Chapter 14

Thranduil knocked on his son's door and was not surprised when he was met with silence. He debated on knocking again but decided to open the door anyway. He knew Legolas was not likely going to invite him in. As soon as he stepped into the small sitting room he could hear his son weeping from the adjoining bedchamber. It made him feel physically ill; he had wanted so much to shield his children from the horrors of war. But he knew that was impossible. He stopped for a moment and closed his eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to prepare himself for what may come. He reached out and quietly opened the ornate door and let himself in. Legolas was curled into a compact ball on his bed, his slim frame shaking with each sob that tore through it.

"Iôn?" Thranduil called softly as he sat down beside him on the bed.

Legolas did not seem to realize he was there until he reached out and gently placed a hand between his shoulder blades. He gasped and turned his head to look at his father with tear stained blue eyes.

"Come here, Legolas," Thranduil commanded gently, holding his arms open to him.

"No."

"Please," Thranduil bid him as he reached out and caressed the back his son's golden head.

Legolas shook his head again and maneuvered away from him. "No."

"Please, son," Thranduil begged him, reaching out once more in an attempt to hold his child, "I know it hurts."

"Leave me alone," Legolas snapped and roughly shoved his father's hands away from him.

Thranduil blinked, startled and hurt at the forceful reaction. Camthalion had warned him that Legolas was acting strangely but he had not expected it to be this severe or aggressive. He sighed and wiped his hand over his face wearily. He watched his son's pain filled face for a moment. The horrible sobs had stopped and now Legolas laid curled in on himself staring blankly at the wall as noiseless tears slowly fell from his eyes and disappeared onto the quilt. Thranduil decided it was best to leave him as he wished. Perhaps after he had some time to grieve alone he would accept what little comfort he could offer him. He stood and watched him for another long moment before leaning down and grabbing the folded blanket at the end of the bed. He quietly draped it over his son before pressing a light kiss to his temple.

"Don't," Legolas said bitterly, sounding exhausted.

"I will check on you again later," Thranduil quietly told him before turning and leaving him alone as he had wished.

Legolas let out a relieved sigh when he heard the door softly click shut. He turned his face into his mattress and began to sob earnestly once more.

Thranduil stood in the sitting room just outside the door and listened to Legolas start to cry again. It hurt him beyond words to know his child was in such pain and there wasn't anything he could say or do to take it away. Even worse, Legolas wouldn't even allow him to attempt to ease some of his grief. He had never before felt so distant and helpless. He closed his eyes and focused on the fëa bond he and Legolas shared. It was so clouded with pain that Thranduil drew a sharp breath. He fought the tears that flooded his vision. He wished with all his being he could ease his son's suffering. He would do anything but he had no idea what that could be. He took another shuddering breath and blinked back his tears before once again donning the indifferent mask of the Elvenking while the father in him was anything but.

Camthalion pushed the meat pie around on his plate. For once, he had no appetite. He felt sorrow not only for the loss of Sellion but also for the devastating effect it was having on his brother. He was worried, especially after Thranduil had told him how Legolas had reacted to his presence in his chambers. The Dining Hall was almost silent. The only sound was the family's occasional, quiet small talk and the scraping of cutlery as they forced themselves to eat the meal that was served. He placed a small bite in his mouth and mechanically started to chew. His eyes glanced yet again across the table at his younger brother's usual seat. It felt so quiet and empty; he would even welcome Legolas's unpredictable behavior.

"I am going to place Legolas and Valen on a week's leave, Adar," he said, breaking the silence, "I don't think either of them will be able to perform their duties."

"That is well within your authority to do so if you think it best," Thranduil told him as he emptied his wine glass, "But I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is going to take both of them some time to get through this tragedy."

Camthalion nodded, glad that he and his father were thinking alike on the delicate matter.

"I will go to see Sellion's adar and naneth tomorrow morning," Amoniel announced softly, "Do you think Legolas would want to join me?"

"I'm not sure," Thranduil told her, "He doesn't seem to want to be around anyone presently. I would not be surprised if he refuses."

Amoniel nodded. "I can understand that," she said, "But I will ask him anyway in the morning. He may feel differently then."

Thranduil nodded and then pushed away his half eaten dinner. "I think I will check on him again," he said, unable to stay away any longer. The past few hours had been long and difficult as he had had a hard time focusing on his work and his thoughts had constantly strayed to Legolas.

He quietly made his way back to his son's rooms and again was met with silence when he knocked on the door just as he had earlier that afternoon. When he entered the sleeping chamber he noticed the fire was low and the room dark and cold. In the dim light, he could make out Legolas's huddled sleeping form on his bed, seemingly unmoved in the hours since he had left him there. The tray of food and wine he had sent to his son's room was untouched, sitting on the bedside table. Thranduil walked over to the fireplace and built up the fire, trying to get some light and warmth back into the room. As he approached the bed he noticed his son's breaths were slow and deep. He reached out to move the hair from his face and frowned when he felt warm, clammy skin. He let his hand linger for a moment. Legolas seemed fevered and flushed, unlike what he should have been considering how cold the room was and he was uncovered. The fire steadily grew from the fireplace, allowing Thranduil to see his Legolas's face better. He looked ill and miserable. As he attempted to pull on the bed covers so that he could cover Legolas, his son began to fitfully stir. He eyes slowly opened, blinking blearily at dim light. Thranduil braced himself for sharp words and rough hands pushing him away. But instead, Legolas only looked at him through glassy eyes.

"I came to check on you," Thranduil told him softly.

Legolas said nothing and only nodded after a long moment's pause. His eyes shifted slowly as he watched his father retrieve a sleep tunic from the wardrobe.

"Here," Thranduil said as he took his hand and gently pulled him into a sitting position and placed the sleep tunic in his hands, "Ready yourself for sleep."

Legolas said nothing and continued to watch Thranduil as he took the uneaten dinner tray to the door and called for a servant. When he came back into the room empty handed only a moment or two later he saw that Legolas still hadn't moved.

"Legolas...Legolas," he repeated loudly when he received no response. Finally, Legolas slowly turned his head and made eye contact with him. He slowly raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Come now, it's time to get ready for sleep."

Legolas nodded lazily. But instead of doing as his father had bid he closed his eyes and relished the elevated sensations the powder was bringing him. He felt completely numb, just as he had longed to feel, a welcome relief from reality. Thranduil pulled the heavy quilts and sheets down from the bed before turning to his son again and saw that Legolas had not even started to undress.

"Iôn," he sighed as he reached over and started to undo the clasps of his tunic. He frowned when Legolas didn't move and didn't seem to realize he was even there. Once more, he reached out and touched his brow and found it to be too warm. "Do you feel well?" he asked, concerned.

He received no reply.

"Legolas!"

The young ellon visibly startled and finally opened his eyes, blinking up at Thranduil.

"Adar?"

"Are you well?" Thranduil asked him again as he started to help him out of his tunic. Legolas mumbled something unintelligible. "I can't hear you," Thranduil said as he bent his head lower to hear better. He sighed when the only word he could discern was 'sleep'. "You can sleep in a moment," he told him.

Once he had removed his son's tunic he stopped and looked in dismay at how slight Legolas was. His small frame was angular and sharp in a most unhealthy way. It frightened him. He would see to it that Legolas ate more he decided as he pulled the sleep tunic down over his head. Legolas's head lulled drunkenly at the sudden movement as he made feeble attempts to get his arm through the sleeves. Thranduil caught his hand and helped it through the sleeve before repeating it for the other. Lastly, Thranduil removed his boots and leggings before helping him back into bed. As soon as Legolas's head made contact with the pillow he was asleep. Thranduil watched him in concern for a few more minutes. He wondered at this unexpected behavior. Legolas was acting as if he had overindulged in wine though Thranduil could not smell it on him. He watched his son's breathing slow again as he slipped deeper into slumber. He pulled the bedding up over Legolas's chest before standing and going back to tend to the fire one last time. As he made his way to the bedchamber door he paused again and looked back at his sleeping son. He could not ignore the warning that was flickering in his father's heart.

"Legolas?"

The young Ernil looked up at the incessant, loud rapping on his chambers door. He groaned and ignored it, pulling his pillow over his head and he tried to find the Elven Dream Path once more.

"Legolas?"

The voice had become louder and the rapping more insistent. Again, Legolas ignored it, hoping it would go away and pushed himself deeper into his warm bed.

"Legolas? I am coming in!"

He said nothing and heard soft steps cross the sitting room and his bedchamber door opened. He suddenly found himself looking at Amoniel as she lifted the pillow from his face.

"There you are," she said cheerfully, "It is nearly mid morning."

Legolas nodded, glad she was at least acting normally. The last thing he wanted was for Amoniel to come in to fret and hover over him. He was in misery and he wanted to weather it alone.

"I'm going to Sellion's adar and naneth's," she told him quietly. She frowned when he suddenly stilled; his face was twisted with grief as he drew in a shaky breath. "Would you like to join me?"

"No."

"I am sure Sellion's family would find comfort in your presence," Amoniel gently pressed him, "When we lose someone we love it helps to have others with us. It will help his family, knowing that they do not grieve alone and that Sellion was loved by many others as well."

Legolas shook his head. "They would not want me there."

'Why ever not, dearest?" she asked, frowning in confusion. She believed quite the opposite, that they would draw comfort from their son's closest friends. She knew Sellion, Valen, and Legolas had been friends for nearly half a century since they were very young elflings and had often frequented each other's homes. From experience, Amoniel had always found that being alone after such a death only made the heartache worse and that simple acknowledgment that the grief was shared by others made the burden easier to bear. When she was young she had seen an elleth fade from despair after her son had been killed. It had been something so tragic it had made an impression on her young heart and now many, many years later she could not forget. It frightened her that Legolas would now have to add grief to whatever else was afflicting him. She could only hope that it would not be too much for him to endure.

Legolas shrugged before turning his face back into the pillow. He had neither the heart nor the energy to try to explain it to Amoniel. Once more his fëa cried out in agony and he wished for nothing more than to use the powder so that he could sink back into merciful, dark oblivion.

"Come with me, it may ease your heart," she bid him softly, as she reached out to gently brush back the golden strands that covered his face.

But he found he didn't want to feel better. He wanted solitude and his family seemed unwilling to give him that. His patience for their overbearing presence had, at last, reached an end. Without warning, he roughly grabbed her hand and wrenched it away from him.

"Just leave me alone!" he uncharacteristically shouted.

Tears strung Amoniel's gray eyes; Legolas had never before treated her in such a manner. As much as it hurt she wasn't surprised after what her husband and father in law had told her of Legolas's recent behavior.

"If that is what you wish," she said in a small voice. He turned his head sharply at her and she was startled at the amount of anger and pain held in his eyes. Without another word she quietly left him as he had asked, resolved to come back later and attempt to comfort the young ellon who she loved as though he were her own son. She made her way to get ready to leave The Palace, her heart heavy with sadness and defeat.

Thranduil stood quietly as he listened as edhil stepped forward one by one to talk about Sellion. He had already shared his own memories of the young ellon. He had recalled some of Sellion's more humorous antics of childhood, the loyal friend he had been to his son and his gratitude to the soldier he had become who had pledged his life to The Realm and his King. As his eyes surveyed Sellion's parents' cramped sitting room his youngest son was nowhere in sight. Just an hour before he had stopped at Legolas's bedchambers and found him getting dressed to go to the funeral. Thranduil had been surprised that he had needed no encouragement to attend. He had seemed quiet and weary with sorrow and requested that the family go ahead of him and he would follow as soon as he was ready. So they had, respecting his right to privacy. But Thranduil was beginning to regret that decision. He was worried about his son in his current state. He couldn't push the uneasiness from his mind as he tried to focus once more on the proceedings.

Thranduil excused himself as soon as he could. He didn't want his presence to overshadow Sellion's memory. He quietly extended his sympathies to Sellion's parents and younger brothers before returning to The Palace. With each step, his worry increased. There had been several inquiries about Legolas and he had been unable to answer them because he himself did not know. Fortunately, he was The King and no one would question him further.

When he arrived at Legolas's rooms he found it empty. His heart dropped as he looked around the dark bed and bath chambers. He went next to the sitting room and it too was empty. He had no idea where Legolas could be and his anxiety began to escalate. As he made his way back out to the Antechamber he mentally began to make a list of places he thought Legolas could be.

"Has Lord Legolas come through here?" he asked the nearest guard.

The guard bowed slightly. "Yes, Aran nîn," she said, "He went through the Great Doors nearly an hour ago."

"Did he say where he was going?" Thranduil inquired, knowing most likely he did not.

"No, my lord, he said nothing," the guard answered.

Thranduil nodded and walked out the Doors and was greeted by a sharp gust of frigid wind. He went directly to the stables and found Tegalad happily munching on oats in the stall next to his own horse. The dappled stallion's ears instantly perked up at the sight of Thranduil and he leaned over the door to affectionately nip his ear.

"Mae govannen, Sírdal," Thranduil bid him as he reached up to stroke the velvety muzzle, "Would you like to go for a ride? I need to find Legolas."

Sírdal snorted impatiently in answer. Thranduil smiled. "You have my thanks, mellon nín," he said as he reached out to open the stall door. After the horse obediently stepped forward he quickly set about saddling and bridling Sírdal.

"Aran nín!"

Thranduil turned toward the sound and found Maeron hurrying toward him looking dismayed.

"Please, hîr nín, allow me to serve you," the stable master said as he took the bridle from The King's hand, "I beg your pardon for not being here to prepare your horse for you."

"There is no need for a fuss," Thranduil impatiently told him, "I don't have time to indulge it. I am trying to find Lord Legolas. Has he been here?"

"I have not seen him, my lord," Maeron told him as he swiftly completed his task, "I have been occupied since before dawn with a mare who is having a difficult labor."

Thranduil nodded, expecting as much. He mounted the steed and rode him into the stable yard. He hesitated for a moment and thought about his son. Legolas had been very reclusive since Sellion had been killed, refusing all food and company. They had respected his wishes, as difficult as it had been because it seemed to only make matters worse if they tried to speak to him. He tried to think of where his son would go. He was so much like his mother and Thranduil suddenly had the feeling he would likely find him in The Forest. Sírdal, eager to begin, took off at a brisk trot heading toward the well traveled path at the edge of the Forest. They had only crossed the bridge when he heard a shout.

"Aran nín!"

He turned to find Camthalion standing just beyond the stone bridge gazing at him, eyes widened, with a look of incredulity on his fair face.

"What is it?" Thranduil asked impatiently.

"Where are you going?" Camthalion asked as he crossed the bridge to stand beside his father. Absently, he reached up and stroked Sírdal's glossy mane.

"To find your brother," Thranduil answered him, "He isn't in The Palace."

"Where is your Guard?" Camthalion demanded, shocked that his father would do something as foolish as going into the Forest unprotected.

"This is a private matter," Thranduil dismissed his concern, "I have no need for them. Legolas could not have gotten far on foot."

"But Adar there are creatures of Shadow in the Forest. You know that! Naneth and Sellion were both killed a short distance from The Stronghold!"

"Enough!" Thranduil snapped at the mention of his wife. He took a deep breath when Camthalion's blue eyes flashed with pain. "That is enough, Camthalion," he said more gently, "I am perfectly capable of managing to locate your brother and drag him home."

Camthalion hesitated before nodding, clearly not comfortable with the idea. "Do you at least have a weapon?"

"Of course. I have not survived over six millennia in Arda by being foolish," Thranduil reassured him with an arrogant smirk as he tapped the hilt of his sword.

Camthalion knew there was nothing that he could say to change his father's mind. He was stubborn in that way much like his father before him. "Please be careful, Adar."

"I will return soon with your brother," Thranduil said in an exasperated tone.

Camthalion nodded miserably.

"There is no need to worry, iôn," he said as he reached out to give his eldest an affectionate pat on the cheek.

Camthalion stood on the bridge and watched his father until he could see him no more. He could not help but worry. It was getting late and the sun would soon be setting on yet another cold, bitter day. They had just come from the funeral of a warrior that had been ruthlessly cut down less than a thirty minute walk into the very Forest in which his father and brother were currently alone and unguarded. He stood, rooted on the spot until his ears and nose became numb from cold. As he turned to walk home he tried to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had lost his mother and his greatest fear was losing his father or brother. He knew his heart could not take another loss. As he walked up the steps of The Stronghold he stopped at the top to turn and look toward The Forest in the distance once again. All seemed well. He shook his head and went through the Great Doors, eager to be in front of the warm fireplace and wait for his father to bring his wayward brother home.

TBC...

Elvish Translation:

Edhil-Elves

Author's Note: I know t his was promised weeks ago! But the holidays were very busy with little time to write and when I went back to work I had so many things due at once that I was working from home too. There was no way I could pay serious attention to the story. But I thought about it often and wrote little snippets here and there. I am thinking that I might expand what I had planned for the story and make it longer rather than breaking it up into a couple shorter stories. Each time I think I have the ending planned I find more I HAVE to say!

I do want to thank each and every one of you who read, reviewed or PM'ed! It means a lot to a lot that you are enjoying my poor attempts at creative writing (my first!) and hearing your thoughts and insights! I love to talk about anything Tolkien related so I do reply to each and every signed review and each PM...Sorry to those who have had to endure all of rants and ramblings. Those of you who reviewed anonymously since I can't personally reply to your review please know that I appreciate every one of you! Your encouragement means so much to me especially on something as AU as this story!

So I decided to leave it here for now. It has been over 6 weeks since the last update and I didn't want to have anyone wait additional weeks until the chapter was finished. There are a few more issues to clear up before moving on to the next part of the story and I didn't want to skim over it just to post. So the next chapter will probably be around this length instead of it all being one extra long chapter, tying up all the loose ends before moving on.