Wow, I actually remembered to update this week! Isn't that just a huge surprise to all of you? It's a good thing I was wandering around the internet alone and bored and suddenly remembered my promise to myself to update every week.

Here it is, the last of the Sues. I've got…ahh…three more chapters after this, including one that's really new, and hopefully I'll have written more by the time those run out. Chances are pretty good on that, since I just started Spring Break this afternoon. We can all hope, right? Anyway, I'm going to put an effort in to get lots of writing done this week.

And here is the original chapter, most author notes intact:

I know, I said no more Sues. Well, I also said that there was one more on my computer, so you're getting it this week. I have nothing else to update with, so here you are.

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

Sued!Jack (part 3)

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

Anastassia was a fairly normal girl. She had long blonde hair and sparkling sapphire eyes. She was a freshman in high school, and had a friend named Leandra, who wasn't important enough to warrant a description. Apparently their parents were just stoned all the time and thought those would be good names.

Anyway, Anastassia didn't like to be called Anastassia because of the crummy movie about Anastasia. So she had worked hard at creating a nickname for years, and had everyone calling her Storm, including her stoned parents.

Anyways, one day, Storm's stoned mother, Patricia, told her that they were going on vacation. Storm threw a big fit, since she didn't want to be without her best friend Leandra. They had a disturbingly close and obsessive relationship, and hated to be separated for more than a day.

Then Patricia told Storm that they were bringing Leandra with them on vacation.

Leandra's parents must have been stupid or something. Storm's parents are so stoned all the time that they'd probably let Leandra jump off a cliff right in front of them.

So they all got on a plane to the Caribbean—Storm, Leandra, Patricia, and Storm's stoned father, Hubert.

Then it crashed. Patricia and Hubert were killed, but that doesn't really matter since no one liked them anyway.

Everything went black for Storm and Leandra—it always does, you know.

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

Jack walked along the street in Port Royal He visited there a lot, since the entire British Navy was not enough to stop him from going to one of their ports and wandering around. He liked it there, and often visited for no reason at all other than to wander around and hope to bump into someone and start a quest. The Black pearl was currently anchored in the harbor next to the Dauntless, but no one seemed to care, including his astonishingly obedient crew.

He looked ahead of himself, and saw two young, unreasonably pretty girls sitting on the dock. They were wearing very strange clothing, but Jack didn't really notice that, since he had selective perception and saw only the good in every girl he ever met.

Jack's eyes were riveted on the girl with blonde hair. He hardly even gave the other a glance as he stared at her.

Not that it would have mattered. Leandra was never described, so she was really just sort of bland and unmemorable.

"Where are we?" wondered Storm.

"I don't know," replied Leandra. "Somewhere in the Caribbean, I guess...but everyone's wearing weird clothes."

"Well, we might as well get up," decided Storm. So they stood up.

By this time, Jack was within five feet of them, since he had just been staring at Storm the entire time and was too preoccupied to realize that he was still walking.

"Oh, hel—" Storm started, turning to face him, but cutting off mid-word. "Oh my gosh! It's Johnny Depp!"

"What?" Jack was baffled, but not turned off or given a desire to leave.

"Ohhhh," Storm seemed to come to a conclusion. "Is this Port Royal?"

"...Yes," replied Jack, wondering for a second why she would not know where she was, but then forgetting about that as he realized again how good she looked. In his world, people not knowing very obvious things was a regular occurrence, and he had long since accepted it as normal.

"And you're Jack Sparrow?"

"I am," smiled Jack, not wondering in the slightest how she knew his name. She was just so breathtaking that he didn't care in the slightest about anything weird she might say.

Storm turned to Leandra.

"Leandra," started Storm, "I think we're in Pirates of the Caribbean!"

"Really?" Leandra looked skeptical for a moment, but then accepted it as fact. "Okay."

"Want to come work on my ship?" asked Jack, as he would for any girl he had just met.

"We would be delighted!" smiled Storm.

"That's wonderful," grinned Jack. "Do you know anything about sailing?"

"No," admitted Storm. Jack was only slightly disappointed.

"That's all right," consoled Jack. "I can take time out of my duties to teach you everything."

"Oh, would you?" exclaimed Storm. "That would be great!"

And so, Storm went to work on the Pearl and get taught stuff by Jack, who really did his best to teach her all he knew. He never got even the tiniest bit impatient with her, no matter how slowly she learned or how much she screwed up, and he always found time to spend with her, even if it meant shirking his duties to the crew and the Pearl.

Leandra went along too, but since she was just along as a background character, she wound up swabbing the deck and getting molested by Gibbs instead of learning piratey skills from Jack with Storm. Storm didn't really seem to even notice that Leandra was being left out, despite how close of friends they were, and Leandra didn't resent anyone for it at all.

It all went great until they went to loot another ship a few weeks later. Then Storm went charging over to the other ship with a cutlass in her hand, determined to be heroic and violent. She made it about three feet onto the deck before she was impaled by someone who actually knew what they were doing because they had spent their sword fighting lessons learning to sword fight instead of flirting with their teacher.

Jack called off the attack then, and brought her body back to the Pearl, forsaking several members of his crew and all the money he could have stolen, even though they had been winning.

No one even noticed that Leandra had gone missing. What had happened was that she got lost on the other ship, and the people who owned it weren't exactly the most upstanding people in the world. She was beaten and raped, and then sold into slavery, but her story was never even told, so it's hard to say whether she felt any resentment.

Jack mourned his loss for months after that, and eventually slit his own wrists to end the pain and died. His crew didn't really mind, since he'd been a shitty captain ever since he had fallen in love with that strangely dressed twit. So they just took Jack's body and the body of his lover (which he had saved and...loved), and threw them over to side of the ship.

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

PEOPLE LIKE SCENE DIVIDERS!

Sorry for copping out and killing Jack again, but...yeah. I did kill them all, and there's nothing you can do about it.