Splitting Sky

Final Mistake : Kanda Yu – part one -

"Mana…! Ma-na! I'm going to be a lion tamer when I grow up!"

Mana caught me in a hug, as I ran to him. Despite the melancholic makeup on his face, the happiness radiated from him. We both wanted to be so happy and free. He was a pierrot and he was tied to the circus and I was orphan, who had nowhere else to go. This was the only place on earth we could call home.

"You're such a big boy already Allen." Mana said to me and loosened his grip around me, "But not big enough to tame a lion. And when you're that big, you might want to leave the circus."

I shook my head. If I could stay with Mana, I would stay forever, tied to the circus, "I want to stay with you forever!"

"Allen…" Mana smiled a little and patted my head. I was young and naïve, but I didn't know anything else. The outside world was an evil place with full of deceitful people. But Mana showed his disapproval by shaking his head and saying, "Allen, I'm afraid that I—…"

"Dear Mana."

We both turned to look at a man with sinister eyes. The man was fat and he had a tall top hat. His mouth was forced in an awful smile, which made me shiver. That man was evil, or so Mana had taught me. That man was also the head of the circus and he didn't want anyone to leave, especially not Mana.

"And young Allen, too. You grow more adorable each day." The man said and tried to reach out to touch me, but Mana pushed me behind his back, hiding me from him. He burst out in ominous laughter, which hurt my ears, "Admirable. It is a shame that you won't always be here to protect him. Someday, I will have him."

I didn't understand why he wanted me. But I knew that he was sick in one way or another.

I looked at the man from behind Mana. The man was staring right back at me, his evil eyes captivating me, pinning me, trapping me. He didn't allow us to leave. We would be trapped here, forever. But I was with Mana, so I would be alright… right?

"In fact, I came here to tell you that tonight's show is going to be hectic." The man said and turned around. He kept laughing, as he started to walk away, "I think that we need to… heat things up little bit."

He laughed so hard that my ears stung. I tried to cover them, but the laughing was inside my head now. I tried to match the voice with my own screaming, which made it only worse

Suddenly the scene changed. I stopped screaming, since the laughing in my head also stopped.

Then I saw endless fire. And I saw Mana, engulfed by the flames, his face twisted in pain. I tried to run to him— to save him or die with him, I didn't care, but as I ran I didn't move forward.

"Mana!!" I screamed and tried to run faster. I glanced hysterically around me and saw the sinister man with the top hat standing in the shadows. I changed my course to him and pleased, "Please, don't take Mana away!!"

He laughed again. My whole existence was filled with hatred and uncontrollable sadness.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but there was an accident. Mana is dead." The man spoke. He suddenly became dead serious, as he started to take long steps toward me, his hand held out to grab me, "No one can ever leave this circus. Especially not you."

He curled his fat fingers around my neck and brought me closer to his face. I saw all of his evilness reflecting in his tiny eyes. I didn't want to look, but his hand around my throat gave me no choice. I was overwhelmed by terror, which spread from my head to my fingertips and all the way down to my toes. Fear was all I could feel.

"You will never leave."

"No!! Mana!!" I opened my eyes, the scenery changing once again. This time I realized that I was awake and my heart was racing in my chest. I inhaled deep breaths and touched my neck, just to make sure that I had only been dreaming.

"Allen?"

I jumped a little when I felt two arms wrap around my chest. Kanda, who was pulling me against his chest from behind, breathed against my shoulder. I swallowed hard and said quietly, "I-I'm sorry… I just saw a bad dream…"

"Hn." Kanda embraced me tighter and fell back down on the mattress, pulling me down with him. He shifted our positions, until I was lying on his chest and he had his hand caressing my hair, "Go back to sleep."

I nodded my head, although I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. I felt troubled— the dream had felt so real. I had had similar dreams before, but they had been more abstract and made less sense to me. I was still trembling, since I couldn't quite shake off the feeling of fear the dream had given me.

"Calm down. It was just a dream." Kanda muttered and ran his hand through my hair soothingly.

"But I…" I pressed my cheek against his bare chest. I knew I was safe, but so many questions stirred up in my mind. I had always had trouble remembering the times when I was young, even though I had clear memories of Mana and the traveling circus. Mana had been a pierrot in that said circus and I was an orphan with no place to go.

I had been told that Mana had died in an accident during a performance. The head of the circus was also arrested, although I didn't know why. I realized that I didn't really know much of what happened back then… or maybe I just didn't want to know?

"Kanda…" I breathed out Kanda's name to check if he was still awake. He grunted in response. I lifted my head from his chest and peered at his face, "…The man you killed… this Millenium Earl… you said you killed him for me." I tried to put together the pieces out loud. It could be that… "He… he killed Mana, didn't he?"

Kanda was silent for a while, before he sighed deeply. After that he pushed me gently away from his chest and sat up on the edge of his bed. He coughed a little, as he took out a cigarette from a carton on his nightstand. I sat up too and moved to sit next to him.

"I don't think that this' something we should discuss in the middle of a night." Kanda complained, as he inhaled a deep breath of the cigarette's smoke.

"You never want to tell me anything!" I let out a frustrated growl. I stared at the cigarette he was holding in between his fingers and frowned deeply, "I know it's not your problem, but you know more than I do… I just want to know what went wrong…"

"He was my patient. As I said before, my patients are usually those who are or have been in mental hospitals." Kanda started explaining. I was surprised that he actually chose to answer this time. He put down his cigarette on an ashtray, "He was a troublesome patient. He certainly wasn't ready to be set free, but some fuckers who decide these kinds of things said that he should be sent home already,

"He was originally meant to be put in jail for Mana Walker's murder and child molesting, but he avoided all that by pretending to have lost his marbles. Frankly, he was rather fucked up from the start." Kanda looked at me, uneasiness and disgust displaying on his face, "He spoke about you, a lot. He told me that you belonged to him and not to Mana."

I squirmed a little and swallowed the lump in my throat, "…Mana… so Earl killed him…"

"But then I met you." Kanda spoke, not even hearing what I had just said. He placed his hand on my thigh and stated firmly, "You were always smiling annoyingly and making me that goddamn cardamom coffee… and then somehow, I ended up sleeping with you. I was trashed back then and looking for a one night stand."

I blinked my eyes, as Kanda touched my cheek with his palm and leaned closer. His breath smelled of cigarettes, but I was already so used to the scent that it merely made me feel cozy.

"Goddamn, beansprout." Kanda grumbled, "With the other you, it might've been one night stand. But I kept coming back for you. I constantly asked myself why did I keep wasting my time with you." He let out a short laugh and leaned back, even putting a small distance between us, "You do understand that under the circumstances, I had my mind made up when I had the chance to kill him."

I dazzled by his confession. He had done so much behind my back and I had never shown any real gratitude toward him, "Kanda… I never knew…" I bit my lip, "But doesn't this mean that you're in trouble now…? Shouldn't you be accused of murder?"

"I gave him strong sleeping tablets, claiming them to be medication for his so-called depression." I knew he wanted to seem proud of what he had done, but his voice was shaking and he didn't look at me in the eye, "It was so easy to make it look like an accidental overdose of drugs. No one could ever connect me to his death. No one could ever prove what I'd done to him."

"Kanda…" For some reason, I felt bad. It was as if I had forced Kanda to kill Earl. And all this time, I had imagined that he was a heartless bastard without knowing that he had saved my life.

All of a sudden Kanda stood up and picked up his shirt from the floor. I stared at him as he dressed up and grabbed the carton of cigarettes from the nightstand as well as his car keys.

"Where are you going?" I asked and followed after him, as he walked out of his room. I knew that this time I couldn't have said or done anything wrong.

"Out." He answered bluntly. I couldn't understand why he was leaving— I thought that our conversation had been progressing pretty well. I bit my lip, as I chased him all the way to the front door, where he stopped for a moment to put his shoes on.

"Why are you running away?" I asked, slightly frustrated. I grabbed his hand, but he pulled away from my grip quickly. As he was about to walk to the door, I ran around him and stood in his way. I pressed my back against the door and tried to look as tall as I could, "You're always like this… when we are starting to get somewhere, you just leave like that…!"

"I don't need any emotional attachments. I've already said too much." Kanda mumbled darkly, as he tried to open the door, but I firmly stood still.

"You're wrong!" I raised my voice and pressed my palms against his chest and shoved him back, even though he barely moved an inch. I looked at him, not even trying to analyze him this time. Thinking and carefully choosing my words never helped with him, so I might as well go all-out, "You're always saving your words. You've never said enough!"

I pressed myself even harder against the door, as Kanda pressed his hand on the doorknob. He looked down at me, while I kept narrowing my eyes at him, daring him to try and leave. He couldn't keep running forever.

"Allen… beansprout." He corrected and placed his other hand against the door, right next to my head, "You think I'm fooling around with you? Do you think I'm doing this because I want to?"

Of course he wanted to, if he hadn't, he wouldn't have teased me this way. Maybe this was his idea of a relationship.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, my frustration taking the best of me, "First you get all emotional and then you back away! It's like you were afraid of me or something…!" I stomped my foot on the floor, "It's impossible for you to complete what you have started?!"

Kanda furrowed his eyebrows, making him look more dangerous, as he lunged forward and pressed his lips against mine. I hit the back of my head against the door and almost lost my balance. He grabbed my waist and kept me on my feet, while he ran his tongue in and out of my mouth. His movements got rough, as if he wasn't going to hold back now.

"Complete what I've started?" He spoke against my lips and thrust his hips against mine, the friction sending shivers down my spine. He smirked a little, as he provoked a small moan out of my mouth, "You want me to complete this?"

I gasped, when he slipped his hand under my shirt and slowly caressed my abdomen. I grabbed his shoulders, trying to stop him, "This is… not what I meant…"

Kanda groaned and quickly lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder. I hardly had any time to think, when my back hit his bed's mattress and he climbed on top of me.

"Then what do you want, beansprout? Kanda asked, while resting his hand on top of my groin, "Do you want me to do it slow or get over with it as quickly as possible?"

He rubbed the front of my pants, making me want to submit to him. I breathed in and out heavily and clutched his long black hair. I was still terribly angry with him and the molesting did nothing to help me calm my nerves.

I pulled his head down and kissed his lips roughly, biting on his lower lip. He let out a low growl and pulled his head away, before attacking my neck as revenge. I stopped breathing, as he bit and sucked on a spot on my neck. He kept on sucking for so long that I had to squirm and tried to kick him, which eventually made him stop sucking. He became gentler as he planted a trail of kisses all the way down to my chest.

I started to get sweaty and my breaths grew heavier. My hands were still tangled in his hair, while the rest of my body was pressed as close to Kanda as possible. I grinded my hips against his daringly, wanting some sort of relief for the building tension.

Kanda grabbed the hem of my pants and pulled them down. I eagerly helped him to get completely rid of my clothes, while I kept tugging and pulling at his shirt, until I was able to remove it. We exchanged rushed kissed all the while, before Kanda spread my legs and pushed two fingers inside of my mouth. I licked the fingers in my mouth, but before I got too carried away, Kanda pulled his hand away and started to prod my entrance.

I held my breath, as he pressed his fingers inside of me. He looked down at me, expecting me to tell him to stop. I let out a desperate whine, which persuaded him to continue.

"You're truly asking for this, aren't you…" Kanda said through his gritted teeth. I realized that he was trying to hold onto his composure. But as his eyes ran down my body, he let out an anxious snarl, "… god, you're driving me crazy."

I moaned, when he pulled out his fingers and grabbed my waist. He pulled me closer, my back sliding against the silky bed sheets. My heart started throbbing almost painfully in my chest.

"K-Kanda…" I looked at Kanda and realized that I wasn't angry anymore. I let my hands fall on my both sides, feeling an unspeakable emotion creep thorough my body. I must have looked a little nervous, since Kanda stopped all of his actions and stared at me.

Kanda bent down and brushed his nose against my earlobe, "Call me Yu."

I closed my eyes, as he hoisted my waist slightly from the mattress and pressed his lower body closer. I gripped the sheets, preparing myself for what's to come.

Kanda pushed in slowly. I threw my head back and my lips parted, when a long moan came from deep down my throat. A tingly feeling under my abdomen made me shiver, even though the pain was little unsettling. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to breathe steadily.

Kanda moved cautiously, his hands holding onto me more gently. When he saw me wince, he stopped moving forward. He had always been so rough and straightforward, but when it came to me, he always seemed to make exceptions.

"Oh, god…" I groaned, trying to push my hips forward and take in more of him, "P-please… just move…"

It was all Kanda needed to encourage him to push all the way in. It was painful, but for the most part it was only wonderful. My eyes shot open, when he moved back a little, before thrusting in with more force. I wrapped my legs around his waist and arched my back in attempt to let Kanda

I tossed my head from side to side, when the pace grew faster and harder. I heard Kanda groan and breathe out my name, "…llen… Allen…"

He grabbed my chin, as he leaned down and pressed his lips on mine. I licked his tongue, which was flitting out of his mouth. I clenched his shoulders, digging my fingernails in his pale skin. He hissed and gave me one last kiss, before pulling away and plunged inside of me with such vigor that I let out a small scream and my grip on his shoulders loosened.

"Kan—…" I pressed my eyes shut, as I felt the pleasure streaming all over my body. I was shrouded in endless bliss, something I had never felt before. I was sure that Kanda felt it too. I swallowed hard, "…Yu…"

It seemed as if I turned him on more when I called out his name. He mumbled something under his breath, while moving without a rhythm, building up tension in my abdomen. I was close to reaching my climax, my pulsing erection itching for release.

"Scream." Kanda grunted, placing kisses on my collarbone.

"Yu…!" My voice was high pitched, but it wasn't a scream. But when Kanda pushed so far in that it drove me over the edge, I think I might have screamed at the top of my lungs.

I wrinkled my toes and grasped Kanda's shoulders, as I came all over his and my stomach. My whole body tensed for a second, which made Kanda release his seed inside of me. He didn't pull himself out of me, when he collapsed on top of me.

I relaxed under his weight and let go of his shoulders. I draped my arms around his neck and breathed against his skin.

It was perfect. It was as if we were made for each other. His body fit mine flawlessly and even though we were almost polar opposites, it felt as if we had arrived at some sort of mental harmony. In a way we completed each other.

"Wow." Kanda rolled over and brought me on top of his chest. He caressed my hair lovingly, "I'll sure remember this forever."

"You'd better." I smiled and closed my eyes and listened to his beating heart. I sighed, feeling extremely comfortable lying there with Kanda. I nuzzled my nose against his muscled chest and said quietly, "I'm happy to be here with you…"

Kanda let out a barely audible chuckle, "Don't get sappy on me now."

"I was just being honest…" I whined and gently bit him under his collarbone. I left a small mark on his skin, but I figured it was nothing compared to the markings on my neck.

Kanda whispered something, but I didn't quite catch it. I opened my eyes and looked at him questioningly. He realized that I hadn't heard what he had just said and shook his head, "Never mind. I'm just talking to myself."

I saw a melancholic look on his face. He stroked my cheek, his deep black eyes staring at me. Those eyes hid so many emotions and memories behind them and I wondered if he could ever trust me enough to let me in on all of his secrets. Because the more I got to know him, the less I knew about him.

I wanted to think that I had rest of my life to figure out everything about him, but something in the back of my mind told me otherwise. I started to feel like this might be the last time I see him. But I wanted to be with him so badly that I quickly shook off the unnerving feeling, telling myself that I was only imagining things. Nothing could come between us again.

"Kanda…" I inched closer to his face and saw how sad he actually looked. I swallowed, before I kissed his lips quickly, "…You're not… going to leave, are you?"

Kanda sighed tiredly and looked away, not looking me in the eye as he said, "No."

I felt relieved and closed my eyes again. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up next to him the next morning.

I felt safe and comfortable. I felt like I was finally back home.

I woke up the next morning and felt a gust of cold air against my face. I yawned and turned to my side, attempting to throw my arm over Kanda and snuggle closer to him. But my hand landed on the cold mattress. I fumbled for the person next to me, but found nothing but air and pillows.

I blinked my eyes open and saw that Kanda's side of bed was empty. I didn't get too worried though— I figured that he had gone to get some breakfast or something.

I smiled and pulled the blanket tighter around my naked body. Last night had been great. It was unbelievable that we had actually done that, but I didn't regret anything. Actually, I was ready for round two when Kanda came back. I giggled stupidly and closed my eyes again, pretending to be asleep.

Several minutes passed, but there was still no sign of Kanda. I sat up on the bed and scratched my head, feeling mild pain right under my abdomen. I looked around the room and tried to listen to any possible noises in the apartment, but there was nothing. I frowned, but tried to think positively. Maybe Kanda had gone to work or out for some fresh air?

I spotted a light yellow post-it note on the nightstand. I hesitated for a moment, before I snatched it and read it quickly,

I left Dr. Tiedoll's business card on the kitchen table. Contact him— he'll be able to help you with your problem.

I'm sorry I lied to you. I've done so many things wrong, but I'm not going to screw this one up.

Don't wait for me.

-Kanda Yu

The note fell from my hands. My eyes widened and I pressed my hand in front of my mouth, "It can't be…"

I stood up quickly, which made my head spin a little. I dashed out of Kanda's bedroom and ran around the apartment, screaming his name and tripping over doorsills. Where could have he gone? He couldn't have gone far, since this was his apartment and his home…

I ignored the tears pouring down from my eyes. Maybe this was just a prank. Yes, that must be it. Kanda had no reason to leave… right?

"Kanda…!!" I yelled and fell on the floor in his living room, right in front of his full-HD television. I tried to get up, but my hands were trembling and my legs had gone numb. I inhaled a deep breath and cried one more time, "Kanda!!"

I screamed and cried, but nothing happened. It didn't make any sense to me, since I had thought that Kanda wanted to be with me too. I didn't want to believe that he was gone, but I was given no choice.

"Where did I go wrong?" I asked myself quietly, but I didn't know. I seriously had no idea what had gone wrong. I gripped my hair, pulling at my locks in despair as I sobbed.

Maybe I had been wrong all along, once again. I had wanted to be with him so badly that I had not noticed the obvious signs. Maybe this was his revenge for making him feel miserable… and if that was the case, I did deserve all of the pain and sadness, which gradually took over my mind and paralyzed me.

He truly was gone.

Author's ending notes: finally this chapter's ready… I rewrote the beginning at least five times, finding it difficult to choose the best way to continue. It still didn't turn out quite the way I planned, but what the hell, better than nothing! :D I'll try to write the next chapter faster. Thank you for your encouraging reviews— they really do make me want to update faster. :)