SO. LONG. TO. UPDATE. OMIGOSH. I'MSOSORRY. (see excuses at bottom of page)

I tried to make this chapter extra funny and mildly offensive just for you guys to make up for it.

Oh gawd. Don't kill me plz.

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TiNaF

Chapter 13: "I Like my Boys like I Like my Wine: Six Years Old and in my Basement."

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So I was staring at Rin, ya know, cuz it's what I do, for the few seconds before she woke up. I know; sounds totally creepy and junk, but it was, in all truth, utterly fascinating. People look so different when they're sleeping, you know? Like, Rin didn't look like nearly as much of a bitch when she was sleeping. It was like she had her switch turned off. A bitchy dimmer switch… And I'm not trying to say that she's a bitch. But she's a bitch. I'm just saying. It's kay. I'm a douchebag. We were kind of made for each other.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rin grumbled next to me.

"Just observing. You have blonde eyelashes. Did you know that? That is so cool. I mean, you read about these badass motherhuggers with the blonde eyelashes all the time, but I've never actually seen it before. You know how cool that is? It's fan-flippin-tastic. I want to, like, dye my eyelashes. That doesn't sound completely gay, does it? I don't care. Dyed eyelashes would be so cool."

Rin stared at me groggily for a few seconds. "Of course I knew I had blonde eyelashes. What kind of idiot doesn't know what color their eyelashes are?"

"You should never wear mascara. That's the shiz for eyelashes, right? Never wear it."

"Are you high?"

"I only got high once and it was not that great."

"You're totally high."

"I was, like, fourteen or something. Second dumbest thing I ever did."

"What's the dumbest thing you did?"

"Picked up some rabid lizard and put it near my face when I was, like, eight. Wanna see the pictures?"

"Hell yes."

0o0o0

I was sitting up on my bed pondering something, probably something important because I was stroking my invisible beard as I pondered it; except le invisible beard was not so invisible.

"Good god, Rin! What the hell are you doing in there that takes so long to do?" I shouted at the bathroom.

"It's been five minutes! What's got you in such of a rush all of a sudden?" She snapped back. Holy dammit we bicker like an old married couple.

"A squirrel has begun to sprout on my face."

The door swung open and she stared at me, holding herself up on the doorknob. "What's wrong with it? I like it this way."

"I don't! I have, like, a five foot beard here!"

"Mikuo, it's barely a five o'clock shadow. Aren't you guys supposed to be lazy about shaving, anyway?" She asked nonchalantly as she stepped back to poke her face in the mirror. I stared at her through narrowed eyes.

"Is that my shirt?" I accused. I mean, the thing was loose on me, but Rin was wearing a dress right there.

"Umm, yeah," she said, dabbing her face with a washcloth. "My shorts were all wet and sandy. Plus your boxers didn't fit."

"You tried on my…" I trailed off and pondered it for long enough to decide it wasn't worth getting myself in any deeper. I stood up and moved next to her so I could poke my face in the mirror, too. "Seriously? This doesn't drive you insane? I hate it when my face isn't smooth."

Rin poked my side, but I didn't flinch, much to her dissatisfaction. "You have a serious case of OCD."

"Do not! It is merely exceptionally prevalent attention toward personal hygiene."

"Get over yourself," Rin instructed, flicking the side of my head. "Honestly, I'm concerned that you'd cut your face open, just thinking about your stellar coordination skills. And put some pants on. My eyes are burning."

"My coordination skills are rather stellar. Thank you for noticing. And this is my room. I can walk around naked if I want to."

"In front of a lady? It's indecent."

"I thought you liked the way I look." I stabbed, stretching my back and watching Rin's eyes dart away with amusement. "And, just btdubz, I want my shirt back before the end of the day."

"So demanding," Rin whined, rubbing her neck. She then took sudden interest in mentioned spot in the mirror before exploding. "MIKUO HATSUNE WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY LAST NIGHT."

"Ooh, did the hickey show up? Fantastic!"

Suddenly, I was being violently forced against the wall and Rin was struggling to keep herself from strangling me.

"Whoa. Serious role reversal going on here," I commented.

She punched me in the gut. "How the fuqua am I going to hide this while I am AT THE BEACH?"

"What? Don't want to show off?" Rin gave me one of those looks that belonged in a scrapbook. "Ahm, jk. Wear a bandaid."

"And what will the excuse for that be?"

"I dunno. Burned yourself with your straightener?"

"Mayb—how did you know I straighten my hair?"

"You're female?"

"WHY DID YOU PHRASE THAT LIKE A QUESTION? YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW MY GENDER."

"Sometimes I look down and I wonder…"

Oh, hello, virginity. So nice to see you again.

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"You know, there's something I just can't quite grasp right now that's been on my mind, other than the fact that Piko is sleeping on the couch down here when he has a perfectly good condo to sleep in right next door," I was saying from the kitchen. Rin, Luki, Miki, Yuuma, and, of course, Piko were all down there with me. Miki was attempting to help Rin cook while everyone else was hanging on Piko's couch. Dang, that guy was a dude magnet.

Piko shrugged in response. "What can you not grasp, Mikuo?" he asked.

"I mean, come on, guys. We are right outside Miami, and we haven't even driven illegally through the streets yet? There is something wrong with that picture," I said.

"Miami is a fun city to drive through illegally," Luki noted.

"We should do it," Piko concurred.

"After I eeeaaat," Miki groaned. "I am so muthafuggin hungry you guys don't even know."

"I want food," Miku agreed, walking into the room with Neru tagging along behind her. They lumbered over to the breakfast bar where Miku laid her head down and Neru whipped a cell phone out of nowhere. Probably kept it somewhere in that thirty-foot mane of hers she dragged around on the side of her head.

"Mikuo, go find a pot that I can boil water in," Rin directed from behind me.

I stared muttering something about having such a demanding girlfriend (Ew. That word still grosses me out.) as I looked for a pot in some God-forsaken cabinet in a corner somewhere that probably had a swarm of alien bees inside protecting it. "This is breakfast. What the hell are you boiling water for anyway," I complained.

"Shut up and do what I say," she rasped.

"You know what I don't get about boiling water?" Luki started. I was sure he had something to add to that but, oh, this was a perfect opportunity.

"What's there not to get?" I returned. "It's a simple process. Just imagine taking a pot of water and adding energy to it and you keep adding and adding and ADDING and the adding JUST WON'T STOP until—Ah~! You get steam."

Rin's face was as red as the coils inside a toaster and Miki was holding a hand over her mouth, meanwhile Luki looked on with displeasure.

"That's not what I asked, dumbass," he deadpanned.

"Mikuo, why are you growing a small animal on your face?" Miku asked me tiredly.

I slammed the pan I was holding down on the table next to Rin. She cringed. "I freaking told you," I hissed toward her.

"Mikuo does seem to have that sexy young businessman look going on about him," Piko noted.

"The sexy y—wut."

Miki grabbed my chin and inspected me closely. "Hmm… I see…"

I slapped her hands off of me. "Holyshnitdonottouchmyface."

"I was just making observations!" she defended.

"You know, Miku, I was just thinking the same thing," Luki mentioned. "I think this is the longest I've seen Mikuo let his facial hair get. For a while, there, I'd forgotten he had the capability to grow any."

"Okay. I'm shaving now. Goodbye."

"Wait, no! You'll spoil the record!" Luki fretted.

I looked at him like he was crazy before smiling at him, showing him my special finger, and leaving anyway.

0o0o0

"You know what's been bothering me as of late?" Rin asked, suddenly appearing inside my room and making me jump so hard I almost knocked the mirror off the wall.

"Holy Jesus, maybe you could knock next time?" I returned.

"The door was open. Okay, so, I was wondering what your natural hair color was."

"My natural…" I trailed off as my eyes strayed back toward my reflection. I rubbed a lock of hair between my fingers and wondered. When was the last time I had seen my natural hair color? Were my eyebrows the same color as my hair? What color were my eyebrows? How in the world does this hair dye stay in so well? "I dunno." I responded finally.

She blinked. "You don't know."

"Nope. Not a damn clue."

She gave me a poker face before talking again. "Oh yeah, and we made eggs. Lots of eggs. Luki's raving about the baby chicken massacre that we created because of all of the eggs that have been prepared. Also, we need to buy groceries today." I fucking wonder why.

Sooooo I went back downstairs with my face soft as a baby's ass and all that shit and found that the last of us (as in Luka) had made their way down as well.

"Gahd, that took forever," Luki complained at me. "After these psychopaths finish eating their chicken ovary byproducts we were talking about riding into the city, running errands, all of that stuff. I was just wondering if you wanted to take the motorcycle."

Okay, I can't really say this next part without sounding as straight as a right angle, which is not very straight at all, so I'm just going to go all out with this one.

I leapt into Luki's arms from halfway across the room. "Oh, Luki, I would kiss you if you were gay."

"That's gross, man."

"No, you just don't understand how happy I am right now."

"Stop touching me, dude."

"I could never fully express to you my gratitude."

"Our crotches are touching and that is totally awkwarding me out."

"I love you."

"Yeah, well, I can freaking tell in regards to my previous comment."

"Don'trejectmeIamyouronlyfriend."

"Get off of me."

I let go and tried to recompose myself.

Piko was giving me a look that appeared to be quite disturbed. "That's not how I come across to people, right?"

"No." "Not at all." Of course not." "I think that was too gay to be gay." "Only Mikuo could pull off a stunt like that." "Oh gawd my eyes."

"Thank Jesus," he sighed.

0o0o0

Le awkward time skip.

"Hey! Rin! Get on!" I called out from Luki's sexy little motorcycle that I liked almost as much as the convertible.

Rin looked warily at the helmet I held out toward her, but she took it nonetheless. "I'm not sure I should trust you," she mumbled, getting on behind me as I revved the engine.

"Rin, I am offended," I huffed sarcastically. "I was sure that you, of all people, knew of my exceptional driving skills.

"Have you ever even driven one of these things before?"

"Uuhmm… Once, I think."

"Only on—whaa—?!"

That was the sound that she made when I started driving off. What? I may be a good driver, but I never said I was a safe one.

/CLIFFHANGER ENDING/

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THAT WAS SO SHORT GUYS OMIGOSH I AM SO SORRY. I hope it was at least funny to make up for all of the disappoint that you must has.

Okay, excuse time. Other than the average writer's block dilemma we all have to face, school started on the 20th for me, and I had summer homework that I didn't do and summer reading that I had to get done in a moment's notice because I'm a sad, lazy excuse for a writer. Also, I started writing another story, kind of. It's not even a fanfiction. I'm writing five stories right now, man. DON'T JUDGE ME.

And, though I feel that those two excuses are rather good all on their own, I've been attempting to prepare for AWA. My supersexyawesome Rock Cannon has been updated as a result and jacket improvements+gloves come next. I have almost half a month left to prepare everything. Notevenclosetodoneomigosh.

OKAY. SO. I'm thinking I'm going to end this story in just a few chapters, BUT YOU SHOULD NOT FEAR. I am already thinking of a sequel to this story to be from Rin's point of view for when school starts for them. It'll be called "Class Notes" so keep your eyes peeled whenever I end this thing for that new story. That and I'll probably add an A/N chapter (even though we're technically not supposed to) whenever the first chapter of that is up.

ANYWAY. Please review, even though you hate me and stuff for a bad chapter ending and long update. TAKE OUT YOUR ANGER WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY UPPING MY POPULARITY. /SHOTINALLCAPS

I lover you guys so hard….