Chapter 13 – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
("Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Judy Garland)
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, their characters, setting, or plot. All of those belong to Ryan Murphy, FOX, and their affiliates.
When we first planned our date on Friday, I knew it would be hard to wait two whole days. Forty eight hours seemed like the longest amount of time in my life. But as I continued through the following days, time seemed to fly by instead of drag on. I was busy from the minute I woke up until I went to sleep. Between finals, finding a Christmas present for Blaine, and packing to go home over Christmas break, I kept myself occupied. Aside from finals, I had a hard time figuring out Blaine's Christmas gift. I had no clue what in the world to get for the guy who I was in love with. People think that those cute greeting cards talking about love and a box of chocolates will do fine, but when you actually feel love, those things don't matter so much. You want to get something that will make that person infinitely happy. By Friday, as I was waiting for the closing bell to ring signaling the end of the semester, I found a gift, was packed, and had nothing on my mind but Blaine. I practically sprinted from the social sciences building to the auditorium, almost slipping on ice as I ran. When I got there, Blaine was sitting on the stage. I ran down the aisle and jumped into a hug.
"I missed you," I told him, my head in his shoulder. The excitement was buzzing around in my stomach again. I was so happy.
"I missed you too, babe," he said, returning the hug. "What are we gonna do with two weeks at home when we can barely stand two days?" he asked playfully.
"Tell me about it," I said. "God gave us cell phones for a reason." Blaine laughed and nodded in agreement. "So what's the plan?"
"Well, I have a surprise for you actually," he replied, a smile gracing his face. "And you'll never guess what it is." I looked at him, my eyes narrow in playful suspicion. "Don't even bother trying. Just come with me to my dorm," he said taking my hand. There it was. That perfect fit. He let go as he opened the door to the auditorium and I walked with him to his dorm.
"So I left your gift in my room," I said as we approached the quad. "Mind if I run and grab it?" I asked.
"Actually, that's a good idea. Why don't we get changed and I'll meet you in my dorm then?" I nodded and headed in the direction of Veritas. I ran up the two flights of steps to the third floor and was surprised to see most of my classmates were already gone. The rest were loading their things into their parents' cars. I guess if I didn't have a reason, I wouldn't be staying either. I changed into jeans and my grey Henley before throwing my coat on and grabbing the two wrapped packages on my dresser. In a few short minutes, I walked up the staircase in Animus and I opened the second story door to the strong smell of garlic bread. As I crept down the hallway toward Blaine's room, I passed the kitchen. He caught my attention and I was shocked to see him standing with a complete meal prepared and ready to go.
"You didn't!" I exclaimed, seeing Blaine pulling perfectly baked garlic bread out of the oven.
"I told you I would learn to cook," he said, stirring a pot of fettuccini alfredo. My mouth dropped, half in a smile, half in shock.
"I'm impressed," I said, still smiling. "You actually learned how to cook."
"Well, sorta," he said. "This isn't the first batch of pasta I've made today."
"How many have you made?" He looked up with a playfully serious expression on his face.
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." I laughed out loud and signaled toward his room with my free hand.
"I'm gonna go throw my stuff in your room," I told him. "Be right back."
"Alright," he replied, doling out the pasta into two bowls. After putting my things in his room, I went back to the kitchen where Blaine stood proudly with his meal.
"Is there anyone on this floor?" I asked bluntly. He shook his head with a devious grin.
"They all left this afternoon," he said. I didn't think twice as I moved closer to give him a deep kiss. It felt scary, but strangely freeing to kiss him right in the middle of the kitchen rather than somewhere totally private.
"That was for making dinner for me," I said before planting another kiss on him. "And that was for just being you." He narrowed his eyes playfully.
"I think I could get used to this." I sat on the kitchen counter on the kitchen and he handed me a bowl of pasta. "Now we get to see if this actually turned out good or not."
"Oh come on," I told him, picking up some pasta with my fork. "I'm sure it's going to be amazing. It's a Blaine original!" Eating some of the pasta, I instantly regretted it. It must have been the worst food I had ever put in my mouth. Something between cardboard and cat litter.
"Is it good?" he asked hesitantly. I stopped and looked at him, trying my hardest to be convincing. I nodded slowly.
"Mhmm," I said with my mouth closed, trying desperately to swallow it and get it down. I forced it and took a freeing breath. "That's…well that's just…delicious," I lied, reluctantly digging in for another bite. Here's the thing about love. When I was younger, I used to think that love was all about the romance and being cute and buying flowers and that true love was being able to give your life for that person. But growing up, I realized that love is more about the little things. Taking care of someone when they're sick, going out of your way to pick up groceries so they don't have to, or even suffering through an awful meal to make them happy. That was love.
"You're lying," he said, calling me out. I stopped dead in my tracks.
"No I'm not," I replied, somewhat convincingly.
"Then why are you squinting when you take a bite?" he asked.
"I'm not…squinting."
"You look like you're bracing yourself to get punched in the face every time you take a bite."
"What…are you talking about?" I asked, trying hard to keep up the charade.
"You don't have to eat it if it's that bad," he said forgivingly. "I won't be mad. Although part of me wants to watch you keep trying," he added with a laugh. I looked at him with a pitiful look, the food staying stagnant in my mouth. "You want a napkin?" he asked resignedly. I nodded my head quickly before he handed me one and I spit the food out.
"Thank you so much," I said wiping off my mouth.
"So it was that bad?" he asked. I nodded slowly.
"It was pretty bad," I said offhandedly. "But you tried, and it really…I really appreciate you doing that. I think if you maybe…changed the recipe or something, it might be better?"
"How about you just cook from now on?" Blaine suggested bluntly.
"Deal," I replied. "Wanna order in?"
"More than anything," he said, throwing the pasta into the trashcan.
"The garlic bread is still good," I said, taking a bite. "You nailed those!" He turned around with a smile and ran to take a bite.
"Really?" He nodded with me. "Awesome!" After we cleaned up quickly, I walked into his room as he called to order pizza. His room was like being warped between two worlds. He had a big red Ohio State Buckeyes pendant hanging over his bed, right next to a poster for Wicked. His mirror was littered with tickets to sporting events, concerts, and Broadway shows. Everything seemed to pull me in different directions. If people could see that this was what being gay was, I don't think they'd have such a big problem. Gay people aren't just these big lipstick wearing guys who flutter around knowing fashion designers and drinking apple martinis. They're all different. They're just people, like everyone else.
I had to admit, I always liked staying in my room more. His room felt very neat and clean and academic. Like everything had a place and a purpose. My room felt a little less uptight. I liked that my room felt like home. As I snooped around, looking at the pictures on the wall, a frame on his desk caught my eye. In the 8 by 10 frame was a picture of a boy about my age. He looked similar to Blaine in that he had the same hair and eyes, but his facial structure was different. As I read the inscription in the bottom right hand corner of the portrait, my heart sunk.
I love you all dearly
Now don't shed a tear
I'm spending my Christmas
With Jesus This Year
It was his brother. The sterling silver frame was inscribed with his name and dates of birth and death. I ran my fingers along the side of it and jumped when Blaine entered the room.
"What are you looking at?" he asked softly. "Sorry," he added after I jumped.
"No, you just caught me off guard." He looked down at the desk next to me.
"It's the Christmas gift I got my parents. I didn't know what to get, but I want them to know that I'm doing better, and I feel a lot of closure about Ben's death," he said, moving next to me, looking at the portrait. "I felt so much better after telling you." I hesitantly met his eyes, chewing on the side of my lip. I nodded to him.
"I'm glad," I said, gulping. "He would want you to be happy and feel good about it I think." Blaine nodded back. I know it was just something people say, but I did feel that way. I know I would hate to see someone I love be upset because I died unexpectedly. I just didn't want Blaine to hurt anymore. Not over that. "Your parents are going to love this," I said.
"Do you want to walk with me?" he asked, trying to change the subject. "The pizza is gonna be an hour and I figure the campus is pretty much deserted anyway. Might as well use it to our advantage, right?" he continued, grabbing my hand.
"That sounds good," I said, before he kissed me quickly. We grabbed our coats and headed down the hallway hand in hand. I felt daring to be so open, so out about what we had going on. Part of me was thrilled, another part of me scared to death to be running down the hall holding hands with him.
"So what are your plans for break?" he asked me as we walked down the quad toward the observatory.
"Well I guess I'll have to stay sane somehow. Probably end up watching a shitload of movies. My parents wanted a Christmas list and all I asked for was DVDs." Blaine nodded, gripping my hand.
"I didn't really ask for much this year. For some reason, gifts just don't seem like that big of a deal. I'm just glad I got to spend this Christmas with you," he said smoothly.
"Oh come on," I said. He looked back at me. "Does that work with the other guys you've dated? The smooth talking and the…the eye gazing…and the…the…body electric thingy," I responded dumbly.
"Body electric thingy?" he asked amused. I blushed furiously, so embarrassed by what I had just said. "And yes, the smooth talking works and the eyes are killer, so why not use them?"
"What if I don't want your eyes?" I asked playfully as we reached the maintenance building on the opposite side of the quad.
"But you do," he said as he spun under my arm like a dance move. "You want my eyes and my smile," he bragged. Then he pushed me against the back of the maintenance building away from the quad. "And my body electric thingy," he whispered, throwing his body against mine.
"You're a tease," I whispered back, our faces so close we were practically touching. Our lips grazed one another's before he stopped and jumped back, laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked.
"I've never had a boyfriend like you!" he exclaimed through his laughter. "You play the shy, innocent game and then you throw that killer smile my way or you start kissing me. And I'm the tease. But if you want me to stop being a tease, I can just sit back and let you be sexy." I laughed before gulping and taking a deep breath.
"So what am I?" I blurted out.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his laughter dying down.
"You just said you never had a boyfriend like me before. What does that make me?" I asked, feeling incredibly vulnerable. "I mean, we've kinda been going at this for months now. I told you I love you."
"You mean are you my boyfriend?" I nodded, gulping again out of nerves. He gave me a sweet smile before coming closer to me. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" he asked.
"Well yeah…I…er…I mean, yeah," I stuttered, sounding more and more like an idiot.
"Good. I want you to want to be my boyfriend." He held my hand as he talked.
"Come here," I told him, pulling him in for another kiss. "I just kissed my boyfriend."
"Hmm, I like the sound of that," he said as though it was a profound thought, something he had never discovered before. "Well boyfriend, we better get back. The pizza will be here soon." I followed him back to Animus where we met the pizza delivery guy at the door. Perfect timing. After eating, I found myself laying in Blaine's bed with him feeling way more comfortable than I usually did in his bedroom.
"So you ready for your present?" he asked, an excited grin on his face.
"I don't know, are you ready for yours?" He nodded as he jumped off the bed and opened his closet door. I grabbed my two packages from where I put them on the floor. We climbed onto the bed again and I handed him his gifts. After he handed me an envelope and a box, we stared at each other, waiting for the other person to go first. I couldn't help but smile. "Okay, you go first," I told him.
"Okay," he said, opening the smaller box first. Inside, he saw two birds that were ceramic ornaments. On one, I inscribed Blaine – I love you – Sam
"Two birds?" he asked, trying to act like he liked it. But he didn't know what it meant.
"Two turtle doves," I corrected him.
"Like the song."
"Exactly. Except turtle doves mean so much more. You keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. Turtle Doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your Turtle Dove, you'll be friends forever." He smiled broadly before leaning closer to me.
"Thank you," he said handing me the other turtle dove. "You better not lose it," he ordered before kissing me. "And just for the record, you stole that from Home Alone 2."
Busted.
"I…yeah, I did," I admitted, laughing it off.
"So I am dating Macaulay Culkin! I knew it!" he exclaimed. I blushed as he called me out. "No, but really Sam, this is sweet. Thank you," he said, holding his turtle dove in the palm of his hand. "It means a lot." I smiled.
"Okay, your turn," he said, pointing to the box. I unwrapped the long box, expecting the worst. It was just about the size of a kind of toy that…well you get the idea. Instead, I found something completely different.
"Shampoo," I said as I looked at the bottle.
"It's special shampoo. For color treated hair," he added proudly.
"But I don't dye my hair," I lied.
"Yes, you do. And the sooner you stop trying to hide it, the sooner I can help you take care of it so you don't have fading at the roots, like you do right now," he said. I held back my laughter.
"Fine, you found me out. But you can't tell anyone!"
"Deal," he said, chuckling. "Okay, let's see what's in here," he said, holding up my second package. He unwrapped the package and saw the 5 DVD's bound together with ribbon. "Oh cool! Movies!" he said genuinely excited.
"It's kind of my sampling of the top 5 movies everyone should have," I explained as he unwrapped the ribbon. "The Godfather Part 2 is one of my favorite movies of all time. You don't really need to watch the first one, but it's a good idea if you can get your hands on it," I continued. "Love Actually is this British romantic comedy, very funny," I added. "Avatar is a given, so I knew you'd like that. Star Wars Episode IV is practically a requirement if you're alive and not living under a rock. Everyone likes the original series more than the prequel trilogy, but I think they're both good for different reasons," I said. "And then of course, you have Mean Girls. That movie is like The Breakfast Club for our generation."
"Thank you so much Sam! I can't wait to watch these."
"Oel ngati kameie," I told him in Na'vi. "I see you," I translated with a goofy grin on my face. Blaine laughed and gave me another kiss. If we kept kissing like this, I was going to need a few new sticks of Chapstick pronto.
"Okay, one more," he said, pointing to the envelope. I picked it up and opened it carefully. Inside was a note.
To Sam: You deserve to be happy. Here's a little dose of happiness. I love you. Blaine
I looked inside the envelope and saw two tickets.
"They're to Cedar Point," he explained, his voice gently falling out of his body, like that first day we met in the bathroom. "I remember you telling me about that day with your dad and riding all of the rollercoasters and having that amazing day. And I just want to make you happy," he continued. "So I thought we could go this summer, just you and me. They have a weekend in early June for gay and lesbian families. We could have that perfect day." As he spoke, I felt something that had grown unfamiliar in the past few weeks. Tears. I didn't cry at all anymore. But when I heard Blaine's voice and felt the compassion he had to recreate that day, I knew I would never leave him. He and I were meant to be together. He understood me and cared for me like nobody else. Tears welled up in the bottoms of my eyes, but I didn't let them go.
"Get over here," I said, choking on my words before pulling him into an enormous hug and thanking him. "This is…incredible, Blaine."
"I love you," he told me. The feeling I had for him in that moment was so intense. I just wanted to grab him and hug him and never let go. "Sam, I love you," he repeated. I pulled away from the hug and looked at him. His hazel eyes showed more sincerity than I had ever seen him show me. It blew my mind.
"I love you too Blaine," I told him, giving him a tender kiss. Before we started making out too much, I moved our gifts onto his desk before coming back to that honest face. "Are you okay?" I asked, laying next to him, my arm thrown lazily on his chest.
"I don't know. I just don't think I've felt about anyone like I feel about you. It's scary."
"Tell me about it," I told him.
"I trust you," he said simply. "I trust you." When he said that, I felt a mix between happiness and being petrified. When someone puts their trust in you, you can't fuck up. You have to stick to your guns and be there for them. I nodded. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow," he said dejectedly.
"Me neither," I agreed. "But we still have tonight, right?" I offered, trying to make him feel better. "Look Blaine, I'm not too good with words and stuff, but I love you. And if we have one more night together, then I want to relax and enjoy it. So what do you say we cuddle up with a movie and fall asleep?" Blaine nodded, giving me a reassured smile.
"Good plan," he said. Within ten minutes, when both of us were curled up together under the covers watching It's A Wonderful Life, I knew I would never forget this Christmas. Blaine had made my season the most memorable in my life and I loved him for it. As he ran his fingers gently through my hair and my eyelids began to feel heavy, I wanted to hang onto every last moment with him.
"I love you Blaine," I said. "Merry Christmas boyfriend." Blaine looked down and kissed my cheek before cuddling closer to me.
"Merry Christmas Sam. I love you."