Roy stared out the window at the parking lot. Dr. Early had been waiting for the ambulance when they pulled up. Dr. Brackett and Dixie were already upstairs scrubbing in for surgery. They had rushed Joanne right up. She had lost consciousness in the ambulance, a couple of minutes before they'd reached Rampart.

Roy's vision blurred and he quickly wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the cool glass of the window. The sun was just setting, streaking the sky with beautiful shades of pink and orange, but Roy didn't even notice.

The guys had wanted to sit with him, but Roy just couldn't be around anyone right now. They were sitting down the hall in the main waiting area. Roy had moved to a small corner at the end of the hall. He had thought it would allow him to think, but the truth was his mind was completely blank. Instead of being able to think through all the things Joanne would need when she was released from the hospital, there was a buzzing sound in his brain that blocked out any rational thought. "Does that mean she isn't going to come home?" Roy asked out loud, to his reflection in the window.

"Of course she's coming home," Johnny said, walking up behind Roy carrying a cup of coffee.

"Johnny," Roy said, his voice frustrated.

"Listen, Roy, I'm not gonna stay. I just thought you might like a cup of coffee. But, you can't let yourself start thinking that Joanne isn't going to make it. We have to think positive."

"You weren't there," Roy said.

Johnny instantly knew Roy meant in the ambulance those last few minutes that Joanne was conscious. He said nothing, simply moved over to lean against the window ledge, crossing his legs and resting his hands against the ledge, and looked at his best friend.

Roy turned and copied Johnny's posture.

"She told me she loved me and to make sure the kids knew how much she..," Roy's voice broke; he wiped at his eyes again. "How much she loved them," he finally whispered.

"She was just scared, Roy," Johnny tried to reassure his friend, but he felt his own eyes starting to burn with unshed tears.

"She was so pale, and her blood pressure was almost impalpable. Her pulse was barely detectable in her wrist. We've brought patient's in that were in better shape and they didn't make it," Roy said, trying to prepare himself for the news he was now convinced Dr. Brackett would bring him.

"Joanne isn't them," Johnny said firmly. "Don't do this, Roy."

"Dennis said he was going to get even and he did."

"This isn't even. You didn't kill his brother," Johnny caught himself saying kill, and adjusted his wording to be more positive about Joanne's condition. "You didn't do anything to hurt his brother. You tried everything you could to help his brother. The guy was crazy." Johnny stood up straight and moved in front of Roy. He could feel himself starting to feel desperate. He had to get Roy to stop this train of thought.

Roy looked at Johnny. "Johnny, I really just want to be alone. Thanks for the coffee." Roy turned around to look out the window again. He could see Johnny in the reflection of the window. Johnny stood there for a few seconds, looking hurt and confused. Eventually, he turned and slowly walked away, looking back several times.

Roy rested his head against the window again and closed his eyes. That buzzing sound was back.

E

Ashley moved toward Johnny as he walked slowly back to the group. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. Johnny wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. "He's convincing himself that Joanne isn't going to make it," Johnny said, his voice just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Ashley pulled back and moved to sit down next to Tina, as Johnny sat down across from her next to Captain Stanley.

"How bad is it?" Captain Stanley asked Johnny.

"She lost consciousness in the ambulance before they got here. Her BP was really low and her pulse really weak," Johnny said, recalling what Roy had told him.

"Maybe I should go talk to him," Captain Stanley said, standing up.

"He just wants to be alone," Johnny said.

Captain Stanley dropped a hand on Johnny's shoulder as he walked by, heading toward Roy.

Roy still stood staring out the window, not really seeing anything.

Captain Stanley moved over to stand next to him. He slipped his hands into his pockets. "I've been where you are before."

Roy looked over at his Captain.

"Not exactly here, but similar. When Beth had our second daughter, there were complications. The placenta ruptured and she started hemorrhaging. A nurse came out carrying this beautiful little girl; when I asked how Beth was doing, she looked like she was going to cry. I started to ask what was wrong with my wife, she just took the baby and walked away. It seemed to take an eternity to get someone who could tell me what was going on. All I could think about was how I was going to raise two girls on my own. I mean, what do I know about raising girls?"

"And what did you decide you would do?"

"I had decided I'd ask my mom to move in with us."

"My mom's gone, Cap," Roy said, looking down at the floor.

Captain Stanley looked over at him.

"No, absolutely not, NO!" Roy said, standing up straight, and waving his hands. "I cannot live with that woman."

"Joanne's mother loves those kids, Roy. She'll take good care of them, and will make sure they remember their mom."

"And drive me right into the looney bin," Roy said. "I can barely make a week with her."

Roy turned around and faced the window again, running his hands through his hair. He dropped his hands down onto the window ledge and looked down at them, shaking his head. "Is that really my only option?"

"Maybe it will be better now."

"Right, when she'll not only think I was a lousy choice of a husband for her daughter, but will now be able to legitimately blame me for her death," Roy scoffed.

"You are not to blame for this, Roy."

"How can you say that? Dennis Kramer did this because of me. He blamed me for his brother's death and he killed Joanne to get even."

"Joanne isn't dead, Roy," Captain Stanley said, putting his hands on his shoulders and turning Roy to face him. "She isn't dead."

Roy pulled away. "I told Johnny, I just want to be alone right now." He moved back to his spot by the window.

Captain Stanley looked at him for a few minutes and then walked away.

E

Everyone looked up as Captain Stanley walked back over to the group.

"I think I made it worse," Hank said, dropping down into a chair. "I shared what happened after Sarah was born."

Beth reached over and took his hand.

Hank looked at the rest of the group. "I almost lost Beth after Sarah was born. I was trying to get him to understand that I knew what he was going through."

"Sounds like a reasonable plan; what happened?" Marco asked.

"I told him I'd been struggling with how I was going to raise two girls on my own."

"And?" Johnny asked.

"I told him I was going to have my mom move in."

Johnny shook his head, "Roy's mom passed away several years ago."

Hank just looked over at him.

"Oh no," Mike said, catching the direction of where this was going.

Marco and Johnny just looked over at him.

"But Joanne's mom isn't," Hank said quietly.

"Oh no," both Marco and Johnny groaned.

The women looked confused, they had never seen Roy preparing for one of his mother-in-laws visits.

"Roy's mother-in-law hates him," Johnny said. "She thinks Joanne married down. She's constantly talking about how Roy isn't smart enough, isn't rich enough, isn't handsome enough. He'd go crazy living with her."

Ashley stood up.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked.

"To help Roy."

"He really just wants to be alone," Captain Stanley said.

"We should just give him some time, Ash," Mike agreed.

"Don't worry guys. I can help." Ashley made her way toward Roy.

Roy saw Ashley's reflection in the mirror before she ever spoke. "Ashley," Roy's tone was frustrated. "I really just want to be alone."

Ashley leaned her hip against the window sill. "So you know what you're gonna do if Joanne doesn't make it?"

Roy looked at her, his face showing some anger. "No, thanks for rubbing it in."

"Captain Reagan came to see me at Rampart this morning before Johnny picked me up. He told me that Kyle is refusing to work with me after the incident with that guy," Ashley said.

"I'm sorry, Ashley. I hadn't even got a chance to ask you how all that turned out," Roy turned to lean against the window sill, facing her.

"That isn't why I'm telling you this, Roy."

"I'm still sorry I didn't ask."

"One of us has to transfer," Ashley said, trying to get back to her reason for bringing it up.

Roy just looked at her.

"Everyone loves you Roy. There isn't a person that works for the LA County Fire Department that wouldn't do anything they could to help you out."

Roy gave Ashley a small smile. "I'd do anything I could to help any of them out."

"If Joanne doesn't make it; I'll ask to transfer to Station 51s B or C shift," Ashley said. "I'm sure any one of the paramedics would trade with me. When you're on shift, I'll stay at your house. Uncle Johnny's room will just become Aunt Ashley's room. Johnny's just gonna have to stop getting hurt," Ashley tried to smile.

"You don't have to do that Ashley," Roy said, trying to give a smile at her joke, but he wasn't quite successful. "You and Johnny don't want to be on separate shifts."

"The only reason Johnny hasn't already made the offer to change shifts and watch the kids for you is because he can't stand the idea of not being your partner. We'll be fine. He wouldn't want it any other way; he loves Chris and Jennifer almost as much as you do."

"And when we have joint training sessions?"

"They don't happen very often, and we always have plenty of notice. Beth, Tina, Mary, or Marisol should be able to arrange their schedules to watch the kids. Heck, even Lizzie's old enough to do some babysitting."

Roy thought about it for a few minutes. He shook his head, "Ashley, I can't ask you to do that. You're talking about taking on a family, it's a lot of work and a lot of responsibility."

"I know that, Roy," Ashley smiled. "I'm not going to be doing it alone. I fully intend to enlist Betty, Tina, Marisol and Mary to help with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, homework help and anything that requires a needle and thread. I do not sew, and I have no intention of learning."

This time Roy managed to crack a smile.

"Okay, say I accept your offer," Roy said looking at her. "What happens if you and Johnny break up?"

Ashley looked a little offended he suggested they would break up.

"Come on, Ash. You guys haven't exactly been getting along great lately."

"We worked out a lot this morning," Ashley said, her voice a bit terse.

"Ashley, look, I'm trying to point out that this isn't a great solution because something could happen and I'd be in a real jam."

Ashley moved over closer to Roy. "Roy, I'm not doing this because Johnny's your best friend. I'm doing it because you and your family mean a lot to me personally. You helped me through so much when I first got here, and I adore your kids. Not to mention Joanne supported me when she really should've hated me."

Roy dropped his head. "I can't stand the idea of losing her, Ash."

Ashley moved over and pulled Roy into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes as the emotions of the evening hit him. They stood that way for several minutes, until they heard someone clear their throat. They turned to look at Dr. Early.

"I wanted to stop by and give you an update," Joe Early said, looking at Roy.

Roy stood there, unable to say anything. Ashley reached for his hand, feeling fear at the serious look on Dr. Early's face.

"Fred Standiford and Bruce Jackson are the ones doing the surgery. They were the surgeons who performed my surgery. They're excellent at what they do. Joanne is sedated, they've started the surgery and have isolated the artery that was damaged by the knife."

"What are her chances, doc?"

"It's too early to try to predict that Roy, but Kel and Dix are in the operating room too. They've got her blood matched and I just personally delivered 8 units to make sure they can keep her blood counts up. She's a fighter, Roy," Dr. Early, said, putting a hand on Roy's arm. "Don't give up on her."

Roy nodded.

"I'll make sure someone comes by to update you again soon," Dr. Early said. "I've got to get back to the ER," Dr. Early patted Roy on the back and headed toward the elevator.

"Come on," Ashley slipped her arm through Roy's. "Let's go update the guys."

Roy let Ashley lead him back to the group of men stretched out in chairs.

"Any word?" Mike asked, as he saw them approaching.

Roy sat down and Ashley moved to lean against the chair where Johnny sat, her arm resting around his neck.

"Dr. Early came up. Joanne's in surgery with two really good surgeons, Dr. Brackett and Dixie. They have her under and have started the surgery. They have extra blood waiting for her."

"Well, that's good right?" Marco asked.

Roy nodded.

"I'm gonna go call Chet and Mary and give them an update," Marco said, standing up and fishing change out of his pocket as he headed toward the pay phone.

"I hope everything is going okay with Marisol," Beth said, watching Marco walk away.

"Do you think she'll get in trouble?" Roy asked. "She probably saved Joanne's life by shooting Dennis; but I can't imagine what it is like having to live with that."

E

"Okay, run it through for me one more time," the Internal Affairs Officer said, leaning back in his chair.

Marisol resisted the urge to sigh. She knew this was part of the process. They made you run through the story multiple times, seeing if there were any inconsistencies in the story. The story should change as you remembered new details and different parts of the evening began to impact you differently emotionally; but the core of the story should stay the same. Marisol always thought it was odd to make trained police officers go through the process because she knew what the investigator was looking for; but as the evening wore on and the reality of the fact she had taken a life sunk in, Marisol found she was thinking less like a cop and more like witness. Scenes from the evening would flash into her mind without warning. The smell of blood and gun powder lingered in her nose; her ears still rang slightly from the firing of the weapon.

"We were having dinner, just chatting and catching up on the last few weeks. I noticed Beth was watching the group, scanning each person to see how they were holding up from all the stress of Roy's being investigated by the Army. Her husband, Hank, was doing the same thing; they make a great team," Marisol said, getting a bit side tracked. The IA officer just watched her, making a few notes on the pad of paper in front of him.

Marisol gave her head a small shake and tried to get back on track. "A woman at the table next to us screamed, I looked up and Dennis was approaching the table, carrying a knife. He was only a few feet away by the time we noticed him. I should have been paying more attention. I should've been expecting him to show up after the incident at the car accident," In each version of the story that hadn't changed, Marisol was beating herself up for not stopping the threat before it had happened. The Internal Affairs officer knew that was typical for a good police officer; they wanted to stop trouble before trouble began. He would insist Marisol speak to someone to help her process those emotions. The station had just hired their first psychologist to help officers deal with these types of issues. It was new to the police force and a lot of officer's resented having to go; but the earliest data showed it was helping.

"Roy and Johnny jumped to their feet," The IA officer turned his attention back to Marisol as she continued her story. "Chet tried to move Joanne back and behind him. I reached for my purse to get my gun, but it was caught under Marco's chair," Marisol could feel the adrenaline surge through her veins again at the realization that she didn't have easy access to her weapon. "I caught his eye and managed to get him to move his chair. That drew Dennis's attention, so I had to stay still for a few seconds until he turned his attention back to Roy. While Roy had Dennis talking, Chet started to move to try to get behind him. I was trying to quietly unzip my purse and was calculating the angle that I needed to be standing out to fire it and not hit Chet, since he was moving into the vicinity where he could become collateral damage," Marisol vividly remembered watching Chet move behind Dennis and mentally screaming at him to stop moving. Very few people realized the power a bullet carried when fired at close range. It was entirely possible that if she had to shoot Dennis the bullet would perforate Dennis's chest and hit anyone standing behind him.

"Dennis was escalating quickly, pretty soon he was screaming at Roy that he'd killed his brother and that he was gonna get even. When he raised the knife, Roy took a step back, we all thought he was going to attack Roy, but he suddenly pivoted and thrust the knife into Joanne's chest."

Marisol took a deep breath, the image of blood spurting from Joanne's chest as Dennis pulled the knife out flashing through her mind. "Chet had moved in closer to Dennis, but when he pulled the knife out of Joanne's chest, he took a swing at Chet. Chet moved back to avoid getting cut. That gave me the clearance I needed. I pulled my gun and identified myself as a police officer. I told Dennis to drop the knife."

Marisol could vividly see Dennis's eyes in her mind. He had looked shocked to see her standing there holding a gun, the fact she was a police officer had registered in his mind, Marisol was sure of it. But, the look on his face had not been one of a man likely to surrender. "I knew in that first second that I was going to have to shoot him; but I hesitated, hoping I was wrong."

The IA officer watched Marisol's facial expressions. He knew she was reliving those few moments.

Marisol realized she was being watched. "Mike moved forward and caught Joanne, helping ease her down to the ground. Tina and Ashley moved to start treating her injury," Marisol continued, just wanting to get through the next part of the story.

Marisol took a deep breath. "I ordered him to drop the knife a second time. He told me that Roy had to pay, but he was looking at Roy. I repeated my order. This time Dennis looked at me, but then he looked back down to where Tina and Ashley were working on Joanne. He said he had to pay again, he raised the knife and he leaned in Joanne's direction," Marisol said, seeing the scene play out in slow motion.

"I fired one shot."

"Where did you hit him?"

Marisol looked at the investigating officer. "In the chest."

"Why just one shot?"

Marisol closed her eyes as she relived the sight of her bullet penetrating Dennis's chest, the blood immediately spurting forward, Dennis's body had jerked back from the force of the bullet hitting him. His eyes had widened as he realized he'd been shot. His eyes had locked with Marisol's for just a second, but then he was falling back, the force of the blow knocking him to the ground. She could see the blood spurting in the air as his heart beat those last few beats.

"I didn't need to fire any more than that."

"You knew he was dead?"

"I knew he wasn't a threat any longer."

"What did you do next?"

"Roy moved toward Joanne. Beth and Mary held their places and Hank moved toward the restaurant; I'm sure to make sure the police and the fire department had been called. Johnny and I moved toward Dennis. Johnny knelt down next to Dennis and searched for a pulse in his neck. I moved to secure the knife. When I looked back at Johnny, he just shook his head and moved to help with Joanne. I knew Dennis was dead, but after Johnny moved I knelt down and checked for a pulse myself."

"Why?"

"I know Johnny would've have worked to save Dennis's life if it had been possible. No matter that he had just stabbed Joanne; it's just who he is. But, I had to know for myself. I had to know with absolute certainty that I couldn't save him."

"And you didn't find a pulse?"

Marisol shook her head. "His eyes were open, I closed them. By then the police were arriving and I moved to give my statement."

"I've read the reports of the police officers that were on scene. I've read the accounts given by the witnesses that were not part of your dinner group and I've now listened to your accounting of the shooting," The Internal Affairs Officer said. "This will all be presented to your Captain, and run by the District Attorney; but my recommendation will be that this be ruled a just action and considered a good shooting. However, I am going to mandate that you visit the station psychologist once before returning to active duty."

Marisol looked at the officer and nodded. She wasn't sure how she felt about having a department psychologist; but she figured it couldn't hurt. Marisol knew she had made the decision she had to make to save other lives, but she still struggled with the knowledge that she had taken a human life that evening.

"You're free to go. I'm sure you want to join your friends at the hospital. I hope Joanne is okay."

"Thanks," Marisol stood up and reached for the door.

"I know this was a justified shooting; but, if it'd been you…"

"Don't do that, Officer Sanchez. Don't start trying to second guess your decisions. It's a sure fire way to have issue on the job. You made a call, it was a justified call; deal with ramifications of that decisions, but don't second guess the decision."

Marisol nodded and headed out the door. She wanted to join Marco at the hospital. She really needed a hug.

E

Chet hung up the phone.

"How is she?" Mary looked up from the table. They were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee.

Lizzie had Chris and Jennifer in the living room with her watching TV. When they had first gotten to their house, they had helped the kids create a "fort" in Lizzie's room and talked up what fun they were going to have with this sleep over. When Chris had asked about their parents, Chet had simply said that they had some business they needed to take care of at the hospital and that the kids were going to stay the night with them.

"She's in surgery. They are giving her blood and she's got good surgeons," Chet said sitting down and looking at Mary. "You know, you were standing right next to Joanne; that coulda been you."

"But it wasn't," Mary said, placing her hand over Chet's.

"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you."

"Me. You're the one that puts your life on the line every time you clock in for work."

"I guess we've never really talked about this have we?" Chet asked, looking over at Mary.

She shook her head.

"I love what I do Mary. I'm careful and I have a great group of guys watching my back. But, I'd be lying if I said I was sure I'd always come home, or even come home without injuries."

"I know," Mary said. "I thought about it a lot when I first saw you again and found out you were a fire fighter. I mean, when we were kids, I was the one pushing us to be dare devils and take risks and here you're the one that took the dangerous job. I wasn't sure I could handle it. For me, or for Lizzie."

"But?" Chet asked, assuming she must have decided she could live with the risk.

"But, I decided to take it one day at a time and not borrow trouble."

"Does that mean that tomorrow you could decide that my job is too risky and you can't be with me anymore?" Chet asked.

Mary was quiet for a long time.

Chet pulled his hand back. He sat back in his chair, his mind spinning. He was letting himself get serious about her and here she was telling him that she could dump him at any minute.

"I wasn't sure up until tonight," Mary said. "Watching Joanne get stabbed," Mary shook her head. "I realized none of us are promised tomorrow and we need to take full advantage of every minute we have. I'd rather go through the heartbreak of losing you to a job you loved than losing you because I was afraid to take the risk. I mean I end up heartbroken either way."

Chet leaned forward and kissed her. "I love you, Mary."

"I love you too, Chet."

E

Ashley rubbed her eyes and looked toward the clock on the wall opposite of where she sat. It took a moment for her eyes to focus; it was almost midnight. Joanne had been in surgery for over four hours. Ashley looked around the room. Hank sat on a two-seater bench, his head dropped forward in sleep. Beth had her head in his lap and was curled up on her side trying to catch a few minutes of sleep. Marco had just stretched out his legs, slid down in his seat and rested his head against the back of the chair. His mouth hung slightly open as he slept. Marisol sat in the chair next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes were closed, but Ashley would have bet money she wasn't asleep.

Mike was sitting on the floor, he back against the wall, his eyes closed. Tina sat between his legs, leaning against his chest. She also appeared to be asleep. Roy sat in a chair a few feet from her. His arms resting on his legs, his head down as he stared at the ground.

Ashley sat up a little straighter, grimacing at the tightness in her back muscles. She stood up and walked over to the window, where Johnny sat on the window sill, his back against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him. His head was turned to face out the window, but his eyes were closed. The opened as Ashley approached. He immediately turned to check on Roy, but saw he was still just sitting there.

Johnny reached out and pulled Ashley close to him. "Doin' okay?"

Ashley nodded. "It's been over four hours," she whispered.

"I know."

"I can't believe just this morning we were making love and now…"

Johnny swung his legs down so he could easily face her. "I know." Johnny pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. Ashley let her head rest on his shoulder.

The ding of the elevator stopping at their floor and then the whoosh as the door opened had everyone looking toward the elevator and quickly getting to their feet and Dr. Brackett and Dixie stepped off the elevator and started heading toward them.

Roy moved toward them, and everyone moved to stand behind him. No one said a word, their presence simply conveying the message that no matter what they were here for Roy.