Chapter 14

A/N: I'm really sorry that I haven't put any of this up for a long time, but I've had exams and been on holiday and I haven't had a chance to do anything on it. Hopefully the chapters will be going up more frequently now.

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After that terrible day, Snape treated Lily as any other teacher would. Lily tried often to get past his protective layer, to catch him looking at her in the hope that he had forgiven her, for trashing his room and yelling at him in mindless anger … that they could be friends again. But he never faltered; his complex act of nastiness was unbending.

She spent the rest of the few weeks she had to wait for her family in the library, systematically working her way through the shelves. In fact, she took very little of it in. Her mind was chiefly occupied with devising clever ways to get Snape to notice her. It was all fruitless – trying to make Snape talk to her was very similar to trying to make conversation with a brick wall. He avoided her like the plague.

Lily was starting to understand why people hated Snape so much: he was completely impossible to manipulate. He did what he wanted and nothing else.

Four weeks into the summer holidays, Lily's father came to collect her. He did not appear suddenly at breakfast this time, but sent owls to inform her of his whereabouts and finally arrived in the early evening of one Saturday. Professor Elevra brought him up to the common room, where he swept Lily up in his arms and held her for a long time. They both wept, but finally they were tears of happiness, not of anger and sorrow.

Then he set her down and pulled her onto his knee. 'So …'

Lily inspected him carefully, saw the pain and guilt in his eyes. She decided not to mention Voldemort. 'Did you get all my potions, then?'

'Oh, yes.' He nodded. 'They were a massive help to the … well, the war effort, Lily thank you so much for them.'

'Dad,' she reminded him gently, 'I couldn't have just sat by and watched you go out there without helping at all.'

'Yeah …' He yawned, then looked straight at her. 'So how are things here? Still excelling at Potions? Still charming Snape?'

'Um – he's a bit annoyed with me at the moment,' she answered carefully. 'I've been spending so much time brewing I haven't had time to work in my other subjects!' She tried to keep her voice light, but could not stop a bitter undertone from spoiling it.

Her father leant back and looked at her with a puzzled expression.  'Is everything all right, Lily? You seem a little … I don't know. Out of sorts.'

This time she managed to banish the marring tone from her voice. 'No, everything's fine. At least it is now you're here. Take me home, Dad.'

Harry stood up. 'I think I'd like to stay for a night if you don't mind, Lily. I need to talk to a few people, and it's likely to take a few hours. Plus … it's comforting, being here after all that. Anyway, I'll see you after supper – I need to see Snape right now.' He hugged her tightly again, rocking her gently, then turned and left through the portrait hole.

Lily happily went back to the library. It did not matter that he was leaving her just now. They would have plenty of time to talk at supper. She needed a little time to adjust to her father being back, anyhow.

At supper, Lily eagerly saved a place for her father next to her. When he finally came in with Snape, the two men walked together to Snape's place. Lily, open-mouthed, watched her father sit down next to the Potions Master, still engrossed in conversation.

This had to be another of Snape's revenges. First he had stolen her heart and broken it, and now he was stealing her father!

Furiously she threw her thought at Snape. Don't – you – dare!

Snape glanced at her once, startled, then muttered something to her father. Harry also looked at Lily, then quickly rose and hurried to sit next to her. 'I was – just finishing my conversation with Severus.'

'Of course, father,' Lily replied acidly.

Her father looked slightly annoyed at this. 'Oh, come on, Lils! My work isn't done yet. I still have things to discuss with my colleagues. Of course we'll spend time together when everyone's safe, but at the moment there are still Death Eaters wandering around. We have to eliminate them before they can rise again. You can understand that, can't you?''

Lily nodded reluctantly. She was still angry, but it was utterly selfish to pretend she was more important than the people who were still in danger.

'Oh, I almost forgot – what is going on with you and Severus? Every time I mention you, his voice goes all sour.'

'Um … I think he feels I've betrayed his confidence that I can keep up in all my subjects.' Lily had never before kept anything from her father, but how could she tell him that she had been in love with her teacher?

Her father nodded. 'Yes, he said something about that. Lily, I know you're an Aurora, but you can't –'

'Don't give me the lecture,' she snapped. 'Professor Elevra already did that. And so did Snape.' She spat her teacher's name so violently that her father flinched.

'Are you sure that's all, love? You really don't look happy.'

'Quite sure,' she retorted.

Harry still looked worried. 'You know you can talk to me if there's anything wrong, don't you, Lily?'

'Yes, dad,' she said exasperatedly. 'I know.'

'OK, love. If you're sure you're all right, I'm just going to mention something to Severus.' He ducked out of his chair and strode back to Snape, glancing back at her a couple of times. As the two men talked, Lily could feel a slender green thread probing her thoughts. Go away, she told it irritably.

Have you told him? Snape asked her.

About what?

About … well … us. He sounded guilty and awkward.

There is no us, she told him flatly.

The green thread drew away from her consciousness silently. Lily quickly spooned the rest of her meal into her mouth and left the hall. As she passed through the huge doorway she sensed Snape watching her, pushing back his stool, following her.

She quickened her steps to try and reach the common room, but his long strides caught up with her easily. Resigned, she stopped. 'Was there something else?'

'Lily, at the risk of sounding horribly clichéd, we need to talk.'

'There's nothing to talk about.'

'You and I know that's not true, Lily.'

'What do you know? You know nothing about how I feel! You don't even know how you feel!'

'I know that I love you.'

There was a heavy pause, then Lily spoke very quietly. 'You rejected me.'

Snape looked at her, his face pained. 'Lily, I rejected you because I didn't think it was right that we should be … together. I'm old … lonely … you can't be chasing after me.'

'But … I love you,' she admitted.

The Potions Master smiled rather bashfully, and ducked his head.

'What do you want, Professor? What exactly do you want from me?'

'I – um …' His shoulders slumped. 'I suppose we can't have a future, really, can we?'

'Not while I'm at school, anyway.'

'Well … Lily, are you sure you want me?'

'I'm sure,' she replied. 'But we've just got to wait.'

'Yes.' Snape turned as if to walk away, but Lily grabbed his arm.

'I don't want to forget what this feels like, though,' she said, and kissed him fiercely. He wrapped his arms around her, protecting her, loving her. Then she drew away, letting go of his hand at the last moment before fleeing into the darkness.

*****

The farewell the next morning was brief and perfunctory. Lily's father and Snape exchanged a quick dignified hug, and then Snape turned to Lily.

'Have a nice summer,' he murmured, holding out his hand to her.

'You too,' she responded, firmly gripping his hand.

Suddenly Snape bent down, lifting her hand lightly to his lips. Her eyes met his; the normally hard black eyes were surprisingly soft, and twinkled gently.

She probed his thoughts as he straightened and nearly jumped in astonishment. Snape had let his shield down. Searching rapidly through the dark green threads at the forefront of his mind, she found what she wanted and nodded slightly. He had forgiven her.

Snape smiled thinly, and Harry drew Lily away, comforting but still uncomprehending. She blinked tears away impatiently, reminding herself that she mustn't cry. But she knew that this would probably be the last time in years that they could play like this.

As she and her father walked back to Hogsmeade to catch the train, Lily could feel his sharp gaze on her. He knows, she thought, and her stomach tightened in terror before she told herself not to be stupid. How could he know? He was probably just concerned – she was probably giving off miserable vibes, that was all.

At Kings' Cross, the rest of the family was there to greet her, looking much the same as they had last Christmas, Adam back from staying with his friend for a few weeks. They were obviously uncomfortable in Muggle clothes, so Lily made an effort to hurry to the car even in the baking heat to drive straight home.

Once they reached their fairly spacious house in Godric's Hollow, Lily curled up next to her father on the sofa and remained there for a very long time. They did not talk; Lily had the feeling that he still would not be willing to relate the story of Voldemort's death to her.

Once she was satisfied that her father really was back, however, Lily realised that she was probably going to be very bored at home. She decided to ask her father to take her to London to buy her some books to read over the holidays, as well as the things she needed for next year.

Of course, it seemed perfectly innocent, but underneath her mind was scheming up ways to get Snape there so she could see him before she went back to school. She missed him terribly

As soon as her father agreed, Lily went to her room and scribbled Snape a note:

Be in Diagon Alley on 29th July

Look surprised

Lily

She wrote Snape's name of the front, and then brushed the note lightly with her lips before giving it to her owl and sending her flying away over the trees.

The days up until the 29th July passed fairly quickly, despite Lily having nothing to do, but she was growing increasingly nervous. Would Snape turn up? He had sent her no reply. He might have decided that his and his students' reputation mattered more than love. If he even thought of it like that.

When the day finally arrived, Lily took some rather unsubtle precautions to make Snape noticed her. She applied a furtive Shine Charm on her hair, put on some makeup and put on six different outfits before she picked a none-too-concealing top and a flowery skirt. Her father's eyes widened considerably when she came downstairs, and Lily smiled to herself when she thought of how Snape would react.

Diagon Alley was crowded with Hogwarts pupils, various people from the Ministry of Magic and also a few tourist wizards, babbling to their companions in rapid French or a slow, American drawl.

Lily did not notice any of these people, however; her eyes were only looking for one person. More than once a flash of black robe caught Lily's eye, but when she snapped her head around she saw nothing, and on reaching out with her mind encountered no green awareness.

By the time they reached Flourish and Blott's, Lily's neck was stiff from twitching, and she was beginning to think that he wasn't coming after all.

Then she saw him. He was standing by one of the bookshelves, in all appearances completely oblivious to the world around him, but Lily knew him better than that. A slight tilt of his shoulders that she doubted even Dumbledore would have noticed betrayed his awareness that she was there.

She watched him carefully until he clicked his hand in signal. Then she exclaimed in surprise. 'Professor Snape!'

Snape looked up, apparently startled to hear his name. Then he saw them, and crossed the distance between them in a few quick strides, his features carefully arranged into an expression of guarded surprise. 'How very incredible,' he murmured.

Lily's father laughed. 'I never thought I'd see you surprised, Severus. In fact -' he shot a slightly suspicious look at Lily – 'I didn't expect to see you at all.'

'Well, I needed some things, so …' Snape spread his hands. Lily was stunned at how genuinely amazed he seemed.

'Have you had a good summer, Professor?' she asked shyly.

Snape's eyes roved over her, taking in her shimmering hair and summer clothes. Lily felt almost as if he was undressing her with his eyes – it was like being naked. 'Tolerable, Miss Potter.'

'Well, shall we?' her father suggested, and the three of them walked to the nearby Leaky Cauldron for a drink.

Snape's behaviour was completely implacable; he was friendly to Harry, and courteous to Lily. He hardly looked at her unless she said something, and was careful not to touch her.

In some ways Lily was disappointed at this. But she could not have not expected any more, and was relieved that he was able to keep himself enough under control so as not to arouse suspicion.

Although she did not really talk to Snape much and could not truthfully say she had enjoyed their meeting, she was happy to see him and glad that they could act normally in public. She could do this, she could be as strong as Snape and stronger. She would fool everyone. Cool … aloof … ice queen.

Lily was also determined to catch up in the subjects other than Potions this year. She had let Snape down, and since she could no longer tell him she was sorry she decided to make it up to him. He knew she could not spend hours in the dungeons with him any more either, so she would have more time now. And with OWLS coming up, she would definitely not waste it.

When she got home, Lily sent an owl to Hannah asking her friend to send her the work she had missed last year. The huge package of parchment and questions that Hannah said her mum had 'photocopied' (Aunt Hermione was Muggle-born, Lily supposed) arrived the next day.

Once she had sorted through the pile and berated herself for getting so behind, she set to work. She laboured almost solidly for the whole of August without stopping except for meals and sleep. She read none of the books she had bought in Diagon Alley.

At first Lily's parents were pleasantly surprised, but when Lily showed no signs of slowing, they began to get a little worried.

Her mother came into her room on the night of the 29th August, one month after the Diagon Alley trip. 'Lily, darling, don't you think you should stop working? You've only got one day of the holidays left. Make the most of it.'

'I am, Mum,' Lily replied earnestly. 'I can't go into my OWL year completely behind everyone else, I'll never pass my exams if I do.'

'But you never work this hard, Lily. I understand you don't want to go back behind, but I completely forbid you to go back utterly exhausted. Promise me you won't work tomorrow – you must have nearly finished, anyway. I want to spend some time with my eldest daughter.'

Her mother looked so concerned that it was impossible for Lily to refuse her. 'All right, Mum.'

Ginny embraced her quietly and kissed her on the forehead, stroking her hair. Lily suddenly thought of how Snape's hand had felt on her hair and instinctively hugged her mother harder. The red-haired woman smiled protectively, believing that Lily was still 'her little girl,' and not in fact in love with the most hated wizard teacher in the country.

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A/N : Ok, that was a fairly long chapter, for me anyway. Hopefully more will be up soon, but I have two pieces of coursework to get done so it might not happen as quickly as I would like. Please bear with me, and of course, review! I never get sick of reading reviews, unless they're flames, of course, which piss me off.

Please R&R!