AN: I… I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am, you guys. Like, I wanna post 10 chapters to make up for this insane wait. But then it would have made the wait even longer T^T. I had no idea going into this year that I would actually have stuff to do. I was all like, "Oh, whatever. Senior year. I get to just sit back and relax. Once I'm done applying to colleges, I don't have to give a crap anymore." But I can't not give a crap, so I have been working on an unholy amount of projects, papers, and competitions. On the super duper bright side, though, all that extra studying paid off! I entered a Japanese competition and out of the 26 teams my partner and I competed against, WE GOT FIRST PLACE! And my group was the only one out of the 8 from my school that even placed. So yeah. I had to spend a lot of time memorizing approx 500-600 kanji, 30 or so grammatical structures, a few dozen vocab words, every freaking detail of the Meiji period of Japan, some Japanese sayings, and keep all that in my brain under crazy pressure since everyone was sort of just slacking because they knew I would be the most committed to the competition. Except my partner. I love her, she's my bestie! Anyway, a few comments that are actually relevant to the story: I had to give up French this year so I could take Japanese. As a result, I am a year out of practice and thus incapable of being sure whether or not my sentences are completely coherent. Please ignore the fact that it fails when you see it. Oh and I cannot for the life of me remember how to put accents over letters so my French will fail even more because of that. I apologize. Also, if you get the Hetalia reference and the less subtle South Park reference in the new character names then I love you forever. And like always, I would like to remind everyone that even if it takes me another 4 months to update, I WILL update. I refuse to quit on this story after making it past the half way mark. So, sorry for the long wait and the long author's note and thank you so so so so much to all of you who are still with me. Please enjoy episode 13!

-XXX-

(A purple-haired boy is standing outside an American airport and picks some snow up off the ground.)

Matthew (Soma): Wow, Ike! We have a lot of this back home in Canada too, eh. I think I've already found something I like aboot this place, eh!

Ike (Agni): Yeah. Eh.

(play opening theme then re-open scene on the school courtyard. There are police officers surrounding three children who have been hung by their underwear from a flag pole)

Daryl: Those kids from that school in Indiana sure are sore about losing to Billy McFriendship and the rest of Gudeetushu Elementary School's team at that spelling bee last week. Looks like they sent their baddest bullies over here to get revenge. They even left a note that says, "This is what you get, you big maenie butt-haeds!" No wonder they lost the spelling bee if they can't even spell "meanie butt-heads" right…

Billy: (walks up behind Daryl) Excuse me, but the principal me to take care of this one, Mr. Detective. You guys can just leave it to me! I'll give those bullies a god talking-to, just you wait and see!

Daryl: Alright, then. Good luck, Billy! (Goes about business that is actually relevant to a police officer/detective)

Omnipotent Voice: Billy and his faithful friend, Butler Bob, make their way to the nearest secluded ally, where bullies are known to hang out. Right away, Billy can tell something's up.

Billy: I can tell something's up, Butler Bob. We should be extra careful in case we run into some bullies.

Bob: Don't worry, Billy. I'm trained in the art of strong, convincing words. That's how I manage to convince you every night that it's perfectly normal to have an older man, who is not a member of your family, who, in fact, was hired only two years ago without a background check and exhibits many characteristics commonly seen in pedophiles, give you a bath. And undress you. And stay in your room all night while you're sleeping and defenseless. I don't think we'll have any problems with those Indian kids.

Billy: Hoosier. People from Indiana are called Hoosiers, not Indians. Otherwise, they would get mixed up with the people from the country, India.

Narrator: Really? Really? We're really going to do this? We're seriously changing India to Indiana! Why do I even read this damn script! I never walk away not pissed off. Whatever. You guys just go ahead and keep crapping all over a good show.

Bob: There's a country called India?

Narrator: … Okay, no. This is just…no.

Billy: Yeah. It's in Asia.

Bob: What's "Asia?"

Narrator: Fuck this. I'm out.

Billy: You know… That continent attached to Europe.

Bob: (blank stare) Europe…

Billy: Yeah. Up North of America.

Bob: Oh! You mean America #2?

Billy: No, not Canada! That place across the ocean where France and England and Germany are! Asia is East of that and India is in Asia.

Bob: There are other countries besides America, America #2 and Taco America past the ocean? I thought there was just America…

Billy: (sighs heavily, giving up) Nevermind. The point is, people from Indiana are called Hoosiers. Not Indians.

Bully #1: That's right! (appears out of nowhere with a huge group of bullies) We're Hoosiers! And y'all are gonna be sorry you messed with Hickory Elementary School's spelling bee team! You're the team captain, aren't you? We got somethin' real special planned for you! (advances on Billy)

Bob: I'm afraid that doesn't seem like a terribly good idea. It might benefit you to take a moment to consider the consequences of your actions.

Matthew: Hold it just a second, eh! (walks into the ally with a piece of paper crumpled in his hand) What's all this commotion aboot, eh? Are you guys fighting, eh?

Bully #2: These two're big meanie butt-heads! We need to teach them not to be such big meanie butt-heads!

Matthew: I see. In that case… (turns to Ike) Ike, teach these meanie butt-heads a lesson, eh!

Ike: Yeah! Eh! (begins speaking French) Je pense que vous ferez bond d'arreter vous-memes. Ces gens gentils ne faisaient rien de mal. Laissaiz-les, si vous plait! (Translation: I think you will do well to stop yourselves. These kind people have done nothing wrong. Please, let them be!)

Bob: Oh no! Billy! This alien guy is also trained in the art of strong, persuasive words! He's making me feel guilty even though I have nothing to feel guilty about!

Matthew: What? Is that true, eh? In that case… Ike! Redirect your scoldings to the others, eh!

Ike: Yeah. Eh. (Turns to bullies instead) Vous etes un peu mechants n'est pas? Si vous plait, arretez-vous d'etre mechants. Ce n'est pas un bon ide de faire des choses mals. (Translation: You are being a little mean, don't you think? Please, stop being mean. It is not a good idea to do bad things.)

Bully #3: I feel really guilty, guys. Let's go back home and improve our spelling instead of blaming other schools for our lack of commitment to the competition,.

Omnipotent Voice: With the bully problem solved, Butler Bob and Billy return home where all of the servants are waiting for them, along with Mr. Definitely American, who was invited over to the mansion in advance and was in no way imposing on Billy's privacy.

Monica: Welcome back! Great job dealing with the bullies!

Bob: Actually, we did nothing. The bullies were defeated by these two Canadian exchange students, Matthew and Ike. It turns out Ike is very skilled in the art of strong, persuasive words. Even though they're in some crazy alien language, I still feel the immense, guilt-inducing power of them! (Introduces te two Canadians) We've invited them to stay here at the mansion for a short time. (Turns to face Ike and Matthew) Thank you so much for your help.

Ike: De rien. (Translation: It was nothing.)

Billy: Well, it's already getting dark. I should get to bed. Monica will show you to your rooms. Thank you again, and please, make yourselves at home.

Matthew: Thanks a lot, eh.

Omnipotet Voice: Wow. Things certainly are getting interesting now. Anyway, The Canadians stay with Billy for a day or so and Matthew and Ike are very polite and unobtrusive, just like all the other Canadians out there. Ike offers to help with the chores, but is politely rejected by the servants, as they feel that since they are being paid for their tasks, they should complete them themselves. Matthew and Billy soon become the best of friends, as do Butler Bob and Ike. On the second day at the manor, Matthew asks Billy for help with a rather serious problem.

Matthew: Billy, I need your help with a rather serious problem, eh. You see, when Ike and I arrived at the airport yesterday, there was supposed to be a host family there to meet us, eh. We waited at the airport for hours but nobody ever came, eh. We even held up a sign with the family's last name on it, eh. (Matthew shows Billy the piece of paper he was holding earlier in the ally. It says, "Baker, eh")

Billy: Don't worry, Matthew! As your best friend, I will definitely help you find your host family. I'm sure there's a good reason for why they never met you at the airport. After all, it's completely normal to want to find something or someone you've lost and not weak at all. E can start looking tomorrow. In the mean time, let's play Go Fish!

Matthew: Okay!

Omnipotent Voice: The two friends play cards all the way up until bed time. But that night, Ike mysteriously sneaks out of the house. Butler Bob happens to witness this strange occurance but decides to wait until the next episode to tell Billy about it. What could Ike be doing? What is the strange, alien language he speaks and why do its words contain so much power? I guess you'll just have to watch the next episode. See, that's how we get you. Cliffhangers.

Narrator: Asshole.

End of Episode 13