A/N: Okay so I haven't been having specific songs for specific chapters for this story, but for this one I do and trust me it makes the chapter that much better if you either listen to it before or while you're reading. So the song is "Feeling a Moment" by Feeder. And by the way you might want to keep the Kleenex handy for this chapter. It's a tearjerker.

"Bella wake up. We're here." I woke with a start and realized I had fallen asleep on Edward's shoulder. I instantly distanced myself from him. We hadn't spoken the whole flight.

"Ladies and Gentlemen thank you so much for flying with us today. We should be landing in about twenty minutes so please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened while we begin our descent," the captain's voice spoke over the intercom.

I stretched over Edward to peak out the window. The lights of New York City glowed beneath us.

Edward cleared his throat as my shoulder brushed against his chest. I drew back and sat upright in my own seat, staring straight ahead.

Our plane landed just as a thunderstorm was rolling in. Once we'd picked up our luggage from baggage claim, we headed out towards the car. Emmett didn't say a word as he took my bag from me and carried it the rest of the way. I glanced up at him and he looked down and smiled slightly. It didn't matter. I was still mad at him.

Demetri was there with the car to pick us up.

"So how was the trip?" He said, trying to fill the awkward silence.

We all stared at him wondering how the fuck we were supposed to answer that question. We were sitting here going back to the penthouse, without Jasper, who was still sitting in a hospital bed down in Miami. And tomorrow we'd have to pretend to mourn for him. It was beyond crazy. And to put a cherry on top of all that, I was going to have to face a devastated Alice who thinks that the love of her life got blown up on a yacht.

"Bella wake up. We're here." Fuck my life that's embarrassing. I fell asleep again. On Edward's shoulder. I really needed to start carrying one of those blow up donut pillows around in my purse to avoid situations like this.

Rose was sitting in the kitchen when we walked in, her eyes all red and puffy. As soon as Emmett was in the door, she leaped up into his arms, burying her face in his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Shh…baby. Calm down. It's okay." Emmett rubbed her back.

She clung to him tighter. I could understand her pain. She thinks she lost her brother and she almost lost her boyfriend. I'd probably be freaking out too.

"Come on let's go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow." Emmett started carrying her down the hallway.

"Um Rose?" I peaked my head around the corner.

She titled her head up from Emmett and looked at me.

"Where is she?"

She nodded her head towards Jasper's door as they passed.

"Edward can you make some hot tea please?" I started down the hallway.

"I don't know if…" he said apprehensively.

"Don't argue with me, just do it." I left him in the kitchen and if he knew what was good for him, he'd make the damn tea.

I thought about knocking, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. I opened the door slowly into complete darkness. It wasn't like I'd really been in Jasper's room, so I had no idea where anything was. My hand felt along the wall for the light switch.

A flash of lightning illuminated the room as the rain started pouring down outside. For an instant I saw the bed in the corner of the room and a lamp to the side of me. I reached out and turned it on, thankful that it wasn't too bright. I didn't want to scare her.

There she was. Curled up in the middle of the bed wearing a pair of Jasper's boxers and one of his old t-shirts fast asleep.

I walked tentatively to the bed and sat down on the edge. She shot up and looked around, groggy and disoriented.

"Jasper?" She whispered. Her voice cracked slightly.

"Sorry Al. It's just me…" I watched her just to gage her reaction.

She nodded slowly and looked out the window at the raindrops that were pelting against the window. In one swift motion she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, rocking back and forth.

"I really thought we were going to be happy Bella…" She broke out in sobs.

I put my arms around her and started crying with her. It was all so heartbreaking.

There was a soft knock on the door. Edward opened it slowly and peaked his head in.

"Hey I brought you some tea."

I waved him in. "You can set it on the table. Thank you."

"Okay…" He set the two steaming cups down and started to back away. "Um. Just let me know if you need anything else."

I nodded and turned back to Alice. I was still angry as ever with him, but we had to get through this and deal with it and honestly we'd need to help each other. Especially tomorrow.

Alice cried hysterically for another ten minutes, desperately clinging to my shirt. She finally sat back a little. I took some of the pillows and propped them up against the headboard.

"Here sit back," I patted them. "Sip some tea, it'll make you feel better." I took one cup from the table and handed it to her. She sniffled and took a sip.

I took mine from the table and rested it in my lap. I didn't say anything; I figured she'd talk when she wanted to. We had all night and I figured it was going to be a long one.

"I want to know what happened…" she finally said, setting her head back against the headboard.

"Alice I don't think you need to hear…"

"Please Bella." She finally looked me right in the eye and my heart was breaking right there with hers.

"Okay." I swallowed hard. "Well we were going to the yacht. We were almost there and Emmett realized he forgot his wallet so he went back. Jasper…he went ahead of us. Edward and I were fooling around in one of the rooms. We smelled smoke so Edward got me out and went back for Jasper. When I made it back to shore it just…went up. I'm sorry Alice we should have went and got him before…" I shook my head.

"It's not your fault." She grabbed a Kleenex out of the heap that had formed on the bedspread and wiped her nose. "I bet he was so scared."

"Actually he was really happy when I last saw him. He said I wish Alice were here." I decided it was okay to lie to her a little bit if it would make her feel better.

She smiled slightly and closed her eyes. "God I love him," she whispered. "How am I going to get through this?"

"You won't be alone." I took her hand. I'm here. We're here. Always. I felt her engagement ring under my hand. She looked down as she pulled her hand away.

"I guess I won't be needing this anymore." She slid the ring slowly off her finger and set it on the windowsill.

"Come on, let's go to sleep." I slid under the covers and pulled them back for her. She got in and we nestled in, facing one another.

"It's going to be okay Al. I mean I won't lie, tomorrow is going to be tough. It's probably going to be the toughest day of your life, but you'll get through it because you're strong and so brave. And I love you so much."

"I love you too. You're my best friend." She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

When I was finally sure she was asleep I tiptoed across the room and took her ring off the sill. Hopefully she wouldn't wake up while I was gone. I didn't want her waking up alone.

I snuck back to my room and started digging in my jewelry box. When I found the empty silver chain I opened the end and slung the ring onto it.

"Is she okay?" Edward's voice came from behind me.

I spun around and he was lying on my bed, underneath a blanket like he'd just woken up. He was waiting for me to come back.

"No Edward she's not okay."

"Bella we need to talk."

"Not now. We have to deal with this. We can talk about this later." I held up my hand and walked out of the room.

I crawled back into bed with Alice after I strategically latched the necklace, now adorned with Jasper's ring, around her neck. I didn't fall asleep until the sun started to show itself behind the rain clouds on the horizon.

A knock on the door woke me.

"Bella it's Emmett. You guys should probably get up we have to be at the funeral in three hours."

"Okay." I looked back at Alice. She looked so peaceful and at ease. And happy. I was afraid to wake her from whatever she was dreaming because it was a hell of a lot better than the reality she was about to endure. When I couldn't wait any longer I finally nudged her.

"Hey Alice. We have to get ready to go to the church."

She opened her eyes and sat up. The necklace hit with a thud against her skin. She looked down and ran her fingers over it.

"Just because he's gone doesn't mean he can't be with you everyday."

She smiled for an instant and pinched the ring between her fingers for a moment before letting it drop.

I got up and stretched my arms above my head. "I'll start your shower for you." I walked out of the room and down to the bathroom. Emmett was just closing the door to his room.

"How is she?" I asked, nodding towards his room.

"She's a mess. How's Alice?"

"A mess. Today is going to be hard."

"Yeah."

I walked past him and went into the bathroom to turn on the water. I stuck my hand in the water and waited for it to get warm enough before walking back out and down to Jasper's room.

Alice wasn't on the bed. In fact she was nowhere in sight. I heard a rustling noise behind me and spun around. Alice was in the enormously too big closet rummaging through her clothes.

"I don't have anything to wear."

"What about this black dress? That's nice," I said pointing to the one she had in her hand.

"It's not good enough." She threw it forcefully on the floor.

"Well what about this one?" I pulled another one off the rack.

"No!" She ripped it from my hands and tossed it on the floor. "Nothing is good enough. I want to look good for him, he deserves it." She looked at her tear-stained face in the mirror and brushed her hair aside.

"Why don't you go take your shower, don't worry about what you're wearing, I'll pick something out for you. You know he thinks you're beautiful in anything."

She shuffled out of the room and I heard the bathroom door close.

I picked up the simple black dress she'd thrown on the floor. It was a perfectly acceptable dress. She was just obviously frustrated with everything and clothes were the one thing she could control even when her world was spinning out of control. I laid the dress down neatly on the bed and searched for some black shoes. I set the black pumps I'd picked out next to the dress. No jewelry. I figured the only piece of jewelry she'd care about wearing was the one she already was.

I snuck into Edward and my bathroom to get a quick shower in. I got dressed quickly and headed back to Jasper's room. Alice was just slipping into the dress when I walked in.

"You're right. This dress is okay I guess."

"Sit down. I'll dry your hair for you."

She sat on the edge of the bed and stared blankly ahead. I dried her hair the best I could and did her makeup the best I could. I didn't go overboard because I knew better than to think that she wouldn't be a crying mess later.

"Okay Al why don't you go and sit in the living room while I go get ready. We'll leave soon."

"No. I want to stay here." She lay back on the bed and grabbed one of Jasper's pillows to lay her head on.

I wasn't going to argue with her. Not today.

"Okay I'll come get you when we're leaving."

I took my time drying my hair. I needed to collect my thoughts and prepare myself for what was about to happen. I wished with all my heart that I could just tell Alice everything. That Jasper was alive and he was going to be okay. But as much as I wanted to I couldn't do that.

My head started to get dizzy with all the emotions running through me and I felt my knees buckle. I reached out for the desk in front of me but my arms had turned to Jell-O. A pair of arms caught me from behind.

"Hey are you okay?" Edward sat down on my bed and pulled me onto it.

I tilted my face up to meet his gaze and for an instant all my anger towards him vanished and all I wanted to do was be in his arms. I needed him to protect me. I don't know if I truly forgave him for everything that happened or if I was just overly emotional and needed his touch, but I pulled myself onto his lap.

"Hold me," I whispered as my lips grazed his neck. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. My emotions took over and I suddenly felt thankful for having Edward. I could still touch him and see him and kiss him. Alice didn't have that anymore. I should feel lucky that the person I love is still around, even if I wasn't sure if I hated or loved him more right now.

I pulled my face back from his skin and held his face in my hands. His beautiful green eyes were full of as much pain and sadness as I'm sure mine were.

"What?" Edward said, confused by my silent epiphany.

I didn't say another word as I pulled his face to mine. My hands ran over his suit jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. He reached slowly up my spine and slid the zipper of my dress down my back before placing his hands inside and settling on my lower back. A warm tear ran down my cheek.

It wasn't dirty or even just sex. It was so much more in that moment. I needed to have him close to me in every possible way no matter what my mind was telling me.

"Was that…okay? What just happened?" Edward said as he was zipping my dress back up. I hesitated.

"I. I don't know." I was so confused again. Of course I loved him, there was no denying that. But things were so much more complicated than that. If love was all you needed in the world there would be a lot less pain and suffering in it.

"What does that mean Bella?" He sat back down on the bed and re-buttoned the cuffs on his shirt.

"I don't know." I opened the door and walked out.

"Where have you guys been, we need to go." Emmett was sitting on the couch with Rose, holding her hand.

"We were just talking." Edward walked in behind me with his jacket thrown over his shoulder. "I'll go get Alice."

I avoided the stares and walked back down to Jasper's room.

"Alice?" I said, opening the door. "We have to go honey."

She sat up mechanically from the bed and started towards the door.

"Don't forget your purse." I had made sure to stuff some extra Kleenex in there while she was in the shower. She grabbed it on her way out the door, not even looking back.

I took her hand as we walked down the hallway and into the living room.

"Okay let's go."

The rest of the day passed by in slow motion and sped by at the same time, if that was even possible.

There were so many people at the church, it was unbelievable. I recognized most of the people we had visited to try and get business during the whole blacklisting incident. It was good to see that they came to support us, even if they couldn't any other way.

Aro, Marcus, and Caius sat in the front row along with us. He kissed all of us on the cheek before sitting down.

I didn't know if the eulogy was long or short. In fact I didn't hear one word of it. I sat and watched Alice's every move and every reaction, ready to catch her if she had a breakdown. It happened a few times, but I expected that. It was all she could do just to survive. I locked eyes with Edward a couple of times, but I tried to avoid him.

"Does anyone have anything they'd like to share with the group?" The speaker said, looking around the room.

I took one look at Alice and stood up to walk to the podium.

"A few weeks ago Jasper and I were both battling some serious insomnia. So we decided to…celebrate it with a tub of Ben and Jerry's." A few people in the crowd laughed. "And I asked him what the story was with him and Alice." I smiled in her direction. "Apparently he was about to propose to his girlfriend at the time. And then he met Alice. "That was it," he said. "I knew right then and there that this was my woman and nothing and nobody else mattered. That was it."" I looked back at Alice. "You were it for him Al. He loved you more than anything. I wanted to make sure that you knew that." I stepped away from the podium and felt Edward's eyes on me the entire time I walked back to my seat.

I empathized with Jasper that night. Because even though I didn't know what it meant at the time. I felt the very same way when I met Edward.

A/N: Okay first of all before you yell at me for having Bella and Edward have sex before Jasper's "funeral", don't. Like Bella said it was something dirty or really erotic even, it was more of an emotional thing.

Secondly, Bella is more confused than ever right now, so that's kind of why she's flip flopping and really torn between her love for Edward and her hate for what he did (even if in your opinion she was being a hypocrite) I was just trying to answer the people who I know will be questioning why she is doing some of these things. She doesn't know why and she doesn't really know what she wants or how things will turn out. It's all a mystery for her.

Okay rant over. Thank you guys for continuing to read. I love you all, even if you guys get mad at me for doing things I do. Haha. And I also love reviews, so leave lots of them : )