A/N: Okay, I know it's been a year since I last updated (a whole year, gone by so fast), but have mercy. Lets hope that my painful year of English has paid off and this turns out okay. Sorry if there are any inconsistencies, like I said before it's been a year since I last updated.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Chapter 11
Options
Standing in a corner, watching a bunch of royals drink tea can get very boring. So your mind begins to wonder. My memories of last night sizzled heatedly in my mind. I replayed everything, the way Dimitri lovingly caressed my bruises after our most intimate moment. How his fingers drew lazy nothings on my flesh. His breath came out in gentle little puffs on my shoulder as we slumbered. I imagined us travelling around the world; I saw snapshots of us in various locations. No moroi, no regulations, no life-threatening risks, just us. Forever.
Standing there, covered in boring black clothing, with my feet aching from standing constantly I thought of the life Dimitri and I could have. If there were no moroi, if our lives weren't chosen for us. Then, I came crashing back to reality. If moroi didn't exist, where would Lissa be, and Adrian. Oh god, Adrian. I had slept with Dimitri, while Adrian and I were still dating. Even though he knew it was only to make Dimitri jealous, he would still be crushed. Probably even more disappointed in me, I was acting like a spoilt brat. I wanted Adrian, but needed Dimitri. I had to tell him.
I turned to the feel of a slight tug on my arm, scarily close to my bruise. Dimitri looked at me with worried eyes. He must have seen my grief. I knew if I told Adrian, I would loose a close friend, possibly forever. I knew what he thought, that if Dimitri didn't choose me, I would pick him. But I couldn't lie to myself, if you had a taste of the most delicious chocolate, then you can't stop comparing everything else after that, you can't settle for less. Now I really sound mental; comparing to extremely hot guys - who both happen to be in love with me - to chocolate. Dimitri was still looking at me, his gaze alone was reassuring. His worry was almost drowning me.
"We have half an hour off for lunch," was all he said, but he had comforting undertone. He looked around the emptying room and quickly bent down and pecked me on the cheek. As he pulled away he muttered, "You are beautiful."
Having already wasted ten minutes on my extreme emotions, we walked briskly towards a little café on the outskirts of the Court. On our way I swore I glimpsed sights of Adrian, it must be my gnawing guilt. He had on his mischievous grin and winked at me playfully. I guess that's the way I see him, in my mind, that is. We entered the little café; it had a homey feel to it. The chairs and tables were mismatched, and the counter only had cupcakes and muffins on the tabletop with glass covers over them. There were different table cloths on each bench, all had a different theme. It was almost empty, except for a few dotted customers. The workers stood leisurely behind the counter, probably waiting for someone to serve. When they saw Dimitri and I enter through the doors their faces brightened a little.
I wish my life was that simple, where a plain old customer made my day and the worst part of my life was baking muffins. No, instead I got the most dramatic love triangle since Twelfth Night. Oh man, now I sound like a super nerd, comparing my life to a Shakespeare play. I needed Lissa; she would know how to break someone's heart without hurting them too much.
I came back to reality when I noticed both Dimitri and the waitress watching me, "Um, excuse me, what did you say?" I asked in my most sincere voice. Dimitri chuckled slightly under his breath, but his eyes still held worry.
I ordered a chocolate doughnut, as per the usual. As Dimitri and I sat in a secluded corner of the shop, he didn't try to make a conversation, or even crack a joke. That was Adrian's forte; Dimitri was always the silent helper. He never spoke, but his strong presence soothed my raging emotions. Adrian had been everything I needed, he made me smile when I was sad and even put his own feelings aside so I could get the love of my life back. He felt for me what I felt for Dimitri.
I had believed there was one person you were always meant to be with. I had always hoped that fate would bring me to that person. Then I grew up, I saw my duty as guardian and all my childhood hope dwindled into dreams long forgotten. Then Dimitri showed up. When I thought of him, I saw a life, with a wedding and children and a whole bunch of crazy friends. I would go to the shops and not fear being attacked by the undead. We would have a giant family Christmas. Lissa would be there with Christian and their children, even Dimitri's family. We would live in a house near a small town but far into the woods. That was my picture, my dream that would never be real.
I had deluded myself into thinking we could live normally. Only to come hurtling into the painful truth that was my life. Maybe it was the thought of Dimitri that I had fallen in love with, or maybe it was my blazing determination. When I had met Adrian, I was jealous of Dimitri and Tasha. I believed I loved Dimitri and I was fighting to get him back. My mind did not spare a second glance at Adrian, I firm that Dimitri was the one. With Adrian I could have children and a giant Christmas; we could even buy a house outside of Court far into the woods.
But could I live without Dimitri. And the answer was no, he was my rock. He saved me from spirit and my own behaviour. I owed him almost everything. Dimitri levelled out my own wild temper. His quiet nature calmed me while my rebellious attitude freed him from his tight control. We equalled each other out.
And it was now that I realised this was my big decision, the one that would alter the course of my life forever. I had two options; one was a family with a man I loved. The other was a life with the Russian god I was in love with. They both had there pros and cons.
I hadn't even considered the third option; solitude. I could choose neither, and dedicate my life to protecting Lissa. It was what my mother had chosen; she was a well respected guardian, a credit to her profession. We rarely spoke and she didn't seem to have any close friends. It was a lonely road to walk, but perhaps my best option.
A/N: Okay that was my second last chapter of Appreciate What You Have, the next chapter is the decider. What do you think Rose should choose? Adrian, Dimitri or solitude. The decision is yours, don't stuff it up (Nah I'm just joking) no pressure.
Cheers,
You-Know-Why97