Chapter 14
An Adjustment of Plans
Author's notes: Due to health issues, I have not been able to write as fast as I would like. Please do not send me nasty comments demanding the next chapter. It's not helpful, it won't speed up the writing process, and it just frustrates me further. I'd like to be able to write two chapters a week like I used to, but that's not going to happen in the near future.
There was a reason why Ratchet got overcharged in private, without an audience. Long experience - both with drink and with friends - had taught him that he had a remarkable ability to frag things up when he was intoxicated. Most of the time, 'fragging things up' involved a roaring fight with Wheeljack or Ironhide.
Soundwave slept.
Ratchet sat on his couch with his optics resolutely turned off, sipped at a cube of energon, and tried not to think about anything. Thinking was only going to make things worse. Anyway, his mind felt slow, and his memories of the night before were low resolution. He remembered more than enough, however. As frag-ups while drunk went, this ranked way up near the top.
He'd been an idiot. A complete glitch. He'd violated some ethics he held truly dear to his spark, and probably caused emotional harm to a patient in the process. How to explain to a mech that he couldn't even talk to that he'd been an idiot, and it never should have happened? Without making Soundwave feel bad? When Soundwave very clearly wanted it?
This wasn't Soundwave's fault.
Well, okay, maybe a little. Soundwave had initiated matters.
However, Ratchet knew he should have done better. He never should have put himself in a position where this could have happened, and never with a mech that he couldn't see a future with. He didn't exactly believe in true love happening for cranky old medics, but he wasn't a big fan of casual interfacing, either. The latter always left him longing and lonely, dreaming of the sort of relationship that past experience had proven he was very bad at maintaining. Love wasn't for him, but it didn't mean he couldn't wish for the fairy tale romance that in reality he was just too damn old for.
The door slid open, admitting Frenzy. The little mech was still damp from a trip to the wash racks, had a towel slung over one shoulder, and had acquired a few new scuffs on his chassis. He gave Ratchet a long, silent look, then without a word, headed for the pallet he'd made for himself in a corner. He had a box full of toiletries - rags, wax, chamois - next to the pallet and his optics were firmly focused on the box.
:Kid.:
:Don't talk to me.: Frenzy wouldn't look at him.
:This about last night?: Of course it was about last night. The kid was furious, and with good reason, and Ratchet knew he owed him - both of them - a profound apology. His guilt over last night was eating at him like acid in his gears. Unfortunately, apologies were not a skill he'd practiced much, and he had no real idea what to say.
Frenzy would know, of course, that Soundwave had spun his cogs. Bonded teams could block a fair amount from each other when they chose, but doing so took conscious effort, and he'd yet to meet bond mates who could keep up that sort of focus while in the throes of passion.
:You're a glitch and a half,: Frenzy snapped.
:Fair assessment.: It took most of his formidable willpower not to react with anger to that comment.
Frenzy stopped short on his way across the room. Surprised red optics gleamed at him. :You agree?:
:Yeah. I'm a glitch.:
:You do realize he doesn't love you.:
:Do you love Steeljaw?: He was needled to strike back in kind, pushed past the point of tolerance.
To his surprise, Frenzy hesitated before answering, :That's not relevant, Autobot. He's letting you frag him because he thinks he has to.:
:He started it!: Ratchet hadn't even considered that possibility, given Soundwave's assertiveness. He'd assumed that Soundwave was just horny, lonely, and desperate for any sort of communication, even if it was simply the language of physical intimacy. Now that Frenzy brought it up, however, his misgivings grew exponentially.
That he was the fragee, not the fragger, was probably too much information to share with the kid. Ratchet honestly didn't care if he pitched or caught; it all led to good feelings. He'd let Soundwave take the lead so that he could be certain that Soundwave completely consented and wanted. He hadn't considered that the mech might be acting out of a sense of obligation, or a desire to earn Ratchet's favor.
:Yeah? So? He's buying his place with his body. It's all he's got left. He doesn't know about the deal I have with Prime. And frag, I can't believe you're even attracted to him.: Frenzy's mouth twisted into an expression of disgust. :He's crippled. I don't get the appeal,. and I'm bonded to him!:
:He doesn't need to … you don't think that was about ..: He protested, even as his mind raced ahead. Soundwave had a hell of a lot left beyond his body.
However, his guilt was rapidly replaced with anger when the rest of what Soundwave's symbiont had said registered. Frenzy didn't get the appeal? Soundwave had been injured, yes, but that didn't mean he didn't have desires of his own - and it didn't mean he couldn't be desirable. He was definitely attractive, and Ratchet had seen enough of Soundwave to suspect there was a very active mind with a very dry sense of humor locked in terrible silence.
Frenzy, however, was not letting up. Furious, he spat over an encrypted comm frequency, :You used him like a whore, Ratchet. He's got to be thinking he needs to buy his place here. It's how it would work if we were still 'cons and somebody was as crippled up as he is!:
Ratchet recoiled, physically and mentally. Frenzy had it all wrong! Last night had been about comfort, and connection, and affirmation of Ratchet's spark deep belief that the Decepticons could become friends, allies, and partners with Autobots. Nobody was beyond redemption. Nobody. Ratchet didn't preach the way Optimus did, but he believed this, to the very core of his being.
Ratchet bellowed, "That's not what that was about! I wasn't using him, you little glitch, and he's got a home here. Last night never should have happened, particularly if he doesn't understand that I actually find him attractive and last night was about a good frag, not about, about, using him. Primus, I thought he wanted it!"
His words, spoken aloud at considerable volume, and very irate, jolted Soundwave out of recharge. Soundwave, survivor of eons of war, rolled over and started to scrambled to his feet before all his systems were online. Someone had started shouting, and that was warning enough for Soundwave to come up fighting. Frenzy's mood probably didn't help.
:I thought you were different.: Frenzy sounded bitter, now, as he moved out of Soundwave's way.
:Didn't he want it at all?: Ratchet asked, horrified static buzzing in his words. :I thought he wanted … Frenzy, he started it!:
He almost cut himself off at this point, but he reminded himself that Frenzy was no child, and Frenzy knew Soundwave better than anyone, and he needed to know. Frenzy was glaring at him, optics glittering and angry. He repeated, :Did he want it? Or was it pure … obligation?:
Frenzy continued to glare.
:Frenzy, please. I have to know.: He'd never been more horrified of his own actions in his life.
Meanwhile, Soundwave made it halfway into a sitting position and then looked from Frenzy, to Ratchet, and back. He stopped struggling to get up in a panic, and rose in a more dignified fashion, only to sit down on the couch next to Ratchet. Ratchet stiffened, not looking at him, unsure if he wanted to bolt across the room or turn to Soundwave and try to figure out how to apologize, to make this right.
Frenzy didn't answer his question but he said, finally, :I truly don't get the appeal. How can you expect me to believe you want a mech you can't talk to, who's crippled?:
:You're bonded to him!: This argument was spinning out of control, and Ratchet found he was suddenly, ferociously, defensive. :You can't find him, what, repugnant? Or is it that you think I'm lowering myself by clanking with your master?:
Frenzy fell silent again, optics glittering. This Frenzy was not the wild, crazy, berzerker that Ratchet had seen in battle countless times. Frenzy's words were fueled by a very different sort of anger - hard, cold, bitter. Ratchet found he was taken aback by that anger. It seemed out of proportion to the incident; Soundwave was an adult, had been a willing participant, and had started things.
:I was intoxicated, Frenzy,: Ratchet said, after taking a moment to get mastery of his mood. He refused to let a half-pint youngling needle him into a blind rage. He added defensively, though that wasn't much of an excuse either, :And I repeat, your master started it.:
:Riiight.: Frenzy drew the word out slowly, sarcastic and skeptical.
Soundwave's optics, still bared, had narrowed at Frenzy. He spat a wordless blat of static that made Frenzy jump. Clearly, it was chastisement of some sort. Frenzy glared back at his master for a second.
"You jealous, kid?" Ratchet demanded. "I'm sharing something with him you aren't part of? Maybe that makes you feel a little less like a special snowflake?"
"No!"
Soundwave lunged, reaching out with one long arm and grabbing Franzy by the wrist. He yanked his symbiont to him, snarled something completely nonverbal but entirely comprehensible, and then shoved Frenzy towards the door.
"Okay, already! Geeze, you're a big boy. Don't get your struts in a knot!" Frenzy snapped at his master, then stormed out. He was so angry that Ratchet could hear the growl of his revved-up internals even after the door slid shut.
Soundwave was fiercely scowling when Ratchet looked back at him. His jaw was set with real anger, fists balled. By Soundwave's expression, Ratchet suspected that Frenzy had been leaking a few unpleasant emotions.
"You'd think I tried to feed him a poison apple," Ratchet grumbled, rising. "Soundwave, I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened, last night. Now I've fouled things up between you and Frenzy, too."
The apology didn't make him feel any better. It was, however, easier to utter it since he knew that Soundwave couldn't comprehend it.
Was Frenzy right? Had Soundwave felt obligated?
Was it disgusting, what he had done with Soundwave? Frenzy had acted appalled, but Ratchet wondered at his real motives. He had no desire to come between Soundwave and Frenzy - he had no desire for a relationship with Soundwave at all, damnit! - but Frenzy didn't know that. Frenzy was isolated enough as it was, with only Soundwave and his damaged ability to communicate remaining of what had once been a rich and deeply supportive relationship with his bondmates. He would feel threatened by Ratchet moving in on Soundwave …
… and he could certainly see how a reasonable mech could find what he'd done with Soundwave to be questionable, at best. There were real issues of motivation and perception to worry about when it came to Soundwave, if not outright consent. It was hard to argue that Soundwave hadn't been willing! However, Ratchet truly didn't know what was going on in that head - and he couldn't ask.
Plus he'd been a 'con and now he was, officially, a prisoner. That was a whole different minefield of perceptions to navigate.
Maybe the kid was right. Maybe what he'd done had been downright perverse, as well as ethically questionable. Should he really be attracted to a mech with less ability to communicate than the average cleaning drone?
Mind in a whirl, he headed for his cabinet. Soundwave needed fueling, and he needed a second to collect himself.
Soundwave struggled to his feet, and trailed after Ratchet. He poured a cube of energon, intending to offer it to Soundwave.
Strong arms slid around his chassis. Soundwave pulled him back against his chest with a low growl of his internals, a gust of hot air venting across Ratchet's back. Ratchet hastily set the cube of energon down even as he protested, "Hey! Knock it off, now!"
Soundwave just held him, arms firm, body hot and hard against his. After a second, Soundwave's fans kicked on with a low thrum.
Primus. Soundwave was taller than he was, more powerful, and warm. It had been a long, long time since anyone had held him like that. He found he didn't want to reject Soundwave's advance. He didn't want to hurt Soundwave's feelings. Moreover, he wanted to indulge himself, just for a moment, in the sheer physical comfort that Soundwave was offering.
Soundwave traced a strong hand down Ratchet's chest, fingertips skimming over his armor. That touch left an electric trail of heat behind it, and when Soundwave gave a sharp rev of his internal motor, Ratchet couldn't help the gasp that escaped him. Soundwave didn't have a very big power plant for his size, but his pelvic plating was pressed hard to the small of Ratchet's back and the vibration sent an electric wave of arousal through every nerve wire he possessed.
Primus. He had never expected Soundwave to be experienced.
"Enough," he said, softly, hoping his tone would convey the meaning of his words. "Enough, Soundwave."
Soundwave didn't try to restrain him when he turned around, but as soon as Ratchet was facing him, the mech attempted to kiss him. He put a hand firmly on Soundwave's chest, stopping him. "Enough."
Soundwave stopped and looked at him with optics that were shaded dark with worry. His mouth set into a frown. Abruptly, he averted his gaze. Ratchet expected him to snap his face plate and visor into place, but he didn't.
"Right. Sense of obligation, my aft." It was clear that Soundwave wanted to go another round, and he was hurt by Ratchet's rejection. That tended to happen, he supposed, when you fragged a lonely mech, then turned around and rejected them come a sober morning. In his case, it was complicated by communications issues. Ratchet couldn't explain why he felt that this was a very bad idea to Soundwave.
Soundwave stood, swaying a little, gyros and pistons whining and clicking and humming as his damaged systems struggled for balance. Then Soundwave reached out and cradled a hand against Ratchet's helm. Ratchet let him, not wanting to be rude - which was an unusual consideration, for him, but then he wasn't usually in the wrong. He didn't mind calling it like it was when someone else screwed up, but this was his own huge frag up.
That hand felt so very, very good, and if he shoved him away, he had no way of explaining it was nothing personal. He didn't want that touch to end, either. His spark felt tight in his chest, his fans were running just a little hot, and his processor was surging with improbable, impossible ideas. Panic warred with hope as he realized he liked those touchs, and he didn't need words to understand what Soundwave was offering.
Soundwave steadied himself on Ratchet's shoulders, grip firm, stance unsteady, and then tried again to kiss Ratchet. Ratchet gave in, unable to resist, and irritated by the very idea of saying 'no'. Soundwave demonstrated that he definitely knew what he was doing with a kiss that threatened to shatter Ratchet's already troubled spark with the terrible sweetness of it.
He never would have imagined that Soundwave could be so gentle, so tender. Soundwave had always been Megatron's taciturn and looming shadow - not this silent mech with gentle hands and a calm smile. Ratchet realized in a moment of shattering epiphany that he'd never had a tender lover in his life. He'd had lovers, sure, but never ones that would hold him like Soundwave was holding him.
Of course, he was too damn old to be snuggling like a youngling with a first crush.
He hardened his resolve at last, and firmly pushed Soundwave back. Soundwave wobbled, took another step back in an effort to balance, and reached out for Ratchet's shoulder - this time in an attempt to avoid falling. Ratchet caught his elbow even as Soundwave held onto him, and steadied him with reflexive speed.
Soundwave nodded gravely when he was steady, and then abruptly dropped downwards.. At first, Ratchet thought he had fallen, legs buckling or balance lost, but Soundwave landed with a heavy clunk on one knee. He wobbled, steading himself with a warm hand on Ratchet's hip, then bowed his head and held that position of supplication.
Ratchet stared at him with growing dismay that verged on horror. "No!" he hissed.
Something in his voice tone made Soundwave look up sharply. The tall mech's eyes widened as Ratchet shook his head in denial and negation. He didn't want submission. Hastily, he reached down, slipped his hands under Soundwave's elbows, and urged the mech to stand with a firm tug. He steadied Soundwave as he rose back to his feet, then repeated, "No."
Surely he hadn't misunderstood Soundwave's touches earlier. Frenzy could not have been right. He didn't like what Soundwave's actions implied at all. He liked his lovers to meet him square on, head to head, thank you very much!
Soundwave frowned, clear uncertainty in his expression.
"I've fought most of my life for the ideal of all are one," Ratchet growled, "and I'm not about to take a berth slave now."
He wondered, even if Soundwave could comprehend his words, if the mech would understand them. Ratchet believed in his ideals to the very core of his being. The thought of anyone kneeling to him, much less a lover, was repulsive.
Lover.
Frag, he'd really screwed up.
Soundwave glanced down, where he had been kneeling, then turned his keen gaze to Ratchet's face. Sharp red optics studied him, expression inscrutable, for a long moment. Ratchet found he was transfixed by that gaze. Something electric connected the two of them, something he could barely define but also couldn't deny.
The big mech moved, one step forward. Ratchet stood his ground, but made a small and muffled noise of disbelief when Soundwave pulled him into a simple hug. There was no passion, no attempt to seduce, in this gesture.
Then the taller mech pressed a kiss to Ratchet's helm and stepped back. The former Decepticon produced a datapad from his subspace and quickly pulled up two images - one of Soundwave, one of Ratchet. Between the two, he wrote the mathematical symbol for 'equal' and after the two images, a question mark.
Ratchet took the stylus from his fingers and printed, "Yes."
This earned him a long, measuring look from Soundwave. Then Soundwave claimed the stylus back pulled up images of the Autobot symbol, the Decepticon symbol, drew another equal sign between them, and added the word yes himself. His jaw was set, now, and he evaded Ratchet's attempt to take both datapad and stylus from his hand by subspacing it.
Relief flooded Ratchet's spark. Soundwave got it, and seemed happy with the idea. Well, the horror on his face when Soundwave had tried to kneel to him had probably communicated everything Soundwave needed to know.
Soundwave studied him momentarily, then he nodded once, almost imperceptibly. He pressed his hand to Ratchet's face, fingers warm and nimble against Ratchet's jaw. His thumb brushed over Ratchet's lip plates. Then he leaned in to kiss Ratchet, and Ratchet couldn't summon the resolve to push him away. Soundwave lingered over the kiss, and Ratchet … hadn't been kissed like that in a very long time. Maybe never, really. It was not passionate so much as intimate, and there was desire but not desperation in it.
When they finally parted, his fans were humming with arousal. He would not have thought he would find Soundwave's touch so seductive now that he was sober, but he was seriously contemplating a late start to his shift. His interface equipment surged with heat and power.
Soundwave smirked at him.
It was that expression, knowing and amused, that did it. Ratchet felt something in his spark surrender. It was simultaneously an awful feeling, like defeat, and giddyingly novel and exciting. It had been a long, long, time since he'd let himself act on interest in another mech.
With a mix of resignation and irritation, he realized he really needed to have a chat with Optimus.
Optimus's door loomed like the entrance to a forbidden tomb in a cheesy Earth adventure flick. Ratchet hesitated, feeling horrendous dread, and guilt, and misery, and a growing sense of anger - at Soundwave, for pushing; at himself, for not being stronger. Some things were best left alone. Now that he was out of the presence of the taller mech, he felt much worse about the whole matter.
It just felt so slagging unfair.
Well, there was no sense dawdling outside the Optimus's office like some ninny of a youngling. Ratchet summoned his resolve, and pinged the Prime through the door..
:Ratchet, I was just about to summon you.: Optimus sounded decidedly unreadable. Usually, he was warm and welcoming; a friend, as well as a boss.
Ratchet squared his shoulders, stiffened his back strut, pulled himself up to his full sixteen feet of height, and marched into the office as soon as the door slid open. "Optimus, I need to talk …"
He spotted the small mech sitting in a miserable hunched ball on Optimus's desk.
"... to you." He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Frenzy.
Optimus fixed him with a keen gaze. Ratchet froze, then said hastily over an encrypted comm channel to his commander, friend, and Prime, :Whatever the kid told you, he's got a bit of a skewed perspective.:
Silence, from Optimus, except for an audible sigh.
Frenzy, however, snarled, "You told me that if anyone touched my master, to tell someone - you, or Prime, or Prowl, you said. Well, I took your slagging advice!"
"Frenzy." Optimus put a gentle hand on his back. Frenzy subsided. He simply looked at Ratchet, however, expression still utterly emotionless.
Ratchet grabbed a chair roughly, pulled it back away from Optimus's desk, and flung himself into it. He glared right back at Frenzy, but didn't say a word to him. To Optimus, he snapped, :It was consensual. Soundwave started it. I was a complete and utter fool for not stopping him cold, but believe me, Soundwave was an active and eager participant.:
:I believe you.: Optimus said finally, to his utter relief. :Frenzy seems to think that Soundwave is trying to … pay … for his place here. I highly doubt that you would have taken advantage of his offer if you had been aware of that.:
:Pit.: He remembered warm arms around him, only a few minutes before, and a teasing smirk that had told him Soundwave was well aware of the desire that had been thrumming through his system. :And I didn't think there was any 'taking advantage.:
:Mm. The rules regarding … physical relations … with prisoners are there for a reason, Ratchet.: There was only very mild disapproval in Optimus's voice. That didn't stop Ratchet from wincing. It was rare that Optimus had to reprimand him at all; they had a relationship built on a foundation of deep trust and respect.
:Slag me. I know, I know.: He fought to avoid squirming like a youngling under Optimus's now-frowning gaze. He huffed a sigh aloud and, forced himself to offer an apology to Frenzy, "Kiddo, I'm sorry. I was stupid, and I was drunk, and I thought your master really wanted … comfort, I guess. Thought he wanted me. He's a better actor than I ever would have guessed."
In more of an explanation to Optimus than Frenzy, Ratchet added in a small voice, "It … would be nice to be wanted. That way."
Optimus sighed, deeply this time, sounding sad. "I'm certain Soundwave is very confused right now, and I am unsurprised that he is seeking … reassurance … in a variety of ways. I doubt there is any lasting harm done, Ratchet …"
Frenzy made an angry noise. Optimus's hand on his back moved in a soothing circle. He continued, "Ratchet, you have violated several important regulations."
"Yeah." He slumped in the chair. "I guess … pit. I just wanted to pretend, for a bit, Prime. And I was stupid, and I was weak, and I hurt my patient - emotionally, if not physically - and I disappointed you. Kid, Frenzy, I'm sorry."
Frenzy scowled.
"You did the right thing by going to Prime, by the way. I won't hold that against you."
Frenzy's scowl lessened a bit. He stared at Ratchet, jaw set, optics glinting with a hard light, but not quite as furious as he had been before.
"Optimus - I'll take whatever punishment you think is fitting. I'd offer to be transferred to another base …"
"We need you too much." Optimus objected, immediately. Ratchet knew this was true; he was one of the last fully trained and experienced medics. He couldn't think of any medic that they could send Soundwave to, either, who he would trust to be compassionate, or at least politically neutral, towards a former 'con.
Frenzy glanced back over his shoulder at Optimus, then returned his scrutiny to Ratchet. He was frowning, but it was a different sort of expression than earlier. He appeared to be thinking hard.
Optimus ran a hand over his face. "I'll put an official reprimand in your file, I suppose."
"That's a slap on the wrist," Ratchet objected, truly distressed. He had erred. He didn't want special treatment because of either his rank or his relationship to Optimus.
Optimus blew out a third sigh through his vents and ran a hand over his face. Ratchet knew what he was thinking - that he didn't want to do anything that would harm the deep respect that the crew had for Ratchet, or diminish his very necessary authority. Ratchet, however, felt punishment was deserved. He'd screwed up. He'd let his loneliness suck him into a bad decision. Frenzy needed to know that every Autobot was accountable for his actions, if nothing else - he had high hopes for the little mech. Both Frenzy's temper, and his bitterness now, he realized, were signs of a spark with a keen sense of justice.
"Confine me to quarters," he suggested, finally. "On my off duty hours. And - it's about time that Soundwave get his own quarters, at least."
Optimus sighed. "Is he stable?"
Worry struck at Ratchet's spark. He wasn't sure if Soundwave was fully stable yet. His auto-repair was still at work on damaged circuits, and another glitch could be created at any time. He averted his gaze from Optimus's blue optics, and inadvertently met the flat red glare of Frenzy's stare instead. To Optimus, he said, :I don't know. I don't want to leave him alone at night, but … it puts me in a compromising position.:
Frenzy pressed his lip plates into a narrow line for a moment and then he said, sounding more than a little angry, "You know, Megatron used Soundwave. Soundwave hated it, but he let him. He had to. He had no choice. There was no pleasure in it for him."
"I doubt that's what happened last night, even in Soundwave's perceptions," Optimus said, quietly.
"He enjoyed himself." Frenzy sounded angered by this. "It would have been easier if he didn't. I'm sure he was doing it to try to get Ratchet's affections, but he had such a good time he woke me up, if you know what I mean. And he was happy. Which makes it worse, because he's not a drone, and you're just using him."
Optimus sounded a bit surprised when he admitted, "I thought your anger was from jealousy, Frenzy. I believe I misjudged you."
Frenzy snorted. "I'm not worried about Soundwave not loving me or not having time for me. He's hurt and he's lonely and I don't want to see him lose anything else. He's lost enough, slaggit."
:Ratchet …: Optimus met his gaze. :Are you interested in him … at all?:
:No!: The denial was instinctive. He wanted it to be true.
Optimus was smiling at him, and he found he was annoyed by that fond expression. Not only had he disappointed Optimus, he had the most terrible guilty feeling, as if he'd just lied to the Prime. Worse, Optimus seemed to know it.
:You just said it would be nice to be wanted.:
:He's a former 'con. Can you imagine what people will think?:
:When have you ever cared what people think?: Optimus countered, and he was still teasing, slag him.
:I care when it potentially impacts my ability to do my job. They'd accuse me of treason.:
:You underestimate the depth of trust that the troops have in you.: Optimus seemed amused. :And in me.:
:Slaggit!:
:He's a very intelligent mech,: Optimus observed, : He is patient to a fault, loyal past all reason, and you like the quiet, dignified ones.:
:Optimus, no!: He was suddenly alarmed by the light gleaming in Optimus's optics. Prime wasn't above being a scheming matchmaker, and he had been suggesting that Ratchet needed to find himself a lover for eons.
:I find I am torn. This would be a violation of many rules … but my instincts tell me that this long and terrible war is nearly at an end. Now will come a time of healing between our factions. Soundwave is a potent symbol - as are you, Ratchet.: Optimus sighed aloud. :For the others to see that you can forgive, and that Soundwave has a spark worthy of your love, would be …:
:I don't love him!: He denied, with an angry growl of his engine. He folded his arms and glared. Frenzy, between them, had gone quite still. He looked frightened, perhaps sensing Ratchet's hostility and not knowing who it was aimed at.
Optimus said aloud, "Frenzy, would you object to Ratchet … having honest interest in your master?"
Frenzy scowled. "Why would he? Soundwave's fragged up. I hate t' say it, but he's not exactly partner material."
"He's not that bad!" Ratchet objected, instantly, defensively, and more than a bit angrily. "His mind is intact! Primus, Frenzy!"
Frenzy started to say something back to Ratchet, stopped, then twisted around to look up at Optimus. He said softly, "Prime, if … if he was honest in his interest, yeah, it'd be okay. But he's not. He can't be. He's just taking advantage."
"Are you sure of that?" Optimus rumbled at Frenzy, voice holding just a hint of warning. Frenzy's accusations bordered on slanderous.
Ratchet started to deny his interest again, then realized that would imply he'd just taken an easy frag with Soundwave last night, and would confirm Frenzy's words, and his vocalizer seemed to freeze up. He was confused, angry, resentful, and yet somehow, there was also a thread of warmth in his spark. Optimus cared about him, Optimus cared about all of them, and Optimus was trying to make this right. He wasn't being condemned or ridiculed - it was clear that Optimus's biggest concern was his, was their, welfare.
Frenzy twisted around to look at Optimus straight on. Optimus's momentary irritation faded. He stroked Frenzy's arm comfortingly and said in a soothing tone, "Do you really think so little of my medic?"
The little symbiont glanced down at his hands. "... No. I … if he was honest about it, if he was really interested, it'd be okay."
Ratchet remembered that teasing smirk, and the feel of warm hands on his plating. He remembered, too, the sense he'd gotten of Soundwave when he'd linked with him to rebuild his mind, and the further impression he'd developed of Soundwave's over the last several days. Between the mech's grim, quiet determination to function and his deep, unwavering love for Frenzy, he was intrigued.
"Slaggit." Ratchet growled the obscenity out with an accompanying huff of vented exhaust.
"That, Frenzy," Optimus said, sounding deeply amused now, "is Ratchet's way of saying he's seriously interested, without actually admitting to it. He can't, of course, come right out and say so."
"Thanks for the translation." Frenzy turned his attention back to Ratchet. Head tilted to one side, he said, "You know we're a package deal. You hook up with Soundwave, you get to put up with me for the rest of our lives. You sure you're up for that?"
"I'm not hooking up with …"
Frenzy narrowed his optics.
Ratchet held both hands up defensively. "Fine. I like him. Like that. Does that make both of you happy?" And, to Prime, :And how are we going to work the legalities? Have you actually thought that through? Do you know what it would do to troop moral, and to their faith in us, if it seemed that the rules don't apply to officers? I can damn well keep from clanking him again if it's going to be an issue.:
"Ratchet, since you broke at least half a dozen regulations I can think of last night," Optimus said, aloud, "I believe that an official reprimand and punishment duties will be appropriate. I am also, as of today, granting both Frenzy and Soundwave asylum and placing them in protective custody …"
"... which eliminates any restrictions on intimate relations with prisoners, going forward." Ratchet raised an eyebrow at Frenzy. "I'm sure that Steeljaw will appreciate that."
Frenzy's small, almost shy, smile, told him Frenzy appreciated that.
Ratchet added privately to the symbiont, :Just you be careful, kiddo. You're a lot more vulnerable than I am. So's Steelie.:
:Tell me something I don't know,: Frenzy retorted.
:And that leaves your truly justified ethical prohibitions against intimacy with patients.: Optimus said, privately, to Ratchet. :Ratchet, my friend, I understand your concerns. However, we are all your patients. If you adhere to those ethics as strictly as you would like, you will be forever apart and alone. Moreover, if you are concerned about placing me in an awkward position, it is not my responsibility to pass judgement on your actions as a medic. I believe that would fall under the jurisdiction of the Iaconian Medical Ethics Board.:
:Which no longer exists.: Ratchet sighed, suddenly feeling very depressed. Iacon didn't exist anymore. This was, actually, a point that he was well aware of. It was depressing to realize that not only were all his prospective partners his patients, but also that any partner he took would be likely to end up in his med bay, injured or dying. They'd lost so many slagging people.
Soundwave was highly unlikely to see combat, ever again. There was that, at least. He would probably never turn up in Ratchet's med bay with battle wounds. It was ironic, but his injuries had rendered him more likely than most to live to the end of the war.
Optimus's optics were full of compassion now. That kind-sparked, gentle, understanding nature made Ratchet love him as a brother as well as, occasionally, pissed him off six ways to Primus. He was somewhere in the middle, right now, both vexed and deeply fond of Prime at the same time.
His leader said gently, soothingly, :Ratchet, he's alone. You are alone. I have no moral objections to a relationship between you - only caution. I know your understanding of the reasons behind our standard of ethics and your deeply rooted morals will guide you well. However, do be sure that he understands your intentions, and you understand his.:
:That's slagging hard when he can't talk, or understand me.:
:Sometimes, sparks may transcend words.:
:You mean, show him with actions?: Ratchet felt some of his grouchy mood returning. :Then how do I know he's not fragging me out of a sense of obligation, as payment for my kindness? Other than asking the kid, and I don't trust Frenzy to give me an honest answer. I also don't believe him when he says he's not jealous.:
:I do.: Optimus smiled faintly. :I believe Frenzy. You have never been bonded, Ratchet. I have … I could not imagine mistrusting Elita's intentions, and it is doubt in your lover's intentions that fuels jealousy. As far as what I mean …: And here, Optimus's blue optics took on a teasing glint once more. :You might try clanking chest plates …:
He snorted a laugh aloud, interrupting what would doubtless have been a very blunt, very straight-faced suggestion, using crude slang, to merge sparks with Soundwave. Optimus was no noble, no matter how aristocratic his normal speech patterns were, and when the occasion required it, he was fully capable of reverting to his dock worker roots. He just didn't do so before anyone but his closest friends.
Hastily, because he got it now and he didn't need details, Ratchet interjected, :Thank you, Orion. I will take that suggestion under advisement.:
:See that you do.: Optimus was still teasing him. Aloud, to Frenzy, Optimus added, "Do you feel better about Ratchet, now?"
"I guess so." Frenzy eyed Ratchet warily. "You gonna be good to him? 'Cuz you'll regret it if you hurt him."
"I don't even know if this will - or can - work out." Ratchet rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, I like your master, Frenzy, crazy as it is. I liked what I saw when I put his code back together."
"And I suspect Ratchet likes what he sees with his optics, too," Optimus said, in a stage whisper, to Frenzy.
Frenzy spun around, gave Prime a huge wide-eyed look of shock, then jerked his gaze back to Ratchet. There was utter disbelief in his expression. He clearly hadn't expected Optimus to say something like that, ever.
"Yeah, kid, believe it or not, Optimus Prime's got a sense of humor." Ratchet glowered at Prime, who was leaning back in his chair. Optimus's expression was guileless. The mech did 'innocent' far too well.
"Now, I need to assign your punishment." Optimus straightened up.
Ratchet caught the glint in Optimus's eye and comm'd Frenzy, :Yes, he has a sense of humor, and it is evil.:
:Probably the only thing evil about him, then,: Frenzy was smiling hesitantly and a little shyly at Prime as he said this. Without looking away from the Autobot leader he added,. :Ratchet … I am sorry I misjudged your intentions.:
:Meh. Just don't let it happen again. You might remember I'm one of the good guys.:
:I think … I think I'm starting to believe that.: Frenzy glanced back at him, then looked down, unable to meet Ratchet's optics for more than a second.
Optimus completely ignored the byplay, though he could certainly detect the encrypted transmissions between them. He said, "Ratchet, I believe that I shall assign you a punishment detail of three hours each evening, after your regular shift, working directly with Soundwave to help him regain as much function as possible."
Ratchet started to protest the 'punishment' then muted himself before he actually said anything. He intended to work with Soundwave anyway. However, three hours was a huge chunk of his evening free time. He'd be practically joined at the hip with Soundwave all day, since he was supervising both his recovery and the mech's work in the med bay. Additionally, he had planned on pushing some of Soundwave's rehab off on the other medical staff or even non-medical volunteers from the crew. Some of the work would simply involve getting him out for exercise, and practicing communication skills with him. It didn't require the CMO's attention to do that.
When he saw Optimus's expression, however, he hesitated before speaking. There was steeliy determination in those blue optics. Optimus had clearly decided to meddle.
:We could end up hating each other if you force us to spend this much time together,: Ratchet pointed out, sourly, unable to completely agree.
:Or you will come to understand each other very well.: Optimus's demeanor changed, growing grave. :Ratchet, if you … are not interested, or truly feel you do not wish to pursue the interest you've expressed, I do not wish to pressure you. I am simply creating an opportunity for both of you. Many of the 'cons are no more evil than we are, and I fully believe Soundwave falls into that category.:
Aloud, Optimus said, "Frenzy, you told me that you angered Soundwave earlier this morning. Before your duty shift begins, would you like to apologize to him?"
"Not like he'd understand my words," Frenzy said, sounding just a little bitter again.
"He'd understand your intent." Ratchet turned to head for the door. "C'mon, kid. He's probably in the med bay. Let's go see him."
:Good luck, Ratchet.: Optimus sounded inordinately cheerful.
:I'll need it,: he growled, as the door slid shut.
With great dignity, his comm transmission easily penetrating the closed door, Optimus replied, :You are welcome, old friend.:
Ratchet only barely managed to avoid the temptation to get the last word in … somehow. Confessing his sins to Prime hadn't exactly gone as he'd expected, and it had been a very long time since he'd felt quite this out of sorts. He couldn't figure out if he should be giddy with anticipation, or sourly cranky over the whole damn matter.