"We can't kill her," Merlin said.
Arthur frowned. After just an afternoon tied to his sister Merlin was forgetting where his loyalties lay. "You asked me just last night if I wanted her dead or alive. You told me you preferred dead. What's changed since then?"
"She told me on the way here that her plan is not over. She told me the people of Camelot would die. What if she's unleashed some plague that only she can cure? We can't take the chance in executing her before we know what she's done," Merlin said.
"I suppose that's reasonable, Merlin, but you can't take two days of this!" Arthur said.
"I can bear whatever I have to bear," Merlin said flatly, and Arthur wondered again what foul deeds Merlin had done secretly to protect him over the years—and what he'd had to endure himself. The things that Morgana had told him to try to drive a wedge between he and Merlin had really only made him realize all over again that Merlin was a dangerous man. He was a dangerous man because a king needed dangerous men to keep him safe and in power–but Arthur was saddened that it had to be Merlin who took on that burden.
Arthur had deceived himself over the years that even though he had taken his naive and rather sweet servant into dangerous and combative situations, he had protected his innocence as best he could. He could not have been more wrong. If anything, Merlin had protected his innocence.
"I guess you're stuck with me, brother," Morgana said.
"So much damage has been done," Merlin muttered wearily. "So many lies and deceptions. If only we could go back...but what would any of us done differently? Being who we were, we made the only choices we could. I do have one regret, though. I should have told you, Morgana. I should have told you who and what I was. I wish I had tried harder to help you see that there was another way."
Morgana looked at him appraisingly. "I suppose I can guess how many times you almost told me. The fear of the fire made cowards of us all."
"Not just fire. I feared you would use the knowledge against me. I had been told by a seer that you would be my enemy one day. I couldn't take the chance that you would expose me as a warlock before I was ready," Merlin said.
"All this time, even when we were friends, you knew we would be enemies?" Morgana asked.
"I hoped we could change our fate," Merlin said. "Now I wonder if such a thing is even possible."
"I've had visions of myself old, and blind," Morgana said. "Do you think that means I win this battle?"
"Am I there?" Merlin asked.
"Always. We fight—a fight that lasts a lifetime—and then you kill me," Morgana said softly.
"Knowing that, why not leave this place and start again?" Merlin asked.
"It's just one possible future," Morgana said.
"I don't want to kill you," Merlin said.
Morgana smiled a strange, almost wistful smile. "You never will want to kill me. That's just who you are."
It was an altogether strange and almost sweet moment, and Arthur was more surprised than he would ever later admit when Morgana picked up a knife from the table and made to plunge it in Merlin's neck. Merlin seemed to blur, and somehow the knife was in his hand, and his neck was unharmed. What shocked Arthur the most was that Merlin didn't seem surprised at all—even after all the conciliatory words between he and Morgana, he had not been fooled for a second. Of course, Merlin had just said he'd known who Morgana really was for years longer than Arthur had, and that he'd fought her many times. And he'd said he could bear whatever she could throw at him.
Perhaps Arthur should accept that Merlin knew what he was doing.
Merlin handed the knife to Arthur. "I suppose I should have checked the table for weapons," he said ruefully.
"How did you do that?" Arthur asked, amazed.
"I sort of, you know, slowed down time, a bit," Merlin said sheepishly.
"So you could have done that anytime during training, when I made you be my sparring partner?" Arthur asked.
"Yes, but it would have been a short lived victory, because you would have had him burned alive shortly thereafter," Morgana interjected.
"I trust you will not let your guard down?" Arthur said, ignoring Morgana.
"Not if I plan to live to reach Camelot," Merlin said.
"Oh, yes, Camelot is a safe haven where nothing bad could ever happen. You'll all be so much safer when you reach it," Morgana said sweetly.
Merlin looked at Morgana searchingly. "I do hope you are lying about putting the people of Camelot in harm's way, Morgana, but if you're not, we'll have an answer to you queries about changing our fate."
"You'd kill me to save those magic-hating peasants? They are nothing! I should be your queen. You should revere me," Morgana seethed.
"Yeah, well, I don't, so get used to it," Merlin said flippantly.
Merlin stood abruptly, pulling Morgana off balance and twisting her arm as she was forced to get up to follow him.
"Knights aren't supposed to hurt women, Arthur. How can you let him deliberately hurt me, your own sister? It isn't honourable, especially since I'm currently helpless," Morgana said.
"You'll never be helpless, Morgana. And I will never be a knight. I'm one of those nothing peasants you mentioned, but you always seem to forget, that as a fellow bastard, so are you," Merlin smirked.
"How dare you!" Morgana said. She tried to hit him and got restrained by him instead. Merlin had her in a kind of restraining hug that kept her from causing any trouble, but she fought against it for a few minutes before she realized she wasn't going anywhere.
She turned to Arthur again. "You might not be hitting me, or twisting my arm, Arthur, but you're letting your servant do it. You're supposed to protect the helpless, not harm them. What about your precious knight's code?" Morgana asked.
"Merlin's right. You'll never be helpless. And I trust him to do what's right. He has more innate honour than anyone I've ever met, including myself," Arthur said.
Merlin looked at bit puzzled at this and Arthur rolled his eyes. Merlin had been teaching him to do the right thing for years, and even if Arthur didn't always agree or take his advice, somewhere in his heart Arthur knew his friend almost always instinctively knew the right course of action to take.
Merlin dragged Morgana out of the room and Arthur tensely asked Gwaine and Elyan to follow. Although Merlin seemed to have her well in hand, he couldn't imagine what could happen if Morgana found a way to get the upper hand and kill Merlin.
Arthur had thought before and even been told that Merlin was the only reason that Arthur still had a throne—but seeing the way he interacted with Morgana, for the first time Arthur really knew it to be true. His bravest knights trembled at the mention of Morgana's name, but Merlin was not only not afraid of her, he was not even afraid to mock her. Merlin had slapped her earlier, which Arthur wouldn't even have had the nerve to do when Morgana was a fifteen year old brat who knew nothing of her own magic potential. Arthur's rule hinged on Merlin—without Merlin Morgana could defeat him a hundred times before the midday meal.
And as Morgana had so rightly pointed out, Merlin had every reason to support Morgana's rule. He would have been instantly elevated in Morgana's kingdom to some kind of lord, and revered for his talents. Somehow, something about Arthur had persuaded Merlin to believe that Arthur could one day see past his prejudices and change the laws of Camelot and make a just society for all, including people with magic.
For a moment Merlin's dumb optimism almost broke Arthur's heart.
Arthur thought back to all the ways he had betrayed Merlin's faith in him without knowing it; every time Arthur took a stand against magic it must have felt like a knife in Merlin's back. How could Merlin still stand so tall, seem so confident, make jokes…hell, how could he get up in the morning?
And Arthur had tried to execute him? He had judged him? He had even felt betrayed by him?
"I'm the fool," Arthur murmured.
He sat down at the table, looking at the knife that Morgana had tried to use to kill Merlin. Merlin had compromised everything to stay loyal to him, and Arthur had really not been much of a better friend to Merlin then Morgana had.
Why did he always seem to have these monstrous epiphanies when there was no way for Gwen to comfort him?