If I Lose Myself
by EMPG22HoPe
Chapter Fourteen: Draco
February 1997
"Concentrate, mate." Blaise implored from behind him.
Draco stood before the Black Lake in the slightly chilly afternoon of February. He had been there often these days, other than the Room of Requirement. Apart from his demanding Hogsmeade meet-ups with his aunt Bellatrix with the Occlumency, he took the liberty of practicing non-verbal spells. He couldn't quite focus practicing it in a large class–with everyone else blithering and looking like they were close to puking their morning breakfast. If the practice required absolute focus and mental discipline, he had to do it somewhere outside the classroom.
At first, he had tried the task on his own – easily making certain objects levitate wordlessly every once in a while, but haven't gotten past the point of actually conjuring hexes or curses. Deciding that he could use with a bit of swallowing his pride, he had asked his friend Blaise for help – remembering very distinctly their small duel in the common room where he had his ass served to him.
"This is boring." He heard Pansy complain as he kept his eyes shut.
Naturally, they had to bring Pansy along to these little practices – otherwise she'd start complaining. It did get a bit annoying if she did; constantly poking at them to ask her to join. It had only been a week since Pansy joined them and she still complained of the trepid boringness of it all.
"Then you shouldn't have come in the first place, you blithering wench." Blaise told her haughtily.
And an argument broke out.
Lately, Blaise had been so easily provoked, if not irritated. The slightest of mishaps angered his friend, which resulted to his sending one jinx after another at people that pissed him off.
Draco couldn't blame him, really. Blaise had started the New Year with the worst possible news anyone could have ever heard. He and Pansy try not to bring it up whenever they were together; pretending that what happened at the Greengrass New Year Gala was merely just a joke, or even a dream. But no matter how hard he and Pansy diverted certain matters as far away from Daphne's engagement announcement back in January as possible, Blaise still found a way to silently sulk to himself.
Draco had never felt more helpless in seeing his friend than he did now.
But he let these thoughts drift off momentarily. He had other things to worry about. Draco opened his eyes this time, and he emptied his mind of anything that would distract him.
"Knock it off, the both of you!" Draco barked at them menacingly, strutting over between them and pushing Blaise to the side. "I've had enough of your pointless banters. This isn't the right time for anything remotely distractive."
Pansy scoffed at this and moved away. "This is absolute rubbish. Just get on with it already so I can meet Daph—er, I mean, you know who and tell her to take over my Prefect duties tonight."
They avoided the name Daphne Greengrass like the plague.
Blaise looked like he wanted to say something, but he decided against it and huffed scathingly before walking over to the elder tree.
"Let's just try this one thing, and we'll be done." Draco said before brandishing his wand. He pointed it directly at Blaise.
His friend nodded listlessly as he too pulled out his own wand. "Alright. Disarm only. If we can get you to do that at least ten times within the half hour, we'll move on to curses and jinxes tomorrow."
Draco nodded, and with a flick of his wand, he mentally incanted with what little strength he could produce.
Expelliarmus.
Blaise's wand twitched a bit, but it didn't fully leave his friend's hand.
He flicked his wand again, a bit more pronounced than the first and incanted.
Expelliarmus!
The wand jerked lightly, yet not enough so.
At this point, Draco was getting more frustrated as he briefly closed his eyes; trying to contain his rising anger. He'd been practicing disarming for days now and could only conjure up slight plucks from either Blaise or Pansy's wands. It was just as much of a difficult feat as practicing Apparition. Surely he shouldn't be bothered with getting distracted these days – but often he'd find his mind wandering off towards Astoria since that January.
Draco mentally hissed to himself, enough of this rubbish about little Greengrass.
With a little more purpose on the swish of his wand, he mentally bellowed the spell.
Expelliarmus!
Then, Blaise's hawthorn wand snapped off his hand; a jet of red light flickered for a moment before the wand landed on the damp ground with a slight thud.
"Well, finally." Pansy said brightly before coming up next to him and pecking a slight kiss on his cheek. "Well, that's one little non-verbal spell done. Best we get on, yes?"
"Not yet." Blaise growled as he picked up his wand. "Now he'll do you, Pans. Then, me. We'll circulate this until he can do it at least nine times more. We can't afford any more mistakes."
Pansy looked up to Draco pleadingly. Draco sent her a knowing look, as if to tell her that this is the only distraction they could possibly give Blaise at this moment. She seemed to understand by rolling her eyes in reluctant response, but she trotted off nonetheless onto a bulging stump on the ground and took out her wand.
The practice went on for another half hour, Draco already feeling drained by the ninth disarm on Pansy. By the time they were through, the castle bell rang signaling everyone to be back in the halls before nighttime. And yet, before Draco and Pansy could join him – Blaise was already heading off up the hill back into the school.
"I'm really worried about him." Pansy said beside him as they, too, began to follow Blaise up. "He's barely eating, barely talking to me at all and he's always so pissed off like I'd taken the rug out from under him. Can't you talk to him?"
Draco shook his head distractedly. "I told you that I've already tried. You remember what he said after the gala? We never speak of this, any of this, or her. He's disgusted by the very thought of her."
"I can't imagine why. Daphne's my friend, but Blaise is even more." Pansy sighed in defeat, fixing her silver and green tie menacingly as they strolled their way towards the castle. "The best revenge I could possibly do on behalf of Blaise is to chuck Daphne into my Prefect duties. It stresses her out even more than classes and that's as thick as she could possibly get."
He couldn't help but smirk proudly at Pansy for this. The mess that was their friend, Blaise Zabini, was not a pleasant sight at all. And when you're a Slytherin that has a friend that's just been completely blown off – the worst possible thing you could ever do is actual murder for revenge. His mischief stirred at the pit of his stomach, now getting a thrill at poking mean-spirited fun at Daphne Greengrass a little freely now that Pansy was just as irritated with her.
In all of this, he couldn't quite forget how he had hexed Daphne with the boils. Pansy hollered so hard at this that they could have sworn they saw Blaise's lips twitch. While they never truly got proper permission from Blaise to ruin Daphne, he seemed approving of it despite his wordlessness in the matter. Blaise needed a bit of fun because quite nearly without him, Draco and Pansy were just all dry humor. They missed their friend, and they had thought that the only way to get him back was through sheer cunningness and plights of great revenge against the daft blonde Greengrass that broke their friend's heart.
Yet, even as they tortured Daphne Greengrass deservingly – Blaise was still remarkably heartbroken.
"I don't get you two." Pansy said all of a sudden.
Draco raised a brow at her. "What do you mean?"
"What is it with you and Blaise and those bloody Greengrass girls?" Pansy seethed then turned to look at him. "Honestly, you two act like they're some kind of goddesses when really; they're nothing but our own house: snakes. Pitiful and awful snakes, though. The most ridiculous pair; and everybody, even you two, think they're these special little princesses."
"Are you really that jealous of them?" Draco asked her in the most arrogant way possible.
"Jealous?!" Pansy sputtered indignantly, her eyes narrowing. "Come off it, Draco! I would never. They're just being treated in a way that they really shouldn't, like little Saint Potters. Acting as if they're the perfect pure-bloods; why, that little Greengrass is more the epitome of a blood traitor than the Weasleys. And Daphne, oh, pitiful Daphne. You'd think she's so precious when you can imagine the daft girl's choice in men. Theodore Nott, of all people. I couldn't have picked a blander, more boring bloke myself."
"You're so full of rubbish, Pansy." Draco shook his head at this. He couldn't possibly know what to reply to her weak rant. Normally he'd engage in all of this, but he's been far too drained and admittedly, out of practice in the sneering department to even cast an offensive remark at anyone these days.
"That's rich, coming from you, Draco." Pansy drawled out his name crassly. "Snogging a little blood traitor like little Greengrass—"
"Shut your filthy mouth." Draco interrupted heatedly before stopping in his tracks.
"Well, it's true!" Pansy shrieked at him as she too halted then turned to him. Her bright blue eyes now more irritated than ever. "We are engaged, Draco. If that hasn't crossed your mind already, then allow me to spell it out. Engaged. Still, you're running around, flirting with that little bitch—"
"That's enough!" Draco bellowed at her gruffly. "Nothing's happened between me and little Greengrass. And by Salazar, if you want more damning proof, you can ask her yourself. I'm sure she'll be glad to provide little to no details of our little love affair, as you've been so lightly treading for the past few weeks. Isn't my shoving her off enough to convince you that she's nothing to me? Well? Then keep your filthy mouth shut, Parkinson, if you don't want the same boils on your face like I did Daphne."
"You're absolutely dreadful, Draco Malfoy!" Pansy fumed after a momentary look of surprise, her face turning pink in anger. "You stay away from Astoria Greengrass if you know what's good for you! You've seen what Daphne's done to Blaise. I'm just trying to protect you from the other wench!"
"Oh, trust me; I know what's good for me. You're not my bloody mother." Draco hissed, now losing any bit of patience he had for the witch before him. "And if you had a shred of self-respect, you wouldn't be getting jealous over a pitiful little girl like Astoria. It's bad form to get jealous over a measly fourth year, Parkinson. I trust you know that."
Pansy seemed to calm down at the last sentence because her shoulders slacked and she'd breathed out a heavy sigh before saying, "I'm sorry."
Draco's features hardened considerably. "Don't even."
"It's just that…" Pansy trailed off as she looked away from him. "You… you care about her, a lot more than you could give yourself credit for. And yet you know deep down that she's going to ruin you."
"You can't imagine the number of times she's ruined me for the past few months." Draco admitted as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "But I've grown past that now. That's why I'm distancing myself from her. She deserves better than anything I've just put her through."
An uncomfortable silence followed his admission. It was nearly nightfall, and the bell from the school rang once again to signal everyone for dinner. They wordlessly continued walking up the steps, then towards the entrance of the school. By the time they've reached the foyer, Pansy spoke.
"Do you love her?" Pansy asked him quietly, her voice as hard as steel as she said this.
Draco pursed his lips into a thin line, unsure of the answer he wanted to give.
Love was far too strong a word. He knew Astoria, but he didn't know her that much. Till' then, it had always been physical attraction up until she showed him a kindness unmatched by anyone else.
"No." He said bitterly as they made their way to the Great Hall.
The place was already filled with students delving on tonight's dinner: roast pork and bowls upon bowls of mashed potatoes and gravy. A slight buzz was about regarding the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend which apparently landed ever so perfectly on Valentine's Day. He couldn't help but grimace at this. Just peachy. At this point, he was simply mentally bracing himself for another day of keeping Blaise from finishing off an entire bottle or two of Ogden's Firewhiskey.
When they finally arrived at the Slytherin table, his eyes accidentally flitted towards where Astoria and Daphne sat together. But before he could consider staring longingly, he saw Blaise sitting the far length away from the Greengrasses, alone. It reminded him greatly of why he despised the Greengrasses even more now than he's ever even possibly despised Harry Potter.
"I think you're lying." Pansy told him after a while when they finally sat next to Blaise.
They sat on either side of Blaise, who was picking at his food quietly, barely even greeting them like he normally would on a perfectly normal day. Pansy tried to make conversation with him, but their friend merely replied with half-hearted grunts and wordless nods. It was like talking to a brick wall, which Pansy doesn't seem to appreciate before deciding to eat her meal just as silently; occasionally throwing pressing insults at Millicent Bulstrode.
He, on the other hand, sat in silent mourning with Blaise, going through his meal just as half-heartedly as him. At this point in time, he'd had given up on opening Blaise Zabini to the topic of Daphne Greengrass. This must have been what Blaise felt like when Draco tried to push him away a few months ago.
It wasn't the kind of thing he fancied feeling.
Draco had never felt more helpless in his entire life.
All hell broke loose on Valentine's Day.
One would think that people would be at their "best behavior" on a holiday that involved all the repulsive couples. Had people truly lost their nerve for the past few months? Though he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't say he'd been losing his nerve too, but it certainly wasn't on a wretched day dedicated to snogging and shagging.
Draco hated Valentine's Day as much as the next sane person who hated it. It was a complete waste of time, and if he were perfectly honest with himself: had he had a girlfriend of his own, he'd have treated her specially every bloody day – not just on some pesky, generic couples day. But of course he'd never let this sentiment out, not even to Blaise.
As for the hand on Blaise, he seemed to be the only plight of reason why he and Pansy were now even at Hogsmeade during the awful holiday. They went out to follow their friend since they didn't trust him on a particular day like this, where he could have easily spotted Daphne and Theo snogging in some corner on the street.
Pansy had greatly voiced out how she'd been expecting Draco to ask her out on that day, but they've made a seeming compromise that they'd have to put Blaise first above everything else. That, to which, Pansy reluctantly agreed to; which Draco was grateful for. He's never had a complete moment alone with Pansy since their conversation at the Black Lake, and he would prefer to keep it that way. The last thing he needed was to discuss his complicated relationship with her, which felt as nonexistent as ever until she started bringing up the snogging they've done in their fifth year.
Draco didn't know why he was even bothering with any of this today, though. He should be focusing on fixing the bloody Vanishing Cabinet now, trying to find other alternatives to kill Dumbledore, working hard on his non-verbal spells and concentrating strenuously towards his Occlumency.
But no.
Naturally he had to have had the decency of a person to half-way involve his friend, Blaise, into all of this. Draco signed up for a longtime friendship unknowingly when he'd told Blaise everything except of the actual mission and really, as much as he'd prefer to break what little contract they now had; he was an honorable man. And an honorable man never lets his best mate go into the battlefield alone.
The cold afternoon of February breezed by them as Draco and Pansy silently followed Blaise into the village. It would seem that their friend wasn't in any trouble yet by just merely walking down the streets. But then they saw him enter the Three Broomsticks, and they knew it was only a matter of time before he came bounding out of the bloody place completely smashed.
A small bell chimed at the sound of him and Pansy entering the pub. It was nearly deserted inside, with only very few Hogwarts students hanging about in groups and a few much older witches and wizards drinking mugs upon mugs of butter beer. Naturally, Draco rolled his eyes at this, for everyone else was at Madam Puddifoot's little romance tea shop celebrating the despicable holiday.
They saw Blaise seated on one of the boots near the window, three large bottles of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey sat before him accompanied by two small, empty glasses. Pansy looked at Draco worriedly, to which Draco pursed his lips with a nod.
When they arrived at Blaise's table, Draco saw that one of the bottles was already half-way finished.
"Of course you're here." Blaise drawled at them lazily, not even looking away from the window when he'd probably heard their footsteps. "Care to join your poor old mate for a drink?"
"Blaise, you've nearly finished an entire bottle. How is that even possible?" Pansy scolded at him, sliding into the booth to sit right next to their dark friend. "Blaise, I know it's a tough day."
"I consider it a perfectly ordinary day, Pansy." Blaise said darkly just as Draco sat across them. "You two didn't have to follow me out here."
"We don't exactly trust you alone at Hogsmeade." Draco replied roughly as he took the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey and poured himself a full glass. "The last time we did, you nearly killed Madam Rosmerta with a spoon. A spoon, Blaise."
Blaise chuckled under his breath and listlessly reached for the bottle, sporting the remaining contents of the drink. Draco saw Pansy look at their friend in disgust and looked as if she was about to say something, but decided against it when she opened one of the other bottles of Firewhiskey and poured herself half a glass.
There was a brief and uneasy silence between the three of them as they downed their drinks. Draco had no intention of getting drunk today, needing nearly all his strength to help Blaise get back to the castle in his drunken stupor and just as much for his Occlumency lessons with aunt Bellatrix later in the afternoon. He didn't want to be under influence of the Cruciatus curse as punishment for his misdemeanor.
The sound of glasses clinking and the quiet, mewling conversations among the people in the pub proved to be surprisingly calming now. Unlike the tight pressure of being inside the halls of Hogwarts; for once, Draco felt at peace – until Blaise spoke.
"I loved her." Blaise said in a voice so low, Draco had to lean in to hear the full of it.
Pansy almost choked on her drink. "You loved all the girls, Blaise."
"This is different." Blaise said rather defensively as he downed the last of the bottle of Firewhiskey he'd been nursing since they've arrived. "She's different. I'm not speaking out of wretched sentimentality and bitterness because of the bloody holiday. I'm speaking out of… well, the influence of Firewhiskey, mostly, but also…"
"I mean, you would know, Draco." Blaise changed the subject as he reached for the third bottle of Firewhiskey and popped the cork off effortlessly, as if he'd gotten so used to this already.
"I don't know what you're bloody talking about." Draco answered crassly before taking a sip from his glass, the auburn liquid burning his throat horridly.
"You and Astoria," Blaise arched a brow at him challengingly before casually taking a large swig from the newly opened bottle. Pansy's face twisted in disgust next to him. "I see the way you used to look at her. Though, really, probably still look at her."
"She's nothing to me." Draco's throat burned just as much as his insides did when he said this. "We've discussed this, Blaise. And you already said this yourself for what bloody feels like the umpteenth time, and a broken record at that: We're to never speak about the Greengrasses again."
"When I'm not around, maybe," Pansy snorted at this before finishing her glass then pouring herself another set.
Blaise smiled darkly as he swirled the bottle around, the auburn liquid inside sloshing soundly. "I keep forgetting that one little rule, I suppose. But can you blame me? I would bet you a thousand galleons you'd be drinking the pain away if you were in my shoes."
Draco considered this. A part of him loathed how he might have agreed to it. Yes, he would down a few Firewhiskeys – even drink himself to death for it. But it was the coward's solution. No. If he were in Blaise's shoes, he'd pick the hell of himself up and move forward. It was the only way to punch what little emotion he had left. At times like this, love or whatever rubbish people consider relationships these days was completely out of the question.
If only they knew what was coming, they wouldn't even bother.
"Well, I certainly won't wallow in self-pity like you." Draco finally said, wisely putting his glass down. "So you loved the girl and she'd been sent off to marry another bloke. Grow the fuck up, Blaise. We're pure-bloods, and we don't always end up marrying the people we love. What did you expect? That Daphne would readily be available for you, especially at a time like this when a war's coming? Think for yourself, mate. Just grow the fuck up and move on."
"Well, I'm not like you." Blaise argued, slamming his bottle of Firewhiskey against the wooden table. "I don't give up on the people that I love, no matter how off my rocker you might think I sound. I'm not like you who have decided that your feelings are more important than others. I'm not like you who barely give the girl a warning about any sudden distance. And I'm certainly not like you because I, for once, have found someone worth fighting for and I know you have too – but you so blatantly pushed her away, thinking you don't deserve a shred of her care. Well, guess bloody what, mate—not everyone is out to hurt you, so maybe you should learn to grow the fuck up."
Draco was fuming. He knew he shouldn't be getting worked over what Blaise was saying. The only reason his friend had said those was because he was now drunk, slurring words he'd later regret. But the severity of his words made him feel sick. His heart sank at what he'd said, and yet, he refused to show any form of vulnerability.
"Take those bloody bottles away from him." He commanded darkly before scraping the back of his chair and heading off onto the bar where Madam Rosmerta was. He could hear Pansy complaining as he walked away, but eventually her voice was drowned by the sound of Blaise trying to steal his bottle back.
By the time that he'd arrived at the bar, he could already see Blaise sobering up as Pansy consumed the rest of the Firewhiskeys herself. Draco turned towards Madam Rosmerta who had just finished brewing a cauldron of butter beer. He brandished his wand out cautiously, careful not to let anyone see what he was about to do.
Then when the perfect opportunity came to light, he pointed the tip of his wand at the witch and whispered the same unforgivable curse he had cast on her not too many months ago, "Imperio."
The witch's eyes looked reproachfully misty as she walked towards Draco, having a far-off look on her face when she'd been near.
"Rosmerta, put this potion in one of your meads." Draco directed lowly as he pulled out a small vial from his jacket and cautiously smuggled it towards the witch.
The blonde witch nodded dreamily as she quickly stashed the vial under the bar.
"Have a bottle of mead given to the first Hogwarts professor you see come into your pub in the next hour or so with the contents of the vial in it." Draco said lowly as he stashed his wand away. "Put them under the Imperius curse and have them give it to Dumbledore as a prized gift."
Rosmerta nodded again just as the bells on the door jingled.
Draco drew himself away from the bar and was surprised to find that the booth where he, Blaise and Pansy had been drinking at was empty. When he peered through the window next to where they had sat, he immediately saw the ruckus from outside. Cursing under his breath, he left the pub with one large step after the other, stepping out into the cold of the afternoon.
The scene before the pub was the most typical Slytherin group one could ever come across.
Blaise had a terrible black eye bulging on his right all of a sudden, and he was being held back by Pansy who seemed to have more trouble with herself than with their friend. Then, with their backs turned on Draco, he recognized Theodore Nott being held back by none other than Daphne and Astoria Greengrass.
"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Draco yelled above the loud banter between the group that had already drawn so much attention to themselves.
Everyone within the small circle had stopped arguing when they saw Draco. Blaise still tried to fight under Pansy's grip. Theodore, however, had stopped struggling just as Astoria and Daphne had let him go. Draco briefly locked eyes with Astoria before moving towards the gap between the two sides.
"Blaise punched Theo!" Daphne exclaimed as she held on once more on Theo's arm. And obviously enough, Theo had a cut lip and a just-as-bulging black left eye. "You've got to bloody control that friend of yours, Malfoy!"
"He's his own bloody person, Greengrass." Draco hissed at her hotly. "I'm sure, unlike you, he's perfectly capable of handling his own affairs at a respectable manner."
"Don't you dare talk to my sister like that!" Astoria retorted at him, her small figure going on tip toes as she jabbed a finger at his chest. "You foul, arrogant—"
"Oi, back off, you filthy little blood traitor!" Pansy howled at Astoria as she finally let go of Blaise to have her go against the younger witch. Unfortunately, Blaise beat her to the punch of causing a scene by bolting straight for Theo after being released.
Daphne screamed when Theo charged at Blaise again, and the two Slytherins began their brawl; falling over onto the damp ground as they rolled on over at each other. Draco and Pansy ran after the two to stop their fighting and yet, before they could even reach them, a loud cry of "Immobulus" came from one of the Greengrasses.
A shot of light whizzed past them and onto Theo and Blaise, both now laying immobile on the streets of Hogsmeade in odd angles.
Draco turned to find that it was Astoria who had cast the freezing charm, her wand out and was now pointing it threateningly at him and Pansy.
Pansy brandished her own wand, and yelled, "Ex—"
But Pansy's wand had been disarmed with a wordless flick of Astoria's own.
This had Pansy standing still as though she'd been shot by the same spell as Theo and Blaise were.
Astoria now pointed her wand at Draco, her green eyes flaring with absolute repulse. Draco didn't even bother to bring out his wand; his arrogance banking on the wretched hope that she wouldn't attack him. Instead, he held his hands up, as if to call a small truce.
"Why you little—" Pansy started, finally shaking off her shock, but Draco held her back now.
"Stop it! Please! Can't you all see this has all gone far enough?!" Daphne shrieked, her voice trembling as she looked at the sight of Theo and Blaise, both bended quite awkwardly on the ground. Then she turned to her sister. "Tori, please stop."
"I'm having none of this!" Astoria raised her voice considerably, her wand still pointed at him. "Now, I want to make all of this very clear. All of you and you damn well better listen to me before I hex a bogey or something far worst and trust me when I say it won't be pleasant."
Pansy looked like she was about to say something, but Draco sent her a violent glare. She opened her mouth to protest, but closed it reluctantly whilst crossing her arms on her chest. Draco then turned to Astoria when he heard her go on.
"Daph, Pansy – I would like you two to please take Blaise and Theo to the hospital wing. I swear by Salazar Slytherin, if I find out that you two argued in the midst of this, I will both have your heads on a silver platter and served to the wolves at the next full moon." Astoria hissed at her sister and the pug-faced witch threateningly. To his utmost surprise, neither witches said anything.
Then his heart raced nervously when Astoria finally turned to face him.
"And you, Draco. I shall have a word with you. Alone." Astoria's voice seethed with venom. "I don't bloody care if you have this ludicrous pride of associating with a blood traitor. You'll have to chuck that blasted ego of yours down a notch for now. A word, wandless, if you please."
Draco scoffed at this, readying to take out his wand. She ought to speak for herself, considering she was the one that had a wand pointed at him. But for some reason, the unforgiving look in Astoria's once soft green eyes frightened him. He had never seen her so angry. Perhaps a number of few times when he's riled her up during their tutoring, but none so violently and without remorse the way she looked now. This caused him to withdraw any attempts in taking out his wand, but he did keep a tight grip on it; just in case.
He wasn't exactly surprised when everyone had gone silent and seemed to have taken Astoria's command into account. Astoria was four times as smart and powerful at hexes and jinxes than any of the people in the outrageous group that had formed. Everyone knew better—even Draco, much to his dismay—than to test her patience.
While Draco's never seen Astoria as mad as she was now, he wasn't an idiot to go against her current demands. She'd have him disarmed and then dreadfully put in a leg-locker curse before he could say Nox. The fact that she can do non-verbal spells before he could even master it seemed an impossible, but admirable feat to him.
Daphne and Pansy both silently walked up to Blaise and Theo, eventually casting the counter-curse before screeching at the growing crowd to scram. By the time the crowd had dispersed, the two witches, too nimble for the weight of both wizards, cast a levitation spell on the two Slytherin boys as they moved due North back to Hogwarts.
Astoria then pulled him to the side next to the Three Broomsticks, her wand nowhere to be seen in which at this, Draco's shoulders seemed to slacken in relief. And yet, the dangerous look on the Astoria's face didn't calm any of his senses. In fact, he was rather terrified.
"You ought to learn to control your friend, Draco." Astoria told him tersely, crossing her arms on her chest. "Blaise nearly killed Theo. We were perfectly fine walking about until he suddenly shows up, all in his drunken stupor and starts attacking Theo like an animal. I thought that you have at least had the decency of keeping Blaise at bay."
Draco's eyes flared, any fear of Astoria's anger melting away. "I'm not Blaise's keeper, for Merlin's sake. You can't expect me to be around him 24/7 before he does anything remotely idiotic as to smack the living daylights out of Nott. Besides, he wouldn't be acting this way if your wretched sister had just told him about her engagement."
"Oh, rubbish!" Astoria barked angrily. "Don't you dare blame this on Daphne! She's already warned Blaise about the taboo of it all. She's told him a thousand times that she can't, but your friend, ever so reluctant, continued to chase after her. Well, he's got his tail between his legs now, right? If anything, it's his bloody fault! He has no right to get mad at her when she's warned him so many times!"
"Then don't bloody blame it on Blaise, too!" Draco challenged fleetingly, loosening his grip on his wand now as he took a dangerous step forward, his face nearly inches from her. "The least Daphne should have done is tell him about the engagement! He would have rather accepted it hearing from her than being invited to your blasted gala and finding it out there, completely unprepared. Your sister's made a fool of him! So excuse me for thinking that your sister is a good for nothing whore who's done absolutely nothing but break hearts like some wretched bimbo!"
Astoria's eyes flared maddeningly as took him by the coat, shaking him terribly. "You take that back, Draco Malfoy! How dare you! She was trying to save him the trouble! Daphne begged mum not to invite Blaise. She couldn't bear seeing him there. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already has! She didn't ask for any of this!"
"Oh, how bloody honorable of her—"
"She loved him!"
"He loved her too!"
This seemed to silence both of them into shock. Astoria had let go of his coat carefully, her green eyes softening as she took a step back and tried to look anywhere but at him. Draco did just the same, taking a step back and slipping his hands in his coat's pockets awkwardly. Normally, he'd throw a retort or two at this point. He never did quite enjoy the brief silence after an argument. But he decided against saying anything else. The situation had gone far enough.
Draco knew for a fact that Blaise was mad for Daphne – but he'd never thought of Daphne's feelings towards Blaise in any way. Astoria must have been thinking the same thing, the way her face contorted in sheer confusion. It nearly drove him mad at how terribly this conversation was going. This was one of the many reasons why he thought it wise to avoid Astoria, or any of the Greengrasses, really. They do more damage than dragons ever could.
"Petty, isn't it?" Astoria asked in a small voice as she fidgeted with her fingers. "If they had just told each other how they felt…"
Draco nodded wearily. "That honestly would have saved us all the trouble."
Astoria hummed in agreement.
There was another round of silence, save for the sound of store bells ringing and people conversing as they went down the streets of Hogsmeade.
"I think it's best that they… never spoke again." Astoria said timidly, biting her bottom lip. "There's too much damage at the moment. And everyone's pressured, especially Daphne. It's only wise that we keep them apart."
"You, Astoria Greengrass, would keep apart what might have been a perfectly good relationship?" Draco asked, quirking his brow in surprise. "But I suppose it's only right. They'll only just hurt each other even more if they're together."
Astoria bobbed her head slightly, still not looking at him. "We have an agreement, then."
Draco opened his mouth to say something, though he was dreadfully unsure what. Everything that's transpired left an odd trail on them. He hasn't spoken with Astoria for months now. Though they have very brief encounters and slight glances, it never came close to a full conversation until now. Even at the Gala, when he had wanted to talk to her but decided against it. What good would it do to either of them? And like what Astoria had said; there's too much damage at the moment. He had a feeling she wasn't just referring to Blaise and Daphne.
But then, he caught himself saying, out of nowhere, "I can't tell you."
At this, Astoria finally looked up at him; her green eyes sparkling with confusion and pain. "Can't tell me what?"
"Why I decided to distance myself all of a sudden." He answered as he looked away from her then balled his hands into fists nervously in his pockets. "You wouldn't understand if I told you."
"Then help me understand." She told him softly, her voice trembling as he heard her take a few steps forward. "Draco, you… I didn't… I didn't know if I'd done something—"
"You didn't." Draco interrupted her a little harshly, getting angry with himself. How could Astoria possibly think all of it had been her fault?
"Is it because you're engaged to Pansy?" Astoria voice croaked, and he felt his heart sink at the sound of it. "If it is, then I perfectly understand. I didn't know you two were until Pansy told me in December, even more when your mother confirmed it last month. I'll gladly step out of the way, then. It's certainly not my place."
Draco bit the side of his cheek in anger.
"You just disappeared." Astoria sounded firmer now in spite of a few cracks here and there. Draco looked up to her helplessly. "I obviously don't know anything about… whatever had been happening between us. But I was quite sure everything was fine and then you were just gone all of a sudden. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I thought I'd done it again; that I'd scared someone away because of how I am. I just wish people like you could stop treating me like I never meant anything."
His grey eyes widened at this.
"Yes," Astoria nodded mournfully. "I know what you said to Daphne then you hexed her with boils when she hardly relented. You told her that I meant nothing to you."
"Astoria—"
"I thought that you would at least have the decency to tell me that yourself." He heard her choke, the light in her green eyes dying feverishly. "Now I know what Blaise feels. To not have the truth told but instead hearing it from somebody else. If people just told the truth…"
"You think everything would be solved if anyone ever told the truth, Astoria?" Draco couldn't help but cut her off as his entire body slacked, her naivety shocking him to anger. "Blaise and Daphne's condition is far different from our own. I can't tell you, and that's as final as anything. I'm not risking your life by telling you the truth. I'm trying to save you."
Astoria's eyes widened before she looked away meekly. "Yes, but the last time I checked, I never needed saving."
Draco opened his mouth to say something, anything. He hated himself for this moment, for not being able to defend himself. But it was better that way. It was better she didn't know anything. How could she think he was avoiding her for selfish reasons? Couldn't she see that if it had gone any further, she would have been a victim in the crossfire that was Voldemort? Can't she see what he's been going through?
Look at me. He wanted to scream at her desperately. It's killing me.
"Goodbye, Draco." was the last he heard of Astoria Greengrass before she disappeared out of sight.
A/N: It looks like this is the end for Draco and Astoria... for now. Of course, what's a fanfic without throwing in some full-on angst in there, yes? Don't worry, they'll be alright soon enough. But till' then, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. How did everyone feel about Blaise? How do you think Draco should tell Astoria about his Dark Mark, or not tell her at all? Please favorite/follow and leave a review! I love hearing your thoughts and I am always open for constructive criticism.
Happy Holidays, everyone! I'll see you all again in a week!
EMPG22HoPe