She had made a big fuss over his bruise but after asking about thirty different questions she tended to it and they ended up the falling asleep on the couch with each other but before he did Spencer did a lot of thinking as Lennon slept soundly snuggled into him. She was the most beautiful girl that he had ever met the one person he could see himself with but one nights like this it made him think. She was always going to worry about him it was a given but he wished that he did not but that stress on her. She was his salvation on the hardest of days, her bright smiling face and warm hugs would always make him feel better, safe but what did he give her in return?
Marriage is a huge step and that made him nervous to even consider because what if somewhere down the road she decided that this was too much and that she couldn't handle it; what if it ended up like Hotch and Rossi's love lives. Spencer had been searching so long for a woman who loved him for him and it was on his mind; maybe he would only hurt her, or worse put her in danger.
As he looked down at her sleeping so peacefully, he thought about everything that she had been through in life. He thought of every person that hurt her or all the pain she had already endured. It was then that Spencer began to panic; how could he possible hurt someone he loved so much?
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Two weeks passed and the bruise faded but the provocative questions cluttered his mind and made him feel uneasy and it was not until now that he was with her that he brought it up because today was a very horrible anniversary of tragedy in Spencer's life, it was the anniversary of Maeve's death. She was his first love, she ended up dead, and he never truly stopped blaming himself for it. He looked at Lennon who flashed him one of her beautiful smiles, which he gave back from across, the table but she could tell it, was filled with worry and sadness and in exchange she raised her eye brow in question but they were interrupted in their silent conversation.
"Okay all, this is my first attempt at the recipe so don't hold it against me." JJ had invited the team over for a dinner night and all of them happily accepted after a long week of paperwork and evaluations.
"Oh Kate don't be silly, I'm sure it will be great," Garcia smiled as she looked at the roast placed on the table. Lennon still had her eyes on Spencer watching for anything but Morgan had started a conversation about something she could not hear it. She knew what today was in fact they all did and it because of the significant of the day that JJ set this up. Sure, he was dating Lennon now but even she knew that he was always going to carry that with him and so she tried to attribute his odd behavior to that.
"Well usually Will is the cook," JJ looked to her husband who wore a proud smile on his face as he began to cut the roast.
"But my Darlin' you are an amazing cook too," he leaned over and kissed the top of her head before serving the dinner.
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"I'll see you Sunday for brunch right?" Garcia asked as she walked with Lennon and Reid towards their cars.
"Oh of course I cannot wait, are you sure you don't want me to make anything, I'm good at french toast!"
"Oh that sounds great, so how about 11:30?"
"Sounds great, see you then Garcia," Lennon waved goodbye and got into the car, finally she was alone in the awkward silence. They drove for nearly ten minutes before he said something to him.
"Are you okay," no response, he looked to be troubled and a little lost. "Spencer."
"Sorry, I just…"
"I know that today is a hard day for you but it just seems like you have been like this for a couple weeks, you know you can tell me if something is on your mind."
"I've just been thinking," She pulled into the parking lot and put the car in park.
"About what," She asked as she turned to him, he finally looked at her and she could see the wheels turning making her slightly nervous.
"Do you ever wish you hadn't started dating me?"
"Where did that come from?" She was shocked, a little hurt by the question but then again she remembered the significance of the day.
"I mean look I have you worried every time I go on a case and I always and afraid that someday because of my job I could put you in danger."
"Spencer you do know about my life growing up right I was put in a lot of danger, and besides I love you."
"And I love you too it's just I'm afraid that one day we could end up like Hotch or even Rossi."
"What you think I'm going to leave you, Spencer I can assure you I'm not going to."
"In the future what if we have kids, and you get annoyed because I'm not home for birthdays of holidays or I miss something important with their school."
"Spencer, I don't care about any, and if someday we do have kids I'll understand, I knew what I was getting into when I started dating you, l know all I can hope is you come back to me safe."
"I can't even promise you that."
"I'm not saying you can I hate thinking about that but I know that you are trying and in the process saving lives, its your job."
"Lennon I just don't want you hurt or hating me for dragging you into this, I've seen it happen with my job."
"Is this about Maeve?" Her name was taboo, and she felt as though she had just slapped him in the face by even bringing it up. "I'm sorry I know she is a touchy subject…"
"I don't want you to end up like her."
"Spencer, I don't intend to." This seemed to anger him slightly.
"Do you think she intended to?"
"No I just mean…"
"She didn't ask for that and because she knew me look where it got her."
"Spencer that wasn't you, it was Diane the psychopath you didn't kill Maeve."
"My being with her put her in danger."
"Spencer stop!" She did not mean to yell but this was all making her so confused. "Why are you doing this are you saying you want to break up."
"No," he spat out immediately.
"Then why are you pushing me away, this is ridiculous."
"It's not ridiculous, I went through it, Hotch went through it and I don't want to waste a chunk of your life and then have you realized it was a mistake to date a profiler."
"I'm right here, I am with you right here, if I ever were to think that you were a waste of my time don't you think I would have left by now?"
"You did once," he said it so quietly but she had heard it and the angry burning tears filled her eyes as she looked at him in shock.
"That was different."
"No it wasn't, you left because we had a fight, you didn't agree with me."
"Spencer last time was because I was pissed and we are both to blame in that one."
"Right but a fight none the less and how do I know you won't be pissed again."
"I'm bound to be pissed again, couples fight Spencer, so sue me I left one time but we are here together again I want to be with you, why are you setting us up for failure?"
"I'm just afraid okay and when you left you ripped my heart out."
"You don't think it killed me too, I was mad you called me stupid."
"I told you how you handled the situation was stupid not you."
"Same difference," She yelled back. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, the fight died down to silence as he pulled out the phone and read the text from Garcia, "new case."
"Just go Spencer," She said getting out of the car and slamming the door shut behind her. He followed the motion and yelled to her in the middle of the parking lot.
"Like this, right now you're mad at me because I have a case and it only complicated this."
"Stop, I'm not mad at that and I am tired of fighting, maybe this case and time away will help you figure out what you want, all you need to know is that I love you and I'm right here and when you are ready to actually come to terms then I will be waiting." She turned away and walked toward the complex not looking back at him, though she really should have because something big was going to change everything.
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Sorry for the long wait, I am both lazy and busy, but please review l love comments! Love Layna