Prepare for rambling author's note coming at you in 3…2…1
I am immensely sorry for my long absence. Real life got stressful on me and my muse bailed. I'm hoping to appease any readers I may have left with this Christmas offering.
This chapter is not what I intended to write so forgive me if my author's notes at the end of the last chapter seemed misleading. As usual, I have too much plot. I am pleased with it though, because I got a chance to explore two characters that have been in the background for much of Evening Falls...Alice and Jasper.
The other stuff I mentioned is coming up soon, I swear!
Many thanks to those of you who have taken the time to read and review and especially those who sent me messages letting me know this story hasn't been forgotten and that I should really get my ass into gear. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Special thanks goes out to Navirae, who I have shared so much with, and siDEADde, who brought Jasper and Alice to life for me and whose cyber ass kicking and beta'ing made sure this chapter got done. Amelia and Tammy thanks for the laughs, support and big thinking.
I swear I'll shut up in a minute but one more thing…this story is and will remain T-rated but Bella and Edward are married now and so there will be intimate scenes. No lemons in this story, but just so you know.
Hope you are all having a great holiday season, whatever you do and however you celebrate it.
Evening Falls
Chapter 14: Shadows
Edward:
Shadows played on the wall, dancing in the flickering light cast by the fireplace, The glow illuminated our entwined figures on the floor before it. Bella's scent swirled in the air, enveloping me. It was the sweetest, most addictive of torture. It was the same and yet not the same as it had always been, matured now like fine wine.
It was the other sensations gripping my body that were almost cruel in their intensity. They attacked every cell in my being with the deceptively caressing hands of a lover, lying in wait to reveal their true, dark intentions the second I let down my guard.
I both fought and gave in as my body moved almost against my will, enchanted forevermore to be in perfect tandem with my bride's. Beneath me, the sounds she was making, the feel of her warmth drawing me in deeper teased and taunted my self control. One arm wrapped around her small and far too fragile figure, holding her as close as I dared. The other arm was flung outward, hand outstretched against the smooth floorboard, firmly out of the game. I considered it my anchor, the one small part of me that kept me grounded and in control.
Bella shifted, moaned, and it was nearly my undoing. My fingers clenched on the floorboard, and it splintered beneath my fingers. A second later my entire hand broke through the wood. Bella arched up to meet me at the same time. My other hand wove itself into her hair, gripping lightly, and we rode the wave together. Ever conscious of Bella's frailities, I only allowed myself to skim the surface, refusing to allow the ecstasy to submerge me.
Still, it took a few moments for me to think rationally once more. When I did, I carefully rolled off of Bella, both glad and saddened by the regret on her face as I did so. As I saw her lips part to object I leaned back and kissed her carefully, distracting her. At the same time I reached past her and pulled a nearby recliner soundlessly over the hole in the floorboards. I'd fix it while she slept that night.
"Thank you." Bella told me quietly when I released her and pulled back. She sat up, reaching for her discarded robe on the floor next to us. I sprang lightly to my feet, following her cues, and reached for my own scattered clothing.
"If you're thanking me for what just transpired, you've got it quite backwards." I grinned at her as I pulled my shirt over my head. It was my turn to silently mourn now as I watched her breathtaking body disappear underneath her nightgown.
Bella laughed too and then crossed the room to me, her face becoming more serious. She leaned upwards to touch my face. "No, really. I know that , well, this - " I watched as the blush bloomed on her face " - is still hard for you."
I opened my mouth for a quick denial but the look on Bella's face made it clear she wouldn't buy it. I sighed. "It is." I admitted. "It's difficult to remain…strong, for lack of a better word."
Bella frowned slightly as she leaned into my chest. "I'm sorry." She murmured.
"I'm not." My voice was louder than I'd intended in my haste to reassure her. She looked startled for a moment as she lifted her head to look at me. "Bella, what it means to me, that you can trust me on this level, that we can share this, the way you make me feel…there are no words."
For a moment we were both silent, just wrapped in each other's arms, then Bella's head inclined and she groaned softly.
"What?" I asked, turning to see that she was gazing at the clock on the wall behind us.
"The time! I can't believe it's this late and I haven't even gotten dressed." She turned and hurried up the stairs to our bedroom, and went to the large dresser in the corner. I followed, keeping in step with her.
"Why the rush, love? We're still honeymooners. No one expects us to make round the clock appearances."
"I know." Bella sighed as she dug through the drawers. "It's just that Elisa will be home soon. "It's only two days until we leave. We should have planned to pick her up at school; spend as much time with her and the rest of the family as we can." Her grimace was broken by a sudden yawn.
"Relax,. You worry too much." I took the jeans she'd pulled of the drawer from her hands and tossed them on the chaise in the opposite corner. "Rosalie and Emmett will pick her up. You're tired. I've been keeping you up too much. Why don't you lie down?"
Bella immediately started to object, but I swung her into my arms and had her on the bed before the first word left her mouth. I ignored her glower as I tucked the blankets around her. "There's only have so much time left for sleeping, Bella. Tomorrow is your birthday. We're leaving the next morning. I don't want you to regret not having these last few dreams.
Bella's frown softened. "Maybe you're right." Her voice was quiet, thoughtful. I'd gotten used to the quiet of her mind but there were still moments, like this one, where I desperately wished I knew what she was thinking.
Bella yawned again as she settled more deeply into her pillow. "Wake me up before Elisa gets home though. Promise?"
"Promise." I vowed.
Bella was more tired than either of us had realized. Within a few minutes she was deeply asleep. I was about to join her on the bed when a faraway flash of movement caught my attention. I turned my head, looking out the bedroom window towards the forest beyond. Something was out there, moving fast, far away enough that even I had to focus intensely to capture it with my eyes.
Another flash of ebony and ivory colored movement made me smile. I looked back at Bella, sleeping peacefully, torn for a moment, and then, quietly, I eased open the window and jumped to the ground. I was running as soon as my feet touched the earth. A landscape of green flew past me as I ran.
My presence was not unexpected. I could hear her thoughts now as I followed, and our sight blurred together until I was no longer sure if what I was seeing came from my vision or from hers. She wasn't slowing down to allow me to catch up.
'Go away, Edward.' The thought carried to me on the breeze. I frowned for a
moment, my feet slowing automatically, and then I redoubled my efforts. Alice had been dancing around this conversation since I'd come to St. John's with Bella, and I wasn't willing to leave for Alaska with so much left unsaid.
Alice was caught off guard for a fraction of a second, my intentions clouding her own perception, and then she was on the move again, leaving the ground and darting up a tree. She leapt from branch to branch, looking split seconds ahead to stay just out of my reach. I grinned and followed her example, and for several minutes we played the game, with me reading her mind to see where she'd go next while she used her own talent to forestall me.
It was inevitable that another one of the mundane mental flashes that Alice so often got would be her undoing. Just as she made a particularly impressive flying leap onto a branch two trees away, her mind flickered to life with images. I'd been waiting for this opportunity, and even as I shared the short, insignificant vision, I was moving forward. Alice tensed as I landed a few branches above her, but she didn't jump again, resigned.
Another hop and I was directly above her. Instead of jumping down to join her on the massive branch that her small frame was perched on, I grabbed the branch above me and swung like an Olympic gymnast until I was upside down, my feet hooked to the branch. I swayed back and forth and then dropped one leg, bending my knee to cross the opposing lower leg comically as I suspended from the other foot.
Alice couldn't help bursting into laughter as I hung above her in my deliberate pose. "The Hanged Man." Her lips quirked as she recalled the pose from the hand painted Tarot deck I'd given her as joke years ago. "Clever, Edward."
"It's nice to see you smile again, little one." I told her as I carefully eased myself onto the branch next to her. It creaked under our combined weight, but held.
At my words, her face clouded. "Don't start. Please." She turned her head away from me.
For a moment I did hold my peace. We sat side by side, tensed, watching the trees sway lightly in the wind. The quiet was awkward. Of anyone, Alice had always been the one I could talk to, say anything to, and now I was at an utter loss. It was discomfitting, to say the least.
And still, I had to try. "Talk to me, Alice. Please. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing's going on. I'm fine." Her words were clipped and abrupt.
I sighed. "I'm not even going to point out the folly of lying to someone who can read your mind. And I'm not the only one who's noticed. Carlise and Esme are worried. You put on a good show but we've all seen how you've changed. You've stopped singing. You only laugh when you're trying to pretend everything is alright. You're pulling away – from all of us, and you're taking Jasper with you. You're not fine."
"But I have to be, Edward!" Alice's façade began to crack as she turned to look at me. "There's too much going on! I'm wasting so much time on this when I should be helping you and Bella prepare for her change. And what about Elisa? She's going through so much, losing her family, trying to settle in to her new life, and what help have I been in that department? She's had to rely on Rosalie, of all people!"
I couldn't help but chuckle at the uncharacteristic note of petulance in Alice's voice. "To be fair, Alice, Rosalie has actually been quite good for Elisa."
"I know." Alice's voice was still tinged with a slight bitterness. "It's a fine twist, isn't it? I can't say I ever saw this one coming…Rosalie gunning for Big Sister of the Year while I'm stuck skulking around the woods having…issues!"
I had to laugh at that and Alice smiled as well, though it didn't meet her eyes. That sobered me quickly.
"Tell me about it."
Alice stared straight ahead for a long moment. "You already know."
We were both looking away from each other. I examined the forest sprawling around us, its sea of green barely touched by autumn. I wouldn't be here when the leaves changed and fell to the ground, coloring everything with nature's own paintbrush. I didn't regret it…but I did regret the people I would have to leave behind.
"Tell me anyway." I pushed away the melancholy and turned back, staring at the side of her face, mentally willing her to look back at me.
Finally she did. "I've lost control of the visions. They come and go whenever they want and I can't stop it. I can't make them be quiet. I don't see what I want to see, and sometimes, when I try to look…" She stopped talking abruptly. Her thoughts were rushing, chaotic.
"Alice…" I brought her back with the sound of my voice. "Stay with me. Don't be afraid. Look now, while I'm with you." I urged. "Try to see. Look for something benign."
She didn't respond but her thoughts spoke for her. I don't want to. It's all full of shadows.
I reached for Alice's tiny hand and squeezed it in mine. She heaved a resigned sigh and then the images came to life in our shared sight. Rosalie and Emmett swam into view before us. They stood on an isolated roadside, Rose's BMW parked nearby. Rosalie was bent over the hood of a stranger's disabled car, brow furrowed in concentration. Nearby, its owner, a plain, twenty something man with close cropped hair, gazed at her in fascination. Emmett stood next to him, watching the stranger ogle his wife, his face amused.
Just as we both began to relax, it happened. The vision flickered like a shaky picture on a television set. Another image flashed before us, an empty, unfamiliar room, but it was gone before I could absorb any details. Rosalie and Emmett blurred back into view, then spun away again. Another flash of the unknown room and then all the images began to blur together.
Alice shook her head and everything disappeared. She groaned lightly, massaging her forehead like a human with a migraine. "Do you see? It's incredibly aggravating. Just these flashes that keep coming back and I don't know what they are. It's happening more and more and it's worse around Elisa. Every time I'm around her, it all comes rushing in."
"That's why you've been avoiding her." It wasn't a question.
Alice sighed, still massaging her temples. "Yes. And I've let Jasper take the blame for that. It's incredibly unfair to both him and Elisa. I should - " She stopped speaking abruptly.
"You want to leave." I finished the sentence that she couldn't.
"I don't want to. But maybe it's for the best. Look what I'm doing to everyone! I haven't been there for you and Bella, I'm making Carlisle and Esme worry, Elisa thinks Jasper hates her, and Jasper's blaming her for my problems. My talent doesn't work right anymore. I feel…useless. What good am I to anyone?"
I gave her a disbelieving look. "How can you even say that? Do you think we've kept you around all these years just because you're handy? You're not just a vampire who can see the future, not to any of us. You're a sister. A daughter. How can you disregard how much you mean to all of us? We wouldn't be whole without you."
"That's not fair." Alice whispered, turning her face away again.
She was right. The last thing Alice needed right now was guilt from the brother who was leaving her behind. I'd been speaking out of my own regret, desperate to make her see reason before I could no longer be there for her.
"Alice, maybe you and Jasper should come with us."
"I've considered it." Alice admitted, turning back to me. "But this is your time, yours and Bella's. I don't want to get in the way of that."
"Alice – " I started to protest but she cut me off.
"I'll stay, Edward.." She sighed now. "You're right. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'll make it work somehow. Besides, I couldn't do that to Esme, divide the family more than it has to be at the moment. And how could I walk out on Elisa when she's already upset enough about you and Bella leaving? I just wish I knew why this is happening. I can't imagine what it is that makes it so much harder for me to be around her."
"Can't you? Really?" The words were out before I thought enough to stop them and since I was already there, I plunged ahead. "Think about it, Alice. She's a young girl who lost her whole life. She's starting over in a strange new world and the one thing she has left, her memories, are being lost as well. Don't you see where you might feel a connection to that?"
Alice's eyes narrowed. "What are you trying to say?"
I ignored the warning signs blazing in her eyes and plunged ahead. "What I'm saying is that perhaps Elisa's triggering this reaction in you because she represents something you don't want to face. Alice, you can make all the trips to Biloxi you want. You can do research, look up records, visit your parents' graves, spy on your niece, but none of it will give you what you're looking for. Not until you're ready to actually face your human past."
I tried to squeeze her hand again to soften my words, but she yanked it out of mine and jerked away from me, unbalancing me so much that I nearly fell from my precarious perch.
Her thoughts were raging at me before she spoke, and I knew immediately that I'd said the wrong thing. "You've got this so wrong! Of all people, you were the one I thought I could count on to understand, Edward! How can you even think I don't want my human memories? You know what it would mean to me to have those memories back! I've spent so many years wondering, searching, and now you are trying to imply that it's my fault I can't remember!"
"Alice, no – "
"Go away, Edward. Take Bella and go." She repeated her earlier thought aloud. "I'll be fine without you. We all will. Isn't that what you wanted? To follow me out here and fix me so you could leave without feeling guilty? Take your absolution then. I don't need you anymore."
Alice's thoughts didn't match the vitriol of her words. She was crying soundless tears as she turned away, already drowning in remorse. I reached for her but she was too fast.
"I think this conversation is over." The words were hissed at me. With that, Alice leapt gracefully from the branch. I saw her alight much further down on the next tree over, and with another jump, she was gone from my view.
I hesitated a second, torn, and prepared to spring, ready to go after her. I balanced on the balls of my feet, ready to leap, and that's when I heard it; the thoughts of someone I hadn't even realized was there, the only person I knew who had the skill to take me by surprise. I looked up.
Jasper was on the branch above me. As soon as our eyes met, he took one foot off his own branch and slammed it down hard on mine. There was an enormous crack as the limb broke beneath me. Suddenly, I was falling. I grabbed for another branch as I spiraled down but it snapped off in my hands. A minute later I slammed into the ground face up.
I lay on my back for a moment, blinking up at the clouded sky and then attempted to sit up. A black boot came down on my chest and forced me back to the ground.
"Hello, Jasper." I looked up at him. "I take it you think Alice wants a little space."
"That's very perceptive of you." He smirked down at me.
"Yes, well, I had some time to consider it while I was free falling."
Jasper grinned at that but the smile faded quickly. "Back off, Edward. I mean it. Don't push her."
"Jasper, she needs – " My words were cut off by the low growl that built in his throat. With a final, warning glare, he took his foot off of me. I stood up slowly, keeping a wary eye on his tense frame.
"I've always respected your bond with Alice. That doesn't mean you know what she needs better than I do." Jasper's dark eyes challenged me. "Go back to your wife, Edward, and let me take care of mine." His thoughts were a turmolt of helplessness and frustratioh. He'd always been able to fight Alice's demons with her before, and now he was at an utter loss.
Before I could retort, the direction of Jasper's thoughts switched abruptly. He turned, sensing something I couldn't. "Go now." His voice had lost all anger. It's Bella.
As soon as I connected his words with his thoughts, I was off and running, back towards the estate. It was only a minute before I was bursting through the door of the carriage house. I raced up the stairs and into the bedroom Bella and I shared.
"Bella?" My voice was urgent.
My abrupt reappearance had startled her. Bella was been sitting up in bed, the sheets wrapped carelessly around her legs, and her cell phone clutched in her hands. Tears had been streaking down her face and she tried to wipe them away, looking self-conscious.
"It's nothing." She whispered. "Don't look so worried. You didn't need to run."
"Don't tell me it's nothing." My voice was more impatient then I had intended, and I modulated it back to a gentler tone as I slid on to the bed next to her, taking her free hand in mine. "What happened?"
Bella sniffed as she wiped away the last tear. "Charlie called." She smiled weakly. "We had a nice talk, but then he asked if we were coming back for Christmas. He sounded so excited…" Her voice cracked. "I'm not coming back, Edward. Ever. I have to either keep stringing him along for years, always making excuses, maybe meeting him once or twice in some dark café, wearing sunglasses. Or I have to…" She stared blindly at a spot past my head. "It might be kinder if we let him believe I died instead of thinking that I just don't care anymore."
I winced at that. "Bella, it's not too late. You know that you don't have to – "
"Don't say I don't have to go through with it!" Bella's voice was sharp, but she looked instantly contrite as soon as the words left her mouth. "I'm sorry. It's just…we've had this discussion. I've made my choice. I want to be like you. Forever, remember?"
"I know. It's still what I want too." I forced myself not to flinch at my own selfishness. "It's just that it's hurting you."
Bella nodded. "I miss him. I miss Renee too. It's hard. It's going to get harder. Whether I'm immortal or human, I'm going to lose people eventually. You can't protect me from that."
I traced her wedding ring slowly, looking down at our hands. "It's a lot to lose, Bella. It might not hit you until it's too late."
Bella sighed. She touched my face then, gently lifting my chin so she could look me in the eyes. "What would you give up, if you had to, in order to be with me, Edward?"
"Anything. Everything." I whispered.
She smiled. "Exactly."
I pulled her onto my lap then, and buried my face in her neck, breathing in her familiar, burning scent, the intoxicating smell of her skin. I felt her warm breath rustle my hair slightly as she rested her head on top of mine. Our hands touched and fingers wound together as I thought about all the things I should be saying right now, all the things I wouldn't.
Because I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if it was wrong. Not enough to turn back, not enough to stay. I'd come so close to losing Bella too many times and to even contemplate it again took strength I didn't have. All that mattered to me now was keeping Bella with me. I'd let the world burn before I gave her up. And yet, she was giving everything up for me. God, I hoped I was worth it. The memory of the haunted look in Alice's eyes when she'd left me in the forest made me doubt it.
I wasn't sure how long we sat there in stillness, wound together, before the distant sound of a car passing by a mile away reminded me that time waited for no one to catch up.
"Elisa will be home soon." I told Bella, releasing her. "Or would you rather stay here?"
"That's a trick question." Bella made a face at me and jumped up. "We'd better go." We both sighed at the same time, then laughed.
"Are you going to tell me where you went?" Bella asked abruptly as we swung our clasped hands between us a few minutes later, walking up the pathway towards the main house.
"Oh." I hesitated. "I was in the forest." I tried to keep my tone level.
Bella shot me a suspicious glance as we followed the path's curving lead and came in sight of the front porch.
I was ready to reassure her when the sight of Alice, waiting on the porch, distracted me. She stood at the top of the steps as we began to ascend, her face contrite. Behind her, in the shadows, stood Jasper, watching me carefully.
I'm so sorry, Edward.
As soon as I reached her side, I reached for her hand. She gave it to me freely this time, and I squeezed it carefully, hoping to convey with this simple gesture that there was absolutely no need for her to apologize. I would make my own amends to her later.
I didn't mean it, any of it.Alice's thoughts were heavy with contrition. I overreacted. Everything is fine now.
I smiled as though I believed her, and together, the four of us walked into the house.
Elisa:
I stood up from my desk, stretching slightly, as around me the classroom erupted, the end of the day clamor far louder than usual. We were only two weeks into the school year, but it had been long enough for the early novelty to die down and the realization that we still had about another eight months of stupefying boredom before us to sink in. At least freedom came twice on this cold, early autumn day, for not only had the final bell just rang but it was Friday as well.
I wasn't in a hurry myself. I stood up and casually shoved my binder and books in my backpack, dropping my pencil in the process.
"Got it." Before I could reach down, Jimmy was already stuffing my pencil in my bag, then grabbed it out of my hand and zipped it up for me. He handed it back with a rushed sigh. "Let's go."
With that, he sped out the door. It took him about five seconds to realize I wasn't matching his frenetic pace. By the time I caught up to him halfway down the hall he was tapping his sneaker impatiently on the linoleum.
"What are you doing?" He demanded as soon as I got within hearing distance.
"Um…walking?" I said, a little confused. "It's an amazing concept, really. You just put one foot in front of the other and voila! Movement." I demonstrated with an exaggerated flair.
Jimmy rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. What's with the laidback? Usually as soon as the final bell rings you're dragging my ass out the door like your feet are on fire."
That was true, I had to admit, because it was generally Rosalie and Emmett who were parked outside, ready to pick me up and seriously, try to keep Rosalie Hale waiting.
I shrugged in response to his words. "My ride is going to be late today." According to the text message Alice had sent me, twenty-three minutes late, to be exact. "Don't let me hold you up if you're in a hurry though." I added as Jimmy stayed beside me while I walked over to the bank of lockers.
Jimmy shook his head. "My mom's always late too." He smiled and leaned back against the wall, waiting for me. The smile sent a jolt through me and it was a second before I remembered that I still needed to get the rest of my books. I opened my locker hurriedly; grateful that for once I didn't have to worry about someone hearing my thoughts or my heartbeat speeding up.
After I was done, we headed out the main entrance. The steps to the school were nearly empty now even though mere minutes had passed. I shivered slightly in the rising wind as I turned and tossed my bag on the top step and sat down to wait it out.
Jimmy followed my lead, slouching casually next to me. The fact that he didn't seem in any hurry to leave my company sent another embarrassing thrill through me. Over the past two weeks, we'd sat together in the two classes we shared and I ate lunch with him and his friends, but we'd never hung out beyond that. I'd been starting to think that I was a 'school' friend only, someone to hang out with just because it was convenient. Maybe I'd been wrong. I hoped so. The more time I spent with Jimmy, the more I liked him, and I was tired of being stranded in Crushville on my own.
This new hope was as daunting as it was optimistic. My tongue felt uncharacteristically tied, and we sat there in silence as I desperately tried to think of a decent topic of conversation.
"Hey, Jimmy." A voice sounded behind us. I groaned silently. Fantastic. The first chance I get to be semi-alone with Jimmy, and along comes Tandy Newman like a vulture. She was the goth girl I'd seen him having lunch with on the first day and I'd since learned that while they were not dating like I'd feared, she was still wildly possessive of him. Apparently they'd grown up together and were aggravatingly bonded. You couldn't even BFF that business...he was more than her best friend; he was hers and she had no problem pointing it out every single chance she got.
"Hi, Tandy." I forced a smile as we both turned to look up at her.
She didn't even bother to look in my direction and I clenched my teeth. Tandy had never been particularly friendly but we usually only saw each other at lunch. It was much easier to ignore her attitude when we were in a crowd and I could hope it wasn't directed towards me.
Jimmy looked from me to her and sighed. "Hey, Tandy. Aren't you going to say hi to Elisa?"
Finally, Tandy deigned to roll her eyes in my direction. "Oh, is she still here?" She asked Jimmy. Her voice dripped disdain.
Jimmy started to say something but I cut him off. "You know, if you have a problem with me I suggest you talk about it to my face."
Tandy flipped a 'don't talk to me' palm in my direction and turned back to Jimmy. "Call me tonight. I have a family thing on Saturday but we can hang out Sunday."
Jimmy shrugged. "Sure." He smiled and inwardly I bubbled with jealousy.
As if she sensed it, Tandy smirked in my direction and I resisted the urge to throw my book bag at her. "Well, I'd just love to hang with you and Barbie Girl but I have a bus to catch. See you later."
"Knock it off." Jimmy gave her a warning look but she'd already turned on her heel and marched off.
"Ignore her." Jimmy told me as I glared after her. "Tandy's just a little weirded out, I guess. She's used to being my only girlfriend." To my surprise, he blushed. "I mean, girl who is a friend, not girlfriend, because she's not, you know…"
"Um, right." His words gave me a warm flush. It was clear he didn't want me to get the wrong idea about him and Tandy. He wouldn't care about that, would he, unless he was interested, right? I tingled down to my very toes at the thought.
"Hey." Something occurred to me then, recalled from snippets of lunch conversations. "Don't you guys live like two blocks away from each other or something? Why don't you take the bus with her?"
Jimmy's face tensed and he looked away. "My parents won't let me. They know if they don't pick me up, I won't go home."
"Oh." I was taken aback, with no idea what to say. Again, my mind turned back to previous conversations. He had made enough offhand remarks over the past few weeks that I knew things at his home weren't great, but this sounded a lot worse than I had imagined.
We were both silent for a minute, before I mustered up the courage to speak again. "Is it really bad? I mean, with your parents?" We hadn't really gotten personal on this level before, and I hoped I wasn't crossing some kind of line.
Jimmy looked back at me, quiet for a moment as if considering his words before he spoke. "No, I guess not. It's better than last year, anyway. My mom and dad are…I mean, they're OK. They try, you know?" His smile faded. "It's just – they expected me to turn out differently. I'm not who they wanted me to be and they can't deal."
I nodded. "I've been there."
His eyes flashed curiosity but before he could ask, I hurried to speak again. "So what happened last year?"
Jimmy scoffed. "I think you got a flashback of it that first day in English, when I went after Brett."
"Yeah." I smiled now, remembering Jimmy shoving our classmate Brett, who I still referred to silently as Jock Boy, against the wall. "So, you got into a lot of fights."
His grin was sheepish now. "I almost got expelled. My parents were going insane. As soon as school let out they sent me to my aunt in California. My aunt is great. She's an artist. We used to go to the boardwalk on Venice Beach every day and sell her paintings. After I'd been there for a month I called my parents and told them I wasn't coming back. I thought maybe that would be better for all of us but they lost it completely. I was pissed when they made me come home."
"Well, I'm glad you did." I smiled at him, fighting back the blush that wanted to bloom on my cheeks.
Jimmy looked at me for a long, contemplative moment, then smiled slowly. "So am I…now." His eyes never left mine and my breath caught. I hoped he didn't notice. No…wait. I hoped he did. I liked this boy. And, unless I was completely and utterly misreading him, he liked me too. This could totally be our moment. I widened my eyes and sent 'ask me out' vibes at him as hard as I could.
"Can I ask you a question now?" Jimmy said suddenly.
Success! I exulted silently.
"Sure." I tried to keep my tone casual.
Jimmy hesitated a moment, taking a deep breath. It was so adorable that he was nervous.
"Why do you live with your aunt and uncle?"
Wait…what? That was the question he wanted to ask? Disappointment spiraled within me, followed immediately by trepidation as I realized just what he was asking.
"Oh. Um…" I looked down, playing with my bracelet absently before I peeked up again to see him watching me.
"I'm sorry. Look, you don't have to tell me."
"No, it's OK." I forced a smile. "It's just that – " That I have to lie. I thought to myself. This was going to be so much harder than I'd ever imagined. I'd always considered myself fairly adept in the art of deception, but lying to my father about going to the movies with a boy or whether I'd done my homework was on a completely different level from what I was about to do. Plus there was the unexpected realization that I didn't want to lie to Jimmy. Before, when I'd practiced my stories with Carlisle and the others, I'd only thought about protecting them. With that perspective only, lying was easy. When it came time to do it while looking in the eyes of someone I knew I could really care about, it was a million times more difficult.
I inhaled deeply and steeled myself. Might as well get it over with. "My family – I mean, my parents, and my brother…they're – gone." I swallowed hard as pain slashed through me at the words. At least so far I'd said nothing but the truth.
"Gone?" Jimmy pondered this for a moment, and then his clear blue eyes widened. "You mean, like – really gone?"
I nodded, pressing my lips together.
"Oh, man." Jimmy ran a hand through his dark blond hair. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." I mumbled, still looking down, trying to find some small comfort in the fact that I hadn't lied outright.
"Can I ask how?" Jimmy scooted a little closer to me on the step, still looking apprehensive.
Well, there went my small bit of comfort. I moistened my lips nervously. "Car accident outside of Seattle about four months ago." The words themselves felt tainted.
"I didn't realize it was so recent." Jimmy looked horrified all over again. "I shouldn't have asked."
"It's OK." I said again, forcing a shaky smile. "Really. It would have come up eventually."
We sat in silence for the next minute before I dug my cell phone out of my bag to check the time. Three minutes left before Rosalie and Emmet would be there. I put the phone back and stood up, picking up my book bag. "My ride should be here soon." I told Jimmy when he looked puzzled.
He stood up too at that and gave me a contemplative look. I returned his gaze questioningly and unexpectedly, he grinned brightly. "I think we should hug now."
"Huh?" I blurted, too startled to say something wittier.
"Well, it's customary after bonding over family trauma. Seriously, I've seen it on TV hundred times. There's awkward conversation, revelation of secrets, some cheesy music, and then hugging. If you need to get in the mood for it though, I can always sing a few lines of 'My Heart Will Go On.'
I started to laugh. "That won't be necessary."
It was awkward, as we turned towards each other trying to figure exactly where our arms should go, but we managed it. I thought it would just be a quick, embarrassed gesture, but he squeezed me tightly around my bulky jacket and didn't seem inclined to let go immediately. He smelled really good too…not vampire good, but fresh, with a hint of soap.
"I'm really sorry about your family." Jimmy whispered in my ear as I leaned into him. "But I'm glad you came here."
At that, butterflies moved into my stomach and unpacked suitcases, apparently planning on staying for a while. My pulse raced as his warm breath tickled my ear, and I fervently hoped that he remembered that the customary sitcom-esque hugging scene should always be followed by the ritual asking the girl for her phone number.
"Hey!" A loud voice sounded, cutting into my hopeful reverie, and we both jumped and parted immediately. I turned scarlet as I saw Rosalie's BMW pulling in just feet from the bottom of the steps. Emmett was leaning out the driver's side window, his eyes fixed on Jimmy.
"Gotta go!" I sputtered. "Um…see you on Monday!" I turned and hurried down the steps. Rosalie gave me a pointed look as I sprinted around her side. She climbed out gracefully and pushed her seat in so I could climb in.
"Who's the blond kid with the wandering hands?" Emmett demanded as we pulled out of the parking lot.
My blush bloomed anew. "Jimmy. I've mentioned him before. I think you guys have even seen him a couple of times."
"Jimmy what?" Rosalie was the one who asked now.
"Rafferty." I wondered why she asked.
"R-A-F-F-E-R-T-Y?" Emmett spelled out, looking at me in the rearview mirror for confirmation.
"Yeah, why? Are you planning on checking up on him or something?" I snickered at my own words.
"Yes." Emmett and Rosalie replied immediately in unison. I leaned forward, studying their profiles for signs of humor and finding none.
"Seriously? Why?" I demanded.
Neither of them answered; they just shot me looks over their shoulders that said it should be perfectly obvious.
I shook my head, aghast. "Oh my God. It's like living with the Secret Service!"
Emmett chuckled then. "Just watching out for you, kid. By the way, sorry we're late. Did Alice warn you?"
I nodded. "So what took you so long?" I said, leaning forward, hoping my tone was casual enough to convey curiosity and not resentment. I didn't want them to think I was complaining.
Emmett looked back at me, a slight grin playing about his broad mouth. "Stopped to help a guy who broke down. Rosalie fixed him up well enough that he could make it to the mechanic's."
He chuckled now. "You should have seen the guy's face when Rose got out and popped his hood. He was already panting at the sight of her, and the second she started talking engines he lit up like a Christmas tree. I think if I hadn't been there he would have proposed."
Rosalie's tinkling laughter filled the car as we hit the main highway leading out of town.
"You know, I like this," she said suddenly. She turned her head to look out her side window. "Living in a bigger place, I mean. It makes life so much easier when everyone doesn't know who you are and aren't out to scrutinize your every move. We don't have to pretend to be going to college or worry about our ages so much…we can all just do our own thing. I think we might be able to stay here for quite a while before anyone gets suspicious. We should do this more often. No more small towns."
Emmett shrugged. "Works in theory, babe, but you know why Carlisle and Esme started picking the rural areas."
Rosalie sighed, looking annoyed. I scooted forward until I could rest my hands and my chin on the back of Emmett's seat. Rosalie turned, giving me a puzzled look and I grinned at her. "Oh, don't let me interrupt. Talk like I'm not even here."
Emmett snorted. "Was there something you wanted to know, Elisa?"
I sighed. "I thought I was being subtle about my attempt to filter out all your dark, vampire secrets."
Rosalie laughed. "Elisa, you are about as subtle as a jackhammer on a Sunday morning."
"OK, OK." I gave up with a sigh. "So why do you guys usually pick small towns like Forks? Doesn't that make you like a hundred times more conspicuous?"
They exchanged looks and then Emmett twisted in his seat slightly to face me.
"Well…that's actually the point. We used to live in larger towns…Esme doesn't like big cities but we needed to blend in and it's easier to do that in a crowd. But when Jasper and Alice moved in, things changed. Jasper had ten times the problem with self-control that the rest of us did. We had to re-evaluate. Carlisle felt it might be more motivating if it wasn't easy to cover up mistakes; if we lived someplace where we were known. The stakes had to be higher. Jasper knew our every move was being watched. There was so much more to lose if he - slipped."
"Oh." I thought about that for a moment. "That's…well, that's a lot of pressure. It's almost kind of - " 'Mean', is the word that popped into my head but I shook it off. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be deliberately cruel. I was sure they'd agonized over their decisions once the needs of their family had changed.
"But Jasper's better now." I said, almost to myself. "I mean, he hasn't tried to eat anyone in ages, right? So maybe he's over the worst of it."
Rosalie shrugged. "We'll see." Her voice betrayed wariness and I winced silently at the implication. After all this time, they still weren't sure of him. I had to admit, I almost felt sorry for Jasper for a minute. It had to be tough to always be considered the weakest link. And after all, he'd stuck it out with them after almost killing Bella, stayed through the guilt and the blame he had to have been drowning in during the days after. That definitely said something about his determination to make things work.
I was mostly silent the rest of the way home, answering the perfunctory questions about my day with equally generic answers. My mind was full of too many new thoughts to concentrate on having a real conversation.
The nagging bit of sympathy I was feeling for Jasper lingered for the rest of the ride and all the way into the house. Rosalie and Emmett melted away almost immediately; probably to go run background checks on all my classmates.
Preferring not to think about that, I followed the sound of voices to the living room. Bella and Edward were there, speaking quietly to Esme and Alice. Jasper was there too, leaning against the wall next to Alice with his usual 'present but not participating' stance.
Heads turned in our direction when we came in. Edward, Bella, and Esme all smiled their hellos but it was Alice who spoke, turning towards me. "Hello, Elisa! Did you have a good day at school?"
I started slightly and I couldn't explain to myself why. Her voice was a little bit loud, maybe. "It was fine." I dropped my book bag as I answered her.
"That's great!" Alice beamed at me. I smiled weakly back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper move the slightest bit and my gaze was drawn to him. As soon as I looked, I wished I hadn't. He was looking at me, and his face was granite again, his mouth apparently kept from turning downward into a scowl by sheer force of will. I immediately felt myself getting defensive. I was getting so tired of this. What was his problem now?
Something in my face must have tipped off Alice because she inclined her head towards him just slightly and her fingers lightly brushed his arm. Jasper's expression immediately changed and unable to help myself, I stepped back. His face was all twisted up into something so bizarre, so completely opposite of the way he normally looked at me that I couldn't figure it out for a moment. He almost looked like he was in pain, his mouth contorted upwards…oh, wait. That was a smile. Creepy.
There was the quietest of snorts from Edward's direction and I was all too happy to look away from Jasper's forced friendly glance to see him watching me. Our eyes met, and then he looked away from me over to Alice. Something unspoken passed between them, and Alice exhaled a whisper quiet sigh.
I was struck with the urge to escape this awkward scenario. There were too many undercurrents in the room of façade and secrets.
"Um, I'm going to put this away." I indicated the bag I'd dropped by the couch.
"I'll carry it for you." Edward spoke up. He strode forward and plucked it from the floor before I could say anything, giving me no choice but to trail behind him into the hallway and up the staircase.
"OK, what was that about?" I asked as soon as we were out of sight. I lowered my voice even as I knew it was a wasted effort.
"What was what about?" Edward questioned blandly, looking over his shoulder at me as I followed him up the stairs.
"Oh please." I scoffed as we reached the landing and he led the way to my bedroom. "I don't know if I've gotten more observant or you guys are just less stealthy, but something's going on. Why was Alice so twitchy?"
Edward looked slightly uncomfortable now. "What do you mean?"
I knew I should drop it, especially since most of the household could probably hear my every word, but agitation propelled the words forward anyway.
"I'm not stupid, Edward. I know when someone's trying way too hard. My mom used to get all maniacally cheerful like that when something bad happened and she didn't want us to worry. Is there something I should know about?"
He was quiet for a moment as he opened my bedroom door and walked inside to put my bookbag on my desk. I immediately pushed it over and sat on the corner, swinging my legs and looking up at him expectantly.
Edward sighed and sat down at the edge of my bed, facing me.
"I'm afraid I may have picked a bad time to leave."
I pondered this for a moment. It wasn't exactly the explanation I'd been looking for but I was pretty sure I had pushed him as far as I could. "Is that why Alice is upset? Because you and Bella are leaving?"
Edward inclined his head but didn't speak. It was answer enough for me. I felt a bit guilty once again that I had forced their separation with my human vulnerability.
"Stop that." Edward half smiled. "We've been over this. It's not your fault."
I appreciated his words but I couldn't honestly see any way that it wasn't my fault. I saw Edward open his mouth to object at that, and I spoke quickly to forestall him. "You shouldn't worry so much. She'll be OK. At least she can come visit you." I felt another sharp pang at that. All of the others could still keep Edward and Bella in their lives in some small way. I was the one who would be saying a permanent goodbye.
Edward looked pained at that, and I sent a mental kick in his direction. "Your turn to stop beating yourself up. I'm not going to throw myself shrieking from the battlements or anything. Not that we have battlements…at least I don't think we do. Actually, I'm not exactly sure what battlements are."
Edward pressed his lips together but a guffaw escaped his lips anyway, interrupting my babbling. I flushed slightly but refused to let his amusement divert me.
"You know, I seem to recall having a conversation with a certain someone who told me that when you get a second chance at life, you should take it without regrets. You've earned your second chance, Edward. Time to hop off the guilt train, grab Bella, and make the most of it. No regrets. Be happy. You guys deserve it."
Edward chuckled. "And I'd thought I'd come up here to give you advice."
I shrugged, grinning, and he stood up. "Are you coming back downstairs with me?"
I hesitated. "In a few minutes." I told him.
He nodded, and with a final grin, he stepped back towards the door and was gone before I could blink.
Once Edward was gone I jumped down from the desk to shrug out of my coat. As I hung it up in my closet a faint whiff of soap reached me – Jimmy's clean, boy scent, left behind after our hug. I smiled, remembering. It was going to be hard to adjust after Bella and Edward left, but at least I had something to look forward too.
As soon as it appeared, my smile faded. Did I really, though? Sure, we'd had a moment that afternoon but what did it mean? Maybe I hadn't come right out and said it but I hadn't exactly been subtle about liking Jimmy. Tandy had certainly picked up on it, anyway. He had to know and if he liked me too, wouldn't he have said something by now? Asked me to hang after school, or go to a movie? Even just asked for my phone number? Done at least one thing to show that he'd actually noticed I was a girl?
Feeling a bit irritated now, I wandered out of my room and downstairs into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, but we were apparently lacking chocolate and nothing else looked appealing. I sighed heavily and slumped onto a stool in front of the counter. Trying not to think about Jimmy, I picked up a book I'd left there this morning after breakfast and attempted to lose myself. It was a wasted effort. I couldn't concentrate. I tossed it aside impatiently. There was no way around it…I had some serious boy induced moping to do and I might as well get it over with.
There was a blank notepad left on the counter, and I picked up the pencil next to it, doodling idly and contemplating my potentially boy repelling DNA.
"What are you up to in here, Elisa?"
I jumped a little as Bella's voice sounded behind me. I hadn't even heard her come in. "Sneaky." I informed her. "Preparing for centuries of giving unsuspecting mortals heart attacks, I see."
Bella smiled a bit at that, sliding onto the stool next to me. "I was wondering where you went." She eyed my face for a moment. "You look a little down. Is everything alright?"
I blew out a breath, debating whether to answer, but the chance to talk it all out with someone who might actually understand was irresistible. "It's just…boys. They're stupid."
Bella grinned. "Are you only now figuring that out?"
"No, I'm just reiterating it." I swung my legs, still leaning forward on the counter. "It's just…I don't get it. I like this boy and he acts like he likes me. I mean, he goes out of his way to spend time with me, walks me to class, hangs out at my locker, tells me he's glad I came to St. John's...how can I be misreading that?" I sighed heavily. "I used to be so good at this."
Bella shrugged. "Maybe he's shy."
I shook my head. "Not Jimmy." I thought it over for a moment. "You know what I think it is? He's really smart. I'll bet he's looking for someone deep. Maybe I'm too shallow for him. I so need a new image." I dropped the pencil and contemplated for a moment. "I can change. I should try to be more like you. I'll trade in Gossip Girl for Masterpiece Theater, disdain the masses, and never wear pink again. What do you think?"
Bella laughed. "Is this still about needing advice on boys, or are you just making fun of me?"
I giggled. "Maybe a little of both." I admitted.
Bella leaned forward, resting her elbows on the counter and cupping her chin in her hand as she contemplated me. "Elisa, you're great the way you are. Do I really need to give you the lecture about trying to change just for a guy? Besides, you are not shal – wow!"
Startled by her change of tone, I looked around the kitchen for a second before I realized what she was staring at…the sheet of paper that I'd been doodling on. I followed her gaze and my jaw dropped.
"I didn't know you could draw!" Bella reached for the paper and picked it up as I gaped soundlessly at her. "This is amazing, Elisa…you're very talented."
"Uh…er…" I stammered, staring at the paper. A young girl's face stared back at me, a child really, maybe about ten. She had dark hair curling softly around her shoulders and her features were more blunt than delicate.
Bella's brow was wrinkled lightly as she studied it, as if she were trying to place something, and then she shrugged and handed the drawing back to me. "Is she someone you know?"
"…No." I finally managed. "It's just …random."
Bella still looked mildly perplexed. I quickly folded the drawing in half before she could notice that my hands were shaking and shoved it inside my book. "I have to go to the bathroom." I mumbled. Without waiting for a response, I rushed out of the room.
Once inside the huge downstairs bathroom, I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest that I could almost hear it myself.
Calm down, calm down, calm down. I chanted to myself. I stood up and stumbled towards the sink, turning on the water full blast, hoping it would cover any noise that I was making, then leaned forward until my head touched the mirror, closing my eyes. I forced myself to concentrate only on the noise of the rushing water, and when that began to relax me a bit, I turned my attention to the sound of my own heartbeat, counting each thump and willing them to slow. Panic and unanswered questions still pushed at the edges of my mind but I refused to let them in. I wasn't even going to acknowledge this one. It was going into the vault, along with the incident in the library, to never see the light of day again.
Once I felt a little more steady, I splashed some water on my face, hoping to cool my flushed cheeks and patted my face dry. Just as I turned off the water, there was a tap on the door.
"Elisa? Is everything OK?" Bella's voice sounded.
I put the towel I was holding away and hurried to open the door. "I'm fine." I told her.
Bella wrinkled her nose, looking less than convinced, but she nodded anyway. "You rushed out of the room awfully fast."
"Um…sorry. Nature called and she was kind of impatient." I gave her a shaky grimace that I hoped passed for a smile.
Bella's eyebrows climbed even higher on her forehead at that but she let it go. "Come on, let's go see what everyone else is up to."
She led the way back to the living room. To my disappointment, Jasper was still there but he didn't look up when we came in, which was a relief. His eyes were on Alice, who came bouncing forward as soon as we entered.
"Let's go to your place, Bella. I'm going to help you pack." Alice beamed at her. "I can help you coordinate your wardrobe."
Bella grimaced slightly and then gave Alice an entirely fake smile. "Um…great."
A quiet chuckle went around the room and then Bella looked at me. "Do you want to help, Elisa? Knowing Alice, this is probably going to take hours."
"Sure - " I started to say but Alice's expression had me breaking off. For just a split second, before her face became a smooth, smiling mask, a look of almost panic had flared into her eyes. Jasper's eyes suddenly slid from her face to mine, then narrowed in resentment. At that moment, a piece of the puzzle I didn't even realize had been missing slid into place inside my head.
"Um…" I looked away as suspicions and hurt pricked at me. "Actually, I uh…I told my friend I'd call them but maybe in a little while?" I mentally crossed my fingers.
"Just come over when you're ready." Bella smiled at me. Alice smiled too but something was still flickering in her eyes that didn't match up with her expression. She took Bella's arm and the two of them walked out of the living room, Alice already talking rapidly, apparently trying to make a case for why Bella would need haute couture in the wilds of Alaska. I watched them go for a moment, my mind working feverishly. Across the room, Jasper was watching them as well, his eyes lingering on Alice. Once she was gone, he remained only a moment longer before exiting as well.
As much as I wanted to spend time with Bella, I was almost reluctant now to go to the carriage house. I warred with myself over it, hating that I suddenly felt uncomfortable about being near Alice and simultaneously trying to convince myself that the look I'd seen on her face had nothing to do with me.
Just as I'd finally made up my mind to forget about it and seize this last chance to spend time with Bella and Edward, Esme had decided she also wanted to go help Bella pack. Rosalie and Emmett decided to join us as well, and before we knew it everyone was going, even Jasper.
Carlisle joined as as soon as his shift was over and the nine of us filled the tiny carriage house to capacity. No one seemed to mind the close quarters. Packing was forgotten in the chorus of conversation and laughter. Bella and I made dinner, breaking in her tiny kitchen for the first time. After the two of us ate, Edward played the piano and to my surprise, Alice accompanied him, adding her exquisite vocals to his notes. I was stunned by how beautifully she sang. There was nothing now in her behavior that lent credence to the odd vibes I had gotten from her earlier. I must have imagined everything.
With all of us there, the night ended up turning into a goodbye celebration of sorts. It was a nice way to make up for the birthday party we had decided not to throw for Bella. The room reverberated with laughter and cheer, all tension forgotten. Even Jasper seemed more relaxed, or at least I thought so, until he left abruptly after a couple of hours. Alice watched him go with an unfathomable expression. No one else seemed to notice, or at the least they were too polite to remark on it.
The impromptu gala wore on into the night. I was determined to stay as long as everyone else did – even Bella wasn't showing signs of winding down - but after the clock chimed midnight I could no longer hide my frequent yawns and drooping eyelids. I lounged on the sofa, watching the others and trying to keep up with conversations.
"Elisa, why don't I take you back to the house and put you to bed?" Esme was by my side.
"I'm not t – " My attempt to deny my obvious exhaustion was ruined by an enormous yawn. I smiled ruefully. "OK, I'm beat." I yawned again as I got to my feet. "Stay, Esme. I'll walk myself back and go to bed."
Esme started to object but I waved her down. Any other night I probably would have lost that argument but I knew she wanted to spend as much time with Edward and Bella as possible too.
I walked the winding stone path back to the main house enjoying the silence. The gardens, mostly cut down in preparation for winter, still looked ethereal and mysterious in the moonlight. If I hadn't been so tired, and it wasn't so cold, I would have liked to have stayed outside for a while, experiencing the enigmatic way night changed everything into something different.
I walked through the back door and stopped in the corridor to stretch before I went upstairs to bed. I'd barely taken another step when it happened. Out of nowhere, a cold hand gripped my upper arm. I gasped in shock and barely had time to register the fact that Jasper had appeared beside me before he was dragging me down the hallway. I was too stunned to object as he shoved me inside Esme's empty sitting room and closed the door behind us.
By then, his grip on my arm had slackened enough that I was able to pull out of his grasp. I whirled around to face him, suddenly furious. "Excuse you! What do you think you're doing?"
"We need to talk." His voice was cold and his face colder. The only spot of emotion was his eyes, which blazed at me.
"What, you can't just say that? You know, just because you ultra strong supernatural types can drag us humans around like paper dolls doesn't mean you should!"
"Keep your voice down." He snapped back at me. I opened my mouth to retort but his eyes narrowed, warning me. I swallowed, my anger starting to wash away under a tidal wave of apprehension. I had no idea what I'd done this time to set him off, but clearly he was extremely angry.
Jasper didn't keep me wondering long. Out of thin air he was waving a piece of paper in front of my face. I gasped as I recognized it – the drawing from earlier, the one I'd been trying so hard to forget.
"This fell out of your book. Where did you get it?"
I blinked, startled by the accusatory tone of his voice. "What are you talking about? I didn't get it anywhere. I drew it."
Jasper stared at me. "You drew this." Deep skepticism etched itself into his features.
I gazed back at him, bewildered. What was it to him, anyway? "Yes." I managed, blinking rapidly.
Jasper raised an eyebrow and with just that little gesture seemed to reveal a wealth of doubt. It unsettled me, both because he was making me feel I'd done something horribly wrong and because deep down, I wondered if maybe I had.
"I need you to tell me the truth, Elisa." Jasper's voice, to my surprise, had lost some of its edge. I looked up at him and there was something in his eyes – desperation, perhaps? I wasn't sure but for a moment, it made him just the slightest bit less scary.
"I am telling you the truth. I did draw it. I mean, sort of." I blurted out. I grimaced as I realized what I'd said.
" 'Sort of' ?" Jasper's voice was impatient again. "Either you did or you didn't. Which is it?"
I couldn't even muster up any more answers. Nothing was going to be good enough to satisfy him anyway. I turned away, crossing my arms over my chest, feeling myself shutting down. It was all too much; a giant swirl of confusion and emotions I couldn't handle anymore.
Jasper heaved a long sigh behind me. There was a welcome breath of quiet, and then a sense of calm began to steal over me, wiping away the chaos that had been clouding my mind.
"Cheater." I grumbled, but I couldn't feel real annoyance. It was such a relief to be able to think clearly again.
I heard Jasper tapping his foot impatiently behind me and I turned back to face him. The mellowness enveloping me was bewitching. I wanted to answer his questions now, even as I knew I was being tricked into doing so.
"I don't care whether you believe me. I did draw it. It's just…I don't know how."
"What do you mean?" His voice was careful now, like he was trying not to upset me again.
A bit of remembered panic was coming back to me, dissipating the calm slightly. I began to pace. "I can't draw." I admitted. "I mean, at all. I've never been good at it. Even my stick figures have inadequacy issues. There's just no way I could have drawn anything like that at all, but I did."
"What about this?" Jasper tapped something on the picture, a line of writing underneath the drawing that I hadn't noticed before. I stepped forward to read it. Cynthia, it spelled out, in miniscule but perfect script. The name was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.
"That's not my handwriting." I whispered. I cringed back slightly, waiting for his reaction.
Jasper looked away from me for a long moment. "I know." He said. His voice was still quiet. "It's Alice's." He turned back to me.
My mouth opened but nothing came out as I turned his words over in my mind, trying to make sense of them.
"The drawing is exactly her style too." He continued, sounding more like he was speaking to himself.
"I don't understand." I choked. "Jasper, I swear I didn't take one of her sketches. I drew this. Ask Bella – she was there!"
"I believe you."
OK, that was unexpected. "Uh…good. Do you mind telling me what is going on then?" I twisted my fingers together as I spoke.
"I don't know." It was in his voice now, that faint edge of desperation.
I tried again for answers. "Do you know who Cynthia is?"
Jasper hesitated for several seconds before he spoke. "Cynthia was Alice's little sister."
"Really?" My voice was high pitched, surprised. "Is this actually her? How do you know? I thought Alice didn't remember her."
"So did I." His voice was so faint now that I wasn't sure I'd heard his words correctly. He lapsed into silence now, his eyes far away.
"OK, I am massively weirded out and this is coming from the girl who died and was resurrected to live with a family of vampires. Why is this happening? What does any of this have to do with me?" I demanded.
Jasper's eyes fixed on me, and the coldness was back. "If I had any idea, Elisa, I wouldn't be stuck here having this conversation with you."
I glared at him, trying to cover up the hurt his obvious insult made me feel. "Well, if talking to me is such a burden, why don't we just skip all this and go ask Alice about it?"
Jasper's jaw tensed. "That's not a good idea."
"Why not?" I demanded.
Jasper didn't reply; just went on standing there. Despite myself, I couldn't help but begin to feel a bit bad for him. Whether he was being a complete jerk about it or not, it was clear this whole freaky situation had him just as thrown as I was, and he didn't have a clue what to do about it. For a moment, it brought back the feeling of sympathy, I'd had for him earlier in the day. For once he was almost relatable.
And then, of course, he had to ruin the moment by speaking.
"You are not to tell Alice about any of this." It wasn't a request; it was a command.
I hadn't actually been planning on telling Alice anything, but his tone irked me. I crossed my arms. "I don't see why I should have to keep secrets from Alice. Maybe she should know."
"Elisa." My name was hissed through gritted teeth. "If you breathe one word of this to her – "
He stopped as my eyes filled with angry tears. "Are you threatening me?" I demanded. It took an immense effort to keep my voice from breaking.
"If I have to." Jasper's voice was ice.
I should have been feeling infuriated all over again that he had the nerve to try and intimidate me like that but more than anger, more than fright, I felt hurt. In his eyes, I wasn't family any more than I had been the first time I stumbled across him in the forest. I wasn't anyone he could trust. He thought he had to use fear just to get through to me. Did he hate me so much he couldn't comprehend that I cared about Alice too?
"I'm not going to let you do this to me." I stumbled backwards towards the door, my voice choked. "I've had enough of being pushed around. I'm not going to keep secrets if the price I pay is living in fear. I'm telling Alice everything right now, and if you don't want me to, try and stop me. You can, of course, but how are you going to explain what you've done to your family?"
My eyes were too blurry to see his reaction to my words. As the tears overflowed, I turned and walked blindly forward. I had just opened the door when it slammed back shut again. I blinked away more tears and looked up to see him towering above me, his hand pressed against the doorjamb, holding it closed.
"Please." It was all he said, but the desperation wasn't hidden now. It was rolling off him in waves.
I stayed frozen at the doorway for one more moment, then sighed, turning back towards him.
"Fine. You win. I'm only keeping quiet for Alice's sake though, not yours." I slumped against the door. "I don't know why we're bothering to be all secretive though. Can't she just – see us?"
Jasper hesitated. "Perhaps. We'll just have to chance it. Her visions…they're clouded lately, and she still doesn't see you as clearly as the rest of us."
His attempt to keep his voice casual wasn't working. I didn't know whether he was losing a grip on his own emotional control or what, but worry seeped into every syllable.
"What's going on, Jasper? What's wrong with Alice?"
Jasper closed his eyes and just shook his head. I waited for more, but he didn't speak, nor did he open his eyes. His silence was maddening. Vampires in general, I'd noticed, were infuriatingly vague. Apparently, along with immortality, superhuman strength, and transcendent beauty came the complete inability to ever again answer a simple question with a straight answer.
"OK, then." I tried again. "Does it have something to do with me? Is that why you two haven't been around? Is Alice the one who can't stand to be near me?"
I didn't think it was possible for Jasper to look any more tense, but he managed it. "You have no idea you're talking about."
"No, I think I do." I turned away as the tears threatened to come back. It explained so much. Now I understood why he hated me – beyond the mistakes I'd made, beyond the threat I posed to the life he and the rest of the family had worked so hard to build, was the heart of the matter. I was hurting Alice. I didn't know why, or how, and worst of all, I didn't know how to stop.
"What are you going to do? Are you going to – " I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could finish. "Are you going to leave too?"
Jasper shook his head. "We'll see." His voice was flat again, and tinged with a hint of resentment. Clearly, I wasn't alone in feeling I was to blame. How could I face Esme every morning if Alice and Jasper left as well? No matter what platitudes anyone threw at me, it would be my fault. And as selfish as it was, I hurt more over the idea for myself than anyone else. I didn't think I could stand another goodbye.
"Don't be upset." Jasper spoke through gritted teeth again and I realized I must have sent a rush of melancholy his way.
"Oh, so sorry!" I snapped, glad for a chance to vent instead of wallow. "Am I inconveniencing you with my unruly human emotions? In case you haven't noticed, this whole mess doesn't just suck for you. And I'd try for that stiff upper lip thing you seem to be so good at it, but the fact that I'm having freaky automatic drawing episodes and making Alice wig every time she gets within ten feet of me and no one will tell me why is harshing my mellow just a bit!"
Jasper's lips twitched. For a moment it seemed as if he were struggling with himself, perhaps about to speak, but then his expression stilled. Silence reigned once again.
I snorted derisively at his lack of response. "You know, for someone who's supposedly all empathic, you suck at warm and fuzzy. Can I go now?" I turned back to the door.
Jasper waved a sardonic hand towards the door. "Be my guest."
Just as I opened it, his voice sounded again. "You will tell me if there are any more incidents like this."
"Oh goody, more commands." I said under my breath. Then I turned back, smiling slightly.
"Sure. I'll tell you…on one condition."
There was disbelief on his face as he looked down at me. "What condition?" He demanded.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "From now on, if you want to talk to me, you will ask. There will be no more unfounded accusations, no glowering at me from darkened corners, and most of all, you will not in any way shape or form drag me anywhere. From this day forward, I am Handle With Care only. Got it?" I thought over what I just said. "OK, I guess that was more than one condition, but you get the general idea."
Jasper's eyes sparked angrily. "And if I don't agree?" He pulled himself up to his full height.
"Then not only am I not your clandestine partner in this little…whatever the hell this is, but I tell Alice everything. Including the part where you threatened me."
"I didn't exactly threaten –." Jasper broke off at my smug smile. I had him in a corner and we both knew it. "Fine." He bit off the word.
"That's not good enough." I shook my head. "You have to promise."
"Has anyone ever told you that you are exceedingly obnoxious?" His voice was exasperated.
I decided to ignore that the answer to his question was a resounding YES. "Has anyone ever told you that when you smile you look like a serial killer?"
Jasper's mouth twitched. "Elisa, I am a serial killer."
My smug look instantly faded. "Oh." I squeaked. "Um, right. Well…OK then. This has been swell and all, but I think I'm going to go now and find a nice, quiet place to – well, hide."
"We'll talk." He reminded me as I stepped out the door.
"Can't wait." I mumbled, looking back at him one last time. The ghost of a real smile played around his mouth, transforming his face. For one second, I saw again that Jasper I'd met so long ago in the forest the day Emmett had saved me from the bear. The Jasper that might have liked me. A poignant ache settled over me and without another word, I turned and fled down the hall.
I was still shaking from a mixture of triumph, confusion, and fear ten minutes later after I'd changed into my pajamas. I sat on my bed, too tired to let myself try to puzzle out the events of this very long day.
As I reached out to turn off the lamp, strains of faint music reached me. I cocked my head, listening, and stood up, following the sound to my window. I opened it and leaned out, looking towards the carriage house. Edward was playing again and Alice was singing once more. They must have had a window open as well because I could hear it plainly now, the folk song Alice was singing.
There was an old woman
There was an old man
They lived along the high road…
Ignoring the chill breeze that was wafting in and raising goosebumps on my arms, I left the window open and crawled under my heavy comforter. The tinkling of the piano and Alice's ringing crystal tones were the perfect lullaby.
And on we go and on we go
Can you recall the day we married, oh?
And on we go and on we go
Wouldn't you be frightened to die alone?
Come a little closer, my darling, oh…
I shivered as a new chill scratched along my back, dancing at the corners of my consciousness, and then I pushed it all away, letting Alice's lilting voice lull me into sleep.
To Be Continued…
Thanks again for reading! In the next chapter, Bella's birthday dawns and as the Cullen family prepares to say their goodbyes to Bella and Edward, an unexpected visitor shows up to change everything.