Chapter 14

I awoke to find that the room was still pitch black. I wasn't quite sure of the time but Eric was in the bed beside me, so it had to be just before dawn. I crept out into the hallway to get a glass of water. I saw Meshra sitting in the livingroom having down time. I wondered if I should disturb her, but I didn't think it would be polite to walk by without speaking.

"G'night, Meshra." She didn't move right away, but she turned slowly as Eric had done when he was having downtime. She smiled at me. I couldn't fathom what it would be like to be 5,000 years old. She had seen everything imaginable and I wondered if she got tired or weary or just plain worn out on life.

"Sookie, dear heart. Come see me. We haven't had a moment to ourselves."

I was glad that I'd pulled my robe around me because vampires could tolerate much colder temperatures than humans, and it was freezing in the salon. I sat down next to her on the couch.

"You are enjoying Paris, no?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you again for hosting us. I'm glad we could come see you."

"Eric loves you, you know. I can tell. My son is very happy."

"Sometime I'd like to hear all about when he was younger."

"Oh, he was a wonderful child, so considerate, so joyous. He relished being vampire more than my other two. And now, he shares my blood. I have been awaiting this day for a very long time."

"Eric said that you were immortal before you were turned, what was that like? How did you become a god's wife? I mean, if it's not too personal." I had a moment where I realized that she may not want to discuss something so private with a stranger.

"I was offered to him as a sacrifice. I was a supernatural being that you would refer to as an angel. I fell into a trap in a mortal body, and found myself being given to a young god, who thought much too highly of himself. By binding me to him through a blood exchange, I was supposed to make him immortal. However, I was not dependent upon others believing in me. My husband Ammit Hani-Ra died out because no one remembered to believe in him. He was a destroyer of worlds, and we went through a period of lasting peace. We tried to hold on to the old ways, but no one was interested in warring at that time, so he withered away. I could not return to my angelic form. I was ruined, so I sought out the blood drinkers as an act of revenge on those who had trapped me. I brought the blood drinkers to Egypt. I mothered some of the first vampires. We perfected turning on those first young souls. "

Eric and I were bonded through blood exchanges too. Would I be recalling to someone else the way in which I'd become immortal? She picked up her story again.

"I never died, you know. I never went into the soil like other vampires. It was always such a curiosity to me that they have to go into the soil. They would disappear for two to three nights, depending on the strength of the vampire who turned them, and reappear, glowing, radiant and magical. Completely changed from human to vampire. I have known a few others like me, who never died. We merely slept for two or three days straight, and were transformed. It has to do with the hierarchy of magical beings."

I'd remembered Niall telling me about this structure the night we'd had dinner at Les Deux Poissons. Fairies were way up at the top, just under angels, but above vampires. At the time, I took it as a little bragging and a little trumpery. Eric had told me that fairies thought more of themselves than they had a right to. But maybe he was wrong about that. If fairies were thought of as gods because of their extraordinary magic, it might give them a high opinion of themselves. Divas didn't get that way on their own.

I saw the sky lightening out the window and knew that she would have to leave soon. I thought I'd make it easy for her to end our conversation, so I stood to go back to bed. Eric would be slipping into his sleeping space soon.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Sookie. I am not yet ready to retire and there are things that I would like to tell you about our family."

"But the sun, it's rising you'll be sick." She didn't seem the slightest bit concerned that the sun was rising.

"I have some time yet. Have a seat." She patted the cushion beside her. I sat back down and waited while she gathered her composure. Maybe this was a game that she played with herself to see if she could push to the very edge of sunlight.

"I do not want you to think poorly of my children. Marius and Fallon are simply delightful children. I know that Marius can seem overwhelming and that he is very competitive with Eric. There is a very long story behind it. They are locked in a struggle that I am afraid is my fault. Perhaps if I'd been a better mother, I might have managed it differently, but as it is, I have to handle them as the issues arise.

My Fallon, she is a very special girl. She is often lost in the middle between my boys and I fear that she thinks I do not love her as much as I love them. I noticed that she has taken an interest in you, Sookie. If I may beg a favor, if you would please show her extra kindness while I figure out what to do with her."

"Do you mind if I ask what happened to her. I tried asking Eric, but he doesn't seem to know."

"What I can tell you is that my daughter has suffered many indignities in her long life. Her brothers know nothing of this." She seemed so sad that I put my hand on hers and she smiled warmly. "You have a kind heart, Eric chose you for that reason. He has been around so many horrible, hateful people. It is nice that he has found someone who will let him be the kind, sweet person that I know him to be."

"Are we talking about Eric Northman?" I had benefited from his great kindness, and I suppose a few others had as well, but I would never describe Eric as kind and sweet.

"I know he can be ruthless and cold; that is a vampire's nature. He has worked very hard to shield himself from some of the atrocities that he has been exposed to."

I could see the sunlight beginning to come through the draperies, and I thought she might run quickly to her bedroom. When she sat still, I wondered what was happening. I hoped that she was not planning to meet the sun on my watch.

"Meshra, you should be getting to bed. It really is getting brighter in here and I'm worried about…." She cut me off with a raised hand.

"I can tolerate very weak sunlight for a short period of time. And so can Eric now that he has had my blood. Eric has changed into something more like me; he is still vampire, but he is near immortal. That is why you have seen changes in yourself."

"If Eric and I continue sharing blood, will I become a vampire? I don't want to be turned."

"No, you will not be turned by sharing blood with Eric alone. You would have become vampire by now with the amount of blood that you have ingested. Eric told me that you cannot be glamoured, but that you have been changing; he said that your hair is silkier and lighter, your skin is clear, you've lost weight, your teeth are sharper, you are stronger. All of those are attributes of becoming vampire, but I do believe that you would have turned by now. It is my opinion, and I am as close to an expert as I think you'll find on matters vampiric, that you would have turned by now if you were going to. I believe that if you ever decided to become one of us, you would have to do something I have not seen done in a very long time. You would need three drainers and three donors. You would not be beholden to any one of them You would be your own free vampire with no maker. I have overseen the process numerous times if you choose to turn."

"If I decided that I wanted to be turned, would I be able to stay married to Eric?"

"Yes, without a maker, you wouldn't owe loyalty to anyone. You could be your very own person, much like I have always been. We are very similar, you and I. I was proud that Eric saw fit to give you my ring as a wedding ring. But if you decide that you'd like your own ring, I will understand."

"I am proud to have your ring, Meshra. Thank you for allowing me to wear it. I think it's beautiful." I looked down at the entwined bands of gold and wondered about its origins. "Where did you get it? If I may ask."

She smiled and rose to go to bed. "I got that ring from someone that I loved more than I have loved anyone except my children. A vampire named Titus. He was Marius's and Fallon's father, and I love him still, though he is no longer with us. But that is a story for another time, perhaps."

"I would love to hear the story some time, goodnight Meshra." She kissed each of my cheeks and held me for a moment. Then she went down the hall. I thought about what she'd said about Eric tolerating weak sunlight for a short period of time. I wondered if that was one of the side effects that she'd mentioned.

I got a drink of water and went into our room. The room was nearly pitch black and I figured that Meshra had the windows treated in the bedrooms like I had seen at the Pyramid of Gizeh hotel in Rhodes. I slipped in beside Eric and watched him sleeping. My husband, I thought. I leaned over and kissed him, enjoying the idea that we could wake up together like we did in the hospital. He would be able to have a quick breakfast with me maybe, or see his pear trees in the early morning light. I was excited for him, and curious if it would take some adjustment on his part. I rolled over and tried to get a nap in before I headed out to sightsee. He put his arm around me protectively and pulled my back against his chest. I smiled in the dark.

I spent the day with Bobby Burnham at the Louvre, and late afternoon with Lisette. She and I cleaned the apartment, and arranged the dozens of flowers that I'd purchased for Meshra. I wanted to surprise her and Eric when they arose. I took out my French phrase book and asked Lisette to help me get a room at a hotel. At first, she thought I was leaving Eric, but when I pointed to my wedding ring, she understood. I blushed a little, because I was basically admitting that I needed a place where Eric and I could have sex. She covered her mouth to giggle, and I was glad that she was my age. She arranged everything, and wrote down the name of the hotel.

Meshra and Eric rose shortly after 5:30, which was an hour earlier than I was expecting. I was still in sweats and my hair was in a ponytail. Eric came into the salon while Lisette and I were dancing to French music with English lyrics and singing into our feather dusters. And while Lisette barely spoke any English, she and I came up with a way to communicate with each other. Eric stood in the doorway laughing and I turned beet red. Meshra rushed to the flowers and pulled a bouquet to her chest.

"J'adore les fleurs, merci, thank you, Sookie."

I kissed Eric and he pulled me into our bedroom.

"We have a date, I need you to get showered and changed."

"I told Fallon that I wanted to see her tonight."

"I'll call her while you're in the shower, go. You can't be late or I'm leaving without you."

"Come shower with me." He shook his head.

"No we'll be really late if we do that. Go. I'll take care of Fallon. And Sookie, thanks for getting flowers for Meshra, she really does have a thing for daffodils."

"You're welcome, baby." I got in the shower and dressed in a midnight blue dress that complimented my blue eyes. When I came out, dressed and ready to go, Eric was waiting for me at the door. He was wearing a dark silver suit, with a black silk shirt. His collar was open, and he held out a rose for me. It wasn't a Ravenwood, but it was just as pretty. I kissed him and smelled my rose.

Meshra stopped me at the door and offered me a diamond necklace to wear. It was a teardrop shaped diamond that looked too large to be real. I thanked her and we went down to the street. There was a horse drawn carriage on the street in front of the apartment.

"Sookie, would you join me for an evening at the Eiffel Tower?"

"That would be wonderful." He lifted me up, and floated us up into the carriage. He said something to the driver in French, and we began rolling. It was windy and kind of chilly out, so Eric held me closely. We toured the city streets, winding through neighborhoods, and shops along the river Seine. We pulled up to the Champ de Mars and the coachman helped me out of the carriage. There was a table and chairs set up in the grass, and a small band played softly just for us. The singer was a young woman who nodded to Eric as we approached, and then began singing in English.

He led me to the table, and motioned for me to sit. I sat down and he pushed my chair in.

"Eric, if we weren't already married, I'd swear you were about to ask."

"I want you to enjoy being married to me. Our life together is going to be challenging, so I want to spoil you when we're together."

"Honey, you don't have to go out of your way, I just want to be with you. This is such a nice surprise." I stared up at the tower. It was illuminated with hundreds of lights, and it glowed orange against the purple sky.

"I watched this being built from Meshra's roof. There was a pretty vocal group of French citizens that didn't want it to be constructed, and now look. It's the symbol of France." Eric waved his hand slightly and two waiters appeared, one with a wine bucket and a bottle of Royalty, and the other with a plate of sliced fruit and cheeses for me. The waiter with the blood filled Eric's glass and poured a glass of champagne for me. I tested my French on him by saying thank you very much and you're very kind.

"So tell me, Lover, do you miss Bon Temps much?"

"Bon what?" I smiled. I could get used to living this way, and with Eric, this would be my life. "I miss Jason a little, but I am truly blown away by how beautiful this city is. Bobby and I walked for hours today. We went to the Louvre and saw the most wonderful special exhibit about Italian rivals Titian, Tintoretto and Veronese. I have never been impressed by Renaissance art, but it was really interesting and beautiful. I wish you could have been there." I immediately felt bad when I realized what I'd said. This was exactly what Eric was worried about, that I would grow so rueful of missing him that I wouldn't want to be with him anymore.

"They have night time hours at the Louvre for Vampires. I could take you back. Paris is a very progressive city, if you want, we could relocate to Europe. There are far more twenty-four hour facilities here than in the U.S. By the way, did you see anyone familiar in any of the paintings?"

"Familiar? What do you mean, like La Jaconde, the Mona Lisa or do you mean like someone I should know?"

"I'm in one of the paintings there. The Intervention of the Sabine Women by Jacques-Louis David. He smiled.

"Are you messing with me?"

"No, I'm not messing with you, Jacques-Lou, as we called him, was a friend of mine and he needed a model. As you have so often pointed out, my rear view is stellar."

"That is just about the most fantastical thing that I have ever heard."

"If you don't believe me, I will take you back to the Louvre, drop trou and show you."

I laughed at the thought of standing in a gallery staring up at a gorgeous recreation of Eric's ass, then having him drop his pants and do a comparison. I smiled at him. "Is Marius in a painting too?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

He filled his glass again, and I looked at him intently, this was life with an immortal. I wanted this life: museums, traveling, fine food and wine and shopping. Eric was offering me the chance to live my dream of moving to Paris. I would certainly have to think about it.

"I don't know if I could leave Ravenwood, it's so beautiful. I could live there forever. Maybe we could get an apartment here to visit a few months out of the year."

"Can I get you anything else?"

"I'm fine, I really am." I touched the diamond at my neck.

"That looks amazing on you."

"I can't believe she let me wear it. What if I lose it?"

"You won't lose it. Meshra means to give it to you as a wedding present. I can tell. My mother is not very subtle."

"Eric, why did you leave Europe twenty-five years ago? What happened that made you leave your family and go so far away?"

"Well, that was the second time that I'd left Europe, the first time was when I built Ravenwood nearly one hundred twenty years ago. Things were going smoothly for my whole family, then Fallon got into some trouble with a man. No one could find her, my mother panicked, so Marius and I went and got her. It's a long story, but the short version is that Marius and I had a disagreement and, well, it got pretty ugly. It always gets ugly between us. I don't understand why Marius gets so angry with me, but he and I can't be around each other for very long. I left because Europe wasn't big enough for Marius and me. It still isn't in some ways."

"What happened between you, Marius and Pam?"

"Sookie, this is our date, are you sure you want to hear about this? There are parts of this story that may hurt you, or make you insecure and I don't want you to worry about my relationship with Pam."

"I'm sure, Eric. Now is as good a time as any." I didn't think I could stand the suspense any longer. I didn't know why I was worried, it was clear that he didn't love her now, but I needed to know what to make of their relationship. I spread some brie on a slice of baguette and watched him drain his glass.

"I made Pam about 220 years ago." He saw me open my mouth to interrupt but he smiled. "She lies about her age to make herself seem younger. She and I had been in London together for about 15 years. I know that you know that she and I were lovers. I created her because I needed a companion. Keep in mind that this was two centuries before you were born, so please don't be hurt, but I was madly in love with her. She was not in love with me, but I hoped that she would learn to love me. I was proud that she was my first vampire and I was a strong maker. I took her to Rome to meet Marius and Fallon, and Marius proceeded to seduce Pam and convince her to ask me to release her. I didn't want to let her go because I loved her, and because I would have been alone again. Marius kept pushing, and she was so crazy about him that I could hardly stand it. We all lived together in an apartment and it was madness. I would demand that Pam sleep with me, to make Marius angry. She had to obey me, but she would lie there and tell me that she wanted to be with Marius. I told her that I loved her and that I would be good to her, but she didn't want me. I was angry and hurt that she would reject me for my brother. He knew that I loved her, he knew that she meant a lot to me as a maker." He paused to see if I was okay. I had to admit, it hurt like hell to think that he loved her so much, even if it was a long time ago. I didn't think I'd be able to look at Pam the same way again.

"You all right, Sookie?"

"I'm all right, go on and tell me all of it." It was best handled like a band-aid, just ripped off and dealt with.

"She and Marius came to me one night and begged me to release her. I had had enough of them treating me poorly and being angry with me. I was frustrated that she didn't love me back, so I told her to leave and never let me see her again. I was crushed.

She and Marius disappeared and I didn't hear from them again for 3 years. Pam sent word to me that she and Marius were in Zurich, Switzerland living in an area now known as Kirschgasse. She said that he was taking chances that could expose them and would I please come talk some sense into him. I refused. I told her that she'd made her bed and she would have to lie in it. I moved back to Sweden near where my village had been. She and Marius showed up there and needless to say I was very, very angry. They flaunted their relationship, and then Marius began hunting in areas where I had been, and things began happening. Villagers reported people missing and the description of the last known companion of the victims began to fit my description. Which as you know is Marius, right? I asked them to leave so that I could be in peace and they refused.

One night, I followed them to ask them to leave again; Marius was jeopardizing my ability to stay in my own village. I approached Pam and she was sobbing; hair a wreck, dress torn and dirty. I asked her where Marius was, and she told me that she didn't know, but that he had really messed up. She told me that they were drinking from the mayor's twin girls who were 13, and his four-year old son walked in. He saw Marius and went for help. Pam tried to kill him to stop him from telling, but she couldn't kill a child. She saw Marius fleeing. The boy got away and the Mayor came to the girl's room where he discovered his dead daughters. They began searching the house for Pam and Marius, so I burned the house to the ground after trapping everyone inside. I got Pam and I took her back to London. I gave her the option of returning to me and pledging loyalty, or I could destroy her on the spot. She chose to come to Paris with me, but I told her she could never see Marius again."

I sat quietly for a few minutes. It's one thing to think that your husband is capable of killing, and quite another to hear him talking about burning down a house with people in it, including children. I admonished myself; this was the past. Eric would never do something like that now. It was a different time. I tried to think about what Meshra had said about Eric witnessing atrocities. How many of those were his own doing? He sat still, looking down at my plate. I knew he was waiting for me to respond, but I had a million thoughts, not one of them good.

"I asked Pam if she'd ever been in love. Was she talking about Marius?"

"She would have to be talking about him, he's the only man she's ever loved as a vampire."

"She told me that she wishes that she'd done more to keep their relationship together. That doesn't sound like what you're saying happened." Would Eric really have held Pam against her will? I wondered whose version I could believe. My Gran always said there were three truths in relationships: his, hers and the truth. Eric had never lied to me, so I figured it must be some combination of both.

"Pam is obviously practicing revisionist history. She doesn't recall how bad it was when I came to get her. She spent evenings walking the streets looking for him. I would find her sitting in windows, drawing little hearts in the condensation. She was devastated. I had to hunt for both of us, bringing food back to the apartment for her, or she wouldn't feed. I was so fed up with her damned pouting that I released her again and sent her out with a wad of cash and a train ticket."

"Why would Marius work so hard to take Pam from you? And how is it that you and he can stand to be in the same room together?"

"Meshra intervened for Fallon. She threatened to meet the sun if we didn't work things out. Fallon began having issues with cutting herself and that's when this eating disorder got worse."

"I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you." I placed my hand over his, and he put his other hand over mine.

"It is of no consequence, Lover. I wouldn't have you if he hadn't taken her from me. I haven't had feelings for Pam for nearly 180 years. The whole episode only lasted about 20 years." I laughed awkwardly. If he had been human, it would have been a tragic story of a man pining away for the lost love of a lifetime. For Eric, it was like a crazed month of wanting someone, then suddenly not.

"Are you sure I haven't ruined our evening? You know that Pam is free to come and go as she pleases. I released her long ago and she chooses to stay with me. Pam has no feelings of romantic love for me, nor I for her." The band continued playing softly in the background, and I nodded to the music.

"I know, honey. I know. It's hard to hear, I'm not going to lie. The thought of you being that crazy about her, and then when I saw her in your arms a few weeks back…."

"If it would make you happy, I would send her away. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with her around. Pam is a good employee, but you are far more important to me." He held up a strawberry for me to eat. I leaned forward and bit. Juice trailed down my chin and he leaned in and kissed me.

"It's not necessary, I'll get over it. I'll just have to remind her that you're mine."

"I like the sound of that."

Eric fed me the rest of my dinner, as I stared at him. I knew there was a lot more I didn't know about him, but this seemed to be one of the big stories of his life. I hoped there weren't any ex-wives lurking around. When I asked him about it, he laughed loudly.

"No, I don't have any ex-wives. You're my second wife, and honestly, I didn't love Aude the way that I love you. Our relationship was one of necessity. I needed children to grow our tribe, she needed a husband so that our families would stay bonded. It wasn't like you and me. I can tell you with all honesty that I have never felt this way."

"Eric, I'm very flattered. I don't know what I did to make you love me, but I'm glad you do." We got up to leave, but I had another question that I wanted answered. I looked up at him, and he tilted his head curiously. He could tell I was phrasing a question in my mind, and he waited. "When did you know that you were in love with me?"

He smirked and looked up at the Eiffel Tower. "You're going to think this is stupid."

"No I won't, I'm just curious. I was a little late to the party. I had feelings for you, but I couldn't put a name to them because I'd never felt this way before either. I didn't have somebody there telling me I was in love, I just knew that I couldn't stop thinking about you. Wondering what you were doing at that moment. Wondering what you would think about things. Hoping you'd be outside my bedroom window. If my Gran had been alive to make me see it for what it was, I'd have to say, Mr. Northman, I've been in love with you for quite some time."

"I--I told Pam the night we met that you were mine and that I had to find a way to get to know you. As for when did the lightning bolt hit me? When I zipped up that spandex jumpsuit and saw myself in the mirror. I knew at that moment that I was beyond a doubt messed up over you."

"Honey, that was a very long time ago."

"You're hard on men, Angel. I have to say, the number of men fighting for you in the past five years has been very interesting. I would think I had you, then, I had someone else to fend off. But I have you now, and you're mine." He leaned down and kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He took my hand and we began walking towards the river Seine. After a few minutes walking, we found a bench and sat down.

"Did you let Fallon know that I'd like to see her tomorrow night, since we had a date?"

"Oh yes, she was fine. She understood. I promised her I'd find her a nice Moroccan boy with type A blood." We sat quietly and stared out at the Seine, I could hear children laughing on the carousel, and I had a fleeting moment of sadness as I remembered that I would never know what it would be like to have Eric's child.

"What just happened?" He sensed my mood change and put his arm around my shoulder.

"It was stupid, nothing. Let's walk." But we didn't. He just looked down at me, knowing what I meant without me saying it. I welled up a little as he looked into my eyes and I looked away. He took a deep breath and sighed. That made the tears start and he took out a black handkerchief. I dabbed my eyes and sniffled twice. When I looked over at him, he was biting his lip. I took his hand.

"Hey, don't, okay. Just don't. It's everything, it's hearing about Pam, it's being away from home, its jetlag, just don't."

"Okay." But he was still sullen. I don't even know why it struck me in that instant to have a pang of regret, but he had felt it too. "It doesn't have to be my child, Sookie."

"Please don't." The tears came faster now, and he pulled me to his chest. I cried for a couple of minutes and stopped. It wouldn't be the end of the world, I'd still have him, and we would have a wonderful life together. I stood, pulling him off the bench. I caught him off guard, and he dropped his handkerchief. "Come, fly me to the Hotel de Londres Eiffel. I have something for you."

"You got us a room, you wonderful, wonderful girl."

That night, we made love slowly and sweetly, and if we could have made a child together, it would have been conceived in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.