Chapter Fourteen
About a week-and-a-half after I won, I was lying in bed next to Aaron, and staring at the ceiling in the pitch black. The LED light alarm clock numbers floated in the dark, as if suspended by some unknown force in the room. It was quite eerie.
Aaron was in a deep sleep; snoring up the room. Okay, not really snoring. More like light.. snore-ish noises.
I sighed and got out of bed, slipping my baggy white sweatshirt that was on the floor over my bra and panties. It said IGNORANCE on the front, and IS YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND on the back. Woo. Go Paramore.
I slid my feet into my slippers and grabbed my iPod, shuffling out of the room and closing my—our—bedroom door, and made my way to the very end of our hall, going into the spare bedroom. I reached above the door frame and pulled down the old black skeleton key, and unlocked the door to the attic, and closed the door behind me. I became engulfed in the darkness. Feeling around for the rail, I made my way up the wooden steps and into the large attic.
I crossed the floor, side-stepping random items, and pushed open the largest window. I inhaled the midnight air, and climbed out onto the flat roof.
Sitting down against the side of the house, I plugged my headphones into my iPod and hung them around my neck.
It started in the middle of a song, and I began to sing along as I tilted my head up, and looked around for the North Star.
"The rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself for years and years. She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath. She finally drank her pain away a little at a time, but she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind, until the night.. She put the bottle to her head and pulled the trigger, and finally drank away his memory. Life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees. We found her with her face down in the pillow, clingin' to his picture for dear life. We laid her next to him beneath the willow, while the angels sang a whiskey lullaby. La la la la la la la. La la la la la la la."
I rested my chin on my knees and wrapped my arms around myself while my body wracked with silent sobs. I didn't know why I was crying, but it felt good to get it out.
"This heart, it beats, beats for only you! My heart, my heart is yours," rang out into the silence from my headphones. This only made me cry harder.
I don't know how long I was on the roof, or how long I sobbed myself to death. It could have been minutes, hours, or years. I'm not sure. I just know that my sight was so blurry that the stars looked like little blobs of light.. Maybe like fairies..
I laughed at that thought, but the sound of the laugh wasn't pleasant.
I wiped my eyes and made my way back to the window, and crawled inside, latching the window tight.
Stepping over the random odds and ends once more, I made my way over to the stairs and traipsed down them, opening the attic door at the bottom. I closed it and locked it, replacing the key at the top of the frame.
When I got back into our room, Aaron was sitting up in bed. "Where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.
"I—" I sniffed and wiped my eyes again.
'What's wrong?" He was up and out of bed in record time, coming to a stop right in front of me.
"Nothing," I muttered, wiping my eyes continually.
Aaron put one hand on my shoulder, and the other on my cheek. "Why are you crying?"
"I'm fine," I whispered, sniffling. His large thumb wiped away a tear that I missed.
"No, you're not," he said, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me. I returned the gesture, burying my face into his white t-shirt, and heaved a sob. "Am I ever?" I asked quietly. I felt his hand go through my hair.
"Not really, but I love you anyway, babe. Now, will you tell me what's wrong?" He sounded worried. That made me feel even worse. I hate making him worry. That's all I seem to do nowadays.
I removed my face from his shirt and looked at him, searching his eyes for any sign of what was running through that mind of his. It was too dark to see anything except the shine of his golden brown eyes reflecting the light that was beginning to filter in through the windows.
Had I really been gone that long?
"I - I don't .. really know," I whispred. "I just decided to o outside, and I wound up crying." I decided against telling him about the attic. I'm not sure why; maybe in case.. No. Don't venture there. I could see him finding me sooner or later, spacing out at the stars.
"Is there any particular reason why?" His thumb brushed away another tear.
"No. I just needed a cry, I guess."
"Are you okay now?" I smiled a watery smile and nodded, standing on my tippy-toes and pressing my lips to his.
The kiss was slow, sensual. It filled me with the love he had for me through every crack and crevice inside and outside of me. It felt absolutely amazing.
When we separated for the much needed oxygen that filtered to our brains, I sighed happily.
We made our way back into the bed, and I curled up next to him, half on and half off of his chest. My head rose and fell with each breath that filled his lungs, and it was a consoling movement.
Aaron began to mindlessly play with my long brown curls - which I loathed with a fiery passion from hell - and trailed the other finger down my arm and back up it. "You're so pretty," he mumbled. I wasn't even sure I had heard it. I decided to respond anyway while I drew meaningless patterns on the lower part of his stomach.
"Not really."
"Aaron, you're blind." I drew circles and zig-zags, my finger leaving little dips in his shirt wherever it went.
"No, you're the blind one." His finger twirled around in my hair, and then I felt a curl boing as he pulled his finger away.
"No I'm not.I see myself clearly." I closed my eyes.
"Then what do you see?" I could hear his voice reverbrate through his chest.
"I see a short girl, who isn't skinny enough. I see a girl who needs a completely new face. I see a girl who is just one big flaw." Aaron didn't say anything for a moment; he just played with my hair some more.
"What you see is wrong. All wrong," he finally said, breaking the silence. "Yeah, you're short, but it makes you even cuter when you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss me. You don't need to lose any weight. None at all. I love your body." He trailed a finger along my jawline. "And you're.. absolutely.." He seemed to be searching for a word. "You're the most beautiful and prettiest girl in the whole world, Caitlin."
Immediately, I felt tears spring to my eyes. "Really?" I asked quietly, stopping the drawing I was doing on his stomach.
"Of course. I wouldn't lie to you about something like that." He quickly caught what he had said. "I wouldn't ever lie to you."
"I try not to," I said, resuming my doodling.
We were silent for a while, and I started to doze off.
"Caitlin?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smiled. "I love you too, Aaron."
Not soon after, I fell asleep, lulled by the light movement of Aaron's chest, and his words floating through my head.
* * *
When I woke up, the sun was gone, and the sound of rain pitter-pattered against my window. I was alone, with my face down in the pillow. "Aaron?" No answer.
Sitting up, I stretched. I realized I was still in pretty much just a hoodie, but I decided that I didn't give a damn. I got up and slowly made my way downstairs, all the while wiping sleep from my eyes and clutching to the side-rail for dear life.
Aaron was in the kitchen again. Oh no. Last time he was in there alone, we had olives on the ceiling.
I stopped with my hand on the kitchen door when I heard voices coming from the other side. Who could be here?
"I'm pregnant, Aaron," A voice said. A voice I didn't recognize. My heart spasmed and I sucked in a breath.
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah. I'm positive. Pardon the pun." He chuckled darkly. "I'm scared, Aaron."
"I know you are." I could hear a chair scoot across the floor. "It's okay to be scared."
"I just don't want them to kick me out or anything.. Then they'll be alone with them.."
"Jessi," Aaron started, and I released the breath I was holding. He continued," If they kick you out, you can come live with me and Caitlin."
"Speaking of her, how's she doing? Last you told me, she'd just gotten out of the hospital."
"She's doing great." He sighed. "But I'm still worried." My heart clenched.
"Why?"
"Last night, I woke up, and she wasn't in the bed. I could hear noises.. that sounded like they were coming from outside. It sounded like someone was crying." He heard me? Who else had heard me? "She finally came back into the room.. and she was crying. I don't think she cut herself or anything.. I mean, she was wearing white.. I would have seen it, right?"
"Probably," Jessi said. "But she loves you, Aaron. She wouldn't do something like that again."
"I hope so."
There was a moment of silence, and I decided to make my entrance then.
Pushing open the door, I tripped on Lord knows what, and went sprawling onto the floor. I heard Aaron try and stifle a laugh, and Jessi gasp. I lifted my right arm and waved somewhat.
"Hi, Jessi."
"Are you alright?" she asked, coming to help me.
I pried my face off the linoleum, and I met Jessi's worried eyes. "I'm fine, I'm fine! This is the usual way I enter the kitchen. Any other way would probably signal the Apocalypse." I laughed. Aaron rolled his eyes. I glared at him.
He sighed. "Are you okay?" he asked, still snickering.
I picked up a shoe off the floor and threw it at his head, and smiled sweetly. "Now I am."
Jessi just looked back and forth from me to Aaron, like it was a tennis match. "You two.. are really weird."
I sat up and dusted myself off. "Yeah, we know and embrace it." I pulled myself up and went to sit on Aaron's lap. "So, how're you this.." I surveyed the light through the windows. "This muggy afternoon?" She laughed, and I smiled.
"I'm doing great. I just found out I'm about three months pregnant, though."
"You happy about that?" I rested my head against Aaron's shoulder and played with his fingers.
"I'm elated." She smiled, and her eyes glistened.
Jessi didn't look as Mexican as Aaron did, although I say they look nearly alike. She had blonde hair and blue-ish eyes. She seemed to be maybe 5'6 or 5'7, and she was really pretty.
"I love babies," I told her, wrapping my legs around one of Aaron's. "Although I don't think I'm getting one any time soon."
"You got that right," Aaron said, resting his chin on my shoulder. "I don't mind them, but I honestly don't think we need another person in the house for a while, you know?"
"I never said we needed one now."
"You two are really .. You sound like an old married couple."
"Old?" I squeaked. "We aren't old!"
"I may not be, but you are," Aaron said, laughing at my outburst.
"WHO'S THE SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD, AND WHO'S THE SIXTEEN YEAR OLD, EH?!" I yelled, smacking him upside the head.
He sighed. "You're the sixteen year old, I'm the seventeen year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it."
Jessi just stared at us.
I started giggling and Aaron rolled his eyes again. "Ignore her," he said to Jessi, putting a hand over my mouth. I licked his hand. He ignored me. "It's how i deal with her."
"You're so mean," she said, laughing. Checking her watch, she jumped up, nearly knocking over the chair she was sitting in. "I have to get to work! I forgot!"
"You must be where I get the forgetfullness from, Jessi," Aaron said, releasing my mouth.
"Nah. You're just dumb," I said, patting him on the head.
"Once again, you're mean, Aaron," she laughed, and leaned in, kissing his cheek, and then kissing mine. Next thing I knew, she was gone. I turned to look at Aaron.
"She looks exactly like you."
"No she does not."
"Yes she does."
"Doesn't."
"Does."
"Doesn't."
"Doesn't."
"Does."
"HAHA!"
"HEY! You used that stupid reverse psychology on me. Again," Aaron said, flicking me in the head.
"If it's so stupid, why'd it work?" I grinned, moving to sit across from him.
".." He narrowed his eyes.
"No, we don't."
"Yeah, you do. If we shaved her head, or gave you a blonde wig, you two would be twins!"
"Excuse me?"
"What?" I blinked.
"BLONDE WIG?"
"You'd look sexy."
"I give up!" he shouted, stalking into the living room. I burst into hysterics at Aaron's outburst, and followed him into the living room after regaining my composure. He was flipping through the TV channels mindlessly, so I moved in front of the TV.
"You make a better door than you do a window," he said, continuing to press the channel up button.
I moved closer to him and he looked up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes.
"..Whatcha doin'?" he asked, reaching around me to mute the TV.
"Doesn't look like nothing," he muttered, pulling me onto his lap. I smirked and kissed him, giggling slightly. "You're so strange," he mumbled against my lips.
"You like it," I replied, pushing closer to him and putting my hands on his waist, digging my fingers into his hips.
"That may be so.." He couldn't reply any further, for I had rendered him incapable of speech.
* * *
I picked up Aaron's hand and turned it over, tracing the lines in his palm with my fingers that looked like a child's compared to his own.
"Why do you find my hands so fascinating?" he asked. I could feel his bare chest vibrate against my naked back.
"I dunno.. They just are." I rested my head back on his chest and looked up at him. He looked kind of odd upside-down. "I like big fingers," I whispered, and giggled when his eyes widened.
"So you're only dating me for my hands, eh?"
"Oh, definitely. That, and the rest of your probing extremities." He tickled my sides and I laughed.
"I'm only dating for your laugh."
"Of course! My only redeeming quality!"
"Yeah, other than your everything else," he mumbled into my neck.
"Baah," I said, closing my eyes and tilting my head back as far as I could.
"You're gorgeous. Stop denying it."
"You win.. for now."
I could feel the smirk cross his lips, seeing as they were pressed against my neck.
During a moment of silence while Aaron pressed light, tender kisses to my neck, I began to doze off.
"Caitlin?" he said quietly between kisses.
"Mmmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Aaron."
* * *
"Hey Aaaaronnn?" I called, drawing his name out.
"Yessss?" he replied, sticking his head into the kitchen where I was playing with my laptop.
"I have an idea of what we can do today."
"Oh, no," he said with a smirk on his face. "You've been thinking."
I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue. "Bite me."
"That can be arranged." He smirked evilly, and I had a flashback of him biting my ass on the stairs. "Anyhow, what's your idea?" I blinked.
"Right.. Sorry; spacing out." I shook my head, and again, he laughed at me. "I thought that today, since it's a teacher in-service day, that we could take a bunch of pictures in random places." Aaron acted like he was pondering that fact.
"Pictures of..?" He tilted his head to the side and I giggled.
"Of us, silly!"
"Hmm.. maybe the school?" His eyes widened.
"But we hate that place."
"Maybe, yes, but the front of the school with all the stairs - which I have fallen down a few times - and the ramps and the rails makes for good pictures.."
"Okay, okay, I get it!" he laughed.
"YAY! I need to get dressed." I flew past Aaron and up to our room.
"What's wrong with what you're wearing now?!" I was in a skimpy tanktop and shorts.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I shouted, digging around for my white and purple layered tanktops. "Maybe for working on a street corner, yeah, but not going outside and taking pictures!"
"On a street corner?" Aaron asked from behind me, and I jumped. I then ignored him, looking for some of my old flare jeans.
I pulled out four pairs that were absolutely riddled with holes. I turned to aaron, who had been gazing off in the direction of my booty-short-clad butt. "Which pair?"
"Try them on?" I rolled my eyes and tried on each pair. He finally chose a light blue pair that had holes in the knees and in the butt, with bleach spots all over, curtosey of myself.
"Hair up or down?"
"Down." I could see him behind me in the mirror.
"Curly or straight?" I pawed through my evil hair.
I felt a curl on the back of my head boing, and Aaron whispered in my ear, "I like it curly," and I shivered.
After quickly applying make-up, I turned to Aaron and slowly turned in a full circle. "So? You liiiiike?"
His eyes trailed my every movement, taking in everything from my eyebrow ring to following the chain that led down into my shirt with his eyes.
"You should dress like this more often." I beamed. "You look amazing." He smiled lightly, and I blushed and thanked him.
While trying to tie my purple converse, I asked Aaron to go get the camera out of the kitchen.
I could hear him leave, and clomp down the stairs.. and then I heard a loud clatter and Aaron swear. I'm assuming he accidentally opened the cupboard that we had shoved all of the pots and pans into.
I ran down the stairs and found Aaron trying to cram the pots back into the cupboard.
"Having issues?"
"GAH!" All the pans came back out and crashed into an even worse mess than before at his feet.
"Honey," I laughed, pulling out the camera, "give it up."
"Stupid fucking stuff!"
I snapped a picture, and he glared.
"You love me," I countered, smiling sweetly.
"Beh."
I grabbed his arm. "Come on!"