Section Seven - Results

The Ring

As Yuri Sakazaki ran in (unknowing of Billy Kane passing her father a big bottle of whiskey), she was immediately beset by the Predator Hunter, who jumped towards her with the famed three-kick combo. Yuri blocked, however, and grabbed the alien. She began to slap him repeatedly.

Cham Cham followed soon after, with Pakupaku right on her heels. She immediately leapt on Kim Kaphwan and began scratching the kickboxer madly, with Pakupaku jumping up and down and screaming "Eeeek! Eeeek!" in its most annoying fashion.

Meanwhile, Kitana entered and set her eyes on Scorpion. The ninja was wobbling already, and he was an enemy of Shao Kahn. Not that she cared personally, but she had to maintain her facade. Rules were rules, after all. She noted that the undead warrior had his back to the "ropes"-wise on his part.

But Shao Kahn's spell would surprise him. She dove into the acid just as Joe Higashi arrived and started hurling whirlwinds at Anakaris. The mummy retaliated with a Royal Judgement that turned Joe into... a tiny dust devil!

Announcer's Booth

"Well. Isn't that amazing, folks? Only in the UVR!" Birdman clicked off his mike and activated the com-system.

"BRANT! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?"

"I think Shao Kahn is meddling. It's his acid, after all. He can probably alter the affectation of it on an individual basis."

"Get Boobwod down to the Outworld dressing room pronto!"

The Ring

As Pai entered and traded kicks with Cammy, Kitana emerged from the acid, dripping wet. She entered the ring just behind Scorpion (receiving a few electrical burns) and grabbed him. The acid on her body immediately started to hiss madly on contact with the ninja. Scorpion howled with pain, and flipped Kitana over. He then whipped out his Blade Lasso, spearing her, but when he pulled her in, the acid-weakened-rope snapped. He fell backwards into the "ropes" and was jolted out, where he stood wobbling. Kitana walked up, removed her mask, and gently kissed him. The ninja started inflating instantly.

Outworld Dressing Room

Boobwod opened the door, and saw Shao Kahn standing before him.

"Bow before me, mortal."

"Yeah, right. Screw that. I'm here because..." His sentence was interrupted by twin sais glancing past his ears and a long blade being held to his throat.

"Baraka say you bow, or Baraka make you head shorter, human."

Baraka suddenly backed away from Boobwod, being forced by a M-16 with underslung grenade launcher that was being held by a NARC. Another NARC and two Heavy Barrel warriors were visible in the hallway.

"Yes, well, Boobwod say you, Shao Kahn, stop your tricks with the acid. Now."

Shao Kahn spread his arms in a gesture of futility. "I truly wish that I could, puny mortal. However, the spell is a permanent one."

"Oh. Great." Boobwod reached for his com unit angrily.

The Ring

Death had just teleported into the ring, and was busily sparring with the Predator Hunter. Haohmaru ran over to their fray (nearly slipping on one of Scorpion's intestines en route).

"HA! WHICH OF YOU WISHES TO FIGHT ME, THAT IS I, HAOHMARU, GREATEST OF ALL WARRIORS? I PROMISE THAT I SHLL BE HONORABLE!"

They both turned and looked at him, then at each other; then they both lunged forward, hacking at the ronin simultaneously. Haohmaru calmly (but quickly) parried every one of their blows (impressive, considering the speed of the Predator Hunter). In between blows, he grabbed Death and vaulted him over the ropes, where the Time Killer began to dissolve. Haohmaru was already Sogetsuzaning the Predator Hunter, who fell in a similar arc.

At that point, Kintaro entered the ring, and Haohmaru felt inner peace. Here, at long last, was a worthy opponent.

Announcer's Booth

"DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN!"

"Come on, Birdman. This isn't that bad."

"What? Are you kidding? This is horrible! We'll be laughingstocks!"

"Not if I activate the backup."

"Backup? What backup? Activate it already!"

The Ring

Cham Cham had just Jaguar Rushed a wobbly Raiden, who fell into the acid without teleporting away (as Birdman had feared would be the case). She saw Kim Kaphwan leaping and kicking Ryu in the face repeatedly-"YATTAYATTAYATTA!"

She called out to him. "Let's finish him off together. Ahhh! He is scary to fight alone!"

Kim nodded his agreement, and they both jumped in, Cham Cham preparing to scratch, Kim to kick again. However, Ryu had recovered quickly, and Dragon Punched BOTH of the incoming warriors into the acid. "SHORYUKEN!" yelled the Street Fighter, who was getting his second wind.

As Morrigan entered the ring, Haohmaru took time out from dodging Kintaro's massive blows to yell, "HELLLLOOOO SUCCUBUS NURSE!" He was promptly slammed by a huge punch from Kintaro, who sent Haohmaru flying into the ropes at mach speed. He then rebounded to the center of the ring. Haohmaru lay in front of the advancing giant unmoving.

The huge half-dragon steadily advanced on the seemingly eliminated Haohmaru. He bent over. "Now," he growled, "you know your folly. I am undefeated in the Outworld. What could a relatively weak fighter from the Earth dimension do to defeat me? Hmmm? You are not even the equal of Liu Kang, little man. What will you do as I grab you for your final swim?"

He was answered by Haohmaru thrusting his sword upwards - where it connected with Kintaro's stomach. The blade slid smoothly into the gigantic warrior - and then out the other side. Kintaro staggered backwards.

"THAT! HA! THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO... ER, DID!" Haohmaru stepped up to Kintaro, and grabbed hold of his sword. He tugged, to no avail-it was lodged.

"HEY! COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND HERE?" he called to Yuri Sakazaki. She jogged over and promptly Hohkened Kintaro, allowing Haohmaru to dislodge his blade. "THANK YOU! WOULD YOU CARE TO ELIMINATE HIM? I DO NOT WISH TO LODGE MY SWORD AGAIN!"

"Sure. Shake hands?"

Haohmaru grabbed her hand, which she then used to toss him over to the other end of the ring. "THAT'S for humiliating me at the DT." She then looked at Kintaro, who was starting to recover.

"Heh! Go ahead, little girl! Do your worst! I don't care! Let's see you knock me into the acid!"

Yuri complied by Haohshohkohkening the half-dragon warrior, which knocked him backwards, causing him to trip over the ropes.

Barely hearing Takuma's cry of "THASS' MY GIRL!", she looked down... to see Kintaro surfacing!

"Nice try! But when I get back in that ring, I shall disembowel you! Prepare to be... huh?"

Kintaro then exploded, the result of being right next to a mine when it was triggered. His last sight was of the floating mines that had suddenly appeared in the acid moat.

Meanwhile, Morrigan had tossed a disoriented, just-transformed-back Joe Higashi over the ropes, and turned around-to recieve an Asp Extension from Anakaris. She recovered quickly, and jetpacked a loooooooonng way away, then turned around.

Anakaris, who had forgotten about Morrigan's devastating Valkryie Turn, was not blocking when Morrigan began to drill into him from the back. He was gradually forced backwards until he was being shocked by the ropes. Morrigan continued to grind, however, and upon landing Shadow Bladed the mummy into the acid.

As this took place, Cammy was continuing her kicking fight with Pai. Tiring of it, she Thrust Kicked the Virtua Fighter into the acid. She turned around to see Haohmaru knocking Kitana's tossed fan away with his katana. She then saw Yuri and Morrigan on either side of her, both jumping up and launching projectiles at her. She ran forward-right into a Hurricane Kick from Ryu.

Original Authors
Chris "Birdman" Bird
Bob "Boobwod" Wood
Brant Rogers