Chapter fourteen

Waiting to hear news about Sam and the baby was very hard on Jack. Every minute he would look up at the big clock on the wall of the waiting room, and every minute he'd wonder what was taking them so long. Finally, after ninety agonizing minutes, he saw Janet coming toward him.

"Janet!" he cried as he shot up from the chair. "Are they okay?"

"Yes, both Sam and your daughter are doing just fine," she said with a big smile.

"It's a girl?"

"Yes, a beautiful seven pound, three-ounce girl. Would you like to see her?"

"Are you kidding?!" he all but shouted. Jack followed Janet to the nurses' station where he was given a paper gown and a mask to put on. Then she led him through swinging doors and down the hallway to the nursery. Jack looked through the big glass window and saw three rows of bassinettes, many with babies in them. Jack counted. Eighteen of the little beds held babies wrapped in either blue or pink blankets.

There was also a lady over on the far side of the room, putting a diaper on a baby. She was wearing a mostly blue smock over blue pants. The smock had little pictures on it, but from where he was standing he couldn't tell what they were.

Janet's voice startled him.

"Jack, have you picked a name yet?"

"Yah, I thought I'd name her Mary Rose, after my Grandma O'Neill."

"That's a lovely name. I'll go get her now. You go in the waiting room over there and take a seat," Janet said, as she gave him a gentle shove toward the door across the hall.

Jack went inside and sat down as he'd been told, looking around him at the small room, which contain three other rockers, a few regular armchairs, and tables with lamps on them. There were no windows, but two of the lamps were turned on. Jack could hear soft music coming from a speaker high up on one wall. It was nice soothing music, but it didn't make Jack feel any less nervous. Very soon he would be meeting is daughter for the first time!

A minute later Janet returned carrying a small pink bundle. When she lowered it into his arms, he gazed down into what he thought was the sweetest, most perfect face he'd ever seen.

"She's very beautiful, Jack."

"Of course she is. She looks like her Mom," he said with obvious pride. Everything he saw when he looked at her was Sam. From her deep blue eyes and her blonde hair, to the shape of her nose and face, it was all Sam, and he couldn't have been happier about it.

"I'll leave you and Mary Rose alone, so you can get acquainted."

Jack was so entranced by the tiny cherub in his arms, that he didn't even notice when Janet left the room. All he could think about was how light the baby was; how perfect she was, from her miniscule fingernails and eyelashes, to her little bow of a mouth that puckered up in her sleep; how he already loved her more than words could say; and how surreal this moment was.

Just a little while ago he'd been afraid for her life. Waiting while she was being brought into the world, waiting and not knowing if she or her mother would survive, had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do! He'd felt so afraid and so helpless! Jack had always been far better in situations where he could step in and take action. So, waiting around for other people to handle the situation had been much more difficult than anything he usually had to face.

And he hadn't just been afraid of losing the baby; he'd been afraid of losing Sam too! He loved Sam. He had suspected it for a while, but now he knew it for certain. But now that he knew it, how did knowing it help? She didn't even want to be a mother to his child. She wanted her career more than anything else, that was clear to him now. And another thing was clear to him too; he had expected more from her than she was willing to give. This whole idea had been his. She had only agreed to have his baby after he begged her to do it. So if anyone would have to take the blame for Mary Rose not having a mother in her life, it would be him.

IIf only there was something I could do to change Carter's mind! She could be a mother and have her career too, I know she could!/I

Jack heard a small whimper and looked down at the face peeking out from the folds of the pink blanket. His daughter was beginning to fuss, and he knew enough about babies to know it meant one of two things. And since he figured she hadn't eaten yet, he suspected she was hungry.

Jack was wondering what he should do, when a young blonde woman, wearing a red and white stripped smock, came into the room. She nodded and smiled at him, and then she began straightening the magazines in the rack by the door.

Mary Rose suddenly complained loudly, her cry sounding like a cat whose tail was being stepped on.

"I think she's hungry," Jack laughed nervously, when the young woman looked up from her task.

"Is she your granddaughter?"

"No, she's my daughter," he replied defensively. Even though he realized he was a lot older than most new fathers, Jack still felt a bit insulted.

"Cool! What's her name?"

"Mary Rose."

"That's a very pretty name," she said, as she came over to take a closer look. They both talked about the baby for a bit, but it wasn't long before Mary Rose let out another loud, disgruntled squawk.

"I think I'd better do something now, before she erupts," he laughed again.

"Why don't you take her to your wife," she suggested.

"Yah, I guess I should," he replied, deciding not to take the time to explain things to her. After all, things were complicated and she was a total stranger.

Jack rested his daughter on one arm as he pushed himself up out of the rocker, and then he carried her out into the hallway. He wasn't sure what he was going to do at first, but suddenly the girl's suggestion made him think of something. A few seconds later he was standing outside the door to Sam's room.

Knowing that this might be his last chance to change Sam's mind, he opened the door and went inside.

Sam's eyes were closed, but he went over to the bed anyway, hoping she wasn't asleep.

"I thought you might like to see our baby, Carter," he said quietly, deliberately using the word 'our'. Meanwhile Mary Rose found one of her fists and proceeded to suck on it, making small slurping sounds.

Sam opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him groggily. Jack smiled at the sounds Mary Rose was making. He looked at Sam to see her reaction, but she wasn't smiling. In fact, he thought she looked frightened. But he quickly decided not to let that stop him. If his plan was going to work, he had to catch her off guard!

"Here, would you like to hold her?" he asked. And then without waiting for an answer, he placed the baby across Sam's chest, holding on just until Sam's right arm came up to surround the small bundle. Then she put her other arm around it too, before looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

Sam had been surprised to see Jack carrying the baby toward her, but she was shocked speechless when he practically shoved the baby at her. Instinctively she had put her arms around it to keep it from falling, but now she had no idea what to do with it!

"Sir, I can't! I don't even know how to hold her," she complained.

"Nonsense! You're doing just fine," he assured her. But Mary Rose let out another cry that sounded like she disagreed, and Sam panicked. "Uh…now what do I do?"

"She's hungry, Carter," Jack stated simply.

"What do you expect me to do about it?" she asked, sounding defensive. She realized the colonel was trying to coerce her into doing something that was beyond her knowledge, experience and training. She'd never felt so totally useless before and the feeling brought tears to her eyes. "Sir?"

"Feed her, Carter. You're the one she needs right now. I can't help her," he added, and Sam thought he sounded bitter. She looked down at the small face, and immediately the baby let out a loud, plaintive cry, as though she was complaining directly to Sam. Then her little face turned bright pink, her mouth opened wide and she began to bawl in earnest.

Suddenly the urgency of the baby's pitiful cry tugged at Sam's heart strings, and her fear and doubt just seemed to disappear. This was her child, dammit, and she wasn't about to let it starve to death!

"Help me. Untie my gown," she said, indicating the back of the hospital gown with a twist of her head. Jack reached around her and pulled the tie loose. But the gown stayed put, and Jack didn't know what to do about it. Well, he did know what he could do, but he didn't feel right about doing it. After all, this was Carter.

Impatiently, Sam held the baby out to him. "Here, take her for a minute so I can do it." Jack held the baby while Sam pulled the gown down and off one arm. Then she reached for the baby. Awkwardly she held the squalling infant next to her bared breast. But the baby's face was looking in the wrong direction, and she just continued to fuss. Sam wanted to turn the baby's head the other direction, but she wasn't sure how to grip it without hurting her. She also didn't seem to have enough hands. "Oh, this isn't working," Sam whined.

"Can I help?" Jack asked, as he tried not to stare at Sam's naked breast.

"Yes, yes! Please, help turn her more toward me," Sam begged.

Jack gently turned the baby's body more toward Sam's chest, his knuckles grazing her teat. Then, as he watched, Sam guided the nipple to the baby's tiny lips. The instant the baby felt the nipple brush her cheek, she nuzzled Sam's breast, opened her mouth and latched on. Then she began sucking loudly, and Jack looked on with envy, suddenly recalling another time in his life when he'd been jealous of his own child.

"Ouch!" The pinching feeling was so great that Sam was surprised by the baby's strength. "For such a small baby, you're really strong," she told her daughter in an amazed voice. If only she'd planned for this! Now she knew why all those books had talked about preparing her nipples for nursing.

Whether or not she would nurse the baby had been the one thing she had put off deciding, probably because she'd waffled back and forth about her role in the child's life. And of course, since it had seemed so personal, it was also the one subject that she hadn't been able to bring herself to discuss with Jack. But now that she was nursing, feeding her baby from her own body, and Jack was here watching, Sam didn't feel awkward about it at all. In fact, she realized what a wonderful, miraculous thing it was, and she knew that this was something she really wanted to do. It was something special that she could do for her child, something no one else could do, and so she decided to do it as well as she possibly could.

"Can I do anything for you? Get you anything? Want the TV on? The radio? Want something to drink?"

"No, thank you, but I am a little cold. Will you find something to put around my shoulders?"

While Sam stared down at the tiny person in her arms, trying to make herself believe that she had created this perfect, precious baby, Jack draped her shoulders with a clean bath towel he got from the ensuite bathroom. He also tucked the blanket up around Sam and the baby, before pulling the upholstered chair up to the bed. Then he dropped into the chair, suddenly feeling exhausted.

Jack didn't know when he'd fallen asleep, but the next thing he knew Janet was in the room and she was holding the baby. Janet looked over at him and smiled.

"They're both asleep. You should go home now and get some rest," she whispered, as she put the baby down into a bassinette which had miraculously appeared in the room, right next to the bed.

Jack stood next to the bassinette and looked down at his daughter. Then he looked at Sam. He thought they both looked like angels, and his heart swelled with love for both of them. And though a big part of him wanted to stay, he knew they both needed to rest, and he needed to go home and clean up. So he followed Janet out into the hallway.

"Thanks for everything, Doc. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"I won't be able to come back until tomorrow. I have to work."

"Okay. Oh! I need to phone Daniel and Teal'c."

"Don't bother; they're off world. I told General Hammond about the baby, and he said he'd notify them when they check in."

Jack was a bit surprised to hear that they had left so late in the day. He hoped it didn't mean there was something wrong, but he knew it wouldn't do any good to ask. Where they had gone and what they were doing was none of his business anymore. It was sort of strange not knowing and not being allowed to know, but it really didn't bother him all that much.

On his way to his truck, Jack phoned Joe. "Joe, it's Jack. Sam had the baby!"

"That's great! What is it?"

"It's a girl, and she looks just like Sam."

"Thank God! What did you name her?"

"Mary Rose, after my Grandma. Oh, my God, I forgot to tell Sam her name!"

"You sound a bit shook up, son."

"I guess I am a bit. Joe, do you really think Sam loves me?" The old man had been telling him the same thing ever since the first time he'd met Sam. And there had been times when Jack thought Joe might be right. But lately he just didn't know what to think.

"I'd bet my life on it. Maybe it's time you told her how you feel?"

"I'm not sure. What if you're wrong?"

"What if you don't tell her, and you miss your chance with her?"

"Good point. I'll see you tonight."

"No, you'll be at the hospital tonight with your daughter and the woman you love. I'll get Kenny Robbins to help me the rest of the week."

"You sure?" Kenny was a neighborhood boy that Joe sometimes hired to do odd jobs. Jack thought the boy, who was actually twenty-two, was a moron, but Joe always said he was just shy.

"Yes, Jack. I'll take care of the shop. You just take care of your two women."

Jack ended the call and got into his truck, smiling from ear to ear.

"My two women," he said aloud. Jack really liked the sound of that. He started the engine and headed for home, but on the way there he thought of one stop he wanted to make.

TBC