The Amazing Bouncing Dudley
By stealacandy
A/N: Yes, another one for the Random Pairing Generator. This one is: Dudley Dursely / Argus Filch / flying (No comment)
Disclaimer: The stunts in this feature were performed by unprofessionals, that's why it's called fanfiction. Still, don't try it at home. And if you do, don't blame me if you're squashy.
The Amazing Bouncing Dudley
By stealacandy
"Filthy students, always making mess for me to clean" complained Filch.
"But I'm not a student!" whined Dudley.
"You're not? Why so?"
"I can't do magic, I'm not like you, you, you freak!"
"Oh, you are a squib too? Wait, what did you call me? A freak? So you were making fun of me because I can't do magic? And calling me a freak, whaer do you come with that? Do I look like a freak to you? Just because I'm not a wizard doesn't mean I'm less a human being then you are. That would be two detentions for you - one for making all that mess - which you will be cleaning, mind you, and without magic, too, and another for insulting me. Hmmm... The fourth floor corridor, I could use some help with that. There's a broom closet with cleaning supplies at the end of the corridor, password is 'Mrs. Norris, you are so handsome!' Now go, and don't let me see you before the corridor - walls, floor, I'll let you off the ceiling, before they shine like new, understiood!"
"But-" began Dudley, only to be rudely interupted.
"No buts!" bellowed Filch, "Now you must do the ceiling too. Or would you prefer the rack?"
Dudley, wisely, decided to do the cleaning, rather than taking the torture. 'Besides, how hard can it be, really?' he thought to himself. After all, the freak did it since... forever.
Dudley watched a group of little freaks riding their broomsticks, trying to knock each other with a ball they kept batting at one another. He got an idea. He was bigger, stronger, and faster. He could show those little wannabe freakshow it's done - and knock some freak ass while at it, he didn't get to do that much lately like he used to.
He mounted the broom he was using to wipe the floor, jumped out of the window, and went flying...
From the fourth floor window, in a general direction of the ground, accelerating at 9 point something meters per second.
A/N: Do you think Dudly learned how to fly, children?
Does boouncing count?
-mo