my shoulder and leads me off.

And again, I'm so happy there is nothing awkward between us now. I still feel bad that Jake didn't feel anything either, but I mean, what am I supposed to do? Strip, and say give me your best shot?

I don't think so.

I'm starting to get nervous though.

The graduation is fucking tomorrow. I'm going to see Edward for the first time in months and all I have to show is the 5 pounds I gained in my stomach after I stopped working out in April.

Sweet.

That's really gonna show him what's he been missing out on.

But then I have a thought.

Maybe I should convince Jake to be my pretend boyfriend tomorrow. Like, we'll hold hands and all that shit.

But only if Edward is being a douche.

I tap Jake in Physics.

No, not the sex kind of tap, I mean, I physically tap his shoulder. Pervert.

"What?" He hisses like a little bitch.

He's such a pansy; he always gets so nervous when we talk in class.

"If Edward's being a dick tomorrow, we're going to pretend to be together, ok?"

He just stares at me like I'm insane.

I'm annoyed. "What is your problem?"

"How would that solve anything, besides making sure I get a black eye? Again."

"Dammit, Jake, be a friend, and pretend we're fucking tomorrow!"

I worry for a second that I've said this too loud, but no one has seemed to notice so I turn back to Jake.

He rubs his eyes like this is so stressful. Like everyone else at school hasn't been thinking the same way since the beginning of high school. We just have to be touchy-feely like we always are. No big deal.

"Only if he's being an ass," I remind him.

"What exactly does 'being an ass' entail?" He asks wearily and I roll my eyes again.

"If he has another date, if he straight up ignores me, if he's rude, if he's being weird, and so on. I think you can understand when someone is being a douche and when they're not."

He sighs again but nods and I smile at him, cause he really is a good friend.

XXXXX

"Edward Anthony Cullen"

I suck in a breath as I see him walk across the stage.

He's started working out again.

I can tell even with him wearing that fugly robe thing.

He has some scruff going on, and it makes me kind of turned on, then I remember I can't fantasize about him like that anymore.

I admit, for a while I touched myself just like he showed me how, but after I was done, I always felt so much more empty and lonely that I had before, that I gave up on it.

Now I had about two months of no form of release, after having about 4 months of nothing but.

It's upsetting.

The ceremony drags on and eventually Jake and I pull out our phones and start playing Words With Friends to keep us entertained.

Finally, and I do mean finally, when all the names have been called, and all the fucking speeches are done, I have to refrain from throwing my sweater up in the air with their hats because I'm so fucking happy this shindig is over.

But then I realize what's next and I'm not super happy anymore.

About an hour later, everyone is at my house, but I'm with Jake in my room and I'm stalling time before I go downstairs.

But it's now or never.

I tell Jake to go on down without me, cause I have to go to the bathroom.

I'm contemplating popping happy pills, and calling it a night when I see him, standing there in the hall.

I stop dead in my tracks, but he turns around when he hears me.

"Hey," he murmurs.

….

Sorry about the cliffy and taking so long to update!

Ok, so since I blow, and not in the good way, at replying to reviews, thank you all for reviewing, and also I'm sorry the last chapter and this chapter were kinda Debbie Downers.

This story is a romantic comedy and there will be a HEA between E and B, but there has to be a sag for it to be a story, and it can't be all lighthearted when their both feeling like such shit.

Anyways, thanks for reading and see you soon!