A/N - So the end is near and it's just how the both of them get there. I do hope you enjoy this chapter and as promised no cliffhanger here.
My Future in Your Hands
Today, the world was just an address
A place for me to live in
No better than alright
But here you are,
And what was just a world is a star
Tonight
West Side Story
She knows she should be resting, building up her strength for the last chemoradiation treatment even though with her infection, it will have to be postponed indefinitely. But Quinn had texted, four words that made her heart leap with joy. 'I'm coming back tonight'. So sleeping really wasn't an option as she bullied her dad into playing gin rummy with her to keep her occupied as she waited for Quinn to show up.
She had decided what she wanted to do, after going over the situation repeatedly in her mind. Rachel finally understood that she needed to address the situation head on. She was going to tell Quinn how she felt and that she wasn't expecting anything in return except her friendship. She had weighed not saying anything in order not to jeopardize their new found status as friends. She knew of Quinn's deeply religious background and was worried that the woman would not accept her or her feelings.
However, Rachel Berry was not someone who could hide her emotions and in this instance, she didn't really want to. She just needed a plan. Something well thought out that would take into considerations any contingencies and all the different possibilities of Quinn's reactions to her words. She has a list in her head of words she should avoid, words like gay and love and forever or any combination thereof, words that would definitely scare Quinn Fabray. To be absolutely honest, the words scare her as well but it was a good kind of scary, not cancer kind of scary.
She still remembers what it was like in High School but now, those experiences seem further away, overtaken by the fact that she feels safe and protected when Quinn is around. She wants to analyze her feeling logically, to ensure that she's not feeling beholden to Quinn because she's her doctor but everything is so tied together. Quinn's promise to her and the conviction in her voice, the fact that for the past ten weeks, she had done everything she had said she would and more.
Rachel's fighting sleep but she suddenly feels so tired. The soft kiss on her forehead reminds her of another although the voice telling her to rest is her father's as she falls into sleep, wishing to hear a different voice.
#$#$#$
The plane landed a bit over an hour ago and instead of going home like any sane person would, Quinn rushes to the hospital. She rationalizes her decision in her mind as the right one as she can have a shower there and change into scrubs. Most importantly, she would be able to keep her promise to Rachel. She has to remind herself that Rachel is her patient and her friend.
She touches her cross, knowing that her feelings are not right in the eyes of her religion and that she may be stepping over her professional line as well and it does give her pause. What she realizes is the fact that she needs to be Rachel's doctor first, to ensure that she received the best possible treatment and knowing that she did so because she cared for her deeply was something that she had to keep to herself.
It wouldn't detract her from spending time with the brunette or being there for her as much as she would allow. Quinn just had to hide her feelings away, keep her emotions in check. She just really needed to see Rachel tonight.
#$#$#
Quinn sees the two men talking quietly outside Rachel's room, immediately recognizing them as Rachel's dads from graduation. They had been so proud, beaming when Rachel's name had been announced, their faces falling only when the sound system crackled back to life and started listing all of their alternative names for Rachel. She hadn't cried or run off though, instead, she had held her head high, collected her diploma and left for New York soon after.
Guilt washes over her as she approaches them, "Excuse me, my name is Dr. Quinn Fabray. I use to go to school with Rachel and I'm currently her primary care physician." She sees some recognition on their faces but is surprised not to see any anger.
"Yes, you used to be in Glee Club together. She always had such fun there." Quinn can tell that he wants to say more, that he remembers that Rachel didn't really have a good experience in high school except when she was performing. "So you're a doctor now, Rachel always said you'd do well." They had loved Rachel from the first moment they set eyes on her.
Always wanting the best for their little girl and it hurt him to see her struggle through school not because of her abilities but because she didn't always fit in. He had tried to always be there for her, asking her to confide in him but she never did tell him everything, even trying to hide her stained clothes or explain away the reason behind changing her outfits in one day.
Deep down, he doesn't know if this woman before him had been one of the people that made Rachel's life difficult but right now, she's the one who can hopefully cure his daughter. "Please, how is she? Is she going to be ok? My…mother and brother both..they both had cancer." He feels his husband's hand take his, pulling him closer into a hug as his voice breaks.
Quinn sees the love between them and it's natural and beautiful, so very different from the façade her parents had. She can't recall a time when her dad would hold her mom without making a comment belittling her in some obtuse way. She never really had a template for love in the Fabray family and this exposure is so new to her. Her father would label it unnatural and wrong but for the life of her, she cannot see anything wrong with the two men before her. All she can see is their love for each other.
She looks down at Rachel's chart in her hand before speaking, "Her fever is under control and her lungs are recovering. Her white blood cell count is too low for our liking and it means we need to reduce external exposure. Gloves and masks for all visitors and shortened visiting hours. She's strong though." Quinn smiles, remembering the fact that Rachel never broke, despite all the challenges she faced, she never broke. She sees the two men nod at her statement before telling her the one thing that she was so hoping to hear.
"She was waiting for you. She didn't want to go to sleep." He holds his husband tighter, knowing that the both of them blame themselves for Rachel's current condition. He also knows a bit about Quinn Fabray, Not everything but enough to know that she was never friends with Rachel in high school although something seems to have changed from his daughter's demeanor.
Tina's impromptu song and Rachel's talk with him all highlighted that his daughter considered Quinn Fabray special. She always had a big heart and he cannot bear to see her hurt even though she's not his little girl any more. He wants to trust her judgment but he also needs to give Quinn a warning.
"Don't hurt her." The word again is left unspoken although the young doctor looks him straight in the eye and does not blink, a silent understanding passing between them, before she enters Rachel's room.
#$#$#$
She hasn't sleep in over two days, her emotions have been on a roller coaster, fear and worry mingled with surprise and acceptance of new possibilities. Quinn adjusts her mask as she looks at Rachel asleep in the bed. If she were being objective, she would see that the diva had lost weight and her hair was not as lustrous as before. She was also too pale, her skin tone so different from the healthy caramel glow.
However, Quinn cannot be objective here, especially since just being in the same room as Rachel is making her feel happier than she has been feeling since she got off the plane. She checks the IV and looks at the chart monitoring Rachel's vitals, grateful that nothing had occurred when she had not been here.
The impetus to touch Rachel is there but she does not follow through, Rachel's dad's words still echoing in her mind. She had really hurt Rachel and it wasn't always in the past as she recalled their fight in her office. She had seen the look on Rachel's face when she called her Treasure Trail and told her about Dave.
Quinn knows that she still had the power to hurt Rachel and try as she might, she wasn't sure if she could promise never to do so again. She really wanted to but in the end, she would never be certain.
"You're thinking too loudly." Rachel's soft voice flows over her, soothing her troubled thoughts.
She had hoped to see Quinn and had to blink a few times to check that the doctor was really in her room, seemingly lost in thought. She sees Quinn eyes flicker up to meet hers and Rachel holds the gaze, taking in how tired and forlorn she looks but also admitting to herself that Quinn looks beautiful regardless.
"I didn't mean to wake you." Quinn pulls a chair by the bed and looks down at her clasped hands in her lap. "How are you feeling?"
Rachel promised herself that she would be honest tonight and that she needed to take the chance, "Better now that you're here." She searches Quinn's face for a reaction and sees her ears and top of her cheeks tinge red as she continued to look down at her hands. Rachel remembers her list and takes a deep breath before preparing to launch into the speech she had primed in her head, only to stop when she sees Quinn quickly stand up and turn around, her hands wrapped around her middle. "Quinn?"
Quinn hears Rachel say her name and her resolve nearly comes undone but she needs Rachel to be ok here, she needs to be her doctor first. "I have to tell you something." She finally turns around to see Rachel looking at her, her eyes expectant. "I don't want to hurt you." Rachel eyes widen but she does not interrupt.
"I want to be your doctor and your friend and I don't want to hurt you." Quinn knows she's not really making much sense and is relieved to see Rachel not saying anything as yet, allowing her to say what she needs. "Only, I don't have a great track record of doing that, do I?" it's a rhetorical question although she does see Rachel open her mouth as she arches her eyebrow.
"Quinn, I." She sees the look of determination on Quinn's face and she stops.
"We need to get you well and back on stage where you belong." She wants to say so much more, to tell Rachel that she needs to do this on so many levels; all her emotions intertwined with her sense of duty. "I need you to get better first." As always with Quinn, what she doesn't say is just as important as what she does.
Rachel can see Quinn struggling with her words, as if she had so much more to say but could not articulate it eloquently enough for her to understand. "I want…" 'you' The word is on the tip of Rachel's tongue. But she sees Quinn struggling and it breaks her heart to want to add to her load.
"I want to get better too. This inactivity and force confinement all day and not talking is really overrated. I am incredibly ready to push forward and fight this. Fight for this." She stresses the last few words and sees Quinn finally breathe out as if relieved. Rachel looks away then, not wanting Quinn to see the sheen of tears forming in her eyes. She had finally said it though, hoping that Quinn picked up on her words. She truly hopes that Quinn can divine the meaning of them.
Quinn does not realize she's holding her breath until Rachel speaks and even then, Rachel finally looks away. She had promised herself that tonight would be the start of something different and so far, she hasn't really been able to express what she needs to. In the end, she realizes that she's always been better with showing what she wants than just talking as compared to Rachel.
Rachel's eyes widen as she sees Quinn step towards her, bending down as their foreheads touch and she sees Quinn's eyes close as their breaths mingle. She feels the soft touch of Quinn's lips on her cheek before the doctor pulls back their gazes locked onto each other, both realizing that they've forged a different connection tonight, one that they're not ready to verbalize but a connection nonetheless.
End Pt 14
So, three more chapters to go. I am enjoying writing this and I do believe I will be sad when it ends too. I feel like writing slower so it won't end so quickly!