Surviving on Your Own

Midnight Snack

My chest is sore. My space heart is trying to tell me something, but I can't decipher what it is. I rub my palm in circles over my heart. I need to focus on the meeting taking place around me. Somebody wants one of our resource satellites for some reason or other. This is where running a business becomes political. Sure, I can sell the rights to the mine the satellite to the highest bidder, but then how will places like Africa, L2, or another poor nation get the resources they so desperately need. And they need it to bring themselves out of economic strife more than America or China does. They just want to keep their pockets fat, and the wealth of their nations growing. And sure WEI donates to many charity's across Earth and space, but a satellite could really improve things.

Relena smirks at me from across the table. I smile back. She advocating for this particular satellite to go to L2, and so do I. But politics is a dicey, vindictive game. I so don't envy her for going that route. But being on the business side of things isn't much more fun. And of course we can't just give away our satellites. Nooo, the board members would flip and toss me out of my office. They have the power to get rid of me if I try to do anything that would involve giving the mining rights away for no profit in return.

Our little meeting ends with no results, we'll have to meet again later in the week and hope we can come to a compromise. God, I fucking hate this job. Everyone leaves the conference room, and I see Relena with some of her guards. She appears to be waiting for me. I can feel her happiness wash off of her and into me, it makes the ache in my chest less severe.

"Hello Quatre," she smiles at me.

Again I smile back, "Miss Relena, how are you?"

"Good, very good. And yourself?"

"I'm fine," I answer.

We begin to walk through corriders as we continue talking. "It's so good to see you again. I worry about how you boys are adjusting to peace time." And by "boys" she means the other former pilots, myself included.

"I think I'm adjusting well," except for the fact that I might have a gambling problem, but I don't tell her that.

"What about the others?" She asks.

I reply in all honesty, "I don't know, we haven't kept in touch."

She seems shocked by this. "Not even with Trowa?"

"Wha - no, not even with him." I know I look surprised by her statement, and my voice sounded nervous even to me. Why does hearing his name make my heart thud and hurt more. *Beacuse you lo-* Shut up! "Why do you ask?" Great, I still sound pathetically nervous, almost scared.

She's blushing and touching her cheek, "Well, I just thought, um, you know ."

"No I don't know," I say, indignantly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I just thought there was, you know, something there between you two, more than friendship," she apologizes and actually looks embarrassed. Good, she shouldn't assume such things. *But it's - * I said shut up!

"It's fine," I huff out. Quickly changing the subject I ask, "How's Heero? Last I heard he was working for you."

Relena sighs softly, "He left some time ago. He trained my new security detail, though." She gazes around the elevator we're in as if looking for something. A slight frown graces her face as she speaks on, "I worry about him most. He has a hard time with people, you know? He can be very off putting and I'm sure it's not intentional. I think he subconsciously isolates himself from others." Yeah, I can see that. And "off putting" is the nice way of saying it.

I ask, "Do you know where he went?"

"Yeah, he's working for the Preventers on L1. He didn't just run off and disappear this time. He told me when he was leaving. That was a nice change from him just vanishing in the night," she laughs." I told him to call me if he ever just wants someone to talk to. Maybe I should call and check up on him." She seems sad, but I think we both know Heero is a difficult person to stay in contact with.

Closing my eyes and smiling softly I ask, "You miss him a lot, don't you?" I don't really need her confirmation, I can feel her concern and yearning. She really is a great girl, I wonder why he didn't stay with her.

She answers me as we step out of the lift and walk through the lobby, "Of course I do. I care for him greatly. I care for you all so much. I owe my eternal gratitude to you pilots for bringing the Earth and Colonies to peace." She beams a lovely grin at me, but it faults and turns into a frown. "But I am surprised and slightly disappointed that you're not in contact with them. You guys should stick together and be there for each other."

Yeah, maybe we should be, but that's not how it is unfortunately. "Yeah, funny thing about that is, I'm pretty sure I know where the all are. But I still haven't called or emailed or anything," I admit. But hey, it's not like they've tried to get in contact with me either.

"So where do you think they are?" She asks.

"Well you just told me where Heero is. I'm pretty sure Wufei is with the Preventers in Brussels still. I think Duo is working with Hilde Schbeiker on L2. Trowa, well I can't see him anywhere else but the circus he travels with." Ouch, saying his name hurts more than hearing it. *That's because you - * I fucking said SHUT UP!

We approach her limo and we hug. With our embrace still intact she says, "Well, I hope you call them soon, and good luck with everything." She lets me go and climbs into the limo.

"You too Miss Relena, take care." She smiles and then her guards enter the limo and they're gone. I head to my own limousine and head back to the estate.

As soon as I arrive I head to my room. I just want to be alone. Relena put a lot of unwelcome thoughts in my head. I just want to play poker and forget about the day.

Last week I upgraded from beating thousands of dollars to ten thousands of dollars. I was up 55.5k and then I lost it, plus another 30k. I really shouldn't be spending my money like this, the company's money. But fuck it, no one has noticed yet and they probably wont ever. We've got too much doe for them to notices a few grand gone. It's like a hundred billion dollar I can stop at anytime.

Motherfuck, I just lost another twenty five thousand. What's wrong with me? I'm usually such a better player than this. Ha, Quatre Raberba Winner gets butt hurt when he doesn't win. Oh, the irony. I need food. I've hardly eaten all day.

Making my way downstairs and into the kitchen, I rifle through the cabinets for something easy to make. Something I can nuke in the microwave. I want to get back to playing another round as soon as possible. Hm, Top Ramen, I guess it'll do. But instead of putting it in the microwave I boil it on the stove.

Suddenly, I realize I'm not alone. It's almost one thirty in the morning, who else could be up? Looking over my shoulder I see a sleepy Kenta. I sigh in relief. He's just one of the too many servants living here on the estate. He's a young guy, just a little older than me. His mother has been working here since before I was born.

"Mister Winner, what are you doing up at this hour?" He yawns, running a hand through his short brown hair.

I chuckle, "Oh, just having a midnight snack. What about you?"

"Me too," he says with a grin and his eyes half closed.

He snags a bowl of grapes from the fridge and comes to stand beside me. He munches on the fruit and I stare at the boiling pot on the stove, willing it to cook my food faster. Kenta's shoulder rests against mine. What the hell is he doing? Looking over towards him, he appears to be half asleep while chewing on a grape. I can sense his exhaustion, but I also feel something else coming for him, but I don't know what it is.

His head rolls to face my face, and he lazily opens his eyes, pinning me with a lascivious gaze. He has pretty green eyes. *But they aren't the most beautiful you've seen* says my space heart. Shut up, I whisper mentally. We stare at each other and my heart beats viciously in my chest cavity.

Suddenly, his mouth is on mine, and oh, it's amazing. My flesh heats up like and inferno and my every pour sings. We open our mouths and our tongues meet, sliding against each other. He tastes of grapes of course, and I drown in the flavor. This is wrong, I shouldn't do this. But I can't stop. My arms wrap around his neck as his fold over my waist. He nibbles on my bottom lip, and fuck this feels too good to be wrong!

He groans into my mouth. My eyes snap open. I freeze. I shove him back away for me. I must have an angry scowl on my face because he looks scared shitless.

"Fo-forgive me, Mister Wi-Winner! I - I - I shouldn't have done that!" He stammers out and flees the kitchen. No, you shouldn't have! I'm shaking with fury, and I don't know if I'm pissed off with myself or him. *You're angry with yourse-* SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

I take a few minutes to regain my composure. I don't feel like eating now, and my ramen looks like mush. I turn the stove off, not caring to clean up after myself, I quickly make my way back to my room.

Hey I know I've made Q-ball a lil schizo by having him talk to his space heart, but I think it's funny. Enjoy.