Jane stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom. She watched her reflection as she turned from side to side, inspecting the profile of her body. Frowning deeply as she turned to fully face her reflection again, she let out a heavy sigh as she ran her fingers lightly across her exposed torso.
"I thought you were getting dressed?" Maura stepped behind her and glanced at the reflection of the two of them in the mirror.
A surprised grunt escaped the detective before she could stop it. "Yeah, I'm on it. Sorry."
Tilting her head to the side in thought, the smaller woman watched her girlfriend slowly walk to the dresser to pull out underwear and socks. "Jane," she asked quietly, "what were you doing when I walked in?"
"Nothing," came the all too quick response. Lanky arms moved rapidly to pull on a first layer of clothing.
Undeterred, the doctor tried again, "I can tell you're upset. Please, talk to me."
"I told you, Maura, it's nothing." Jane spotted her jeans on the floor, moved them around with her foot, stepped into them, and pulled them up, which effectively allowed her to put her pants on both legs at a time. She looked up from her dressing processes to see a raised eyebrow of disbelief. "I was just," she shrugged as she buttoned and zipped her pants, "you know, checking on my scars."
Worry creased the smaller woman's face. "Is something wrong? Does your scar tissue hurt? Are you in distress? Jane, if you're in more pain than is normal for you…"
"No, Maura, I'm fine," the dark haired brunette snapped as she turned to her closet to find a shirt. "I said I was checking on them. I didn't say they hurt more than normal. Look," she said in a tired voice as she turned with a black shirt in her hand, "I'm fine. I was just having a moment, okay?" With a final huff, she pulled the t-shirt on, reached to tuck it in, rolled her eyes, unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, and started the tucking process over again.
"I don't understand what that means. 'A moment'? What kind of moment?" Maura frowned, watching the woman across the room but clearly not understanding her.
"It means a moment. You know, like… like," Jane searched for the right words as she pulled a black belt and her usual black dress boots from the bottom of her closet, "Okay, look, they bother me. Alright?"
Maura blinked, trying to follow the line of the conversation. "The moments bother you?"
"No, the scars. The scars bother me. I was standing in the mirror looking at my scars because they bother me. Okay? You happy now?" Jane pulled her boots on and stood in a rush, grabbed her belt, and started threading it through the loops. "Can we talk about something else now?"
"Your… your scars bother you?" Still confused and now even more concerned, the doctor pressed on. "But, Jane, why?"
"Really? We're really going to have this conversation? It's Saturday. Neither of us is on duty. We're supposed to go eat brunch. Can't we just go eat brunch?" At the look she received in response, the detective groaned but acquiesced to the unspoken demand for her to speak. "Maura," her voice was suddenly quiet. "They bother me because they're there. They make my body look ugly. I can't wear a bathing suit without having to deal with the comments from people about them, which is annoying. But," she ran a hand over her face as she spoke, "the worst thing is I can't look at myself in the mirror and not remember exactly where, why, and how I got all of them, and, honestly," she dropped her hand to look Maura in the eyes, "all but one were because I was stupid, and I hate that I've been so willing to put my life on the line like that. There's not a scar on my body that didn't get there during a time where I nearly died. Not one, and, now that I have… now that things are different, there's only one scar I'm okay with being there because it's the only time I really had a good reason to put my life on the line like that."
She gave a shrug as she plopped down on the side of the bed. "The scars make me hate myself a little bit."
Stepping to the side of the bed, Maura knelt down to be eyelevel with the other woman. "You shouldn't be ashamed of anything you've done in the line of duty, and you certainly shouldn't hate yourself." She reached forward to place a hand on the Jane's knee. "You've been selfless. It's one of the qualities I find most attractive in you, and I can't understand why you would hate yourself for that."
"Because I could have gotten myself killed," the detective said, eyes closed to try to shut out the words that came next, "and then we'd have met when you found me on your table."
"Oh, Jane," Maura breathed her girlfriend's name out. Unsure of what to say, she slid onto the bed next to the other woman and wrapped her arms around her as best she could. "What matters," she whispered against the dark locks covering the other woman's face, "is that you're here now."
"I don't want to be stupid anymore, Maura, but I don't think I can help it, and I don't want to hurt you." The words fell in an avalanche of emotion. Fear, anguish, anxiety, and sadness laced Jane's voice as she spoke. "I don't want to do that thing I do where I put my life on the line and actually lose the bet. Then what? What happens when I die in the line of duty? God, Maura, if you walked in to see me on your table…"
"I won't," the doctor interrupted. "I won't ever see you on my table."
Jane pulled back to look into the hazel eyes intently looking back at her. She pulled in a deep, calming breath as she took in the absolute certainty she saw on the honey brunette's features. "I thought you didn't like to guess."
"I'm not guessing. I know you, and I know you would never hurt me on purpose." Maura reached out to place her hand against Jane's cheek. "That means you would never intentionally do anything that might make you find your way to my table." She gave a soft smile to the other woman. "I trust you not to hurt me, Jane." She chuckled. "At least, I trust you not to do it on purpose without a very good reason."
"Thanks… I think?" Jane pulled Maura's hand down to rest in her own. "You're not curious which time I don't regret?"
The doctor shook her head. "You'll tell me when you're ready."
"Thank you," the detective said, voice cracking a little. "You know, I'm really glad we decided to do this. Date each other, I mean."
"Me, too," Maura's smiled brightened. "Do you still want to out for brunch?"
"Yes." Jane stood, and the mood lightened with her standing. "Yes, I do. I want brunch with lots of things that are really horrible for me, and then I want to go walk around the mall so I feel less guilty about eating all that stuff that was bad for me, and then I want call Ma and see if wants to have dinner with us."
"Angela?" Maura narrowed her eyes as she followed the other woman out of the room. "Really?"
"I feel the need to be around the two most important women in my life." Jane opened the apartment door and held it. "So… sound like a plan?"
"Sounds like a perfect day," Maura answered before giving the taller woman a quick kissing and stepping outside to head to their car and off to start their day.
"Ma, are you sure about all of this?" Frankie sipped his coffee as his mother finished off the last of her eggs.
"Frankie, your sister is a good girl. So is Maura. I already told you that I've been thinking this over a lot, and I know what the church says, but," she nodded to the waitress to get another refill on her coffee, "the church also says to be a good person, and you can't tell me that either of those two girls is anything but a good person."
Her son shook his head, still puzzling everything out. "But Paul is pretty clear on this whole gay thing, and Leviticus says…"
"Don't you quote the Old Testament at me," Angela snapped. "We don't do half the stuff it tells us we should do, and we do most of the stuff it tells us not to do." She poured creamer and added sugar to her coffee as she spoke, ignoring the not-so-subtle looks from the other patrons at the diner. "This isn't about a book, Frankie, it's about what we're supposed to take away from it, and you know what I think we're supposed to take away from it?"
Frankie leaned back against the booth, eyes guarded, "What Ma?"
"I think we're supposed to take away from it that we should be good to each other, take care of each other, and support each other. We should treat everyone like family because we are all family, and we should love each other. That's what I think we're supposed to take away from it, and I just can't believe that God, who says we should love each other and be kind to each other, wouldn't be okay with Jane or Maura." She set her spoon down and picked her mug up. "Can you?"
"Honestly? I don't know, which is why I can't decide how I feel about all of this. I mean, you know none of us are that religious, and you know I've never been the kind of guy to go out and gay bash or anything, but this makes me really uncomfortable." He shook his head. "It's like I don't even know her anymore."
"What's not to know?" Angela rolled her eyes. "Did she suddenly change into a unicorn or something?"
"Ma, really? A unicorn?" Frankie rolled his eyes. "No, that's not what I meant and you know it. I just mean that… well, now that she's saying she's a lesbian, how do I know that she… I mean, every time talk to her about a girl I like, how do I know that… I mean… I don't know how to make what I'm thinking makes sense out loud."
Angela raised an eyebrow. "Then maybe what you're thinking doesn't make sense."
A growl escaped her son. "Look, how did you all of the sudden become the advocate for the gay community, anyway? The last I heard, you were having as much trouble with all of this as I am."
"I decided that Jane is the person your father and I raised her to be. She's a good person who does what's right, and she takes cares of her family and those people who need her help and protection. Just like you, Frankie. You're both good kids, and I just want you both to be happy, and," she finally lowered her voice, eyes locking with her son's. "When you see her with Maura, you can't tell me she isn't happy. Can you?"
Frankie shook his head. "No, I really can't." He pushed his coffee mug away as he thought. "This is the happiest I think I've ever seen her."
"Exactly, and you can't tell me that she doesn't love Maura or Maura doesn't love her. I mean, just look at them when they're together or when they talk about each other."
He chuckled. "Like watching two lovesick teenagers."
"Right, and you can't tell me they wouldn't do anything for each other. Frankie, you know they would. Jane nearly died trying to save Maura's life."
"She killed Hoyt to protect her," he said quietly, still deep in thought. "I know what the reports say, but I know what Korsak and Frost say about it when they got there. Jane wouldn't have killed him if Maura hadn't been in danger."
"How can a love like that be wrong, Frankie? Answer me that. Because I've been trying to find a reason, and what I come up with isn't enough to convince me that two people as devoted as they are to each other is wrong." Angela sighed. Her voice was tired, and, in it, her son could hear a plea for support. "They're good people who love each other. How can that be wrong?"
"Maybe it can't," he answered just as quietly. "Maybe it's time we took a look at the church we're going to on the holidays?"
"I've already started," Angela answered. "Frankie, they need us right now. You know what's going on at the station."
"Yeah, I've been hearing rumors." He finished his coffee. "What can I do to help?"