Chapter 12: I dreamed a dream of dreaming you were dead

She dreamed that she dreamed. And in the dream she was dreaming.

The images flashed once again through her mind. The trap, the fear, the bloodied shift, the light, the lion, the unicorn, the man with the sword and, once again, Merlin. Merlin lying dead on the ground. Merlin lying bleeding on the ground, the sword still lodged deep in his side. Once again, he looked up at her, once again he whispered Dealthia's name, and once again his head fell sightlessly to the side. And once again she...

...screamed and woke, this time to a dark night and the dwindling embers of a fire. She threw off the blanket and ran to him lying asleep by the fire.

"Merlin," she cried, shaking him, trying to wake him, and as she pulled on his body, his head snapped toward her, eyes wide and sightless, and he was white and cold and dead lying on the ground and she...

...screamed and woke, this time to a dark night and the dwindling embers of a fire. She threw off the blanket and ran to him lying asleep by the fire.

But this time, she barely touched him, barely said his name and he sprang awake and upright. "What is it, what's happening," he yelled and she breathed her relief. He looked around wildly before realising there was no danger and he turned to her, putting both hands on her shoulders and asking her if she was alright.

"I had the dream again," she said, her hand moving to his face, half believing that maybe she was still in the dream; making sure he was alive and real. "No, it was like I was remembering the dream. The images of it in my head," and she felt rather than knew that her hands were fluttering around her ears and felt not for the first time like a mad woman.

"But this time, I dreamed I woke up and you were still dead." She tried to keep her voice even but she felt her emotions bubble over as she spoke, "And I thought, surely what's happened these last few days means the dream is coming true. I mean, I was in a trap and you rescued me and there was a bright light and..." she became increasingly agitated as she spoke and in the end he simply cradled her head into his chest and held her.

She slipped her arms behind his back and held on for dear life, as though she thought he would be taken away at any moment.

"Milady," he said softly, "if I remember your dream correctly, the trap Morys set for you was a literal animal trap. You were practically naked. I literally changed shapes. None of these things actually happened. It's just a metaphor. A warning yes, but a metaphorical one."

She opened her mouth to argue and he put a finger over it.

"Everything that's happened in the last few days simply reminded you of the dream and in the dream I die. But I'm not actually going to die, just as you didn't get actually get your foot caught, just as you're not dressed only in your shift and you're not covered in blood. My death in the dream just represents something else."

"But what about the other dream? In that you were dead as well."

"And there's no reason to believe that's a true dream. Milady, we're here and we're vulnerable and after everything that's happened it's understandable for you to be worried that the only other person here is going to...go away. I know, I wish Arthur were here. He could swagger like the arrogant prat he is and we would feel better just knowing he was here."

She laughed at that and found herself nodding. She put her head back onto his chest and he laid down, pulling the blanket over both of them and softly rubbing her back as one would comfort a small child.

"Don't worry, nothing is going to happen. I'll stay awake until you fall asleep." He kissed her on the forehead, his hand quietly stroking her hair and she felt the air move out of her body, taking her fear with it." Her eyes closed and...

...she dreamed that she dreamed. And in the dream she was dreaming.

But that was last night, she realised as she drifted awake. Now it was morning and she was surprisingly warm and comfortable on the ground. It was the succulent smell of meat and warm bread that had woken her. She lay there for a moment, revelling in a strange feeling of contentment.

Then she heard the horse neigh and sat up in fear. Had they found them? She looked around their small camp and noted the rabbits heating over the fire and a stick with bread on it. A horse was tethered to a tree and from behind it came Merlin. He walked to the fire, cut some meat onto the bread then came over and gave it to her.

"Good morning, Milady," he said, "I'm glad you're awake. We should eat and get going. If we leave soon, we can make it back to Camelot by tonight."

She simply nodded, staring at the horse. Merlin followed her gaze.

"Oh, early this morning I found a local farmhouse and stole a horse."

"You stole a horse?" she said again, absent-mindedly wolfing down the meat and bread. She didn't realise until she started eating how hungry she was.

"Yes, Milady, after yesterday I think you might find yourself glad of it."

"You stole a horse?" Of everything that had happened to her, for some reason it was Merlin stealing a horse that her mind found least capable of processing.

"Well, to be accurate Arthur acquired it for use in defence of the Kingdom. Or something. After we're home, I'll get him to send it back with a note and some money."

He seemed in a good mood but she knew him well enough by now to know that he was doing it to cheer her up.

They packed up their meagre belongings, keeping aside some rabbit and bread for the rest of the journey, and prepared to leave. As they packed, the events of the night, somewhat embarrassing in the light of day, flashed back and she walked up to him and took both his hands.

"Thank you, Merlin," she said, feeling that it was an inadequate gesture.

"You're welcome, milady," he replied.

She smiled at him.

"Merlin, what did I tell you last night about calling me Morgana?"

"Well, milady, you also told me I was beautiful so I put it down to you having had a stressful day. Now we should go."