hello again. thank you all so much for the great reviews :). we're getting close to the end of this story too, only another chapter or two after this one. enjoy :)
DARKEST BEFORE DAWN
Chapter 14
Kerri pulled on the handle again, but she was again met with a freezing pain in her hands and annoyed frustration. She still couldn't believe she had walked right into a trap— a trap set by her little sister no less. But then, how was she supposed to know what Evelyn was up to to being with. Her sister was just as cryptic and sneaking in death as she was in life and it was really starting to piss Kerri off. She knew the younger girl meant well but her approach left a lot to be desired. She wished more than anything their lives hadn't turned out the way they had. But if there was one thing Kerri had learned over the years it was that living in the past brought nothing but trouble and heartache. She had to keep moving forward, had to keep pushing on— because it was the only thing she knew how to do.
Kerri finally gave up on the door. She walked around the once familiar apartment, taking in every detail. But she could find no comfort there. It was a carbon copy of the old apartment, an exact duplicate, but that still didn't make it real. It felt like death, felt like a tomb, and Kerri needed to find some way out. The redhead shivered, wrapping her arms around herself as a chill ran through her body. She didn't know why she felt cold, since her body was technically somewhere else, but she knew it couldn't be a good sign. She hadn't been in the best of shape when she and Sam had started their little experiment and she could only imagine what this was all doing to her body. She sighed, rubbing her head, turning to the large picture window when something made her do a double take. There, folded nicely on the sofa was a fleece blanket, and it had definitely not been there a moment ago.
"This can't be good." Kerri mumbled, wrapping the blanket around herself. She didn't know whether to be relieved or worried when she actually felt warmer. This was all getting too weird.
"Ev?" Kerri called out tentatively.
Evelyn had vanished shortly after her little speech and Kerri was afraid the brunette had become preoccupied with Sam and Dean. Kerri knew the boys would come after her. How— well that part of the plan she was a little unsure of. She knew they had to come through the door, since she hadn't been able to find another point of entry, but she also knew that meant going through a very pissed off Evelyn. It wasn't that Kerri didn't think the boys could handle themselves, she just wished there was something she could do besides sit and wait to be saved. This was her sister after all— Sam and Dean shouldn't be caught in the middle of her family's mess. It wasn't fair to them.
Kerri sighed, making her way over to the window. Before the apartment had burned there had been a beautiful view of the Rocky Mountains. It was like looking at a postcard. Kerri often sat by that window, watching over Evelyn as she slept on the couch. She used to promise her little sister she would be safe, that the nightmare was almost over. But that had always been a lie, and though Evelyn pretended otherwise, Kerri knew in her heart the brunette had always seen through that lie. Darkness was always at their heals, always one step behind— until the day it caught them, that is. Even though Kerri knew that day would come, she was still caught completely off guard when the Yellow Eyed Demon eventually came for her sister. And, in the blink of an eye, everything was gone.
She closed her eyes, grounding herself. The emotions were strong here and Kerri knew it had nothing to do with the apartment. She had felt it in the library, too. Without her body she was finding it harder to control the thoughts. All of her old coping techniques were useless and she didn't know how long Sam and Dean had before her body and brain were damaged beyond repair. Well, more damaged than she was at the moment. For all she and the boys knew it might already be too late. She shook her head, taking several deep breaths as she placed a hand on the cool window. She couldn't let the emotions and memories eat her alive. Not now, not after they had worked so hard and come so far. She owed it to Dean to at least try and fight. Slowly the tidal wave that was threatening to drown her ebbed away. She leaned against the window for several more minutes, regaining her composure, centering herself. When she finally opened her eyes her heart skipped a beat. She had been expecting mountains— instead she saw Sam.
Kerri blinking a few times, pressing closer to the glass. It was Sam, but it wasn't at the same time. He was younger, probably in his late teens or early twenties, and he looked healthier and happier than Kerri had ever seen him. Realization came to her instantly— she was watching Sam's memories from his time at college. Kerri watched, both happy and heartbroken. Sam looked so alive, so at peace, so normal, so happy. But that normal came at a price. She was looking at a life without Dean, a Sam without his family— and though the brunette looked beyond happy, in Kerri's heart the memories were wrong. Family was important, no matter how much they annoyed you, and Sam without Dean wasn't even remotely close to normal.
Despite that, though, Kerri was drawn to the images. Dean and Evelyn never had normal— she and Sam had. Well, Sam had. Kerri wanted to know what his life was like, wanted to see if normal really was possible for the child of a hunter. Kerri herself had never completely broken free. She had always been anchored by her family and the curse her father had placed on her as a child. Even when she was with Brian, her father and Evelyn had always been there. And so had the hunting world.
Sam was different. He had no contact with his father or brother and he had completely cut himself off from the world of hunting. For four short years Sam had been completely free of it all. He had made it, and had the Yellow Eyed Demon not returned Sam would still be living in freedom. Kerri watched the memories, the scene constantly changing. She saw parties and friends, and in the middle of it all she saw a beautiful blonde. She had heard about Jessica, but she had never actually seen her. Sam didn't carry pictures and Dean didn't elaborate. It was like Mary. Kerri knew the woman had existed, and she knew how important she was to the boys, but that was it.
Kerri took a deep breath, her heart sinking. Would everything be different if she had told her father what she saw the night her mother died? Would she have been able to save the people she loved from heartbreak had she just told the truth? One mistake, one choice made in a moment of fear, and it could be the one mistake that would destroy not only her family, but the Winchesters as well. Maybe she didn't deserve to be saved. Everyone was trying so hard to save her, but what had she done to deserve it? She had kept secrets all her life, and those secrets had allowed evil to enter their lives. So what made her so special? Why did she deserve to be saved? She was the cause of all this, why couldn't anyone see that. Besides, if she was gone so would the information she housed— and maybe, being lost in the war wasn't such a bad thing.
Kerri was pulled from her thoughts when the entire room shook violently. She stumbled away from the window when the room shook again, her vision swimming as the apartment blinked in and out of focus. "What the hell?" Kerri whispered, making her way over to the front door. It was shuttering, like something out of a b-horror movie. Something was on the other side and it was trying to get in.
"Dean?" Kerri yelled, trying the handle again. The second she touched the knob she was thrown back across the room, her head connecting violently with the wall. Kerri rolled to her side, blinking away the darkness. This was definitely not good. Hell, she was getting banged around inside her own head— it honestly shouldn't have been possible.
"This is getting ridiculous." Kerri mumbled, looking up when the door shuttered again. A cold fear settled in her heart, the room fading in and out of focus each time the door shook. She knew it was Sam and Dean, and while she was relieved for the rescue, she wished they had just left her behind. Everything seemed real, but it didn't change the fact that at that moment they were all in the middle of a mind-walk. They were fighting a spirit in their own minds, and from the sound of it they weren't getting the drop on Evelyn they had obviously been hoping for. Kerri closed her eyes, kneeling down and praying for the first time in a long time. She had no idea what was going to happen to them all when this was said and done, and she only hoped her mistakes hadn't cost the brothers their lives.
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Dean stood shoulder to shoulder with Sam, both staring at the door in front of them. Dean ignored the pictures on the walls around him, the dark images of Evelyn's final years haunting him. Going into the real attic had been bad enough. The fear, the blood, the darkness, the anger, they were all there, reaching out from the drawings, reaching out for him. Hell the room was even darker back here then it had been when they had first entered. He needed to be strong, not only to fight Evelyn, but for his brother.
This was Sam's battle, Sam's best friend, another loved one the boy had lost. Dean was going to go through the door and bring Kerri home. Sam was going to go through that door and say goodbye to Evelyn. The younger man needed all the strength he could get and Dean knew he couldn't falter, not when his little brother needed him the most.
"You ready for this, Sammy?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Ok." Dean nodded, taking a few steps closer. He was a little weirded out by the fact that Evelyn hadn't shown up yet. "Wonder where Ev is."
"I've been blocking her, I was trying to buy us some time."
Dean just looked at his brother, his heart beating a little faster after the revelation. He didn't like his brother being different, didn't like the psychic abilities the younger man harbored. He could pretend they weren't there, push them to the background— usually. But at times like these, times when Sam was openly using his demon-given ability, Dean couldn't deny his brother was turning into something he didn't understand.
"Oh— that's helpful."
"Dean—."
"So what to we do? Just open the door?" Dean cut his brother off, not needing to hear anymore.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Doesn't that seem a little easy to you."
"Well, technically Ev doesn't know we're here. So maybe it is that easy."
"She knows we're here."
"I told you I was blocking her."
"Yeah, but I saw her outside the panic room. She might not know exactly where we are but she knows we're up to something."
"Dean's right." Sam and Dean both turned back to the door, freezing when they saw the brunette standing in front of them. Dean took a breath, she looked more alive than she had when he saw her before. "You're only so strong, Sam, especially against your own teacher. You should leave now." Evelyn said sweetly, as if she was asking dinner guests to leave.
"We're not going anywhere without Kerri."
"Kerri's safe, you don't have to worry about her, Dean."
"I'm not leaving here without her. She needs to be with us, Evelyn."
"No, she doesn't. You had your chance. I told you what needed to be done, but you didn't listen. She's not safe with you. I can keep her safe and that's all that matters."
"Safe? She's comatose."
"Out there. In here she's safe."
"For how long? What happens when her body dies?"
"It won't matter. My body is dead and I'm still here. What happens outside doesn't effect what happens here."
"Evelyn, I'm sorry." Dean took a step closer, trying to appeal to his lost friend. "I wasn't there to help you, and for that I'm sorry. But you need to let Kerri out of here. It's not fair to her."
"Fair to her?" Evelyn growled, taking a step toward Dean. The temperature dropped as Evelyn's anger grew. Dean stood his ground, though he couldn't deny his fear. "Were you fair to her when you drove off, when you left her to fall apart? You weren't there, Dean, you didn't see what happened to her. You didn't see how sick she got. No one ever took care of her, no one ever tried to save her. The world let her down, and I'm not about to let it get a second chance."
With a quick wave of her hand Evelyn sent Dean flying into the wall, his head connecting hard with one of the thick wooden beams. He blinked several times, fighting off the ever growing darkness. The last thing he saw was Evelyn advancing on Sam, a fire growing in the brunette's pale blue eyes.
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Sam stood stark still, his heart skipping a beat when Evelyn threw Dean into the wall. This wasn't real, none of it was. They were in Evelyn's mind, so why the hell was she able to knock his brother unconscious. He had no idea what this was doing to their bodies back in the panic room. Hell, just ripping up one of Kerri's memories had made both the redhead and his noses bleed— who knew what they would wake up to now.
"Evelyn." Sam began, raising his hands as the brunette advanced. "Please."
"Sam. Why are you fighting me? Why are you fighting yourself?"
"I'm not fighting anything. I'm just here to get Kerri back."
"Back from what?" Evelyn asked, tilting her head curiously.
"From you. She can't stay here."
"Why not? She's safe with me."
"Like Dean said. Her body's gonna die without her soul in it."
"It's not forever, Sam."
"Then how long?"
"We're strong, Sam, stronger than anything else in the world. We're beyond demons, beyond humans, we're the pinnacle."
"What are you talking about?" Sam eyed her, fear growing in his heart. He was psychic, there was demon blood in his veins— he knew he was different. But what Evelyn was talking about, that was too much. He wasn't above anything, wasn't stronger than the things he hunted. He wasn't. He didn't want to be apart of the Demon's plans, and he certainly didn't want to be apart of whatever Evelyn was cooking up.
"Azazel has a plan. A great plan, Sam."
"No, he doesn't. He killed out mothers, Evelyn. He killed my girlfriend. Hell, he killed you."
"I know. Before Rayner came back I thought I could change everything. Azazel wanted us, Sam, we were supposed to lead, supposed to rule. With Kerri's knowledge and Azazel's guidance we were going to be the best the world had ever seen. But I didn't want that. I wanted normal, I wanted safe. I wanted to be a kid again, for life to be like it was when you and Dean were here.
"And then after I died you came back, and I thought everything would be right. But I was wrong. Dean's too reckless, too dangerous, I can see that now. I thought Kerri would be safe with him like when we were kids, but I realized something— she was never safe. The Watcher took her and Dean couldn't bring her back. She was tormented at school and by Sadie Miller's family and Dean could never stop it. She was even suffering from Rayner's experiment and Dean didn't even notice."
Sam moved a step closer to his brother, shielding the unconscious man from the angry spirit. Evelyn saw Dean as a threat, saw him as the reason for their troubles. But she was wrong. Dean did everything in his power to save Kerri, to help her. But no matter how many promises he made, no matter how hard he tried, he was still only human.
"You're right, Sam, he's only human. But you and me, we're more."
"I don't want to be more."
"Really? You were eager to learn from me."
"That was to help."
"Regardless of the intensions, you still learned. We can be together Sam. We can work together, grow stronger together. And once Azazel has completed his plans, we can take him down, destroy him. We could rule the world, Sam. We're supposed to rule the world. You and me, Sam, with Kerri beside us— we can be great."
"This isn't you talking, Evelyn."
"How do you know that? The last time you saw me I was twelve years old. I was an adult when I died. You knew me when I was a foolish child, now I'm a warrior."
"I'd rather have the foolish child. You're putting Kerri in harm's way and you're giving Dean up to die. I won't let that happen."
Evelyn squared her shoulders, taking a step closer to Sam. "Tell me, Sam, what are you going to do to stop me?"
"I'm stronger than you and you know it. That's why you're here, pleading with me. You can't take me on."
"What makes you so sure."
"If you could you would have taken me when you took Kerri. You wouldn't have let me leave her mind. That's why our noses were bleeding. It wasn't because of the book she ripped up, it was you. It's what happened when you tried to steal our souls."
Evelyn's eyes grew harder, darker, the girl before him looking more like a caged animal than his long time friend. She had turned evil, had been lured into the darkness by the Yellow Eyed Demon, and she had never come back out. This was all a plan, a plot, and he had fallen right into it. He should have seen through the facade, but he was so happy to have Evelyn back, so at peace with her spirit that he'd failed to see the truth.
Even when they were children Evelyn was crafty. She was the one who talked him into sealing Kerri's door with caulk. She's the one who started the prank wars that ended with Dean turning green. She was always the one with the suggestions, the one who asked to play outside even after she'd heard the song of the Watcher. Even as a toddler Evelyn had ulterior motives, and while they were harmless, they were also a foreboding sign of what she would one day become. Behind her sweet voice, contagious smile and mischievous eyes was a manipulative girl no one would ever expect.
And her psychic ability was a testament to that personality. Sam had never noticed until that moment how the children's abilities were linked to their personalities. Max was manipulated by his family, always pushed aside, there but rarely seen— and he had telekinesis. Andy was a sweet talker, a harmless con— and he could put thoughts in other's minds. Sam wanted to save people, wanted to help— and he had premonitions. And Evelyn. She was never who she claimed to be, never who people thought she was. She was always hiding behind masks, turning into who people wanted to see when they wanted to see it— and she could astral-project.
"You're in my mind, Sam, you can't beat me here."
"Oh no?" Sam answered calmly, his eyes drifting to the door behind Evelyn. "Cause there's a little something I figured out while I was in Kerri's head."
"Yeah? And what's that?"
"Physics doesn't really apply here. And, with a little work, I can be you."
"What?—."
Before Evelyn could even react Sam made his move, hoping to god the information he got from Kerri's mind was accurate. He closed his eyes, thinking about the door, focusing on the door, projecting himself toward the door. A split second later he was standing in front of the small door, handle within reach.
"Sam, no." Sam grabbed the handle, turning in time to see Evelyn leaning over Dean.
"Ev."
"Don't think I won't." A knife appeared in her hand, the brunette pressing it against the back of Dean's neck.
"What happened to you?"
"Everything! You left me, Sam, you left me here with nothing. My sister was sick, my dad was lost in his hunts. I called you, I called Bobby, I begged for him to let me talk to you. You forgot about me, Sam, when I needed you the most you left me."
"I didn't know!"
"How could you not know? How could you let John convince you I wasn't real? After everything, Sam, everything we lived through. How could you do that to me?"
"It was a mistake, our Dads' mistake. But they're gone, Evelyn, both of them are dead. I'm sorry for what happened, I'm sorry for how our lives turned out."
"Our lives? I'm dead, Sam. I don't have a life. All I have is this. If you open that door I die. I don't deserve to die."
"Neither do Dean and Kerri."
"So they're more important that I am?" Evelyn shouted desperately, a gale growing in the small space. Gone was the maniacal tyrant— Evelyn was a little girl again.
Sam didn't know how to answer. No, Kerri and Dean weren't more important than she was, at least not before. But now— Evelyn had died over three years ago, Kerri and Dean were still alive. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, but it was life. "You said it yourself, Ev, you're dead. They're not."
"Please, Sam, please let me stay. I'll send Kerri back, I'll let her go. Just please let me stay."
Sam was about to take her offer, but something in his heart was screaming at him to end this now. A fraction of a second later, Evelyn's eyes flashed yellow, a cold smirk spreading across her face. "No, this ends here."
Sam reached behind him, grabbing the handle and pulling the door with all the strength he could. It was like opening the door to a hurricane. Sam fell to his knees, covering his head as the winds around him grew stronger and stronger. Evelyn screamed out, leaning down over Dean, the knife still in her hand.
"Evelyn, don't." Sam screamed, lunging toward the other brunette. She vanished almost instantly, her pain filled cry still echoing around the space. Sam leaned over his unconscious brother, trying to check for injuries as the winds whipped around him. Papers flew off the walls, memories bombarding him as Evelyn cried out.
A tea party, a lopsided crown sitting atop Evelyn's pigtails. Sledding, bike riding, gummy worms, canoeing, the fake bear in Yellowstone. Playing handball in the third floor hall, basketball outside, sunny summer days and snow filled winter ones. He could hear her laughter grow and fade as the pages spun, could see her smile, hear her voice, watch her eyes. He watched it all, his heart aching, tears running down his face. All the moments of a life, gone before its time, flying around him, attacking him, forcing him to remember the person he had just destroyed. The girl he had once called his soul-mate, his best friend, his sister.
He watched, helplessly, shielding his brother. His heart shattered as he listened to the brunette scream out in pain, her spirit tearing apart as the spell she had used to keep herself around dissipated. "I'm sorry." Sam whispered, leaning down further over Dean as the room began to shake, the wooden beams cracking and splintering.
"I'm so sorry, Evelyn." Sam gasped, cursing himself for what he had done. "The dead should stay dead." Sam told himself, trying to convince himself he was right. Evelyn was gone, beyond their reach— he hadn't killed the girl, only her spirit. He told himself that over and over again, all the while holding Dean's still form like a lifeline. He had to focus on the living, not forever mourn the dead.