Chapter Fourteen: Love Me Not
A/N: Thanks to my reviewers: our little infinity, SafeEyesOpen, Total Targaryen, Darth Rapture, Bloodredfirefly and 007secretservice.
And yes, of this chapter, things are going AU. Beetee is going to rig up and blow the force field earlier than in the book. I know, the time in the arena is very brief, but that's not what I ever intended to focus on. Someone very important is going to die in this chapter, and things are only going to get worse from here. Although it may be different to how the books went, I'm not promising things are going to go happily.
I am not going to pretend – next chapter is going to be very dark. I've had this planned almost since the beginning and it's going to be...difficult. Not sure yet whether it's bad enough that the rating will have to go up to M, but I guess I'll just have to see.
Storm's POV
Involving Hyperion in the rebellion is not an option. He will go running to President Snow, tell him everything – and then we will all be worse than dead. It's hard to keep such things from him, especially as several others, including the District 4 escort, are aware of what is going on. Cinna says that under no circumstances am I even to attempt to involve him. Not that I would – the baby within me kicks in protest, kicks to mark the fact that I am now around three months in. Can there still be any going back?
I wake on the morning of the Games. The throwing up has stopped, to my immense relief. I was so scared that Gloss would begin to question me about it, and no matter how much I throw up my walls of lies to keep the truth safe, he would break those walls down eventually. This morning, the stylists will take Cashmere and Gloss and then their only existence in this world will be on the screen of a television. It will all seem so surreal. At least one of them, I will never see again. I feel a wave of nausea that has nothing to do with morning sickness.
So I decide that today, I stop playing games. I stop pretending that I don't feel this, that there isn't anything between Gloss and I. I will admit the truth even as it tears me apart. Not about the child – it might break Gloss to know that, or perhaps he won't care. Nonetheless, for some reason I am oddly protective of the child's existence, as though telling Gloss will somehow have repercussions.
"Gloss?" I approach him tentatively. He's dressed simply, for he won't be in his arena clothes until he reaches the Launch Room. It's easier to see him as another human being this way, as though we are just two people in the world and it doesn't matter that one of us is a Victor and one of us is a Capitolian. I embrace him. He is like steel, cold and unyielding, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
"You shouldn't be so affectionate." He is trying to scold me, but his voice hitches slightly and for the first time in many years, perhaps Gloss feels something. I offer him a thin smile and try not to cry myself. People aren't meant to know about us. I can't afford to get all emotional now.
"Storm." Cashmere is considerably warmer. I hug her tight and I don't want to let her go. She has always been the balance, the only thing keeping Gloss from tearing into me with his verbal barbs and his hand across my face when the animal escapes from its cage. She is perhaps my one true friend, and now I risk losing her. If I could pick between she and Gloss...it hurts, but I would pick her.
"I'm not worried," I lie, "You two are Careers. You stand a fighting chance in that arena. One of you is bound to win."
Cashmere notices that my gaze lingers on Gloss. How can she not? Cashmere notices everything. She offers me a meaningful glance and murmurs some excuse, sauntering back to her room. Perhaps she thinks that I'll tell Gloss about the baby. Guilt squirms inside me, for I have no intention of doing that.
"There's something I have to say." The words are bold, much braver than I feel. I lift my chin up and I can tell by the resignation in Gloss's blue eyes that he already knows what I'm about to say, and that no matter how hard he tries, he can't stop me. "Gloss...I...I love you."
He watches me with impassive eyes for what feels like forever. I want him to say something, anything. I don't care so long as he actually acknowledges what I've just told him. Instead he just inclines his head, as if I've wished him luck or told him the weather's going to be sunny today. Desperation claws through me. The baby kicks. A baby that will more likely than not never know its father.
"Gloss, it's time." Cashmere walks back out and her expression is grim, but to me she has never looked more beautiful. She knows what lies in store for them. She has accepted her fate gracefully, as I feel I never could were I a tribute.
"Goodbye, Storm." That is his reply to my confession, his parting words. He and Cashmere are led out by the stylists and I swallow the hard lump in my throat, staggering into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. I draw my knees to my chest and raw sobs force their way free. I cry until my throat is dry, my head aches and my eyes are puffy. I admitted that I loved him, and he understood. The only problem is that Gloss doesn't love me back.
I sit on the bed with a pillow held to my chest, as though it's some kind of protection from what I'm about to witness. I have to know. I need to see what happens, as much as it hurts. I force myself to remain calm, for my child. Gloss's child, though he will never know it. I rake a hand through my unruly hair, and I watch, and I wait. The words make me flinch as Claudius Templesmith booms them.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let the 75th Hunger Games begin!"
It seems to take forever for the gong to go off. When it does, the tributes dive into the water they're surrounded by, swimming towards the Cornucopia on a small island in the middle there. Finnick Odair from 4, unsurprisingly, is the first to reach the Cornucopia. He takes up his traditional trident, and a shiver runs down my spine. I can't imagine how Gloss's spear will contend with that.
The girl from 12 has picked up a bow and is talking with Finnick. She shoots arrows at the Careers from 1 and 2 as they clamber out of the water. Enobaria from 2 is quick enough to dive back in before she gets hit, but I press my hands over my mouth to stifle a scream as one of Katniss's arrows finds its mark in Gloss's calf. Pain flashes across his face, mixed with anger, as he rolls back into the water in a sullen retreat.
Panic immediately flares through me. This gives Gloss a disadvantage due to his injury. As Finnick and the pair from 12, along with an old woman who I think is Finnick's district partner, the Careers move in for the kill. Gloss grits his teeth and rips the arrow from his calf, something that makes me flinch. He hefts up a spear as Cashmere twirls a pair of knives in her hands. They're joined by Brutus and Enobaria and although they appear to be at ease, there's no mistaking the tension evident in Gloss's shoulder or Cashmere's stance. There is no trust here at all.
Gloss's POV
Finnick's alliance is doing annoyingly well. Both from 12 are still alive, those little brats who seem to be the new thing in Panem just because the girl is apparently knocked up. I don't like it one bit, especially now that they have District 3 and Johanna from 7 on their side. I pace up and down the beach as the others watch. Cashmere sharpens her knives, watching me intently. Brutus leans with his back flat against a tree, his fingers always tight around the hilt of his sword.
"I say that we attack them." The comment comes from Enobaria, which is astonishing as it's pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Their alliance is bigger than ours, which is cause for concern. The Careers are meant to be the main power in these Games, but of course bloody Odair had to go and join forces with those teenagers. My lip curls in disgust.
"I agree." Cashmere gets to her feet. "We have to be quiet about it, though. They outnumber us. I say ambush them, maybe kill one or two in silence before the others actually realise what's going on."
Brutus offers a non-committal grunt and pushes himself to his feet. I don't know if that guy would even know how to be stealthy if his life depended on it – which, funny thing, it does. I smirk and glance at Cashmere, who spins one of her knives. We know they're not stupid enough to light a fire, but no doubt they'll be talking. Cashmere prowls around in the lead, for I know that she's a good listener. All I can really hear is my heart hammering in my chest.
We find them. The man from 3 whose name escapes me is setting something up, rigging wire up to a tree for reasons I don't know. I watch, intrigued. Lightning is flashing overhead and just as a semblance of understanding courses through me, Cashmere grabs me by the arm and tugs me along. Brutus seems keen to kill, for he nudges past us with his sword in his hand and closes in on the woman from 3, Wiress I think. I hiss in anger and attempt to lunge at him for stealing what should be my kill – but Cashmere tugs me back as Brutus slits Wiress's throat.
That's when the girl from District 12 whirls around and fires an arrow, hitting Brutus in the temple. He crashes to the ground and all of them are up then. The boy from District 12 takes off into the trees, either running to save his own hide or going to warn the man from 3 who we passed without killing. Enobaria steps forward, only to have an axe embedded in her chest from Johanna. Cashmere staggers, drawing her knives.
"KATNISS! NOW!"
The girl from 12 turns and runs, following the cry of her district partner. She strings an arrow and I hurtle after her, despite Cashmere yelling my name. Murder is racing through my heart and I grip my spear tightly. Only she's too fast, faster than me. I can hear her footsteps though, and that's enough to draw me through the trees towards her.
When I burst out, I see she's picked up a knife in blood-slick hands – but it isn't aimed at me. She hurls it towards the edge of the arena as I watch in bewilderment...and it seems to disappear. I'm confused, before lightning strikes the tree that the man from 3 had hooked the wire up. It sizzles down the wire and I have to cover my eyes from the blinding, dazzling blue as I see as something – whatever encases the arena – explodes.
"What have you done?" I demand of the girl from 12. She lowers her bow and another brightness comes over us, causing me to wince and shield my eyes. I look up to see a Capitol hovercraft and whatever Katniss from 12 has done, it will have consequences for all of us. This rebellion that Storm talked about, that I didn't want anything to do with...it seems like I'm a part of it anyway.
"PEETA!" Katniss turns attention from me and immediately goes searching for lover boy. It's suddenly become panic in the arena and I find myself looking wildly around for Cashmere. I stagger back the way I came, only to nearly collide with my older sister, whose eyes are narrowed.
"What were you thinking, Gloss? She could have shot you down! You saw what she did to Brutus..."
"We have bigger things to worry about right now!" I retaliate.
Cashmere's gaze drifts beyond me and suddenly her eyes widen with horror. Before I can question it, she grabs me and shoves me off to the side. I reel and when I whirl back, Cashmere is stumbling back, swaying on her feet, blood running between her fingers when she presses a hand to her chest. I roar in rage and heft my spear towards the Peacekeeper who has exited the hovercraft and levelled his gun with my sister. It impales him and I want to feel savage glee as he falls to the ground. But I don't.
"CASH!"
I run to her but there's no fear in her eyes. No pain. As always she is my brave older sister and there is nothing but determination as I catch her before she can hit the ground. She smiles fiercely at me although tears are streaming down her cheeks. They're not for herself. They're for me. Everything has always been for me. She has always been so selfless, even now, even sacrificing herself to save my life. Why? Why would she do that? I don't deserve it. I have always been the monster, she the only thing keeping me sane.
"Please don't leave me alone," I beg. I'm the scared child in the darkness. I need a nightlight and there she is. But the light's flickering and it's going to go out. I'll be forever in darkness, searching for the door, trying to find a way out. I clutch at Cashmere, lowering her gently even as the blood spreads from her wound like a disease. I hold her tight because I don't ever want to let go. I was meant to save her, not the other way around. Cashmere was meant to live.
"I'm sorry, Gloss," Cashmere's voice is soft and she is fading fast, "But there's someone else you have to live for now. You've been so blind...and now you have to see it. Storm..."
"No." I shake my head. "No, I can't."
"You can." Even in her dying moments, my sister is strong. I can see it all, everything – her blowing out ten candles on her birthday cake, the fierce light in her eyes when volunteered, her hand cracking across my face when I did the same a year later, her holding me tight as I screamed my way through my nightmares. No, this couldn't be the end. I had to do something. "Gloss. She loves you. She loves you nearly as much as I do."
"Nearly isn't enough." My voice breaks and Cashmere uses the last of her strength to plant a kiss on my forehead.
"It has to be."
I clutch her hand so hard I'm afraid I might break her bones, but then her grip slackens and her eyes glass over. I howl like an animal in pain, choked sobs ripping their way free of my throat as I continue to hold her lifeless body to me. Her eyes stare at the heavens she can't see and it's not fair. It has never been fair. All her life, Cashmere has been there to protect me, even though I'm the one fucking things up in the first place. Now she has given up what meant more to my than my life: her own.
I fall to my knees and scream for the end.
Storm's POV
I hurl things at the walls and scream until I think my lungs will burst. It can't be healthy for the child, but somehow, I'm beyond caring. Cashmere is dead. I watched it happen on television, and it seems so very wrong. It takes four Peacekeepers to control a feral Gloss as they drag him into the hovercraft, him along with Johanna from 7 and Peeta from 12. The rebellion that Cinna promised has succeeded – but those left behind will suffer for it. I bury my face in my blankets and cry, even though it hurts.
A knock on the door rouses me from my hysteria. I look up and the door open. Hyperion marches in with two Peacekeepers tailing him. The expression on his face is unreadable, but his eyes glitter and tell me he is very pleased with the turn of events. He is pleased, because Cashmere's death has hurt Gloss and I in a way that torture never could. I pick myself up off the bed and lunge at him, fists flailing.
"You son of a bitch!"
"Now, Miss Asterbury, calm down." He easily catches me wrists and shoves me away as though I disgust him. The Peacekeepers take each of my arms and this time I don't try to struggle. I'm only going to hurt the baby and now, the child is possibly the only thing that I have left. I don't want to know what happened, or is happening, to Gloss. "You are under arrest for suspected treason against the Capitol. You are to be taken into custody..."
I shake my head mutely. They think I am part of the rebellion, when I only knew of its against. I guess for Hyperion, that's enough. I don't try and resist. He has taken from me all that he can, but he won't take the baby I carry, for it's safe with me. So long as I behave and evade harm at all costs, at least I have that comfort, small as it is. But where Cashmere was once, there is forever a hole in my heart.