Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting. Thanks to everybody who is following this story.

Two months later, Reid found himself waiting in front of JJ's door, cursing himself momentarily that he hadn't been a better friend. He hadn't seen JJ in weeks. She was still recovering.

But Will's frantic call spurred the profiler to action.

"Spencer, thank you for coming." Will ushered the genius into his and JJ's Brownstone in a hushed whisper.

"Of course I would come." Reid scratched his head in surprise. He still wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, but when it came to JJ or Henry, he was just about willing to walk across hot coals.

After all, it was simply an issue of mind over matter.

Will buried his head in his hands, obviously exhausted. "I just got a call from dispatch, I've got to go in and Henry's babysitter can't get here for another couple of hours."

Reid nodded still somewhat confused. "Isn't JJ here?"

Will frowned. "She just started her new pain meds." He sighed, running his hand through his short dark hair in frustration, "Just—" He hesitated, obviously having more to say but being unwilling to say it. "Can you stay with Henry?"

"Absolutely." Spencer agreed.

Will left hurriedly, informing Reid that Henry was currently taking a nap before rushing out the door.

He stepped into the kitchen, surprised to see JJ nearly jump out of her skin when she turned around from where she had been fiddling with something she now held behind her back. "Oh—Reid. You scared the hell out of me." She narrowed her eyes, "What are you doing here?"

He stepped back slightly in surprise—JJ was never this crass. Or angry. "Will asked me to come and watch Henry." He explained, still not entirely understanding why his presence was required.

JJ blew out her breath, obviously angry as she limped toward the kitchen table, stuffing something quickly into her pockets as if she was desperately trying to hide it from his view. "Damn it, I told him not to." She grumbled.

"Sorry." Reid smiled uneasily as she brushed past him.

He had known her for years, yet he had never seen her like this.

"Well he's taking a nap." She shrugged, collapsing into the chair and picked up an open bottle of Smirnoff before pouring herself a glass. "So take a seat I guess."

"Aren't you still on pain pills?" Reid asked curiously, nervous as the consequences of mixing pain killers with alcohol rushed through his mind. "Mixing alcohol with medications can cause nausea, headaches, lessen the potency of a drug's effectiveness—" He rattled off, concerned that maybe JJ just wasn't aware of how dangerous it could be.

"I know." JJ interrupted, snorting inelegantly at the situation, unconsciously fingering the small bulge in her pocket. "Being on disability has it's perks." She shrugged, distain clearly lining her voice. Glancing up as she nursed the glass in front of her, as if daring Reid to press further, almost pressing him to mention the empty bottles of tequila and various other liquors that filled the garbage can, she added, "I don't see how that is any of your business."

Reid frowned, something was wrong.

He had seen this before.

He had been this before.

But it didn't make him any better equipped to handle the emotional torment going on inside of the woman in front of him.

"It's my business because I care about you." He said finally, hating the way his voice sometimes reached a ridiculous pitch that made him feel four years old.

He knew that he was not the best at handling these situations. There was something about the complex range of emotions that made him desperately want to have an answer, despite knowing it wasn't something he could easily quantify.

Statistics. Experiments. Theories. Quantifiable data. That was where Spencer Reid excelled.

People. Emotions. They were JJ's specialty.

Yet right now, JJ needed him and he longed to be able to step forward and offer words that were calculated to rectify the entire situation.

But he was Spencer Reid. And this was JJ.

He thought back to the first time he met her, starkly contrasting the woman before him and the woman from so long ago.

'Everyone, Agent Jareau—JJ—' Hotch corrected himself immediately as they stepped onto the plane, 'will be joining us as media liaison for this next case. I trust—'

Reid smiled and Morgan laughed heartily as the woman cut off Hotch's long introduction by stepping forward and introducing herself to the nearest person individually.

Hotch sensed this part of his responsibility was done and offered an amused smirk before settling down into his typical seat on the jet. 'Take a moment to get situated and we'll start after takeoff.'

The blonde introduced herself around the room before settling into a seat beside Reid. 'It's okay if I sit here, right?' She confirmed, smiling brightly despite the way she picked at her fingernails as if trying to hide an uncomfortable nervousness.

He dismissed that thought, blushing slightly as he nodded. 'Yes. I mean, sure.' He felt himself rambling, but couldn't seem to stop himself from blurting out a string of facts while under the woman's gaze. 'Technically, it would depend on your definition of 'okay'. If you are asking whether it is permissible for you to sit there, or if there is some sort of unmentioned cultural norm that we all abide by but haven't informed you of yet, then the answer is yes it is okay.' He stopped, realizing that the rest of the team plus the new girl were looking at him in confused surprise.

The new girl—JJ—chuckled, looking across the aisle at Morgan with a quirked eyebrow. 'Is he for real?'

'As real as a toothache.' Derek grinned, raising his eyebrows in a way that made Reid blush.

She turned back to him, patting him gently on the arm. 'I think, Dr. Reid, that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.'

That friendship, it had been one of the best things in his life. It was honest. JJ sometimes laughed at him when he was awkward. Cried when he was insensitive. Grinned when he was oblivious.

But her friendship was one of the deepest interpersonal connections he had on this earth.

And it was because of that connection that he was worried.

He noticed JJ shift uncomfortably in her seat and realized she didn't quite know how to respond.

If he wasn't worried before, he sure was now.

"How are you?" He asked, watching her closely for any hint of deception.

Years of poker games had taught him her tells, and despite her nearly impassive mask of control, he felt his stomach drop as she tucked her hair behind her ear and lied. "Never better." She shrugged.

He frowned, waiting for something else, anything that might hint that she wasn't trudging down the same path he had years before. The very thought that she could be experiencing that sort of torment made him drop the charade entirely. "Are you really going to sit here and lie to me?" He asked poignantly.

She held his gaze defiantly, her deep blue eyes darkening with anger as her lips drew into a tight line. "Back off Spence. Leave it alone."

"No." He insisted. "If it were me, you wouldn't." He bit his lip, wondering if bringing up such an intimate memory was crossing the line before surrendering entirely to his instincts and added, "You didn't."

She fell back slightly as if stung by the reminder.

She hadn't given up on him, and he wasn't about to give up on her.

He held the crook of his arm tightly, panicking as his free hand fumbled to open the door.

'JJ.' He gasped, praying desperately she wouldn't notice the hungry pain in his eyes. 'What are you doing here?'

'Where is it Spence?' She asked, pushing past him into his slightly messy apartment.

'I don't know what you're talking about.' He murmured, stepping back as she whipped around sharply.

Her face softened as she studied him, but her words remained harsh. 'Yes. You do. Now what is it? Morphine? Heroin?'

He felt his mouth fall open, stunned. How did she know? Could the others tell?

'JJ, please. Just leave me alone.' He pled, crossing his arms tightly around him.

He could nearly see her heart breaking through her eyes and she sighed, her words taking on a gentleness that surprised even him. 'I'm not leaving Reid.' She promised.

'Why not?' He spat, desperate to get her to back off her crusade. 'You did just fine abandoning me in Georgia.'

He watched his words strike her and she closed her eyes and gulped down as if painfully trying to separate herself from the guilt he knew she felt. 'You don't mean that.' She assured, her voice less certain than it had been before.

'I do.' He asserted, though both of them knew he was lying. 'So just go away.'

'No.' She took a deep breath, reasserting her conviction. 'If I abandoned you before, I'm not doing it now.'

He frowned, hating the determination in her eyes. 'Why? Why can't you leave me alone?'

'Because it isn't your fault.' She added, and he could see the guilt she had heaped upon her own shoulders, 'And I'll be damned before I lose you again.' She stepped forward, closing the gap between them as she touched his arm reassuringly. 'Now where is it?'

He closed his eyes, hating that she was the one person he couldn't lie to. 'In my bag.' He admitted, his voice no larger than a whisper. 'And in the kitchen, under the sink.'

She swept through his apartment quickly, checking the places he had said, and judging by the look on her face also finding the small stash held in the tank of his toilet.

'I'm going to get you help.' She promised. 'You aren't going to do this alone.'

'I don't deserve your help.' He shook his head, ashamed that not only had he had fallen so far, but it had been so obvious that even JJ had known.

'You do.' She disagreed. 'And one day, you're going to believe me.'

"Let me help you." Reid's voice was softer than he had ever heard it as he leaned forward to touch JJ's hand gently.

She flinched, yanking herself back as tears collected in her eyes. "I don't want your help." She admitted softly, adding almost imperceptibly under her breath, "I don't deserve it."

He opened his mouth, ready for some statistical analysis to flow from him only to find himself unable to form any words until a loud cry from upstairs snapped him from their conversation.

Henry's cry grew more frantic. "JJ, we aren't done talking about this." He promised her, feeling almost nauseous as she rolled her eyes.

"Leave me alone Reid." She shrugged nonchalantly, nursing the cup in front of her. She watched as Reid slowly extracted himself from the room, obviously frustrated by his inability to penetrate the icy cold walls she had erected around herself.

She bit the inside of her lip, wondering why it felt like her heart was shattering all over again.

She hated this, this feeling inside that never seemed to go away.

Why didn't they all just understand that she was broken.

She didn't know how to fix it.

Maybe there was no fixing it.

Hours later, she honestly thought he had forgotten about her down in the kitchen, and for some reason, she couldn't decide if that was a good thing or something else to add to the tears left unshed. One look, just after she had heard him put Henry to bed informed her that no, Reid had most definitely not forgotten about her.

Or their conversation.

Frowning with the absolute certainty that this was the last conversation she wanted to have, she stood, swaying slightly as she cursed the inordinate amount of alcohol she had already consumed. "I'm going out." She announced, not allowing herself to flinch as her voice slurred even to her own ears.

Again, she knew she was broken beyond repair.

Why couldn't they all understand.

He shook his head, obviously debating whether to say something or not.

The truth of the matter was, something was wrong. And she knew it too.

She just couldn't help it.

"Did you know that sunflowers do something called heliotropism, where the flowering head tracks the movement of the sun?" He blurted out, and for just a moment she felt a small giggle bubble inside of her that seemed to die as she took in the seriousness of his face.

"No." She shrugged. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"The sun is an interesting thing." He shrugged in return, guiding her to sit back at the table where he sat across from her. "Because yes, it gives life to everything in the world, but too much sun can be an adversary that dries up the roots of the sunflower." He explained.

"Okay." She narrowed her eyes, still not following. She wasn't sure if it was her alcohol addled mind, or that he really just wasn't making sense.

"Yet, no matter how adverse, the face of the sunflower continues to face the adversity head on, tracking every movement of the sun almost defiantly." His face softened as he looked at her, reaching out to place a comforting hand on hers only to have it shrugged away almost violently. "You remind me of a sunflower." He added. "This is tough, but you will get through it."

She snorted at that. "Me? You think I'm dealing with this well?" She asked, trying to piece together what he was saying. "You think I'm facing this?"

"I think you want to." Reid concluded, seemingly not bothered by the toxic anger that seemed to silence Will every time.

"I think you don't know what the hell you're talking about." JJ spat. "Get out of here."

"I think I know exactly what I'm talking about." He shot back. "I think I know now what it feels like to look for a person that you know you should have protected. But I also know what it feels like to be waiting for the team when they just don't come in time to save you from the real monsters."

"I thought I was going to die." She admitted.

"I did too." He confided, his mind going back to the horror and stress of having to find her, just to see now that they really had failed.

'We buried you.' Reid blurted, staring at Emily in shock as his mind whirred quickly to try to make sense of seeing something he knew couldn't be real.

For a brief second, he wondered if everyone else was seeing it too.

But judging by the shocked looks of the others, he felt a wave of relief that the others were just as shocked.

'Where would he have taken her?' Hotch asked, not bothering to explain why he wasn't surprised by Emily's return.

'Wait, hold on just a second—' Garcia sputtered, 'You're alive? You were dead!' She stood, rushing over to Prentiss and holding the older woman tightly. 'I'm so happy to see you.'

'Look, JJ's missing.' Hotch barked, nearly losing his patience. 'We don't have time for this. Prentiss, where would he have taken her?'

'Doyle loves warehouses.' Emily spoke up, extracting herself from Garcia's tight grip. 'He also is a classic narcissist. He'd want to hold her somewhere close, somewhere that would make it seem like it was right under our noses.'

'We buried you.' Reid repeated, 'You faked your own death?'

'More like had it faked for me.' Emily murmured, shooting him an apologetic look. 'I know this is a shock, and I'm sorry if I hurt you, but Doyle was out there and I had to protect you.'

'You've done a great job of protecting us.' Derek spat sarcastically. 'JJ was taken because you faked your death.' He didn't bother to hide the accusing tone in his voice anger radiating off him in waves, and for a moment, Reid almost expected the other man to punch someone.

'Morgan, Prentiss didn't fake her own death alone.' Rossi spoke up, glancing between Hotch and Prentiss for confirmation. 'That's why Doyle went after JJ. He was looking for Emily?'

'You mean she lied to us?' Morgan sputtered, anger quickly turning to fury as the situation became clear.

'The fact remains, JJ's missing and we have to find her.' Hotch spoke up without a hint of regret. 'If you can't do that, get out.'

Morgan glowered, folding his arms defiantly. 'We'll find her, but when we do I'm going to give her a piece of my mind.' He promised.

'What will he do to her?' Garcia asked, her voice shaking at the thought of what her best friend might be forced to endure.

'Doyle's looking for information.' Rossi explained, 'He won't kill her until he gets it. JJ knows that—'

'But—" Garcia interrupted, sensing something that they were all desperately trying to avoid saying.

'Doyle spent years in prisons in North Korea. He will torture her.' Emily admitted, her own voice breaking. 'And he won't go easy on her.'

Reid sat back, wondering. Calculating.

How could so much go so very wrong?

"JJ, you need help." He insisted, emboldened by the fresh tears he noticed pooling in her eyes. "Let me help you."

"No one can fucking help me!" She cried. "No one!" Seeing he grew silent, she couldn't stop herself from airing the dark secret she had tried to hide. "Don't you all get it? I'm never going to be the same! You all swoop in and 'save me', but I should have died—I deserved to die."

"Why?" He asked, uncertain where some of this self-loathing was coming from.

"I was going to tell him." She admitted, her voice falling to no more than a whisper as she remembered how easily her resolve had cracked. "That last time—I was going to tell him. When I saw Emily, I thought I had."

"JJ—"

"Look, anything you say—"

"No." Reid insisted, not allowing her to brush him off. Not this time. "Listen. JJ, you went through something incredibly traumatic. You were brave and valiant, but at some point, all of us would have cracked."

"Don't—" Her voice trembled as she stopped him. "Don't say that. It's not true—"

He sighed, wondering just how he could get through to her. This wasn't something that he could tackle on his own.

She needed professional help.

"JJ, I know a place. A treatment center—"

"You want me to go to rehab?" She asked, hurt and vulnerability seeping into her voice in a way that made him want to crawl under a rock and die for even suggesting it. But he pushed forward.

Because this was JJ.

"Yes. This place—I went to this place…" He trailed off, not needing to explain when. "They help with trauma and coping behaviors."

"I don't need help."

"You probably don't." Reid agreed, aware of just how much JJ hated to be out of control. "But I think you want help."

"How could you know what I want?" She asked, but the ache in her eyes that he could almost see pushed him forward.

"Maybe you don't want help, and that's okay." He stated, "But don't do it for me. Do it for Henry." He implored, well aware that it was a little manipulative to use Henry, but if it got her the help she obviously needed he was willing to do whatever it took.

"Henry." She sighed, tears suddenly coursing down her cheeks at the reminder of what a failure of a parent she had become. Her son had once been everything.

Yet now, all she felt was empty.

When she held him, or at least when she had tried to hold him, all she could remember is what a failure she had been at being the mother that little boy deserved.

"How did you know?" She asked, not bothering to clarify further. The question encompassed so much: how did he know he was struggling (though that much had been obvious); how did he know what she needed; how did he know what she needed to do for Henry?

"Because I have been there." He assured her. "And because I don't think you want to feel this way."

She dropped her eyes to the table, not looking at him as she brushed lightly at the corner of her eye in an attempt to hide the small well of tears that had pooled there. "Okay." She offered in a whisper so small he almost thought he had heard her incorrectly.

"Okay. I will give them a call." He smiled reassuringly.

It wasn't the final answer.

But it was a start.