So, is interest in this story dwindling or are you all just lurking? Regardless, thanks to my regulars for your continued support and much-appreciated reviews. I worked really hard on this story and it's nice to know it didn't go to waste. Anyway. Quick announcement: since this is pre-written, I've decided to implement an update schedule. Until further notice, I'll be updating this story on Mondays, 'fugue' on Tuesdays, and a surprise on Fridays (chapter of something else, one-shot, whatever I feel like). So I'm open to suggestions with that, since it might depend on demand/interest/my mood at the time. As always, leave me a review and I'll love you forever, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
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Then.
"Are you sure?" Scott asks for the third time.
Lydia spins in a wide circle, deliberately forcing herself to look confused. It's not surprising that the body is gone – she knows by now that she's infected, that the nogitsune got to her, and she's past the point of caring. She knows he would have cleaned up her mess in order to sow more discord in the pack. Not that they need it, of course. The nogitsune issue is already splitting them apart, and it hardly needs any more prompting. But that's the way the nogitsune works – he's all about the follow through.
"I'm sure," Lydia says, rocking back and forth on her heels as she looks at the place where Carl's body had been only an hour before. The incident itself is clear in her mind, but what followed is more hazy. She remembers stumbling backward, her hand tightening around the knife. She remembers looking at Carl – at the body – with mild, detached curiosity. She remembers Lydia, the old Lydia, fighting her way to the surface, but it had been no place for her.
After she'd made sure Carl was really dead, she'd left. She hadn't come across anyone, hadn't been forced to come up with any lies or excuses. She had simply slipped away, back to her car, feeling strangely calm – until she started driving. That was when everything had caught up with her, giving the old Lydia control again. She'd driven to Scott's house, to the one person who could help her, and she'd tried to tell him everything. The panic had been almost overwhelming, and coupled with the guilt it had almost been enough to crush her.
But when she washed the blood from her face and came back to Scott's room, she was herself again – the new version of herself, at least. The one who could stab a classmate and not bat an eye; the one who didn't hear voices in her head so much as gentle suggestions; the one who knew that everything was going to be okay.
Scott leans against the building, inhaling deeply. He frowns. "I can only smell a trace of blood," he says, looking at Lydia.
She's still holding the knife, she realizes, her hand wrapped around it in her pocket. She tries her best to stay still, not wanting to remind Scott of that fact. Of course there would be minimal evidence left behind, and definitely not enough for Scott to be able to track where the body had gone. She wonders briefly where it did go, and then realizes that she doesn't want to know. "I don't know what to tell you," she says, walking over to him, being sure to make her steps shaky and her voice equally unsteady. "He was here when I left. The body, I mean. And I…"
Scott looks up at her, sees her breaking in front of him, and softens immediately. Lydia is always amazed at the fine line between wolf and boy, a line which Scott is more and more easily able to cross. He's not the alpha in this moment – he's just her friend. Which is, incidentally, exactly what the old Lydia would need. But what this Lydia needs is to finish her job.
"It's okay," Scott says, coming back over to her. "We'll figure this out."
The smile he gives her is so reassuring that for a moment Lydia is dazzled, forgetting herself. She feels safe with him, but she knows she shouldn't. If he knew she was infected, he would do whatever he had to in order to save her – but the problem is that this isn't something to be saved from. This is something to live with, something to enjoy. This is something she can't – won't – let Scott take away from her.
He turns away, looking again at the crime scene, and Lydia pulls the knife out. Slowly, gently, so as not to startle him, she steps forward, both hands wrapped around the handle of the knife, the point facing Scott's back. She knows exactly where to hit for maximum efficiency, but she's torn between wanting to give him a quick death and wanting to inflict as much pain as possible. She makes a compromise, aims the knife –
- and drops it as someone calls out her name from behind her. She whirls around to see Allison approaching, her bow slung over one shoulder and a worried look on her face. Scott straightens up, glances at the knife on the ground, and then up at Lydia. She refuses to look at him, suddenly terrified she's going to give herself away.
"Hey," Allison says as she reaches them, shifting the bow higher up on her shoulder and letting her eyes sweep over the scene. In answer to Lydia's unspoken question she explains, "Scott called me. He said I might be able to help. So what's going on?"
The alpha and the banshee share a look. Before either of them can speak, Allison notices the knife. She bends down and picks it up, testing the point of the blade against the tip of her finger, tapping gently against the handle. She can tell that it's not one of hers, not a knife used for hunting or fighting.
"Where did this come from?" she asks, suspicion coloring her voice.
Scott takes the knife from her, and, after a brief hesitation, hands it back to Lydia. She takes it, realizing that he's just as lost as she is – and that part of him doesn't believe that she really did murder somebody. "There was an… incident," she says delicately when Scott doesn't make any move to speak. "I think I… I killed someone."
She tunes out Allison's exclamations of surprise and shock, doing her best to seem suitably shocked herself. She keeps up the act while Scott and Allison survey the scene and, coming up with nothing to prove that anyone was murdered here, let alone that Lydia did it, suggest that they call it a day. She quickly agrees, knowing there's nothing to be found here.
Lydia's hoping that Allison will leave so that she can get on with her job, but the other girl stays where she is, talking to Scott about a potential lead on the nogitsune. Finally they part, and then Scott invites them both over to dinner the next night. Without really understanding why, Lydia agrees to that as well. She knows why Scott is doing it – the pack's already a member down, and he wants to keep everyone else as close together as possible. She doesn't argue when Scott offers to drive her home, and even thanks him politely at the door. But as soon as she's alone, she starts thinking. Planning. The nogitsune is behind this; she knows that. But she's still a little unclear about her part in it all, about what he wants her to do. The only way to find out is to ask him, but she can't think of a way to find it.
By the time she's sat through dinner with her mother – acting like the old Lydia so she wouldn't arouse suspicion – she's so tired that she can't dedicate any time to sorting out this problem. Strangely, she's not bothered by this. She has the feeling that she has all the time in the world, which is such a change from the way she usually feels – like it's only a matter of time before the world falls down on them. It's quiet in her head, and even though she knows she's not herself, she feels like she is. She feels more like herself than she has in months.
The next day, she works on trying to get Scott alone. If she can take out the alpha, the rest of the pack will quickly follow. Allison is keeping an eye on her, and is either resistant or oblivious to the fact that Lydia is trying her best to lose her. Not that it matters anyway, because Scott is never alone – Isaac is usually with him, and when he's not, the twins take over. She even thinks she sees Derek lurking around the school property at lunch, although he doesn't approach them.
A couple of times, Allison and Scott try to talk to Lydia about what happened yesterday. She repeats her story: that something had come over her, that she'd killed Carl, that she's worried for her sanity. At the very least this new mystery will keep them busy enough for her to find a way to contact the nogitsune – or for him to contact her. Once or twice throughout the day she thinks she catches a glimpse of him, around the corner or across the lacrosse field, but she can't be sure.
After school, Allison insists on going shopping with her and then driving her to Scott's house. On the way to Scott's, with the backseat full of new dresses and jewelry, Lydia remembers the first time this new voice had come to her, the night it had told her to kill Allison. She realizes, idly, that this time she would probably comply. Whatever it is has completely taken over her, and she doesn't mind at all. It's quiet in her head and calm in her heart, and all it's taken is one measly murder. What's that in the grand scale of things?
When they arrive at Scott's, Mrs McCall lets them in, a warm smile on her face. Lydia greets her in the same manner, while in her mind she runs through the pros and cons of taking out the entire household in one go. It would be simple enough to slip something into the food, and it would essentially eliminate the pack. Mrs McCall is here, and Isaac and Scott, since they all live here; but Allison's here too, and Kira, and Lydia herself. Without all of them, the McCall pack would be no more.
But even as she thinks it, she rejects that idea. She knows instinctively that this isn't what the nogitsune wants – death isn't the same as chaos. So she takes her place at the table beside Allison and Scott, and she plays nice.
"So Lydia," Scott says, handing around a bowl of mashed potatoes, "my mom was telling me about this college program you might be interested in over the summer. What was it again?"
Mrs McCall looks slightly surprised at being addressed, but she quickly fills Lydia in on the summer program at one of the nearby colleges, one that specializes in gifted science students. Lydia nods, acting interested, but she knows she's not going to it. Conversation progresses, and the group talks about school, work, and everything in between. Lydia contributes little; instead she rests the knife on her lap, turning it over and sneaking peeks every now and then to see it catch the light. It's strangely comforting, and she keeps picturing using it against Scott. Getting the alpha out of the way – now that would be chaos.
As dinner continues, Lydia notices that a lot of attention seems to be focused on her. She catches Allison and Scott looking at her more often than they even look at each other, and even Isaac and Kira keep darting glances her way. Every now and then they'll try to get her involved in the conversation, but she focuses on filling her eyes with as much desolation as she can, so that no one will push the issue. They'll all attribute it to worry over Stiles – who's still missing, and it seems the pack's search has started to slow down – and leave her alone.
After they've all finished dinner Mrs McCall hands out slices of chocolate cake – comfort food, since they're all feeling the absence of a certain whiskey-eyed boy. The cake tastes slightly sour, and Lydia can only take a couple of bites before she has to push it away. While the others are still eating, she excuses herself to go to the bathroom, needing a moment to compose herself – the old Lydia is threatening to fight her way back. But she never makes it that far.
Halfway down the hall she hears someone come up behind her, and before she even has time to turn around someone grabs her arm, twists it just enough to distract her, and then presses a damp cloth against her mouth. She breathes in the acrid smell for a few seconds, and that's all it takes. Then she slumps against the person's arms, and barely hears them murmur, "I'm sorry about this," before she slips away.
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Go on, hit me with your theories. What just happened? What's going to happen next? I love hearing from you guys, and if I get an enthusiastic enough response to this chapter I could be persuaded to update again this week. So let me know if you're still out there, and I'll see y'all soon.