"Are you kidding me? It's fucking locked!" Gilbert groaned, rattling the door knob. Matthew cursed softly as well.
They were stuck. In a utility closet. Alone. And there was a meeting that was going to start in about...now.
"Can't you pick the lock or something?" Matthew asked.
"Nah this...this closet locks from the outside."
"...Really?"
Gilbert pulled Matthew to the doorknob and put his hand over the smooth surface.
"Look, there's no keyhole."
"Oh Maple..."
Gilbert pulled out his cellphone, only to be greeted by a blank screen. His battery had died. He swore again.
"Here, I'll call Francis..." Matthew said. He dialed the number, but the robotic voice on the other end said the phone was temporarily out of service. He tried texting, but the message didn't get sent through.
Frowning, he tried Arthur, and it was the same. He tried Miguel and Lars after. The signal went through, but no one picked up. Maybe Ukraine? No, she didn't have a phone. Ivan? ... probably not a good idea with Gilbert around.
Who else?
This was when being sort of invisible and forgettable reallysuck. The only other person he would call was currently stuck in the closet with him.
"Man, West is going to fucking kill me..." Gilbert grumbled, leaning against the wall.
West.. Gilbert's brother... brother... Alfred!
That's who he forgot.
Leaning against the wall beside Gilbert, he quickly dialed Alfred's number, but was greeted by voice mail instead. He then sent a text, and to his great relief, two minutes later, his brother replied.
Alfred was (sort of) listening to Germany starting the meeting, when he felt a small vibration in his pocket. He pulled out his cellphone, and saw the message was from his brother.
Hey Al, could you do me a favour?
-Matthew W.
Ah, the white polar bear had succeeded. Alfred grinned.
depends
-Alfredo Sauce
Kumamiku locked me into a closet... could you get me out?
-Matthew W.
r you with gilbert
-Alfredo Sauce
Yeah...how did you know?
-Matthew W.
Alfred chuckled slightly.
hero knos all ;)
-Alfredo Sauce
So..could you please get me out?
-Matthew W.
nope :)
-Alfredo Sauce
Matthew stared at the screen. Was his brother giving up a chance to come rescue him like he always said he would, now that he actually needed it?
..Why not?
-Matthew W.
cus you and gil can get it on :D
-Alfredo Sauce
Matthew felt his cheeks slightly heat up. So this whole situation was probably Alfred's doing. Sometimes he wished things were like they were on television, with siblings sharing a telepathic connection. Then he could strangle Alfred's brain.
"What did he say?"
"Er..." Matthew quickly deleted the text. "He said no, because he was...busy."
"Bastard. Give me that phone."
Matthew reluctantly tossed the phone to Gilbert. Gilbert raised an eyebrow.
"Alfredo sauce?"
"Italy gave him the nickname, and he insisted on changing his contact name to it. And his signature." Matthew explained. Gilbert shrugged, before typing.
dude get us out of th closet b4 i come rip ur balls off
-Matthew W.
Alfred frowned a bit. That didn't sound like his brother. His brother wasn't very forward in his threats. It was probably Gilbert.
you can't do that if you're in a closet, genius
-Alfredo Sauce
"Fucking American bastard..."
dont be a dick just get us out or get franny or brows 2 get us out
-Matthew W.
no :)
-Alfredo Sauce
y not
-Matthew W.
because you're not asking nicely :(
-Alfredo Sauce
"Gilbert, maybe if you asked nicer..." Matthew said, looking at the screen.
"Maybe if your brother was less stupid."
matt did!
-Matthew W.
but *you* didn't :)
-Alfredo Sauce
smd, alfag
- Matthew W.
Alfred laughed quietly, then sent his last text message, before turning off his phone.
get my bro to do it, gaybert ;)
-Alfredo Sauce
Gilbert had given Matthew his phone back, Matthew's face reddening but his still composed.
"Well, you know..." Gilbert said, cocking an eyebrow and smirking. "Not a bad idea, considering the situation." He playfully reached and squeezed Matthew's ass.
"Holy shit!" Matthew squeaked, wrenching Gilbert's hand away. "Maple! No!"
"Kesesesese~"
Gilbert laughed, prying his wrist out of Matthew's grip.
"That had to be the unmanliest thing I've heard all day. And I spent breakfast with West and his boyfriend."
Matthew looked away, trying to fight the blush that had completely taken over his face. He sat down on the large box that they had previously been trying to move. Gilbert tried to boot him off the box, but as soon as his foot made contact with Matthew's side, Matthew grabbed his foot and yanked, causing him to fall hard on his behind.
"You use that move way too often." Gilbert complained, getting up and brushing the front of his uniform,
"That's because you make me." Matthew mumbled back. Gilbert chuckled and sat down on the smaller box beside Matthew, and ruffled his hair.
"Aw, it was a joke. You know I wouldn't jump you."
That's the problem. A small voice at the back of Matthew's head said. Maybe him and Alfred did have a telepathic connection after all, and his twin was currently trying to invade his brain.
Hungary had insisted that France sit beside her during the meeting, with such a gleam in her eye that he couldn't refuse. Even with all the dirty looks Austria shot him. He had an expression of great disdain on his face, as she had kicked him out of his seat for France. He settled into the chair, as she pulled out her laptop and set it on the table. Nowadays, everyone brought laptops to meetings, usually as a discreet way to kill boredom.
"Kiku and I rigged some cameras in some of the closets." She whispered, a little while later, as Germany started to speak. France faintly wondered if cameras were there in any of the closets he had dragged England into. Maybe he could get a video too?
Hungary poking him brought him out of his reverie, and he stared at the screen. The normal work documents were up, including speaker notes that had been emailed to everyone. But, in the corner of the screen, there was a smaller box, one that seemed to be a video of something. He squinted, and saw that it was a live feed of the closet that they had trapped their two victims in. Hungary saw him squinting, and checking to see if Austria wasn't spying on her, she enlarged the window. A little status bar at the corner said that whatever was on the screen was being recorded.
"My dear woman, you are wonderful."
Hungary grinned, then immediately went serious as Austria glanced in her direction.
"So how are we going to get out?" Matthew asked, after a couple of minutes of silence.
"Hmm?" Gilbert's hand was still in his hair, absent-mindedly toying with it. "Oh, I don't know. Want to kick it down?"
"I think that'd be a very bad idea."
Gilbert retracted his hand, using it to stroke his chin, looking thoughtful.
"Maybe we could climb through the air vent. I've done it before."
"Yeah, I remember that. Didn't we have to call emergency?"
"Shut up. Why don't you try calling someone again?"
"Well, everyone I tried was busy."
"Oh, c'mon not everyone. There must be someone you could call. "
"Er, well...I don't have that many contacts?"
Gilbert looked at him. "Oh, right."
An awkward silence hung between them, till Matthew spoke up.
"Do you remember anyone's number, maybe? Like your brother's or something?"
"Nah, phone numbers aren't awesome enough to stay in my brain."
Matthew vaguely remembered the time when Gilbert called him from the police station so that he could spring him. He voiced that thought out loud, and Gilbert laughed.
"Of course I'd remember yours, everyone remembers the number of their whore."
Matthew backhanded Gilbert on the head, and in retaliation Gilbert slapped him. Matthew raised his hand to the spot on his cheek, a look of mock astonishment.
"Dude, did you just bitch-slap me?"
"Hell no! That was an awesome man-slap!"
"You bitch-slapped me, Gilbert!"
"Shut up! Man-slap!" Gilbert tried to slap Matthew again, but Matthew ducked his head in time, snickering. "Don't giggle, you pansy bastard!"
"Pfffft, I'm sorry! I'll try not to next time you bitch slap me!"
Gilbert pouted. "What happened to my quiet and polite Canadian?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot my place, Gilly." Matthew said, squeaking his voice intentionally when he said the nickname.
Then he suddenly found himself in a headlock.
"Gilbert!" he choked, tugging at the other man's arms.
"Ah ah ah. Not until you admit I'm the manliest thing to walk this earth."
"Never!" Matthew exclaimed, his voice strangled due to lack of air and choked laughter.
"I'm dead serious, Birdie." Gilbert said, grinning.
Matthew flailed his arms around, trying to make it look like he was attempting to deck Gilbert in the face. Gilbert loosed his grip with one arm, while keeping the other arm still firmly around Matthew. He laughed as he grabbed a flying wrist, but let out a loud "Oof" as Matthew used his captured hand and Gilbert's distraction to bring down his elbow into the other's stomach. Gilbert clutched his stomach as Matthew rubbed his neck.
"Is this a challenge, Canada?" Despite the rather hard jab to his stomach, the grin was still plastered across the albino's face.
Matthew returned the smirk, that, contrary to popular belief, he could pull off rather well due to a younger him trying to copy Arthur in all of his pirate glory.
"I don't know, Prussia, I don't want to be bitch slapped again."
"Oh, fuck you. You're definitely asking for it now."
Gilbert lunged at Matthew, tackling him off the box and onto the floor. He pinned his knees on either side of the man, swatting away the hands that tried to hit him. Matthew shoved his palm into Gilbert's face, pushing him away when he felt a sharp pinch.
"Maple! You bit me, Gilbert! Not fair!"
"Kesesese, of course it is!" Gilbert said, humming happilly as he wrenched the hand away.
"Next thing you know, you'll be clawing me, or pulling my hair out, Gilly." Matthew said, and Gilbert glared and flicked him hard on the forehead. Matthew jerked his head up sharply, hitting Gilbert's chin hard, but Gilbert didn't let go.
"I'll only let you go when you tell me how awesome I am~"
Matthew stuck his tongue out, and Gilbert reciprocated. They were like that for a moment, until Gilbert raised his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth twitched. He started slowly dipping his head, and Matthew's eyes widened as he realized the slightly compromising position they were in.
Gilbert had him pinned to the ground, and was only a few inches away from him. Why was his tongue still out? Wait, why was his own tongue still out? Matthew felt the heat clouding his brain, and did the only thing he could think of at the moment.
Matthew jerked his knee up between them, kneeing Gilbert in the gut.
"Mother fuck!" Gilbert gasped, rolling off Matthew and clutching his stomach. "That's like the millionth time! Have mercy on my stomach!"
Matthew propped himself up on his elbows, and tried his best to smirk at Gilbert and fight back the heat in his face at the same time. "That's what you get."
"Well you know what?"
And Matthew didn't exactly know how it happened, but thing the five seconds that followed, Gilbert had attacked from the side and head butted into Matthew's stomach. Matthew gasped and his hand immediately shot up, tugging at the silver hair, trying to pull him off. But Gilbert kept driving his head into Matthew's stomach, pushing his toes against the floor as leverage, cackling as Matthew squirmed. Matthew reached and wrapped his hands around Gilbert's rib cage area, trying to lift him up and flip him over, but failed. Gilbert's hand shot up to Matthew's face and pushed his head back down to the ground. He swung his leg over, and they were back to the previous position.
Gilbert sat on his stomach, spreading his legs so the feet pinned down Matthew's arms. With a wicked grin, he leaned forward and cupped Matthew's face with his gloved hands.
"Keseseses, I win, Mattie ~"
"Hungary, your nose..."
Hungary looked up from the screen. France was offering her a silk hankerchief.
"Sorry about that." She said, taking the cloth and dabbing slightly at the blood. France looked pleased at the events going on the screen. There were 3 different screens up now, one showing feed from a different camera at a different angle. Locking them in the closet had been such a good idea.
"Now, repeat after me."
Matthew tried to shake his head but Gilbert smushed Matthew's cheeks together, so that the other resembled a fish.
"Nuh uh uh. You lose, I win, so I get a reward."
Matthew glared at him.
"Now, repeat after me. I, Matthew Williams, Canada, accept the fact that Gilbert Beilschmidt, the Kingdom of Prussia, is the manliest, most awesome thing to walk the earth."
"Blrghh." Matthew tried to throw an insult, but found he could not speak.
"Aww, c'mon Birdie, it's not that hard."
Matthew narrowed his eyes, then nodded. Gilbert eased his hands, but still held on to his face.
Feeling the pressure on one of his arms also slightly lessen, Matthew used the opportunity to jerk it out, and quicker than lightning, reached up and clamped his fingers around Gilbert's nose.
"Gnaaak!" Gilbert let out a nasally cry, flailing as Matthew flipped them over, straddling him. Grinning, he scooted onto Gilbert's chest.
"You really do suck at one on one fighting, don't you."
"I'm going easy on you." Gilbert choked out, his face slowly turning purple.
"Laugh." Matthew said. "You'll be able to breathe if you laugh."
"What the hell?" Gilbert wheezed.
"Just do it."
Gilbert's chest started shaking, as he forced out laughter. Soon enough, the laughter turned genuine as Matthew joined in.
"Haha...Not...haha...fucking fair!"
"Haha! I win, Gil! Just admit it!"
"You...ha...bastard...ha...fucking...tea-bagging me...ha ha ha...I will fucking rape you...ha ha ha!"
Which made Matthew laugh harder, because all the seriousness in that threat had been completley lost. He doubled over, clutching his stomach, and accidentally bumped his head against Gilbert's chin, while the other nation laughed harder.
"Ha ha...Mother fucker!"
Matthew's curl brushed Gilbert's nose, tickling it.
And then Gilbert remembered.
A gloved hand reached and grabbed the curl, giving a merciless tug. He immediately felt Matthew go limp. He saw the blonde's face go red, and he used the oppurtunity to shove him off. Matthew fell on his stomach, and Gilbert immediately sat on his back.
"I win."
Hungary and France managed to hide their looks of extreme disappointment very well.
"I know Prussia was always thick-headed, but..."
"Canada." France supplied.
"Yeah, him. I thought he would be better. Isn't he your son?"
France rested his chin on his hand.
"Sometimes, I wonder."
There was really no way out of the stupid closet. Matthew was sitting cross-legged against a shelf, hunched over and fiddling with his phone while Gilbert rattled off all of his insane ideas, from digging their way out of the closet, to shooting down the door.
After Gilbert completely owning Matthew in the fight, they had gone back to brain storming ideas on how to get out. No one was picking up the phone, and Matthew had the faint feeling that Alfred was probably completely ignoring him. Because he knew his brother never actually paid that much attention during the meetings. That didn't stop him from texting every 2 minutes.
When Matthew pointed out that the first idea was impossible, and the second idea would likely not work because of the thickness of the door, Gilbert suggested that they bomb down the door. Matthew tried not to roll his eyes for what felt like the millionth time, as he pointed out that the bomb, if they even had one, would kill them too.
"Nonsense. My awesomeness will be enough to shield us both."
Matthew sighed. "Gilbert, for a change, could you be serious?"
"Of course I can be serious." Gilbert said, giving a look of mock offense.
"Prove it."
"Well..." Gilbert trailed off, eyes wandering through the room. They rested on something right above Matthew's head, and he smirked. "Oh. I know."
He pulled himself right in front of Matthew, and moved cross-legged position to resting on his knees. Matthew straightened his back a bit, coming face to face with Gilbert's chest.
"Uh, Gil?"
Gilbert leaned over Matthew, looking down with a wicked smile. Matthew currently hated his pale skin, and how easy it was him to go from perfectly normal to bright red. Gilbert hovered over him for a few seconds, looking at him while groping around the shelf, until he found what he was looking for. He leaned back onto his knees, and flashed the bottle in front of Matthew. Violet eyes went wide as they read the label.
"G-Gilbert...that's...um.." He felt like he was going to lose his voice.
"Yeeup." Gilbert said casually. "Looks like somebody left us a gift."
"Eh...Err...well...don't you think...um.."
"Yes, Mattie?" Gilbert was definitely enjoying the embarrassed expression splashed across Matthew's face.
"N-nothing, Gil."
Gilbert grinned, unscrewing the bottle and setting it down. Humming, he leaned in, and Matthew leaned back, till his back was touching the wall.
"Watch me be serious." He pulled off his gloves slowly with his teeth, all while his eyebrows were slightly raised and his red eyes holding the same wicked grin.
Matthew resisted the thought that Gilbert was trying to faintly seduce him and actually succeeding because no one did that with their gloves with that kind of look on their face and that close and-no.
Still looking at him, with his eyes holding a mischievous gleam and his gloves hanging from his smirking mouth, Gilbert dumped half the contents of the bottle onto his hand. He gently rubbed his two hands together, spreading the liquid generously.
"You shee, I can be very sherioush."
And Gilbert used the liquid to slick back his hair completely, in a perfect imitation of his brother.
Matthew choked.
"Did you just run lube through your hair?"
"It appearsh sho." Gilbert spit out his gloves, then pulled his face into a stern expression, setting his lips into a tight line and glaring.
Matthew stared in disbelief for a few seconds, then felt the laughter starting to bubble in his chest. He tried to hold it back, but his shoulders started shaking with the effort.
"I do nod see vat is so amusing." Gilbert said, his voice thick and deep. "I vill nod tolerate any misbehaviour vithin my ranks."
Matthew couldn't hold it in any longer, and burst out laughing. Gilbert continued admonishing him, occasionally breaking out into German, driving Matthew to laugh till he had tears in his eyes.
Meanwhile, Hungary and France stared at the screen in disbelief.
"Did he just...?" Hungary whispered, while France nodded solemnly.
They were playing with an incomplete deck of abandoned cards that they had bound wedged between a few boxes, Gilbert entertaining Matthew with stories from when he was younger, when they heard footsteps down the hall way, and two faint voices faintly talking. A quick check of their watches told them that lunch break had started. They leapt up at the same time, and started banging their fists against the door and yelling.
The foot steps stopped right in front of the door, and they heard some mumbling as whoever was on the other end rattled the door knob, trying to open the door.
"Just pick the damn lock!" Gilbert yelled, and the people on the other side complied, and a minute later the door swung open.
"Prussia?"
"Sweden! Finland! That was totally awesome!" Gilbert said, leaping out of the utility closet. Matthew followed in a less exuberant way, but was still happy to finally be out of that cramped space. Tino and Berwald exchanged confused looks, and then looked at Gilbert, whose hair was completely slicked back. Their eyes ghosted over Matthew at first, but they seemed to notice him a moment later. Gilbert started chattering away to Tino about how awesome they were to rescue them, even if they could have totally gotten out by themselves.
"Why were y' in th're...?" Berwald looked down at Matthew.
"Canada." Matthew said. "We just got stuck in there. Thanks for getting us out."
Berwald furrowed his eyebrows.
"Wh't were y' doin' in th're?"
Matthew's face slightly flushed when he realized what Berwald was talking about.
"Uh...my..bear...ran into it...and we went after it..then it ran out and we got locked in."
Berwald held his stony gaze, and Matthew shifted uncomfortably. Tino materialized by Berwald's side, breaking the awkward silence.
"Why don't we all go get some coffee? Lunch break started a few minutes ago."
Matthew nodded, and followed them out of the building with Gilbert, who was talking about how much more awesome it would have been if they had just blown the door up.
Outside, France and Hungary cursed.
smd= suck my dick. the most common phrase i use. even though i do not have said appendage for people to suck. but if i did, it'd totally be worshipped